60
4 - The Michigan Daily - Friday, January 30, 2004
IT'S 'LIBEL' (NOT SLANDER'), JACKASSES
U~bz Etijigi4ktr
420 MAYNARD STREET
ANN ARBOR, MI 48109
marysuec@umich.edu
jtschrad@umich.edu
EDITED AND MANAGED BY
STUDENTS WHO HAVE NO
JOURNALISTIC TRANING OR
MORALS SINCE 1890.
SCREWY MEIZLISH
Editor of my heart
BARBIE HENRETTY
FOXY PESKOWITZ
Swashbucklers in Chief
The opinions below represent the sponsored viewpoints of the Nike Corporation in
partnership with Abercrombie & Fitch. Those who disagree with them should contact the
above mentioned companies but should not burn down their stores.
NOTABLE
QUOTABLE
Can you tell me
some places where I
can go to tan?
- See below.
OJIRbRop,
40
AT 12:52 A.M., THERE WAS STILL NO CARTOON. HENCE, THIS:
INTERRACIAL HI-FIVE IN 3 STEPS
HUSSAIN AND STEVE ROCK DEAL WITH IT.
STEP 1. Find a person of
opposing race.
STEP 2. Negotiate terms of
" -hi-five.
STEP 3. Achieve interracial
palm unity!
Try it today!
REAL (WE SWEAR) LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Spiro did not kill self, Michigan should take the same responsible
action not only for its budget, but for its babies. Falun Dafa is no different
family;'ibyan agents' Infant circumcision is a barbaric procedure still than pilates, harmonicas are
most likely responsible perpetrated upon almost 60 percent of this coun-
try's boys, and in almost all cases is unneces- musical nirana
sary, violating the "first do no harm" oath the
very doctors that perform them supposedly T
TO THE DAILY: took. TO THE DAILY
I recently encountered an article on your Most circumcised men don't realize that I drop notes like a B-52. Some think
website concerning the alleged murder-sui- they're missing a highly innervated, highly I'm homeless. Some think I make a living
cide of Ian Spiro and his wife and children at errogenous and protective swath of skin on off selling my goddam rhythms. It's a
Rancho Sante Fe in San Diego. average the size of a 3-by-5 notecard. But shame I'm a honestly a genius bio-phyiscs
Spiro did not kill himself or his family. there's hope: Through various methods of non- scientist. Good luck in your psycology
My final meeting with Spiro took place invasive foreskin restoration, even circumcised class talking about your "religion" and or
the day before his death. My encounters with men can regain much of what they lost and exercise movement, or whatever it is.
Spiro were part of covert UC operations to reclaim that which was non-consentually Anyone can just fucking sit there with a
tag and trace certain of Spiro's chilling amputated from their bodies. A support and damn sign. I'd like to hear you make a
activites for his covert client, Libya. informational meeting will be held on Sunday, goddamn note let alone a melody.
I believe that Spiro and his family were Feb. 1. Men interested in learning more may Get off my territory, bitch. How many
killed by agents of Libya. visit www.norm.org, or contact chicks have you bagged sitting there is a
EPICERASER@AOL.COM bmalone@umich.edu about the meeting. trance crying about some cult of baby-eat-
Reader BILL MALONE ing freaks in China? That's right, And the
Alum only people that pay attention to you are the
" d nation of state-fundd freaking squirrels who can't find a damn
acorn in this snow. Ha ha ha. I win, uncle
circumciSions wou ld trim just Reader: 'Can you tell me some fucker.
enough off overextended (hint: places where I can go to tan?' HARMONchaGUY
penislie getTit?)Ebudget Harmonica Guy s Union Local 313
Y '""' ~To THE DAILY:
Can you tell me some places where I can
TO THE DAILY: go to tan? AHarmonica trespassed on
In response to your piece on the Universi- LINDSAY YOUNG
ty's 5-percent budget cut from the state (Who LSA sophomore my upon my terrtory too
funds higher ed? 01/9/04), unfortunately, the many times: a aku
governor has been faced with some hard Reader clearly has Daily
decisions. Simple economics tells us that
when tax revenues fall short, spending must confused with someone else TO THE DAILY:
also concurrently decrease in order to avoid I sit as snow falls
running a deficit. What's amazing to me is To THE DAILY: Harmonica guy blows hard
some of the pork which could be trimmed My name is Ernesto Rodrigues, a por- The Diag is Mine.
from the budget that should clearly not be the tuguese musician (violin/viola/electronics), FALuN DAFA GUY
burden of the taxpayer. Such things alone, who owns CREATIVE SOURCES LSA senior
though drops in the bucket, add up overall RECORDINGS, a label devoted to Co-Chair of Students against Harmonicas
and could help spare the University from the new/experimental/improvised music.
budget crisis. I'd like to know about the possibility in Editor's note: While these two letters are not real,
A step that 11 other states have taken is playing in yourfestival. Let me know, it should be noted that haikus are genrally consid-
eliminating Medicaid funding of routine infant please. Thanks in advance. All the best.itsolbenedha ik regrlycni-
circumcisions, sparing millions of dollars in the ERNESTO RODRIGUES ered a Japanese art, while Falun Dafa is
midst of budget crunches. It is only logical that Reader considered a Chinese movement.
- SENIOR GOODBYES -
c
9
"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious
triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take
rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor
suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that
knows not victory nor defeat."
- Theodore Roosevelt, 1899
Definitely not your usual college experience, but
I wouldn't trade it for the world. To all those with
whom I worked: Thank you for making this experi-
ence as wonderful as it has been and giving it your
all. To our readers: Without you, it wouldn't have
been possible.
InUIE MEIZLIsH
Daily breathed life into me the minute I walked
into the building. I leave with the knowledge I will
be happy with my work for the rest of my life -
what job could be more fun than being a sports
writer? I go to games, sit in the press box, stuff
down a hot dog and try to express the emotions
and implications of a game - a game for little
boys, as we all know.
And that's why sports writing will always
make me happy - the little boy inside me will for-
ever have an avenue to come out and play.
I leave the Daily after two years of writing foot-
ball and a year of running the Sports section not
for refiaining from saying "I told you so" every sin-
gle time I said something that deserved such a com-
ment. To my friends and KMB, for convincing me
to do this, and reminding me that "you can't fit a
square peg into one of those circle thingies." To the
Daily and my staff, for teaching me how to distin-
guish constructive criticism from malicious garbage,
and the success that comes with giving from your
heart. The best life lesson I ever could have learned
from working at a daily newspaper is that life
doesn't stop.
It's time to move on now, and I look forward to
what the future holds (I see Surah Shams and a lot of
I imtnn nn~it~ui tn2 thu
re~njno:~ iAX~IS a ie
m