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October 30, 2003 - Image 11

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The Michigan Daily, 2003-10-30

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The Michigan Daily - WeekendMlagazine

14B -The Michigan Daily - WeekendIMagazine - Thursday, October 30, 2003



Most obvious album name ever.
TOP 10'
1. Measure of a Man, Clay
Aiken - Clay has to know how
bad his record title sounds. It's like
one of the '50s melodramas when
you're not allowed to talk about
what things really mean..
2. As Time Goes By
Great American Songbook:
Vol. II, Rod Stewart - Even
writing the album's complete
name is too much press for "Rod
the Bod."
3. The Very Best of the
Eagles, Eagles - So hell freezes
over and then you release your
"Best of." That's life in the fast lane.
4. Speakerboxxx/The Love
Below, OutKast - Dre has a 6-
year-old son named Seven. He's
so cool.
S. Chicken-N-Beer, Ludacds
- Ludacris deserves an award for
moving society past blind-eyed
6. Loon, Loon - Who the hell
is Loon? Apparently everyone who
knows the answer bought the CD.
7. Life for Rent, Dido -
Cute, British and still has Eminem
to thank for her being on the
Billboard Top 10,
8. Hard Jagged Edge - So
what's so Hard about it?
9. The Movie Album, Barbra
Streisand - Hey, as long as she
never makes another movie, she
can sing about them all the time.
10. Everything to Everyone,
Barenakd Ladies - The kind
of group name that gets you real-
ly excited until you see what they
actually look like. Not naked. Not

F~or the past year, I have looked forward to this Friday team doing something current Detroit Lions Wide
night with an anticipation only equaled by your Receivers Coach Bobby Williams could never obtain from
FLbuddy Eric's yearlong craving for another install- them: effort. John L. Smith may look deceptively foolish
ment of "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy. Halloween cos- to State's Big Ten competitors, but with a party in the mid-
tumes for me usually result from split-second decisions. A die, GI on the sides hairdo, how stupid will I look to the
quick run to the MSU bookstore for a Spartan Alumni T- green and white?
shirt and those fake 'S' tattoos, followed by a trip to the Now, just like two years ago when I witnessed that
dollar store for a janitor's mop and barn! Todd is now a phantom second, I've got upper deck tickets at Spartan
Michigan State graduate. Stadium (Thank you Michigan Ticket Office). But those
This year was supposed to be different. I figured it out a Spartans don't tailgate like us Wolverines. Nope, they feel
long time ago and knew everything necessary for the per- the need to get up at two in the mornin' to drive to the ten-
fect costume. Cowboy boots? Check. White dress shirt with nis courts (the tennis courts?) to secure a spot and then
one ripped sleeve? Check. Marines jacket? Check. (Okay, commence drinking. Yes it's true that many of these same
mine is an Army jacket, but it's close enough.) Toy gun? tailgaters don't go to the game, or even watch it for that
Check. Shaving a Mohawk? Check? matter, but, with a noon start time and an actual goal of
I want to be Travis Bickle (Robert DeNiro) from Martin watching the contest, this limits all of my Friday night
Scosese's 1976 masterpiece of loneliness and hatred "Taxi action (not that kind of action, sicko).
Driver." Travis was all of 26 when he shaved his head. As of now, Ann Arbor seems to be offering very little in
Taunted as "Cowboy" many times in the film, Travis the Halloween party department so maybe a fright night in
makes the Native American hairstyle change when he's EL is not such a bad idea. However, the Travis Bickle cos-
finally ready to take some action against the filth of New tume lends itself to a certain film knowledge found more
York that he so despises. The assassination of a prevalent in Treetown than Spartyville. Also, what's the fun
Presidential candidate is his initial goal, but the killing of of dressing up for people you don't even know?
a pimp and a mob boss will do.
I am 22.I want to shave my head. Why was it so easy for Random MSU student: Oh man, Bobby DeNiro in
Travis but so hard for me? "Taxi Driver!!" (laughing)You talkin' to me, you talkin' to
There are various reasons why I am now having second me
thoughts about the follicle butchering, and I'm not sure if Me: Thanks, guy I don't know and will never in my life
any of them are good reasons. If I don't make the cut, am meet again.
I just as weak as Travis feels throughout most of "Taxi
Driver?" Sure, you can work up a case for Mr. Bickle This would be followed by my mimicking of DeNiro (as
being certifiably crazy, but he did take some action final- Bickle)in the films final moments: blood-soaked hand lift-
ly. And it worked out for him in the end (being labeled a ed to my head, imitating a gun, pulling the trigger.
hero in thepapers, returning a young prostitute to her The real motivation for my hesitation, and thereason I've
home in New Jersey, a beautiful girl in the semen-snaked tried so far to avoid, is peer pressure. I've got no support.
backseat of his taxi). Eywre Iturn get."Nn, Todd. Don't shave your head!"
If oy Halloween were o a Wdsdayor ap Thursday, My friendss h.ey Jake. It's like a broken,
this decisionwould be sa khating rerd,
spired, and Halloween is on a Friday. And not just any Is peer.fssure really that dominant a force? There's no
Fiday; o, it's gotta be the Friday before theimiversity's way a _these people really find my current style all that
biggest football game of the year - Michigan State. Fucamazing anyway, they just dislike the shocking.
the Bukeyes! Even if we beat them this year OSUf ns will I'm bored as hell and I don't want to take it anymore. A
wave their National amoshp rings in ourfaces. No little Mohawk never killed anyone.
matter what we do, they're he b r team.. Of course, I could always do what DeNiro did. not shave
MSU on the other hand is a question mark. We never myhead,and wear a bald-cap and fur instead.But what's the
expected them to bethis good. Htell, look at their coach..fin in that, Mr. Scorsese? What's the fun in that?
He sounds like a bumbling tool, yet he's somehow got his - GIMling experts, please provide Todd with allour
quarterback clean (and once again NFL bound) and his hairsoying expertise at hweiser@num ch.edu







ng al

ro t h r

Court 'y '" oColumb
I'm the king of Meyer.
Gross in millions of dollars
1. Scary Movie 3 (48.1) -
Wait $48 million? AHHHHHHH-
moving on ... ~-
2. The Texas Chainsaw
Massacre (14.4) - Org inally, it
was called "Leatherface: The Joan
Rivers Story."
3. Radio (13.3) - Cuba
needs to be invaded. Right
4. Runaway Jury (8.4) -
Really, the only thing worse than
a John Grisham book might be a
John Grisham movie.
5. Mystic River (7.7) - Sean
Penn just keeps on getting better
and better at playing himself.
6. The School of Rock (6.5)
- Jack Black makes big-boned
people feel like they can accom-
plish anything. Even shredding
the guitar.
7. Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (6.3) - If
OT's film is not in the top 10 next
week, then fuck Bill, I'm taking
my own life.
8. Good Boy! (5.0) -
Can't wait for the sequel, "Big
Boys" Hmm, BigB y.
Intolera le Cruelty (3.6)
- You mean the American public
won't "get" a modern screwball
comedy. Shocking!
10. Under the Tluscan (2.2)
- After careful aesthetic analysis
I've decided Diane Lane was bet-
ter in "Unfaithful." You know,
because she was like naked and
stuff in the other movie.

ith the vibrant fiery-toned Ann Arbor leaves
strewn more on the ground than in the trees, it is
clear that one of college students' most beloved
holidays is fast approaching. Halloween, that
sacred pagan holiday of dressing up like a mon-
ster and drinking to excess, arrives tomorrow in
Ann Arbor, and while the Michigan campus does
not draw over 65,000 trick-or-treaters like the
University of North Carolina, which claims one
of the biggest Halloween parties in the nation,
chilly Ann Arbor still provides students with an
opportunity to express themselves, and their inner
demon -or angel --through costume.
For those of you who still haven't decided
on what costume to wear, or who are still
looking for that one last touch - the coup de
grace - that will set you apart, or at least
make people notice you, there are a few sim-
ple guidelines to bear in mind. These are not
overly childish suggestions like those doled
out from the University a few weeks ago,
guaranteed to get you laughed out of even a
pre-school Halloween party, but rather a few
simple maxims you should bear in mind while
designing your costume to fit into any baccha-
nal celebration.
First and foremost among these guidelines is
that everyone should feel free to express the inner
slut inside of them. Halloween is an excuse to
mask oneself and unleash all carnal lusts, regard-
less if one is actually wearing a mask. Anyone
who has ever seen a college-aged girl walking
around in the freezing cold with a short black
mini skirt and claiming to be a "pussy cat," has
seen this first hand. The slutty pussy cat could be
the most popular costume for young women, but
it is not the only option afforded to those who
want to dress a little more risque than usual.
After all, what is Halloween good for if not for an
excuse to dress in the way you normally cannot?
The obviousness of the slutty devil or the inher-
ent sluttiness of the succubus and incubus cannot
be overlooked, but how about bending the roles a
little this Halloween and whipping out the ol' slut-



A great costume idea, the slutty nun.
ty angel costume with the siren-song harp that
leads certain lucky souls to heaven? Consider how
many naked or scantily clad angels Western art
has provided. Aside from these spiritual costumes,
you and your friends could go out as a group of
slutty Girl Scouts or Boy Scouts, replete with a
badolier of slutty merit badges rewarding nefari-
ous activities. Think of all the fun you can have
with a "Leave No Trace: Outdoor Ethics" or
"Snorkling" badge, both offered by the Boy
Scouts of America.
While "slutty" is by far the most prevalent
adjective attached to costumes on All Hallow's
Eve, running a close second has to be "drunk."
In fact, the two often go hand in hand, with
such examples like a slutty drunk Snow White
or Pocahontas. Actually, if you follow these
guidelines, fairy tale characters make just as
good costumes as they did when you were only
a few hands high. Disney has provided us with
a healthy portion of characters that can easily
be adapted to fit the level of drunkeness appro-
priate for the holiday. If you live with six other
roommates you could always go as the seven
drunk dwarves. While the drunken frat boy cos-
tume is only sometimes intentional, and mostly
by those not involved in the fraternity system,
you can keep with the Greek theme and go as a
drunken toga-toting Greek god - Dionysus
and the rest of the Pantheon would be proud.
Of course, if the prospect of being scantily clad
and inebriated on the frigid Ann Arbor streets is
not one you find overly appealing, you can always
dress up as a pretty pink princess or some other
tame costume. Just because you are free to
unleash the slut inside yourself, doesn't mean that
you have to.
Halloween affords people the opportunity to
break out of their everyday routine and have a
good time. The tradition of dressing up and acting
foolish is as much a part of Halloween as watch-
ing fireworks and parades on the Fourth of July.
Halloween is the ultimate game of pretend, and
should be enjoyed as such.
In honor of indulging in sultry sweets and
in gratitude to our freedom of expression,
Weekend Magazine wishes you a safe and
happy Halloween.
- Charles Paradis and Rebecca Ramsey



RUN PuF, RUN! - Sean "P. Diddy"
Combs will run in the New York City
Marathon - sore knee and all, reported
e Associated Press. His trainer, Mark
Jenkins, expects the 33-year-old hip-hop
mogul to finish Sunday's 26.2-mile race.
Jenkins will run alongside Combs, who is
competing to raise money for charity.
Jenkins has made recent headlines
since his former girlfriend sued him
Monday for $6 million for years of abuse.
While Jenkins and his lawyer have no
comment on the lawsuit, Jenkins was
excited to make a millionaire mogul run
as fast as he could.
Combs hurt his knee during training
but Jenkins said Tuesday, "Even if he has
''o crawl, he is going to finish." A few
weeks ago, Combs and Jenkins ran 20
miles through Harlem and the Bronx with
former marathon star Alberto Salazar.
"People were screaming, 'Puffy keep

going!"' said Jenkins.
Yes, indeed. Faster Puffy. Run from the
maniacal "celebrity fitness drill master."
- The Associated Press reported
Wednesday that the Netherlands,
where all things great like prostitution
and marijuana are legal, has drastically
reduced the amount of erotic television
programming in the last year.
Only the Holland Media Group, a
Dutch company that has continued
with erotic programming, said it's
going to stick with its "Erotic on Five"
show, featuring bare torsos and but-
tocks, but no explicit sex.
Things are thankfully not so in
Britain, where recent years have seen a
rise in programming with sexual con-
tent, while Germany and France con-
tinue to broadcast erotic television pro-
gramming in the late evening.


An integral part of any costume.


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