100%

Scanned image of the page. Keyboard directions: use + to zoom in, - to zoom out, arrow keys to pan inside the viewer.

Page Options

Download this Issue

Share

Something wrong?

Something wrong with this page? Report problem.

Rights / Permissions

This collection, digitized in collaboration with the Michigan Daily and the Board for Student Publications, contains materials that are protected by copyright law. Access to these materials is provided for non-profit educational and research purposes. If you use an item from this collection, it is your responsibility to consider the work's copyright status and obtain any required permission.

December 10, 2003 - Image 18

Resource type:
Text
Publication:
The Michigan Daily, 2003-12-10

Disclaimer: Computer generated plain text may have errors. Read more about this.

18 - The Michigan Daily - Wednesday, December 10, 2003

How the BCS stole the national title

Offenses ready to rock in Rose

CHRIS BURKE
Goin' to Work
Every Fan down in Fanville likes
undisputed champions a lot ...
But the Men who ran college
football did not!
The Men hated obvious winners,
the whole, darn bowl season. Now,
please don't ask why; no one quite
knows the reason.
No, scratch that, I'm lying, we do
know the reason. Controversy brings
in money during bowl season.
Having one champion wouldn't
bring in the dough, like having two
would - this the Men did know.
So I think the most likely reason of
all may have been that their wallets
were never too small.
But, whatever the reason, whatever
the plans, the Men stood there before
bowl season hating the fans.
"And they're singing their fight
songs!" they snarled with a sneer,
"Tomorrow is bowl season, it's practi-
cally here!"
Then they growled, and they played
with their stacks full of money, "Hav-
ing two title games, now that would
be funny!"
Then they got an idea! An awful
idea!
The Men got a wonderful, awful

idea!
"We know just what to do!" the
Men laughed in their throats. And,
they made a computer to tally up
votes.
But not just the polls from the
coaches and writers. The Men added
something to turn Fans into Fighters.
Their new computer would use
other computers, too, and the result-
ing numbers would turn happy fans
blue.
So now with their devilish plan in
the works, the Men took to Fan-ville,
and they acted like jerks.
They took USC t-shirts and LSU
flags, Oklahoma ballcaps, and shoved
them into their bags.
The men grabbed what they could,
and stood there quite proud, when
they heard a loud roar like the sound
of a crowd.
They turned around fast and they saw
a small clan, led by little Cindy-Jan Fan,
drum major of Southern Cal.'s band.
She stared up at the men and sim-
ply said, "Why? "Why can't we play
in the Sugar Bowl? Why?"
But, you know, those old men were
so dumb but so slick, that they
thought up a lie, and they thought it
up quick.
"Letting the computer pick is fair,"
the Men lied, "We can't do any better,
believe us, we've tried.
"So, next time, maybe, it'll work
right, my dear.
"We'll fix it up later, in a couple of
years."
And then, heartbroken, Cindy-Jan
returned to her sleep, while the Men

continued to take all they could keep.
Trumpets and tubas and pennants
galore. "These fans," they cried out.
"They don't know what's in store.
"There could be two champions, or
maybe just one, but our scamming
and scheming could spoil their fun."
Then they laughed something evil,
and departed the town, before they
even noticed Fan-ville's collective
frown.
They left Fan-ville with their riches
in tow, knowing that, to the bowls the
Fans would still go.f
And they'd watch and spend dollars
for the Men to then take, even if the
computer's "Title Game" is a fake.
And while somewhere, the Whos'
Christmas was saved by the Grinch,
the Men would do nothing, not even
flinch.
Their system had worked, no matter
what they would say, because the real
goal of their computer was an exces-
sive payday.
Now the Men will take all their
treasures and sit back to see what will
happen to Oklahoma, LSU, USC.
It no longer matters what happens
to the game or the fans. You see, nei-
ther of those fit into the Men's plans.
So the Men snuggled up with the
things that they stole, and watched
Southern Cal. play in the wrong bowl.
One champion or two, the Men
really don't care, as long as their
money will always be there.
Chris Burke can be reached at
chrisbur@umich.edu.

By Courtney Lewis
Daily Sports Editor
The Rose Bowl should feel like the
"Granddaddy of Them All" again
this year. After experiencing declin-
ing television ratings and a move
away from tradition in recent years,
the bowl again gets a premier
matchup to open 2004. The Rose
Bowl features the No. 1 team in both
polls, it returns to the Pac-10 vs. Big
Ten format and it has two teams with
high-powered offenses.
MICHIGAN PASSING OFFENSE VS.
SOUTHERN CAL. PASSING DEFENSE:
This may be Braylon Edwards' last
game in a Michigan uniform - the
junior said earlier this week that he's
not sure if he'll be back next year -
and it will be a perfect chance to
showcase his talent to the nation.
Michigan quarterback John Navarre
will have to watch out for Kenechi
Udeze, the Trojans' All-American
defensive end, who has 13.5 sacks on
the season. Southern Cal. also has a
strong secondary, which picked off
21 passes. But the Wolverines'
receiving trio of Edwards, Jason
Avant and Steve Breaston has been
unstoppable in the second half of the
season.
Advantage: Miclhigan
MICHIGAN RUSHING OFFENSE VS.
SOUTHERN CAL. RUSHING DEFENSE:
Chris Perry was named a first-team
All-American last week, and he'll

probably be named a Heisman Tro-
phy finalist today. But Perry has
twice as many rushing yards as
Southern Cal. defense has allowed all
year (1,589 to 733). The tailback with
a big heart may be a longshot for the
Heisman, but he'll likely win the
ground battle in Pasadena.
Advantage: Michigan
SOUTHERN CAL. PASSING OFFENSE
vS. MICHIGAN PASSING DEFENSE: The
Trojans' air attack is similar to
Michigan's: it boasts a quarterback
with prolific numbers and a deep and
talented receiving corps. Matt
Leinart, just a sophomore, is third in
the nation with 35 touchdowns and
has thrown just nine interceptions.
His No. 1 target is wideout Mike
Williams, who caught 16 touch-
downs this season, but Keary Col-
bert, Steve Smith and freshman
tailback Reggie Bush are also receiv-
ing threats. Michigan cornerbacks
Jeremy LeSueur and Markus Curry,
who have been solid but not spectac-
ular, will be overmatched.
Advantage: Southern Cal.

scoring threat. But Hershel Dennis
got almost an equal number of car-
ries this season, and Bush adds ver-
satility. He's scored three rushing
touchdowns and four receiving
touchdowns.
Advantage: Southern Cal.
SPECIAL TEAMS: The Trojans and
the Wolverines are pretty much
equal in place-kicking - both
teams have missed four field goals
on the year. Southern Cal. doesn't
have a counterpart to Breaston;
Michigan's speedy return-man, but
Michigan's special teams haven't
always been consistent, especially in
blocking for punter Adam Finley.
Advantage: Push
INTANGIBLES: The Trojans have some-
thing to prove after being slighted by
the BCS, but, more importantly, they
have a national title to play for. Michi-
gan has a chance to beat the top-ranked
team in the country and win its first
Rose Bowl since 1998, but the Wolver-
ines most likely wouldn't win the
national championship if they were to
beat the Trojans.
Advantage: Southern Cal.

SOUTHERN CAL. RUSHING OFFENSE
VS. MICHIGAN RUSHING DEFENSE: The
Trojans have depth on the ground
too. Three of Southern Cal.'s run-
ning backs have rushed for at least
480 yards. With 13 touchdowns,
LenDale White is the Trojans' main

PREDICTION: Southern Cal. 42;
Michigan 38.

NIi A fliianh EDad-
STAFF PICKS
Predictions AGAINST THE
SPREAD for the bowls

J. Brady
McCollough

Kyle
O'Neill

Courtney
Lewis

Naweed
Sikora

Jamie Morris, former star Michigan
running back from 1984 to 1987

New Orleans Bowl: North Texas vs. Memphis (-4.5) '
GMAC Bowl: Louisville vs. Miami (Ohio) (-14)
Tangerine Bowl: Kansas vs. North Carolina State (-11)
Fort Worth Bowl: Boise State (-10.5) vs. Texas Christian
Las Vegas Bowl: New Mexico vs. Oregon State (-3)
Hawaii Bowl: Houston vs. Hawaii (-10.5)
Motor City Bowl: Northwestern vs. Bowling Green (-8)
Insight Bowl: California vs. Virginia Tech (-2.5)
Continental Bowl: Virginia (-2.5) vs. Pittsburgh
Alamo Bowl: Michigan State vs. Nebraska (-3)
Houston Bowl: Navy vs. Texas Tech (-13)
Holiday Bowl: Washington State vs. Texas (-9)
Silicon Valley Classic: Fresno State vs. UCLA (-4)
Music City Bowl: Wisconsin vs. Auburn (-3)
Sun Bowl: Minnesota (-3) vs. Oregon
Liberty Bowl: Utah (-2) vs. Southern Mississippi
independence Bowl: Missouri vs. Arkansas (-2.5)
San Francisco Bowl: Boston College vs. Colorado State (even)
Outback Bowl: Iowa vs. Florida (-3.5)
Gator Bowl: West Virginia vs. Maryland (-3.5)
Capital One Bowl: Purdue vs. Georgia (-3)
Rose Bowl: Michigan vs. Southern Cal. (-6.5)
Orange Bowl: Florida State (-1.5) vs. Miami (Fla.)
Cotton Bowl: Oklahoma State vs. Mississippi (-2)
Peach Bowl: Clemson vs. Tennessee (-5.5)
Fiesta Bowl: Kansas State (-7) vs. Ohio State
Humanitarian Bowl: Tulsa vs. Georgia Tech (-8)
Sugar Bowl: Louisiana State vs. Oklahoma (-6)
iBest Bet

Memphis
Miami (Ohio)
North Carolina State
Texas Christian
Oregon State
Hawaii
Bowling Green
California
Pittsburgh
Michigan State
Texas Tech >
Washington State
UCLA
Wisconsin
Minnesota
Southern Mississippi
Arkansas
Boston College
Iowa
West Virginia
Georgia
Michigan
Miami
Mississippi
Clemson
Ohio State
Georgia Tech
Oklahoma
Minnesota

Memphis
Miami (Ohio)
North Carolina State
Boise State
New Mexico
Hawaii
Bowling Green
Virginia Tech
Virginia
Michigan State
Texas Tech
Texas
Fresno State
Auburn
Oregon
Southern Mississippi
Missouri
BostonrCollege
Florida
West V,,ginia
Purdue
Southern Cal.
Miami
Oklahoma State
Clemson
Kansas State
Tulsa
Louisiana State
Texas Tech

North Texas
Miami (Ohio)
North Carolina State
Boise State
Oregon State
Houston
Northwestern
Virginia Tech
Pittsburgh
Michigan State
Texas Tech
Texas
UCLA
Wisconsin
Minnesota
Utah
Arkansas
Colorado State
Florida
West Virginia
Georgia
Michigan
Florida State
Mississippi
Tennessee
Ohio State
Tulsa
Oklahoma
Boise State

Memphis
Miami (Ohio)
North Carolina State
Texas Christian
Oregon State
Hawaii
Bowling Green
Virginia Tech
Pittsburgh
Nebraska
Texas Tech
Texas
UCLA
Auburn
Minnesota
Southern Mississippi
Arkansas
Colorado State
Florida
Maryland
Georgia
Michigan
Florida State
Mississippi
Tennessee
Kansas State
Georgia Tech
Oklahoma
Georgia
102-95-1 (4-7)

Memphis
Louisville
North Carolina State
Texas Christian
Oregon State
Hawaii
Bowling Green
Virginia Tech
Pittsburgh
Michigan State
Texas Tech
Texas
Fresno State
Auburn
Minnesota
Southern Mississippi
Arkansas
Boston College
Florida
Maryland
Purdue

Michigan
Miami (Fla.)
Oklahoma State
Tennessee
Ohio State
Georgia Tech
Oklahoma
Miami (Fla.)
101-96-1 (4-5)

Total season record (best bet)

106-91-1 (8-3)

98-99-1 (4-7)

102-95-1 (7-4)

4

:, :

ME

Back to Top

© 2017 Regents of the University of Michigan