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February 12, 2004 - Image 16

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The Michigan Daily, 2004-02-12

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4B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazine - Thursday, February 12, 2004

REBECCA RAMSEY - COMPROMISINGPosTON

The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazini
Social interaction got you down.? Try dati

DON'T STEAL MY COVERS: MORNING-AFTER ETIQUETTE

Due to a bout of temporary madness, I
decided to go for a run on Sunday morn-
ing. I was stunned - appalled, if you
will. Yes, it has been cold, but it was not the
early-morning temperature that struck me.
Rather, it was the number of girls walking home
in their stilettos and tight jeans, girls presum-
ably coming from the homes of still-sleeping
partners.
Either these girls were perfecting the art of
sneaking away from a post-hookup situation and
thus enduring the famed walk of shame, or guys
have simply lost their senses for failing to drive
these girls home. (There were also a few men
walking around, but since their attire didn't
exactly scream "I wore this last night, hence the
wrinkles," I cannot make the same assumption.)
Whatever the reasons for their solo home-
comings, these girls and their treks home
through the snow define how awkward things
really can be the morning after. The sheer con-
cept of returning home from a burning bed
becomes the most mind-boggling dilemma. Do
you tip-toe your way out and haughtily walk
back in your Touchdown's finest? If you are at
your own place, how the heck are you going to
get this person to leave?
See? There's no right or wrong answer when it
comes to the endpoint of last night's festivities.
Therefore, in memoriam to all things decent,
I've dedicated this column to morning-after eti-

quette.
What the f*%$ moment
Obviously, the first awkward moment that
many experience has got to be waking up next to
an unfamiliar body, or even a somewhat familiar
body who is now cuddling your teddy bear. This
moment of surprise is often the result of a good
first date, or unfortunately due to those four
shots that ultimately led to x amount of more
shots.
At this point, the chain of events leading here
are of no value whatsoever. It doesn't matter if
this mattress companion sort of looked like
Cameron Diaz when you squinted in the dark
bar. More importantly, you better hope that
you've been blessed with quick reflexes because
you need to make your move, and make it fast.
This is the unwritten, yet key rule that needs
to be obeyed: Though you may or may not have
gotten more intimate with this person than you
had intended, you must react upon your noctur-
nal behavior. You can thank Newton for hypoth-
esizing that every action has an equal and oppo-
site reaction, because that sums up this moment.
When this moment occurs, you have a few
options for action. You may wake up and hit the
road before he or she awakens, but this is a real-
ly pathetic mode of exit - it will only makes
the situation more awkward for the next time
you see this person. So rather than opting for the
quick getaway or lying there in utter silence as

you feign sleep, plan on making a more cordial
departure.
Parting isn't such sweet sorrow
The darkness has left and can no longer hide
any inhibitions that had once existed, let alone
that zit on your forehead. You need to figure out
the easiest yet appropriate escape route, but first
you need to acknowledge your bedfellow.
Cuddling in the a.m. or cooking breakfast is not
required in this situation (although hooking up
in the morning is acceptable - granted that
consent and protection are utilized - along
with an agreement to leave things with no
strings attached), but both partners need to make
a conscious effort to exchange words about the
hedonism of last night.
Now, of course you do not need to establish
an ongoing relationship, but you can leave with
(some) poise if you are friendly. This is the per-
fect opportunity to use a bad joke, to which you
probably will resort, in which you poke fun at
yourselves for that thing that, you know, hap-
pened between the two of you, um, last night
(note that you can talk about things without
directly referring to them). Then take your bow,
avoid waiting around for a request for an encore
performance and finally make your exit.
Risky business
If and when you do engage in activities that
could lead to morning-after awkwardness you
must be informed about STDs and their prcva-

lence. It's a common admonition that if you
sleep with a stranger, you are also sleeping with
everyone they have ever slept with - and you
cannot help but wonder how many strangers
have preceded you.
Morning breath really does not seem like a
big deal when you think that statistics show that
one in four college students has an STD.
Numbers like that make it imperative for people
to make sure they practice sexual behaviors
safely and to also discuss their sexual health
before they continue onward with the intimacy.
If sexual health matters are not mentioned
that same night, it is a good idea to make note of
them the morning after. Although it may seem
strange to be asking someone about their per-
sonal health, especially if the hookup was a one-
night stand deal, it is a lot more discomforting to
imagine asking your doctor about weird bumps
down there or having to tell your previous part-
ners that, yes, you have gonorrhea.
Sex can be good for your health - there are
numerous studies that claim that sex eases
depression, burns calories and even influences
longevity - but it really isn't worth it if you
aren't going to be protected.
- Rebecca is sorry she didn't call you back.
Really ... she was washing her hair. But she's
not giving you back your big, comfy sweatshirt.
She can be reached at ramseyr@umich.edu.

By Ruby Robinson
For the Daily
Another year, yet another lonely
Valentine's Day. Where is my Valentine?
Is there something wrong with me?
Does my sixth right finger really gross
girls out? Or maybe it's my lack of per-
sonality? Nah.
Maybe I'm looking for love in all the
wrong places. The library? No. The
gym? No. The bars? No.
How about the Internet? If the Internet
can help me plagiarize my papers and
find celebrity mugshots ... well, let's give
it a shot.
To understand where to begin in this
crazy world of online dating, it's neces-
sary that you be prepared to handle the
(virtual) realities of sharing yourself with
millions of people. So I will walk you
through several quick steps to finding
some e-love and offer a few reviews of
the better websites.
First of all, choose a website. Second,
try the search feature to see if the data-
base has the type of person you're look-
ing for. Some websites appeal to a more

distinct customer base (for example
www.sassyseniors.com).
Third, sign up to become a member.
Most online dating and friendship web-
sites are free, at least for the majority of
features. Fill out your profile truthfully.
Depending on the website, this might
take 15 to 45 minutes. Remember, more
effort means better chances. Don't for-
get to put a photo or two on your pro-
file. Profiles with photos are 70 percent
more likely to be clicked on than those
without.
Fourth, stay active. Staying active
refers to checking your e-mails, IM's and
website message box on a regular basis.
Members who remain active are also
more likely to find love online.
Below are several popular websites
that have large, diverse member bases.
Each site has its own unique qualities
and features, so find the one that best
suits your needs. Good luck.
Friendster (www.friendster.com)
Friendster is one of the fastest grow-
ing social-networking communities. Try
io visualize the "six degrees of Kevin

Bacon" phenomenon, put that on a web-
site and you have Friendster. The con-
cept is to establish a social network
based on friends (and dating). The web-
site is free for all of its basic features,
which include creating a profile (with
photos), leaving and retrieving testimo-
nials and browsing other profiles. Of all
the online-dating services, Friendster
might be the most fun and youth-friend-
ly service around, primarily catering to
college kids and twenty-somethings.
Even celebrities such as Ben Kweller
use friendster to communicate with fans
around the world.
An example from my account illus-
trates one of the main features of
Friendster. I have the word "Goober" on
my profile. When this word is clicked,
the system will perform a search for
other people who also have a love for

this genius blend of peanut butter an(
jelly. These links work for every singl
word in your interests categories, so it'
very easy to find someone with simila
interests.
Check it out. Invite your friends. Hav
fun. Oh, and if you have time, try som
Goober as well.
Yahoo! Personals
(personals.yahoo.com)
The Internet conglomerate can boas
of yet another success in its dominant e
empire - online dating. With severa
million members worldwide, it's no won
der that the Personals section ofYahoo! i
so large. In addition to the regular profil
features, you can also describe your idea
match - including his/her TV watchin
habits. The five-step profile proces
takes approximately 20 minutes. Vide

U

MIXED TAPE
Continued from Page 2B
accompaniment to a make-out ses-
sion, don't break up the sensual
grooves such as D'Angelo's "How
Does It Feel" and "That's the Way
Love Goes," by the notorious nipple
bearer Janet Jackson with more
upbeat numbers. But beware of
making your partner drowsy with
too many slow jams in a row; the
point isn't to induce pillow talk of
the mumbling variety.
The most important factor to con-
sider when arranging songs is the

song's message. Adhering to the
paramount principle, which is to
avoid anything your mom loves, the
desired result is to be sexy without
being corny. Sure, Marvin is suave,
but do you really want him calling
you "baby" and telling you to "stop
beating 'round the bush" when
you're trying to focus? Cringe-wor-
thy innuendo is also ill-advised.
Numbers such as R. Kelly's
"Ignition," "Pony" by Ginuwine,
and anything by Michael Bolton are
surefire mood-ruiners. Rule of
thumb: leave off songs by any artist
who dabbles in kiddie porn, advo-

cates bestiality, or sports a mullet.
Lastly, have fun with it. There are
so many perfect songs to choose
from to express what you want to
say. A mix is a gift that conveys
thoughtfulness and appreciation of
your shared memories. Keep the
aforementioned guidelines in mind
and your mix will be a personalized
musical love-letter that you deliver
(with some chocolate kisses, of
course) to your Valentine this
February 14th. If your finger is still
itching to download that damn
Celine Dion song, you haven't
learned anything.

Listen for Weekend Sex
Columnist, Rebecca Ramsey, on
the Stoney and WoJo Radio
Show this thursday from 3-6
P.MTu.uethe ole .dal to 113
AM for more sexy Ramsey-
Isms.

INTERNSHIP OPPORTUNITY
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" Manage your own account Territory
" Work in a team-oriented environment
e Earn Commission-based pay
Please pick up application at
THE ICHIGAN DAILY
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420 Maynard Street, 2nd Floor
or call (734) 764 0662
Application Deadline for positions in
Spring/Summer/Fall 2004:
:. February 13, 2004

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God of Antimatter
a science & religion lecture by
Dr. Gerald Gabrielse
Leverett Professor of Physics, Harvard University
ATRAP Team Leader, CERN Labs, Switzerland
2002 Davisson-Germer Prize in Atomic Physics

8:00 p.m.
Thursday, Feb. 12
in
1040 Dana Bldg.
(430 E. University -- SNRE Building;
parking in Church St. ramp)

Sponsored by

@ Campus Chapel
734-668-7421

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