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2B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazine - Thursday, April 1, 2004
Random student has potty mouth; FCC censors
The Michigan Daily - Weekend Mai$
A guide to who's where,
what's happening and why Te We e d L s
you need to be there ..Te We e d Ls
By Hussain Rahim
Daily Arts Writer
The Michigan Daily: Hey Laurie,
I know you want to do the student
interview.
Random: Um, I'm sure she would,
but let me go get her ...
TMD: Alright, that would help
(Waits with quiet reserve. Laurie
picks up.) Laurie!
R: Who is this?
TMD: This is the Michigan Daily.
You've been chosen for the Random
Student Interview.
R: Ohhh ... I couldn't be happier
TMD: Ohhh, I like that attitude.
R: Oh yeah? You like that attitude.
There's more where that came from.
TMD: Yeah baby ...
R: I bet there's going to be a lot
you like about this interview.
TMD: Ohhh, lets go.
(Excitement fades ...)
Alright, to start off, let's get boring
and then get interesting. Which do you
like better? The NCAA or the NIT ?
R: Dude, I don't even know what
either of those stand for.
TMD: All right. Well then, I guess
that's that. Well, Michigan is in the
NIT if that matters at all.
R: I say the one for Michigan then.
I don't have a fucking clue.
TMD: I think NIT stands for the
Not Interested Tournament. Zing!
R: Not Interested Tournament?
(thinks) Ohhh, look at you using
acronyms. OK.
TMD: You're a smartass; I like
that. So, Condi Rice has been in the
news a lot lately, especially in front
of the camera. I was wondering if you
think she's hot? Or not really?
R: Who?
TMD: You have no idea who that
is?
R: Say that again?
TMD: Condoleezza Rice.
R: Hold on. Tell my roommate.
(Silence. Google searching per-
haps?)
TMD: She's a black woman on TV
You can't miss her.
R: I don't know who that is. Well, I
prefer naked men to naked women if
that's interesting to you.
TMD: Yes, it definitely helps out.
So then what do you think of the
Naked Mile? Usually a lot of naked
guys.
R: I didn't know they still did that,
to be honest.
TMD: This may be the last year
anyone tries.
R: Hell yeah, I'll be there. I can't
run the mile but I'll be naked.
WOOOOO!!!!
TMD: Tomorrow is April Fools'
Day. Do you have anything wicked
and evil planned out for anyone?
R: Yeah, I'll encourage you to put
this in the Daily. What's your name?
TMD: My name is Daily.
R: Ok, I'm going to pee in a cup
and pour it in front of someone's door
in Markley just for kicks. Isn't that
funny?
TMD: Um yeah, its pretty hilari-
ous.
R: Exactly. I'm going to do it.
TMD: All right. Anything else
involving bodily functions?
R: Hmm ...
TMD: You know - peeing, vomit-
ing, excretion, ejaculation.
R: A lot of things to do with vom-
iting. If I can get my hand on some
ejaculation, I'll use that too.
TMD: So Easter's coming up. Do
you have any plans?
R: Easter? I won't be in school for
Passover or for Good Friday; I'll tell
you that. I'll just be smoking some
pot.
TMD: I think Jesus would appreci-
ate that.
R: Jesus was really down with the
goods from the Earth. I'll tell you
that.
TMD: Did you see his movie?
R: "The Passion of the Christ?" I
saw it last week.
TMD: What'd you think?
R: It was really hard to watch. I
cried; it was really graphic.
TMD: Sounds good. I was think-
ing of making my own religious
movie.
R: Oh yeah? What about?
TMD: It's going to be called "The
Passion of Mohammed." I have $500
and a digital video camera. I was
thinking of going for it.Would you
see it?
R: Yeah, but let me tell you some-
thing: I don't think anybody else
would want to.
TMD: Damn, that's rough. Thanks
for telling me, though. And Asians?
What about "The Passion of the Bud-
dha?"
R: No. Just trying to help. You're
living in America. "Passion of the
Whores" maybe. "Naked Girls Gone
Wild." Watch college girls make out.
Want to hear something else I heard?
TMD: Go for it.
R: A girl in my class was a part of
a sorority and she said
v-
drunk and
lock
basement
orgy.
TMD: And what's the address of
this house?
R: I don't know what the address
is. You'd be down there, huh?
TMD: I'd probably videotape it. I
don't think I'd want to touch any of
them.
R: You're not down with herpes,
gonorrhea and chlamydia?
TMD: I just got rid of all of those;
I don't really want them again. Ok,
look for this in the paper tomorrow.
R: That's it? We're done?!
TMD: You gave a lot. Do you have
any more?
R: Just make sure you print that I
want to pour urine on someone's
door.
TMD: Urine on the door. Got it.
R: Bye, have a good weekend.
TMD: You too.
The American Astronaut
C'mon and take a free ride to the
loneliest, most boring town in this
here galaxy. At Madstone: 1:00,
3:00, 5:00, 7:00, 9:00.
Heiboy Ron Perlman finally has
a long-awaited, sweet lead role,-
and that's all that really matters
here. At Showcase: Noon, 1:30,
2:05, 2:35,4:10,4:40, 5:10, 6:45,
7:15, 7:45, 9:20, 9:50, 10:20,
Midnight (Fri. and Sat), 12:30 (Fri.
and Sat). At Madstone: 1:15,
4:15, 7:15, 9:40.
Home on the Range How
desperate for success is Disney?
Does it really feel the need to
outdo "Finding Nemo" so badly
that it's willing to hire the services
of Roseanne and Cuba Gooding
for an animated film? At
Showcase: 1:05, 3:05, 5:05,
7:05, 9:05, 11:05.
Power Trip What better way
to finish a long, tiring week
than to see a documentary
about the privatization of the
power industry in the former
Soviet republic of Georgia? At
Madstone: 1:20, 3:20, 5:20,
7:20, 9:20.
The Prince and Me Columbia
University must be proud of its
English concentrators who use
their educations as wisely as
Julia Stiles. At Showcase: 12:05,
2:30, 4:55, 7:20, 9:45, 12:05
(Fri. and Sat.).
Walking Tall It's frustrating to
know that Dway ne Johnson
allowed his superb acting talent
to sit dormant for so many
years. At Showcase: 12:45, 1:15,
3:00, 3:30, 5:15, 5:45, 7:30,
8:00, 9:40, 10:10, 11:45, 12:15
(Fri. and Sat.).
Films opening
VND iTs. "OT A* TOASThR.
Films holding
I 9 I
50 First Dates We surely hope
that people flock to this movie to
see senseless, hilarious violent acts
committed against Rob Schneider.
At Showcase: 8:45, 11:00.
Agent Cody Banks:
Destination London Would
someone be so kind as to lead this
foolish child back to his mommy?
At Showcase: 12:10.
Dawn of the Dead How can
anyone pass up an opportunity
to see Ving Rhames run game
on the undead for a mere
$8.75? That's a bargain if we've
ever seen one. At Showcase:
12:50, 3:20, 5:35, 8:05, 10:15,
12:30 (Fri. and Sat.).
Eternal Sunshine of the
Spotless Mind Weird men every-
where better be taking a cue from
Charlie Kaufmann. Just transform
your own crazed mind into scripts,
and people will call you a genius.
At Showcase: 12:35, 2:55, 5:20,
7:40, 10:05, 12:25 (Fri. and Sat).
At Madstone: 1:05, 3:15, 5:25,
7:35, 9:45.
Hidalgo It looks like Viggo can't
tame the Wild West as easily as he
could Middle Earth. Cowpokes
obviously aren't the pushovers that
Orcs were. At Showcase: 12:40,
3:40, 6:35, 9:25, 12:10 (Fri. and
Sat.). At Madstone: 1:30, 7:05.
Jersey Girl Ben Affleck really
needs to stop trying. Does he real-
ly think that a mushy romantic
comedy boasting Kevin Smith's
name will pull his ass out of the
dregs of Hollywood? At Showcase:
12:25, 2:50, 5:05, 7:35, 9:55,
12:10 (Fri. and Sat).
The Ladykilers It's clear that
Phone Numbers: Michigan Theater: 668-8397;
State: 761-8667.
Tom Hanks has found an ideal role
for resurrecting his comic self; but
why did the Coens need to sup-
plement Tom with Marlan
Wayans? At Showcase: 12:20,
2:40, 4:50, 7:25, 9:35, 11:40. At
Madstone: 1:00, 3:10, 5:20, 7:30,
9:40.
Never Die Alone Word on the
street is that DMX opens up shop
in this joint What all you haters got
to say bout X now? Nothing, that's
right At Showcase: 8:15, 10:30,
12:40 (Fri. and Sat).
The Passion of the Christ Note
to self: If ever in desperate need of
profit, find inspiring way to tell
Jesus' story with extreme violence.
At Showcase: 1:10, 1:40, 3:45,
4:15, 6:30, 7:00, 9:00, 9:30. At
Madstone: 1:00, 4:00, 7:00, 9:45.
Secret Window Does Stephen
King think that he can continue to
release crappy scripts without any
repercussions? Well, Stevie,
America's got news for you: the
buck stops here. At Showcase:
1:20, 3:25, 5:40, 7:50, 10:00,
12:20 (Fri. and Sat). At Madstone:
4:30, 9:45.
Starsky and Hutch Think of the
places this movie could have gone
sans Owen Wilson. It's supposed
to be good as is; it could've
reached greatness were it not for
that Dumbo-eared goon. At
Showcase: 12:15, 2:25, 4:35, 6:50,
9:10, 11:20, Midnight, 12:30 (Fri.
and Sat).
Taking Lives It's debatable
whether or not a scene with
Angelina Jolie nude actually
redeems this predictable thriller. At
Showcase: 12:55, 3:10, 5:25, 8:10,
10:25, 12:35 (Fri. and Sat).
Quality 16: 827-2837; Showcase: 973-8380;
Thursday
CAMPUS CINEMA
The Comany An enthralling,
insider's look at the world of ...oh,
ballet. At Michigan Theater: 7:00,
9:30.
The Fog of War Have you ever
seen Gen. McNamara naked?
Don't get your hopes up, 'cause he
doesn t bare it all here either. At
State Theater 9:15.
Kitchen Stoies More like
"Swedish Kitchen Eye for the
Bachelor Guy. At Michigan
Theater: 7:15, 9:15.
Touchin the Void Even if you
don't ike mountain-climbing
adventures, you get to see a dude
get a cool knee injury. At State
Theater 7:00.
The Triplets of Belleville
Anything is better when it's silent
and a product of France. At State
Theater: 7:15, 9:30.
MUSIC
The Ron Brooks Trio With
severely bruised ribs, Ron's
offense is limited but his cagey
defense may be just enough to
lead them to a national champi-
onship. Bird of Paradise, 312 S.
Main St 9 p.m. $5. 662-8310.
Petroleum Bloodbag
Further proof that most Texans
are nothing more than a blood-
thirsty pack of the undead. The
Elbow Room, 6 S. Washington
St, Ypsilanti. 10 p.m. $5. 483-
6374.
One Man Army Attention all
loners, your band has arrived.
Blind Pig, 208 S. First St. 9:30
p.m. $5 ($8 under 21). 996-
8588.
THEATRE
Titus Andronicus In this ver-
sion of Shakespeare's earliest
tragedy, the main focus is on
the psychological games
played, asking what happens
when a person is pushed to his
emotional limits. Arena Theater.
7 p.m. Free.
Clear Box Left In this per-
formance, the creative genius of
the students of the Dance
Department will be showcased.
Betty Pease Dance Studio. 8
p.m. $5.
Fniday
CAMPUS CINEMA
The Company See Thursday. At
State Theater: 7:00, 9:15.
Kitchen Stoies See Thursday.
At Michigan Theater: 7:15, 9:15.
The Reckoning A priest running
Triplets of Belleville
Thursday. At State Theater:
9:30, 11:45.
Se
7:1!
e
15,
MUSIC
Dune Buggy Attack
Batalion The complete worsi
nightmare of that skinny
"before" dude from the olc
Charles Atlas ads in comi(
books. The Elbow Room, 6 S
Washington St., Ypsilanti. 1C
p.m. $5. 483-6374.
Smokestack Great, sound!
like those times my parents lef
me at my grandfather's house
Good times, good times. T.C
Speakeasy, 207 W. Michigar
Ave., Ypsilanti. 10 p.m. $3. 483
4470.
The Easy Street Jazz Band
Those scoundrels have gone
and left the Boss. Wait, no, it
lust a third-tier jazz band. The
Firefly Club, 207S. Ashley St 5
p.m. $6. 665-9090.
THEATRE
Clear Box Left See Thursday
Betty Peace Dance Studio. E
p.m.
Titus Andronicus
Thursday. Arena Theater.
11:00.
See
7:00
from his past Surprisingly, not a
molester. At Michigan Theater
7:00, 9:30.
MAST
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ACIROSS FROM
Showtimes are effective Friday through Thursday. Matinee times at State Theater are effec-
tive for Saturday and Sunday only.
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