60 4 - The Michigan Daily - Friday, January 30, 2004 IT'S 'LIBEL' (NOT SLANDER'), JACKASSES U~bz Etijigi4ktr 420 MAYNARD STREET ANN ARBOR, MI 48109 marysuec@umich.edu jtschrad@umich.edu EDITED AND MANAGED BY STUDENTS WHO HAVE NO JOURNALISTIC TRANING OR MORALS SINCE 1890. SCREWY MEIZLISH Editor of my heart BARBIE HENRETTY FOXY PESKOWITZ Swashbucklers in Chief The opinions below represent the sponsored viewpoints of the Nike Corporation in partnership with Abercrombie & Fitch. Those who disagree with them should contact the above mentioned companies but should not burn down their stores. NOTABLE QUOTABLE Can you tell me some places where I can go to tan? - See below. OJIRbRop, 40 AT 12:52 A.M., THERE WAS STILL NO CARTOON. HENCE, THIS: INTERRACIAL HI-FIVE IN 3 STEPS HUSSAIN AND STEVE ROCK DEAL WITH IT. STEP 1. Find a person of opposing race. STEP 2. Negotiate terms of " -hi-five. STEP 3. Achieve interracial palm unity! Try it today! REAL (WE SWEAR) LETTERS TO THE EDITOR Spiro did not kill self, Michigan should take the same responsible action not only for its budget, but for its babies. Falun Dafa is no different family;'ibyan agents' Infant circumcision is a barbaric procedure still than pilates, harmonicas are most likely responsible perpetrated upon almost 60 percent of this coun- try's boys, and in almost all cases is unneces- musical nirana sary, violating the "first do no harm" oath the very doctors that perform them supposedly T TO THE DAILY: took. TO THE DAILY I recently encountered an article on your Most circumcised men don't realize that I drop notes like a B-52. Some think website concerning the alleged murder-sui- they're missing a highly innervated, highly I'm homeless. Some think I make a living cide of Ian Spiro and his wife and children at errogenous and protective swath of skin on off selling my goddam rhythms. It's a Rancho Sante Fe in San Diego. average the size of a 3-by-5 notecard. But shame I'm a honestly a genius bio-phyiscs Spiro did not kill himself or his family. there's hope: Through various methods of non- scientist. Good luck in your psycology My final meeting with Spiro took place invasive foreskin restoration, even circumcised class talking about your "religion" and or the day before his death. My encounters with men can regain much of what they lost and exercise movement, or whatever it is. Spiro were part of covert UC operations to reclaim that which was non-consentually Anyone can just fucking sit there with a tag and trace certain of Spiro's chilling amputated from their bodies. A support and damn sign. I'd like to hear you make a activites for his covert client, Libya. informational meeting will be held on Sunday, goddamn note let alone a melody. I believe that Spiro and his family were Feb. 1. Men interested in learning more may Get off my territory, bitch. How many killed by agents of Libya. visit www.norm.org, or contact chicks have you bagged sitting there is a EPICERASER@AOL.COM bmalone@umich.edu about the meeting. trance crying about some cult of baby-eat- Reader BILL MALONE ing freaks in China? That's right, And the Alum only people that pay attention to you are the " d nation of state-fundd freaking squirrels who can't find a damn acorn in this snow. Ha ha ha. I win, uncle circumciSions wou ld trim just Reader: 'Can you tell me some fucker. enough off overextended (hint: places where I can go to tan?' HARMONchaGUY penislie getTit?)Ebudget Harmonica Guy s Union Local 313 Y '""' ~To THE DAILY: Can you tell me some places where I can TO THE DAILY: go to tan? AHarmonica trespassed on In response to your piece on the Universi- LINDSAY YOUNG ty's 5-percent budget cut from the state (Who LSA sophomore my upon my terrtory too funds higher ed? 01/9/04), unfortunately, the many times: a aku governor has been faced with some hard Reader clearly has Daily decisions. Simple economics tells us that when tax revenues fall short, spending must confused with someone else TO THE DAILY: also concurrently decrease in order to avoid I sit as snow falls running a deficit. What's amazing to me is To THE DAILY: Harmonica guy blows hard some of the pork which could be trimmed My name is Ernesto Rodrigues, a por- The Diag is Mine. from the budget that should clearly not be the tuguese musician (violin/viola/electronics), FALuN DAFA GUY burden of the taxpayer. Such things alone, who owns CREATIVE SOURCES LSA senior though drops in the bucket, add up overall RECORDINGS, a label devoted to Co-Chair of Students against Harmonicas and could help spare the University from the new/experimental/improvised music. budget crisis. I'd like to know about the possibility in Editor's note: While these two letters are not real, A step that 11 other states have taken is playing in yourfestival. Let me know, it should be noted that haikus are genrally consid- eliminating Medicaid funding of routine infant please. Thanks in advance. All the best.itsolbenedha ik regrlycni- circumcisions, sparing millions of dollars in the ERNESTO RODRIGUES ered a Japanese art, while Falun Dafa is midst of budget crunches. It is only logical that Reader considered a Chinese movement. - SENIOR GOODBYES - c 9 "Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat." - Theodore Roosevelt, 1899 Definitely not your usual college experience, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. To all those with whom I worked: Thank you for making this experi- ence as wonderful as it has been and giving it your all. To our readers: Without you, it wouldn't have been possible. InUIE MEIZLIsH Daily breathed life into me the minute I walked into the building. I leave with the knowledge I will be happy with my work for the rest of my life - what job could be more fun than being a sports writer? I go to games, sit in the press box, stuff down a hot dog and try to express the emotions and implications of a game - a game for little boys, as we all know. And that's why sports writing will always make me happy - the little boy inside me will for- ever have an avenue to come out and play. I leave the Daily after two years of writing foot- ball and a year of running the Sports section not for refiaining from saying "I told you so" every sin- gle time I said something that deserved such a com- ment. To my friends and KMB, for convincing me to do this, and reminding me that "you can't fit a square peg into one of those circle thingies." To the Daily and my staff, for teaching me how to distin- guish constructive criticism from malicious garbage, and the success that comes with giving from your heart. The best life lesson I ever could have learned from working at a daily newspaper is that life doesn't stop. It's time to move on now, and I look forward to what the future holds (I see Surah Shams and a lot of I imtnn nn~it~ui tn2 thu re~njno:~ iAX~IS a ie m