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10B -The Michigan Daily - WkendlaNeie - Thursday, March 11, 2004
Courtesy o Blue Note
I'll give you sex for Christmas!
1. Feels Like Home, Norah
Jones - Turns out tepid jazz is
the raging trend in adult contem-
porary these days. Really? Ravi
Shankar actually has talent. What
2. In This Skin, Jessica
Simpson - With nothing but a
T-shirt on ... hell yeah.
3. Fallen, Evanescence - I
guess I'd give up religion for the
chance to wear ugly dresses at
the Grammys too.
4. College Dropout, Kanye
West - Stay in school kids.
Otherwise, you might actually
maketmillions of dollars using
5. When the Sun Goes
Down, Kenny Chesney - Like
where the sun don't shine, minus
the softcore porn.
6 Speake rboxxlThe Love
Below, Outkast - 'Dre and Big
Boi are hardly speaking these
days. Sad really, Dre loves Burger
King while Big Boi is a MickeyD 's
7. Closer, Josh Groban - If
he were a real closer, he'd be a
former BALCO client. He's the
Eric Gange of crap music.
8. The Very Best of Sheryl
Crow, Sheryl Crow - Yall
know Lance Armstrong is tappin'
that. Holla at ya boy.
9. Kamikaze, Twista -
Should've been on the "Pearl
10. I Don't Want You Back
Eamon - Oh baby, PLEASE
take me back. I swear it aint the
ScoTT SERILLA - WHATEVER IT IS, ' AGAINST IT
SHAKY JAKE SOLD SEPARATELY
d like to say there has been many a teacher here at let mewalk you through the line.
University that's had a lasting impact on the increas- Classic Lecture Hall Ralph- Decked out in his
ingly dysfunctional flytrap that is my intellect. turtleneck and tweed jacket, Prof. Williams is looking
John, who swore at me incessantly and threatened to ready for biz-ness with oversized karate grip action and-
evermore nickname me "White Bread Serilla" if I gave a pull string that lets him utter all your favorite
another thought to becoming a civil servant. Mark, who Williamisms like "Today's Rubrics are_ " and "Thus
never asked why I was taking two of his courses con- Adoshem spoke, saying to the Israelites..." Podium,
currently or if I had actually read the required obscure chalkboard and ninja death stars sold separately.
18th century novels he assigned (we both knew the Elizabethan Ralph - Sporting a classic doublet
answer). lan, who contributed to my delinquency (only and hose, "Sir" Ralph looks positively ripped from the
metaphorically, Mom) and who never said "Get the hell pages of "Henry VI: Falstaff's Revenge," Carrying his
out of here," when by all reason he should have time dueling foil and a copy of the fourth quarto, every-
and time again. body's favorite scholar might indeed be on his way to
I can think of no greater thank you than to leave their the Globe to fulfill his lifelong ambition of being
last names out of this. mauled by drunken Groundlings, Kids will have hours
Still in terms of memorable professors, I don't think of fun imagining Ralph explaining the Bard's plays to
there can be any doubt as to the iconic and hypnotizing them.
majesty that is Ralph Williams, who teaches Mountie Ralph - Showing off his Canadian pride
Shakespeare and English Bible with no shortage of in the classic Mountie uniform and accompanied by his
flair for elaborate digressions or dramatic hand ges- loyal steed, "Oprah," our hero looks more than ready to
tures. Yes sir, in that classic "crack-Webster's-find-a- settle the hash of those Yukon claim jumpers who stole
headshot-therein," way, Williams is the proto typical the McDonald's valuable wheat farm.
college professor. The man actually has catch phrases. Astronaut Ralph - In space, no one can hear you
How many people have you ever actually met who have pontificate. Abroad the SS Moses, Cap'n Williams and
catchphrases? On my deathbed I have preplanned my his ragtag band of intellectuals fight space scum and
final thoughts to be "Are there questions of me before try to find a publisher for their latest magnum opuses
I begin nattering away, for the wind is up?" just so t can about the Progression of Post-post-modern Asteroids.
depart into the sweet hereafter with my final thoughts Comes with laser blaster and decompression airlock
on Williams. fun set.
I had originally intended to use this week's column to Rivera Playboy Ralph - Something for the ladies.
announce the impending debut of my full length musi- Our dapper prof. is cruising for wealthy French widows'
cal based on my experiences as student of the great flocking to the famous resorts for a little R&R (Ralph
maestro entitled simply "RALPH!" But my backing fell and more Ralph). His white linen suit and open col-
through, we had trouble getting the venue we wanted lared suit say "Come Closer, Madame Barbet," while
and there was this whole question of me being unable his mirrored aviator shades say "Not too close.
to read or write music. M nte Carlo Tax Ralph - Basicidea as above,
Lndeterredin my efforts to pay homageto Williams, only more formal and ready for some effing roulette,
I have decided to announce here, for the first time any- Cong Adventurer Ralp h - Pith lhenet and khaki
where, y exclusive line of official Ralph Wiliams shorts firmly in place, the Professor is readily to w ard
collectible actions figures Take a moment to let the off cannibals and crocodiles alike. Search fr ad.
pure joy of these thoughts course soothnmgly through and delight in talking in dead lag .ages . all wh.ile s..-
your body~ ng century-old mytris Bu l ottfor ancient
Yes; even geniiuses need molded pieces of plastic to. curses and snakes.
celebrate their unending sweetness and why shouldn't Ralph Williams action figures Big hands =big fun!
more toys come with~ required reading lists? I thought Scott douesn 't urnderstand how hispur 4'e s
I'd lead the way before those bastards at Cambridge obsessivte and wants to uise this eu obgWl&ie
announce their set of Stephen Hawking figurines. to please get rid of thef restraining order Cotact
Grecdyilhmeys, always stealing my best ideas Anyway hiJ tseilauiheu
Courtesy of Newmarket
Raking in the millions.
Gross in millions of dollars
1. The Passion of the
Christ (53.2) - Did you hear
the one about the priest, the
rabbi and ...
2. Starsky.Hutch (28.1)
- "Zoolander II," with special
uestnSnoop Dogg.hThe ques-
tion now is, can he do the
3. Hidalgo (18.8) - I prefer
the Kentucky Derby because of
the mint juleps.
4. 50 First Dates (7.6) -
Happy Madison forever! No, really.
Can t we just idolize those two
movies and forget all the rest?
5. Twisted (5.1) - Ashley
Judd in another cop drama?
Wow, what a surprise.
6. Confessions of a
Teenage Drama Queen (4.0)
- We'll only believe Lindsay
Lohan and Hilary Duff made up
if they make out on TRL.
7. Lord of the Rings: The
Return of the King (3.0) -
You've already seen it 56 times.
Shouldn't you lust go home? The
cats miss you.
8. Dirty Dancing: Havana
Nights (2.9) - Since when did
people start spelling "dirrty" with
9. Miracle (2.5) - "Might
Ducks 2" meets "Cool Runnings .
Welcome to Minnesota, yah.
10. Monster (2.1) -
Charlize is hot, especially as a
By Katie Marie Gates
Daily Arts Writer
Unfortunately for many, the word
documentary immediately conjures up
memories of sleeping through fifth peri-
od history class. But today, non-fiction
film is beginning to take shape around
subjects other than the Civil War.
University alum and documentary
filmmaker Rachel Ramey said that what
drives documentarists is "an innate
curiosity about the world and about the
people around you." It is this curiosity
that led her and partner David Murray,
also an alum, to make "Livermore' a
look at suburban sprawl in a unique
northern California town.
Ramey was a communications and
English student during the late 1980s
when she took a senior seminar class
called American Documentary Film and
Video taught by Buzz Alexander. "I
realized, this is it. This is a combination
of all of my interests," she said. "I was
bitten immediately by the documentary
film bag." After graduating, Ramey
moved to San Francisco where she
worked at a media arts station and the
public television station. Since then, she
has worked at the Center for
Investigative Reporting and has pro-
duced broadcast documentaries.
Murray was an Art and Design stu-
dent at the University and became inter-
ested in documentary film after taking
an experimental film class. Presently, he
works as an art director at a postproduc-
tion facility creating graphics and ani-
mation for various projects including
corporate trade show videos and TV
commercials. He has produced a few
films on his own including a short film
called "God's Little Birds," which he
has adapted into a longer version enti-
tled "Lonestar Swan." While Murray
enjoys the freedom of working solo, he
said working with Ramey has been very
helpful and provides an often-needed
The Michigan Daily - Weekend Mag
'U' alums highlight small town struggle
Although Ramey and Murray both
Courtesy of David Murray and Rachel Ramey
graduated from the University, they first met as professionals in California.
The two filmmakers didn't know
each other when they were at the
University, but found that common
bond was one of many. Their similar
interests in artistic style and subjects
made them a perfect match for creating
the interesting story of "Livermore,"
which revolves around a town's lost cen-
tennial time capsule. The documentary
seeks to show the changes in the com-
munity as a result of suburban sprawl.
Its residents' inability to find the time
capsule, while humorous, also serves as
a metaphor for Livermore's loss of iden-
tity. The documentary aired on PBS last
"I don't think that anyone imagined
when we called them up and said we
wanted to talk about the Livermore time
capsule, that this would all end up on
national public television," Ramey said.
"The people were very open about talk-
ing about the events in the town. They
are proud of how unusual their town is
and they're glad that someone came
along and recognized that they weren't
just another boring suburb along high-
After filming 40 hours of footage
with Livermore citizens over the course
of a year and a half, Ramey and Murray
edited the film down to 60 minutes.
Aside from the music direction, the pair
completed and funded the entire project
on their own.
This is an important aspect of docu-
mentary film that Murray would like to
share with aspiring filmmakers. "Don't
wait around for anybody to be giving
you money," he said.
"No one is just going to hand you a
directing job," Ramey added. "So a lot
of times what you have to do is make the
project happen yourself." This method
worked well for their Livermore
endeavors and allowed the filmmakers
to learn more about the business for
Right now, the two are working
together on a documentary about music.
Ramey is interested in exploring
American culture and different ways to
tell stories in her films. She and Murray
also pay attention to the visual aesthetics
and the music. "Film is a visual mediun
of course, and I think a lot of documen
tary film makers don't make that a pri-
ority," Ramey commented.
While many documentaries are abou
social issues, Ramey finds that she like:
the filmmaking just as much as the sub
ject matter. She said frankly, "I always
figured that if you really want to save
the world, I'd be working in a sour
kitchen. I think that you still have tc
have a love of filmmaking to make doc.
"There are lots of different approach.
es, just like with fictional films and doc-
umentaries are the same way," Murra)
added. "People are still feeling out the
different directions that they can go in
For so many years, there was this idea
that it had to be historical or something
about a social message, or something
like National Geographic." Like his
partner, Murray's philosophy is tc
"explore what directions you can go
with the documentary instead of worry-
ing about trying to change the work
NEWS IN ENTERTAINMENT
HOT OR NOT?
DIDDY, DON'T LEAVE US
Everyone's favorite rapper/produc-
er may be calling it quits. According
to E! online, Diddy will be following
in the footsteps of the Jigga-man.
Diddy said that he will probably leave
the rap game behind after his upcom-
ing album, PDS.
Diddy will now have to continue
his career of appearing at events as
well as producing singles while con-
tributing the appropriate "yeahs" and
"uh huhs." P. Diddy was not reached
3 FAST, STILL AWFUL
Just when it got safe to go back into
the theaters, the Hollywood Reporter
says that Universal green-lit a third
"Fast and the Furious." Unfortunately,
Paul Walker may be MIA.
Vin Diesel, who was too "big" for
the first sequel, is returning to the
franchise that launched his star. His
addition should help to compensate
for the loss of Walker ... as it is still
sure to suck. P. Diddy could not be
reached for comment.
Jack White, best known as the lead
singer of the White Stripes, is also a
badass. After beating the crap out of
Jason Stollseimer, lead singer of the
Von Bondies, White was arrested in
E! reports that White has plea-bar-
gained to anger management therapy.
While White can continue his com-
plaining about being famous in group
sessions, Stollseimer has to deal with
the lingering effects of the attack and
a floundering new album. P. Diddy
could not be reached for comment.
Writers: Jennie Adler, Katie Marie
Gates, Jiwon Lee, Emily Liu, Danielle
Ravi, Ruby Robinson
Photo Editors: Elise Bergman,
Tony Ding, Ryan Weiner
Photographers: Trevor Campbell,
Jeff Lehnert, Seth Lower, Shubra
Ohri, Willa Tracosas
Cover Photo: Mike Hulsebus
Cover Photo Illustration: Elise
Arts Editors: Jason Roberts,
Adam Rottenberg, Alex Wolsky,
Editor in Chief: Jordan Schrader
" The inton /B/Reviw cn he/l /Byffd reare!
Upcoming LSAT Courses for the June exam
WHATALICE "'March 14, 15 & 17
FOUND caw-April 17