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1B -The Michigan Daily - Weekend iMaazine - Thursday, March 4, 2004
TODD WEISER - WAITING FOR PORTMAN
THE ART OF THE HOUSE PARTY E-MAIL
The Michigan Daily - Weekend Maga
Exceptional service rules Aveda salon
Courtesy o1Blue Note
I gots all the Grammys!
1. Feels Like Home, Norah
Jones - Who would've thought
that Ravi Shankar's daughter
could be so brutally uncool?
2. The College Dropout,
Kanye West - Keeping the
Roc's spot warm until ay- Z
gets back. Come back, Hov!
3. Fallen, Evanescence - If
hlisthinwould evanesce from
Below, OutKast - Play "Hey
Ya!" again. We dare you.
5. When the Sun Goes
Down, Kenny Chesney - Since
when do we let Republicans - let
alone Southerners - on this list?
6. Closer, Josh Groban -
We're not done with Kenny
Chesney yet ,sohere's another
one: Just because you look like
Bruce Willis in a cowboy hat
doesn't mean your music is any
7. E Don't Want You Bacy
Eamon - We never wanted you
in the first place. I guess the feel-
ing is mutual.
8. Kamikaze, Twista - See
how his name ends with an a?
That means he's from the street.
9. The Very Best of
Sheryl Crow, Sheryl Crow
-Why yes, it is necessary to
differentiate the very best from
simply the best.
10. A Crow Left of the
Murder..., Incubus - Never
has an album title better captured
the spirit of the music. But seri-
ously, guys, fuck off.
Oh the weather outside isn'& asftightid puter savvy step, but just click "Bind' and then "Add."
And thefre Iker isso delighrfut However, don't take this step lightly, for like a good hacker,
And since ths e-mail tellsine where to go your e-mail group moniker can lend you street cred and it will
Let the beerflow! Let itflow! Let ir flow! be the name by which your legend will always be known.
Most play it safe with an address/party combo like 525wal-
XTow that I've proven Jewish kids should never write nutpartyfistaunichedu, but I say have fun with it. My per-
Christmas tunes, we can move onto more important sonal group takes its name from Quentin Tarantino's "Kill
matters - like meteorology. While last year's winter Bill" Does anyone get it? Mostly not.But those that do can
showed us snow into early April, 2004 looks to be treating the lay claim to a house cup in the keg line.
Midwest a bit kinder (cross your fingers). It's true that Rule No. 1 is by far the most important, yet it is also the
Punxsutawney Phil did see his shadow last month, thus rule I never personally follow: Keep the length short A pro-
declari in Groundhougese, six more weeks of winter. ficient word count should be between 70 and 100. The best
The assertion actually elicited boos from the Gobbler's party e-mails I've encountered run a little over 200. Seventy
Knob crowd. However, look outside ... wait no, walk out- words lends you the space for all the essentials - date, time,
side. The rodent was wrong, I say. Wrong! beer of choice, address and rotmnats. The longer e-mails
University students can end their winter hibernationperiod. are where the magichappens.
SpringBreakusuailly serves for most as aone-week respite The second commandment of party e-mail composition
from sub-zero temperatures and layers upon layers of white says to never underestimate the power of the subject line.
powder onlyto returocmpusandimmediatelyfallhack Don't be afraidto let loose in the subject. It is dangerous'
into depression. This year we've bee raued early parole; to not use the word "party," but what is life. without risk?
ex lcs lohescanNberimovdaadtheattrativeand My roonie -hassmoved on to subjects like "Come and
not so attractive an once again make their presences known Shake Your Tailfeather," and my personal favorite of my:
More importantl with good waTher comes the rum of own doing is "Win a Date with 1345 Geddesi" Side note:
the house party A tavorable sight on any northern campus Never use "Hey YaW"
(not including Michigan's North Campus of cours, the, Rule No. 3 advocates you write in your best Karl Marx
return of the house party means so muc mote here in Ann authoritative tore. Don't meekly announce a "party #th a
Axbor for, of a1 of otr traditios&-- w4inged helmets on the =oupecaseofbeerandgood ft, sicand.good conversation."
grbdiron, Business school rakkings, Blimpy Burgerburers, No, you are raving "the fiesta to end all ftestas With six kegs
not stepping on the 'M' - qur greatest institution is undeni- of Honey'Brown, a reggae bad followed ya live DJ where
ably free beer oups at house parties. you are not only sire to get flicked up but possibly fhekedtas
Don't get me wrong; it will be hard to leave the bars behind well. Miss it and die>" Side note: Throwing ina ittle Spanish
after the winter 'we've a41 shared with them. Yet, I will cer- is a4ways fun and inviting.
tainly tnot miss the Kenny Rogers snd-off at Rick's or the The fourth statute command~s iif you to a4Ways announce
long lines in freezing temperatures while my buzz slbwly "loads and loads of jella shots? Ddrt't worry if you do'Vt
fades and scores of sinners cut inhead. There's always Main actually make threm.c Peoplesnever show upen timeforjelto'
Street, b.. ij.st so far.away. shots anyway.
But thats all over now. With the mercury rising, yor - You have now passed Party E-mails 101 Re-read your let-
mail inboxes Should once again become flooded with party e- ter to make sure you've ttillgwed all the rndes, included the
mails. And believe it or not, there is an actual att to writing dare and address and also have not left any of your room-
such a pie&e of correspondence. Party priority will ahvays go nmates' names~ off the signature (Pm still sorry tbr that,
to the closest habitation or the bestest of friends, but like a Brandon). You ian only hrpe pow that no one bits "Reply to
good Joseph Conrad novella the wording of a parry e.nmail All" because a lead of annoying mass replies can be the kryp..
ca1 lure in all the patty moderates. tonite to your 'writing skills, turning your party population
Before enterinig into such 'a veunture as party e-mail writing, into one.
you might first want to determine whether your abode will be
a multiple party throwert If the answer is yes, or if you're still - Tbdd will he hqppy to provide fin Iher tutoring to young
an underclassman, then go ahead and create yourself arn e- hopefuls seeking to lean the art of paty e-mailhng Contact
mail group through directotyvimichtedu. It seems like a icon- <'him at ivetser~eumkicd&
Courtesy of Newmarket
Use the force, Jesus.
Gross in millions of dollars
1. The Passion of the
Christ (83.8) - Jesus dies at
the end. Hope we didn't spoil it
2. 50 First Dates (12.5) -
You know you're not funny any-
more when a movie about Jesus
makes seven times as much
3. Twisted (8.9) - Samuel L.
Jackson is dangerously close to
losing his "Baddest Motherfucker
on the Planet" title.
4. Confessions of a
Teenage Drama Queen (6.3)
- Lindsay Lohan totally sux.
Hilary Duff 4-ever!
5. Dirty Dancing: Havana
Nights (5.8) - We're pretty
sure that this is a violation of the
6. Miracle (4.4) - If only the
terrorists could see how good we
are at hockey...
7. Eurotrip (4.0) - Do we
really need to give Europeans
more reasons to hate us?
8. Welcome to Mooseport
(3.2) - What can we say? Ray
Romano loves his red flannel.
9. Barbershop 2: Back in
Business (3.1) - It's official: Ice
Cube is neither crazy nor a moth-
10. Club Dread (3.0) -
We've heard of exactly zero
people in this movie. Either it's
a cutting-edge indie or a lame
parody. We wonder which.
By Alison Go
Daily Arts Writer
Cheap services and free stuff: two
concepts the new Douglas J. Aveda
Institute has artfully mastered.
Encouraged by rumors that this
student-friendly salon offered $14
haircuts and didn't allow customers
to tip, I made an appointment for a
At such low prices ($14 for hair-
cuts, $28 for highlighting and $25
for a bikini wax), I was expecting a
run-down hole in the wall. Instead,
the space was equal parts stylized
Zen retreat and hip, high-class
salon. While the second-floor hair
salon relied on natural sunlight to
illuminate the deceptively expan-
sive space and featured typical Top
40 music fare, the skin care and nail
salon stood complete with muted
mood lighting and the musical
stylings of the perpetually soothing
How is the Aveda Institute able to
merge high design and elegance
with cheap-as-dirt prices? All of the
57 stylists are either cosmetology or
esthiology students, directly super-
vised by licensed instructors.
Without certification, their amateur
status doesn't give them much
leverage to charge .a whole lot for
When it comes to tipping, the
Institute adheres to the same policy
that all Aveda Salons (instructional
and non-instructional) use. Gina
Lisenby, administrative director of
the Douglas J. Institutes explains,
"(tipping) perpetuates the idea that
the salon industry is not a profes-
sional or lucrative career choice,
which is just not true." And besides,
at the Ann Arbor salon, they are all
students - do we get tipped for
going to class?
The students do, however, make
money from the goods they sell
you. On the ground floor of the two-
story salon is a fully-stocked Aveda
store, filled with haircare products,
make-up, lotions and oodles of doo-
dads that kept me entertained for
the 15 minutes I waited for my
And while making the customer
wait cleverly forces her to browse
through the conspicuously well-
marked goodies, it is also an oppor-
tunity to take advantage of some
free Aveda stuff. Everyone who
comes into the store is offered com-
plimentary hot beverages.
Personally, I would skip the rancid
coffee and opt for the Aveda
Comforting Tea, quite possibly the
best tea I didn't have to pay for.
As for my manicure, at first, the
$22 I handed over wouldn't seem
right for anyone who might have
just seen my nails. While it was an
above average manicure (no bub-
bles and smooth cuticles), the price
tag is relatively high, even when
compared to a normal salon.
Fortunately for me and the guilt I
might have felt for frittering my
money away, Aveda salons are
nowhere near normal.
My service included the basic
manicure, pretentiously named the
"Natural Aromatic Manicure." Not
only did they paint my nails, but I
received a full moisturizing treat-
ment and a hot-rock massage. Both
therapies are exactly what they
sound like - thick lotion and heat-
ed rocks rubbed and kneaded along
your hands and arms. Both are
seemingly banal procedures, but in
See AVEDA, Page 13B
Haircuts at Aveda, priced at $14, include a scalp massage and a stylish coiffure.
ss~rn 1CR UITME
Need a job for next Fall/ Winter??
Earn some cashand
SALES EXPERIENCEas a
Classified Sales Account Executive.
NEWS IN ENTERTAINMENT
HOT OR NOT?
DIDDY, WE KNOW YOU JUST A
- A Detroit jury found in favor of P.
)iddy in a lawsuit filed by a TV
alk-show host who alleged he was
oughed up by the reigning hip-hop
zing's entourage. Diddy could not be
eached for comment.
Roger Mills, the host who filed the
awsuit, sought damages for alleged
issault, false imprisonment, destruc-
ion of property, intentional inflic-
ion of emotional distress and civil
;onspiracy. Seems we won't be
nissin' Diddy after all.
"PETER, I'M HOLDING ICED TEA"
They're back! For all who revel in
acist, sexist, homophobic, anti-
;emitic and otherwise excessively
)ffensive jokes will be happy to hear
that Peter Griffin and the rest of the
"Family Guy" crew will be back in
As many as 35 new episodes will be
aired on a yet undecided network,
reports E! Online. Obviously creator
Seth MacFarlane isn't finished pissing
off every minority group - we think
he missed the underrepresented fat
white guy group.
MOMMY, I SAW MICKEY'S BOOBY
She's inanimate, she's nasty and
now she's gone. Disney World has
removed a Janet Jackson-inspired
Mickey Mouse statue due to the
singer's risqu6 Super Bowl halftime
show, says RollingStone.com.
Despite the controversy, Janet is
still only the third most embarrass-
ing member of the Jackson clan.
We are looking for dedicated individuals who
are energetic and adaptable, with excellent
ii you think you lit the bill,
dro b THE MICHIGAN DAILY
Af 420 MAYNARD to pick up an
application form and sign up for an interview.
We are located next to the Student Activities Building.
Deadline to apply is 4/2/04.
For more information, feel free to
call us at 734-764-0557 or email
us at firstname.lastname@example.org
I I I