18 - The Michigan Daily - Wednesday, December 10, 2003 How the BCS stole the national title Offenses ready to rock in Rose CHRIS BURKE Goin' to Work Every Fan down in Fanville likes undisputed champions a lot ... But the Men who ran college football did not! The Men hated obvious winners, the whole, darn bowl season. Now, please don't ask why; no one quite knows the reason. No, scratch that, I'm lying, we do know the reason. Controversy brings in money during bowl season. Having one champion wouldn't bring in the dough, like having two would - this the Men did know. So I think the most likely reason of all may have been that their wallets were never too small. But, whatever the reason, whatever the plans, the Men stood there before bowl season hating the fans. "And they're singing their fight songs!" they snarled with a sneer, "Tomorrow is bowl season, it's practi- cally here!" Then they growled, and they played with their stacks full of money, "Hav- ing two title games, now that would be funny!" Then they got an idea! An awful idea! The Men got a wonderful, awful idea! "We know just what to do!" the Men laughed in their throats. And, they made a computer to tally up votes. But not just the polls from the coaches and writers. The Men added something to turn Fans into Fighters. Their new computer would use other computers, too, and the result- ing numbers would turn happy fans blue. So now with their devilish plan in the works, the Men took to Fan-ville, and they acted like jerks. They took USC t-shirts and LSU flags, Oklahoma ballcaps, and shoved them into their bags. The men grabbed what they could, and stood there quite proud, when they heard a loud roar like the sound of a crowd. They turned around fast and they saw a small clan, led by little Cindy-Jan Fan, drum major of Southern Cal.'s band. She stared up at the men and sim- ply said, "Why? "Why can't we play in the Sugar Bowl? Why?" But, you know, those old men were so dumb but so slick, that they thought up a lie, and they thought it up quick. "Letting the computer pick is fair," the Men lied, "We can't do any better, believe us, we've tried. "So, next time, maybe, it'll work right, my dear. "We'll fix it up later, in a couple of years." And then, heartbroken, Cindy-Jan returned to her sleep, while the Men continued to take all they could keep. Trumpets and tubas and pennants galore. "These fans," they cried out. "They don't know what's in store. "There could be two champions, or maybe just one, but our scamming and scheming could spoil their fun." Then they laughed something evil, and departed the town, before they even noticed Fan-ville's collective frown. They left Fan-ville with their riches in tow, knowing that, to the bowls the Fans would still go.f And they'd watch and spend dollars for the Men to then take, even if the computer's "Title Game" is a fake. And while somewhere, the Whos' Christmas was saved by the Grinch, the Men would do nothing, not even flinch. Their system had worked, no matter what they would say, because the real goal of their computer was an exces- sive payday. Now the Men will take all their treasures and sit back to see what will happen to Oklahoma, LSU, USC. It no longer matters what happens to the game or the fans. You see, nei- ther of those fit into the Men's plans. So the Men snuggled up with the things that they stole, and watched Southern Cal. play in the wrong bowl. One champion or two, the Men really don't care, as long as their money will always be there. Chris Burke can be reached at chrisbur@umich.edu. By Courtney Lewis Daily Sports Editor The Rose Bowl should feel like the "Granddaddy of Them All" again this year. After experiencing declin- ing television ratings and a move away from tradition in recent years, the bowl again gets a premier matchup to open 2004. The Rose Bowl features the No. 1 team in both polls, it returns to the Pac-10 vs. Big Ten format and it has two teams with high-powered offenses. MICHIGAN PASSING OFFENSE VS. SOUTHERN CAL. PASSING DEFENSE: This may be Braylon Edwards' last game in a Michigan uniform - the junior said earlier this week that he's not sure if he'll be back next year - and it will be a perfect chance to showcase his talent to the nation. Michigan quarterback John Navarre will have to watch out for Kenechi Udeze, the Trojans' All-American defensive end, who has 13.5 sacks on the season. Southern Cal. also has a strong secondary, which picked off 21 passes. But the Wolverines' receiving trio of Edwards, Jason Avant and Steve Breaston has been unstoppable in the second half of the season. Advantage: Miclhigan MICHIGAN RUSHING OFFENSE VS. SOUTHERN CAL. RUSHING DEFENSE: Chris Perry was named a first-team All-American last week, and he'll probably be named a Heisman Tro- phy finalist today. But Perry has twice as many rushing yards as Southern Cal. defense has allowed all year (1,589 to 733). The tailback with a big heart may be a longshot for the Heisman, but he'll likely win the ground battle in Pasadena. Advantage: Michigan SOUTHERN CAL. PASSING OFFENSE vS. MICHIGAN PASSING DEFENSE: The Trojans' air attack is similar to Michigan's: it boasts a quarterback with prolific numbers and a deep and talented receiving corps. Matt Leinart, just a sophomore, is third in the nation with 35 touchdowns and has thrown just nine interceptions. His No. 1 target is wideout Mike Williams, who caught 16 touch- downs this season, but Keary Col- bert, Steve Smith and freshman tailback Reggie Bush are also receiv- ing threats. Michigan cornerbacks Jeremy LeSueur and Markus Curry, who have been solid but not spectac- ular, will be overmatched. Advantage: Southern Cal. scoring threat. But Hershel Dennis got almost an equal number of car- ries this season, and Bush adds ver- satility. He's scored three rushing touchdowns and four receiving touchdowns. Advantage: Southern Cal. SPECIAL TEAMS: The Trojans and the Wolverines are pretty much equal in place-kicking - both teams have missed four field goals on the year. Southern Cal. doesn't have a counterpart to Breaston; Michigan's speedy return-man, but Michigan's special teams haven't always been consistent, especially in blocking for punter Adam Finley. Advantage: Push INTANGIBLES: The Trojans have some- thing to prove after being slighted by the BCS, but, more importantly, they have a national title to play for. Michi- gan has a chance to beat the top-ranked team in the country and win its first Rose Bowl since 1998, but the Wolver- ines most likely wouldn't win the national championship if they were to beat the Trojans. Advantage: Southern Cal. SOUTHERN CAL. RUSHING OFFENSE VS. MICHIGAN RUSHING DEFENSE: The Trojans have depth on the ground too. Three of Southern Cal.'s run- ning backs have rushed for at least 480 yards. With 13 touchdowns, LenDale White is the Trojans' main PREDICTION: Southern Cal. 42; Michigan 38. NIi A fliianh EDad- STAFF PICKS Predictions AGAINST THE SPREAD for the bowls J. Brady McCollough Kyle O'Neill Courtney Lewis Naweed Sikora Jamie Morris, former star Michigan running back from 1984 to 1987 New Orleans Bowl: North Texas vs. Memphis (-4.5) ' GMAC Bowl: Louisville vs. Miami (Ohio) (-14) Tangerine Bowl: Kansas vs. North Carolina State (-11) Fort Worth Bowl: Boise State (-10.5) vs. Texas Christian Las Vegas Bowl: New Mexico vs. Oregon State (-3) Hawaii Bowl: Houston vs. Hawaii (-10.5) Motor City Bowl: Northwestern vs. Bowling Green (-8) Insight Bowl: California vs. Virginia Tech (-2.5) Continental Bowl: Virginia (-2.5) vs. Pittsburgh Alamo Bowl: Michigan State vs. Nebraska (-3) Houston Bowl: Navy vs. Texas Tech (-13) Holiday Bowl: Washington State vs. Texas (-9) Silicon Valley Classic: Fresno State vs. UCLA (-4) Music City Bowl: Wisconsin vs. Auburn (-3) Sun Bowl: Minnesota (-3) vs. Oregon Liberty Bowl: Utah (-2) vs. Southern Mississippi independence Bowl: Missouri vs. Arkansas (-2.5) San Francisco Bowl: Boston College vs. Colorado State (even) Outback Bowl: Iowa vs. Florida (-3.5) Gator Bowl: West Virginia vs. Maryland (-3.5) Capital One Bowl: Purdue vs. Georgia (-3) Rose Bowl: Michigan vs. Southern Cal. (-6.5) Orange Bowl: Florida State (-1.5) vs. Miami (Fla.) Cotton Bowl: Oklahoma State vs. Mississippi (-2) Peach Bowl: Clemson vs. Tennessee (-5.5) Fiesta Bowl: Kansas State (-7) vs. Ohio State Humanitarian Bowl: Tulsa vs. Georgia Tech (-8) Sugar Bowl: Louisiana State vs. Oklahoma (-6) iBest Bet Memphis Miami (Ohio) North Carolina State Texas Christian Oregon State Hawaii Bowling Green California Pittsburgh Michigan State Texas Tech > Washington State UCLA Wisconsin Minnesota Southern Mississippi Arkansas Boston College Iowa West Virginia Georgia Michigan Miami Mississippi Clemson Ohio State Georgia Tech Oklahoma Minnesota Memphis Miami (Ohio) North Carolina State Boise State New Mexico Hawaii Bowling Green Virginia Tech Virginia Michigan State Texas Tech Texas Fresno State Auburn Oregon Southern Mississippi Missouri BostonrCollege Florida West V,,ginia Purdue Southern Cal. Miami Oklahoma State Clemson Kansas State Tulsa Louisiana State Texas Tech North Texas Miami (Ohio) North Carolina State Boise State Oregon State Houston Northwestern Virginia Tech Pittsburgh Michigan State Texas Tech Texas UCLA Wisconsin Minnesota Utah Arkansas Colorado State Florida West Virginia Georgia Michigan Florida State Mississippi Tennessee Ohio State Tulsa Oklahoma Boise State Memphis Miami (Ohio) North Carolina State Texas Christian Oregon State Hawaii Bowling Green Virginia Tech Pittsburgh Nebraska Texas Tech Texas UCLA Auburn Minnesota Southern Mississippi Arkansas Colorado State Florida Maryland Georgia Michigan Florida State Mississippi Tennessee Kansas State Georgia Tech Oklahoma Georgia 102-95-1 (4-7) Memphis Louisville North Carolina State Texas Christian Oregon State Hawaii Bowling Green Virginia Tech Pittsburgh Michigan State Texas Tech Texas Fresno State Auburn Minnesota Southern Mississippi Arkansas Boston College Florida Maryland Purdue Michigan Miami (Fla.) Oklahoma State Tennessee Ohio State Georgia Tech Oklahoma Miami (Fla.) 101-96-1 (4-5) Total season record (best bet) 106-91-1 (8-3) 98-99-1 (4-7) 102-95-1 (7-4) 4 :, : ME