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December 09, 2004 - Image 12

Resource type:
The Michigan Daily, 2004-12-09

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4B - The Michigan Daily - Thursday, December 9, 2004

7 ~ ]knee-slappin' homnoeroticism w it h And r ew G ae r ig


By Leab Hangarter to a shade more similar to that of Rudolph's
Daily Arts Writer nose), I didn't wander to the upscale shops
lining Main Street, choosing instead to peruse
Ladies of The University of Michigan, this the stores on South University Avenue, State
winter is your time to shine. Literally. Win- Street and East Liberty Street.
ter 2005 announces a season of indulgence in I began my adventure at YCI on South Uni-
the glitter and tinsel once reserved for after- versity. YCI's collection of designer jeans con-
school craft projects. Festive sequins and sistently attracts many University students.
sparkly fabrics are draped on racks of local Shelves lining the walls overflow with the
stores, producing constant excitement for eyes popular denim brands, ranging from Sacred
that have been dulled by hours of studying. Blue to Juicy Couture. Directly below the rows
Forget the understated trends of past seasons; of jeans, I noticed that YCI is celebrating the
this year is all about releasing your inner star Lacoste phenomenon, selling numerous polo
through luxurious tops suggestive of our solar shirts and sweaters bearing the classic alligator
system's celestial bodies. logo. As displayed in the storefront windows,
Of course, glitter and shine are not your the glitter trend is in high swing at YCI. Dur-
only options. ing my
Traditional wool visit
sweaters, cozy Forget the understated trends of past seasons; this year to the
hats and scarves is all about releasing your inner star through luxurious store, a
are also filling tops suggestive of our solar system's celestial bodies. woman
up the stores bought
as winter snow a pair
makes its way to Michigan. Ann Arbor's stores of sky-high silver stilettos - the same pair
offer a range of styles, catering to the variety that had sold just a half hour earlier. Silver
of University students' tastes and desires. shoes are one of the many items jumping into
In preparation for the onset of winter and the hands of students. For those still averse
a new year of fashion, I spent an afternoon to sparkle, a Fray fern green halter-top with
discovering what local stores are offering for yellow corset style ribbon is one of the most
the upcoming winter season. Staying close to unique and flattering items.
home in order to avoid the cold (and my face's After browsing through the jewelry at Plan-
resulting transformation from its usual color et, I decided to see what Middle Earth is offer-

ing this season. Middle Earth boasts a large
jewelry collection and caters to those living
on a student's budget. Amid jewelry imported
from around the globe and brightly colored
throw pillows is a petite display brimming
with magical flora-inspired jewelry. The jew-
elry is inspired by nature, capturing original
details in bronze, sterling silver or gold. Gar-
net raspberries, freshwater pearl blackberries
and bronze lilac leaves are some of the rep-
resentations of nature's beauty in the form of
delightful jewelry. These designs, by Michael
Michaud for Silver Seasons, offer a choice for
students tired of what are still the biggest sell-
ers - chandelier earrings. Middle Earth also
boasts thin, dangly earrings.
Always energetic and lively, Urban Out-
fitter's glowing windows never fail to attract
student shoppers. Once inside the door, I was
drawn to a scarf adorned with sequins and
velvet ribbon - a prime example of winter
sparkle. Urban provides innumerable style
options, but certain items shouldn't be passed
up. While the store creates trendy ensembles,
Urban's casual clothing is where the store
really excels. Women's crewneck short-sleeve
T-shirts are made from an extra-fine knit that
gives an incredibly soft texture. The shirts
come in a variety of colors, and the shape
is flattering on all body types. Continuing
with the casual and cozy theme, each winter,
Urban serves up a variety of wool, tweed and

twill trousers - this year being no exception.
These pants are perfect to pair with the nubby
wool cardigans and sweaters sold in moss
greens and earthy beiges. Urban is also one
of the only stores in Ann Arbor to provide a
large selection of winter coats for both men
and women. Following the indie-emo trend,
the men's section displays blazers and layered
T-shirts ft la Seth from "The O.C." Urban also
offers men a decent selection of jeans.
However, for men and women's jeans, the
best store in Ann Arbor is undoubtedly Biv-
ouac. Bivouac carries the most complete
collection of designer jeans - James Jeans,
Seven for all Mankind and Diesel are just
three of the many names on display. Bivouac
is also the source of outerwear seen on many
students, most notably The North Face. The
women's section offers a few other jacket
styles, but Urban provides a larger variety.
While Bivouac remains the only store close
to campus to sell outdoor adventure supplies,
it is also the only store to sell the newly trendy
ergo SOY candles, whose aroma was notice-
able as soon as I set foot in the store.
Tucked away in the Nickels Arcade, I have
walked past Henrietta Fahrenheit numerous
times without ever setting foot inside. My
hesitation resulted from my imagined real-
ity of the store: a version of Acme, but with
clothes instead of martini glasses. I didn't
See FASHION, Page 8B

The revolutions and revelations
that have been uncovered in this
very space over the course of the
last semester have, no doubt, been one
of the highlights of your college experi-
ence. I am not (obviously) too humble
to admit as much. To suggest that I have
been unaware of the campus dialogue
surrounding this column space, to sug-
gest that I've ignored the bundles of e-
mails that I've received (a grand total
of zero so far, slack-asses) would be to
publicly decry the sort of popularity that
I desire, and quite frickin' frankly, have
Indeed, at the beginning of the semes-
ter, I promised to provide you with the
sort of undampened genius that most
people have to pay a lot of money for.
I've ignored the warnings of other minor
campus celebrities about the throes of
fame: Lloyd, Chad, Mary Sue - thanks
but no thanks. I've snubbed petty warn-

ings from my roommates about how
"people might not be as interested in
reading 700 words about you as you are
in writing them." Poppycock! I made
a promise to this campus, and neither
petty jealousy nor the good intentions of
my good friends will deter me.
All of that being said, I've got to warn
you folks - at the beginning of the
semester, I was worried that you would
become too dependent on my layered
prose, that my witty insights and ulti-
mately life-changing words wouldthrow
you into a state of irreparable shock. For
the most part, campus, I commend you,
because while I do sense some lingering
dependence out there, you've adjusted
to me remarkably well. No, I'm afraid
what I'm about to reveal to you, campus,
is far more disturbing:
lt ain't you, baby. It's me. I swear.
You see, while you were salaciously
lining up at the newspaper racks at sun

up every other Thursday morning, I
was doing a little soul searching. Worry
not: The majority of what I found down
there was as genuinely awesome as you
mtght expect. What I did learn, unfor-
tunately, is that I'm really more like a
genius factory than a genius distribution
center. "What the fuck is that supposed
to mean?" you ask. "Haven't I written a
column on being patient yet?" I answer.
"No, you haven't," you say longingly,
"though I bet that would make a great
column. Besides, waiting is hard. I'm
really looking forward to the expla-
nation." I would be remiss if I did not
reward this type of flattery.
All this means is that I can't just
pack up and ship out the genius in neat
little 700-word packages whenever you
people demand it. Stuff like this takes
a little while to manufacture. There are
production costs, like food and shelter
and constant, sincere ego-feeding. And

even when all of the inputs are supplied
in full, there's a sort of fermenting pro-
cess that goes on in my factory that I
can't really explain that well. Suffice it
to say that if this stuff left my head pre-
maturely, it wouldn't be pretty.
I must give credit to you, public:
You've been very patient. This column,
therefore, is aimed at the people who
regularly expect me to deposit genius
at their doorstep in a basket like some
unwanted bastard child. Jt's not that
easy, people (for one, it's hard for me
to part with this stuff - I love it dearly).
I've routinely tried to explain this to my
editors and professors, to no avail. I've
reminded the editors of this very maga-
zine that "sometimes it takes a long time
to write this shit. Like, more than two
weeks, sometimes." They continue to
impose their genius-crushing "dead-
line." I've discussed this at length with
-professors, who have repeatedly threat-

ened to "fail" me (as if!) if I don't "turn
in my assignments." My roommates
keep demanding a "rent check" under
threats of my "personal safety."
I'm hoping that the factory analogy,
therefore, is a sufficient explanation for
the way my brain works. I'm resisting
the urge to pull out the seed-to-giant-
oak-tree and caterpillar-to-beautiful-
butterfly comparisons, but I'll warn you:
Such contrasts are not below me. You've
just got to give me some space. You've
got to give me time. Mostly, you've got
to kiss some serious ass, because I won't
be around forever. And I'm not too
proud to pull out the "you don't know
what you've got until it's gone" clichd,
either. You've been well warned
Andrew is president of his own fan
club. If you love him as much as he loves
himself; send him some kind words at
Quite frankly, any old Road Rules cast-
off can hold your demon-seed. We're
talking prime reality-show babes here,
and your misplaced lust is indicative of
your barbarian breeding habits.

PInt|C o U n t e r poi n t

By Alien
Daily Arts Writer
There's a rea-
Sson you see Kris-
tin, the resident
Aphrodite, ascend
from her infin-
ity pool during the intro to "Laguna
MTV knows its demographic and
its demographic loves them some
As part of an intergalactic aliens
species, I've seen my share of world-
class tail (literally) and let me say this
once and for all - Kristin is beyond
hot. She's Mandy Moore with a bet-
ter body, she's sex on legs, and every
time I see her I just want to incubate

some eggs in her chest.
That space rat Predator might try
and tell you that heifer LC is the
superior slice of babe pie. Piece by
piece, LC is inferior. Her thighs have
more cottage cheese than a Greek
salad and, well, she doesn't have a
lot going on upstairs. There's a rea-
son that pretty boy Stephen chose
Kristin. Sure she's a bit of a spitfire,
but who doesn't love some drama?
It'd be worth having some fights just
to reconcile in a hot tub with some
Kristin is a sun-kissed beauty with
a voice like a choir and a face Cara-
vaggio could not have captured.
Did I mention she is absolutely

By Predator
Daily Arts Writer squared, and we're starting to border
on undesirable.
Predatorwishes And I didn't want to have to bring
they all could be this up, but you aren't exactly "selec-
California girls. tive" when it comes to mating partners.
And sometimes,
they can be. So
while Alien is up there longing over
some frumpy Midwestern transplant, UMSCtOO MUat
LC and 1 are lounging in an endless DEATETF
Orange County summer, basking on THETE & DAM
the porch of her incredibly wealthy DC. 94A' 7:3 PM
father's mansion DEC.10&enA8PM -
You think Kristin is better looking, DEC. a2 AT 2Pt
do you? Her friends make her look PowER CENTER
good the same way you made Sigour-
ney Weaver look feminine. Couple
that with a bitch-factor that comes
in at somewhere around Sigourney-

.Phsts Sy ALI 5LSEN and sHUnRA 5HRUD l

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