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10B -The Michigan Daily - Weeked Ilagzine - Thursday, October 23, 2003
ScoTT SERILLA - WHATEVER IT IS, I'M AGAINSY IT
WE LOST THE REVOLUTION
The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magin
Ladies night: let's hear it for the toy!
She's like butter.
1. Measure of a Man, Clay
Aiken - How many men do you
think Clay has measured? That's
a rhetorical question.
2. Chkcken and Deer,
Ludacris - Honestly, the album
title sounds more appealing than
3. Hard, Jagged Edge -
Watch out, this sounds like it could
really cut, being both hard and
jaggged all in one.
4. Speakerboxxx/The Love
Below, OutKast - There is no
way Luda, Jagged Edge and
OutKast should be below Clay
Aiken. OK, maybe Jagged Edge.
5. The Movie Album,
Barbra Streisand - When was
the last time you saw Barbra in a
movie? I hope it wasn't recently
much does she think the life of a
washed-up pop star is worth?
7. Elvis 2nd to None, Elvis
Presley - I saw Elvis once. It was
at a g as station and he looked
more like a short Asian man with
onp leg and 12 fingers, but I'm
sure it was him:
8. Sacred Love, Sting -
wonder if P. Diddy will steal any-
thing from this album. Probably
not. Then again, it is P. Diddy.
9. Some Devil, Dave
Matthews - How do you shoot
the devil in the back, Agent
Kujan? What if you miss?
10. Long Time Coming,
Johnny Lang - John, do you
think you couldkget out of the top
10? Oh and take Sting with you.
Please, we are begging you.
leeunthinkale h n yestey No, I didn't loaded theyWindows compatible versionofApple's icredib
make deadline, and no, I didn't finally fully move ble audio-player ITunes last week when it was released.tBy
intoeny new bedroom after two months of livingout pure coincidence, I just bought a new iPod last week, but
of laundry baskets. It's even more bewderingand scan- vas frustrated by the clunking Musicmatch Jukebox that
dalous than that was passed on to Windows costumers.,
Despite it going against every lingering ethical fiber imx With the iPod quite simplyblowing every other MP3
my jittery soul, I did what even six months ago noself player on the market, Steve Jobs really has the music world
respecting college student would have dared. I ... I legally by the short hairs. What's more, he's the first tobe actually
*.downoaded music from the Internet...............any notable mone1y off legiimate downloading.
.......Yeah, I know f spettypathetic. Imagine actually iTunes makes it infinitely easier to manage your 'Mo
paying for what for almost five years has been a totally free which is important when you suddenly find out that you can
enterprise, bothimonetarily and guilt-wise. upload almost 5,000 songs and carry themaround in your
Hell, it was more than that. After dealing with b oa ed pocket (free tip for anybody thinking about taking all their
prices for CDs/concert tickets and having increasindly old Napster files and tossing them on an MP3: make sure
bland, uninteresting acts marketed down our throats by the all the tracksare labeled correctly. A bunch of stuff has the
record industry, it seemed like a moral imperative to Hoe in wrong titles on it and it's gonna be weeks before I get every-
the grey shade of peer-to-peer file shring. Major at -ls thing straightened out).
might have screamed about Napster and the like for killi g iTunes directly connects its users to Apple's online digi-
their already srlunping sales, but what other industry cot Id tal music store. The going rate for a song is 99 cents, which
be so utterly out-of-touch that it belligerently blames its o -n soundsreasonable even to those of us spoiled by free trad-
archaic incompetence on the very consumers it's been piss- ing. The selection is even decent with more and more labels
ing off for years? signing up their artists' bnck-catalogues for downloads all
Obhyeah, and itwas FREE! Manifestos aside, I got to hear the time. Even indie stalwarts like Matador and Kill 2Rock
music without paying for it. Like radio might have 25 years Stars are onboard, which is even better since these smaller
ago and rpix-tape networks, file sharing made us better fans, labels lack the resources to fight piracy like the big boys do.
if only because you could experiment with what you were You're not going to be able to find those deleted Smith sin-
listening to, you could track down obscure tracks without gles or the never released Replacements outtake you might
having to shell out cash for something you were taking a stumble across ontimewire if you hunted long.enough. The
chance on. You didn't have to live near a cool record store, ultra-obscure stuff won't be there for the same reason you
you didn't have to know cool people; this was the kind of can't find it at Best 'Buy - there's no money in it for the
autonomous communalism that would have done Jefferson vender. Still, Apple's really trying to push iTunes ontonew
proud, a free exchange of ideas that will influence the course users so there are plenty of exclusive live tracks and celebri-
of pop music for decades yet to come. ty playMists to buy. Why you need to know what Nora Jones
So, why'd I cave? is listening tolhave no idea but it's there4just in case.
Well frankly, the Gestapo tactics of the RJAA were really.I had this big plait to download something really classy
successful, in that they scared the crap out of nme.Ifthey.re for the epic occasion of flippg ngsides.if' mgonna sell out,'
willing to sue 12-year-old kids and wokndg-class parents, I said, I'mdoingitin style: Miles Dav'isEftaJames,raybe
then I didn't have a prayer. I didn't even bother downloading.JohnnyCashI thought Endedt pjust getingtwo Ben Folds.
Kazaa or.Soul Seek whenI got my new laptop. When an.EPs. Typical, go to the store for substantive ailk, end up
acquaintance got busted here at the University, it confirmed blowing my money on ce ram.
my worstfears. Revolution's over, I said to myself, we lost. Well, a single tear dribbled n my cheek as I typed my
OK, OK, so right now charges have only been brought credit card number in, fotking iwer the 99 cents a song to
against people who are putting MP3s up for others to down- the Man. Ah, itvwas a sa dy deed and I felt really old for
load, so you could probably get away with just downloading about 10 seconds. Then I put on Folds' cover of "In Between
music for another few months. But that'd just mean some- Days" by the Cure and suddenly e.erythmg seemed
body else would take the fall. Nobody else deserves to get strangely alright
screwedso I can listen to "Hey Ya" over and over again. co.t and his pod con be reached at
Anyways, like a reported million other PC users, I down- ssrilla?.nich.edu
Courtesy of Miramax
No more booty calls for Lysterine.
Gross in millions of dollars
1. The Texas Chainsaw
Massacre (28.0) - How many
times can they remake this
movie? Answer: at least once
2. Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (12.4) -
The only thing this movie lacked
was a good David Carradine fight
scene - "Kung Fu: The Legend
3. Runaway Jury (11.8) - If
someone asked me to be in a
John Grisham movie, I'd probably
run away too.
4. School of Rock (11.0) - "I
wanna rock your body day to day."
OK, I lied I don't. AndI don't listen
to JT ... I swear.
S. Mystic River (10.4) - It's
nice to sit by the water at sunset,
but don't go swimming in it. You
don't want to know what is so
"mystic" about this river
6. Good Boy! (8.9) - A real
good boy wouldn't leave you spe-
cial doggy treats in your slippers, if
you know what I mean.
7. Intolerable Cruelty (6.5)
- Clooney owns a soccer team in
Italy. Odds are, it is just a ploy to
make him look like he likes sports.
8. Out of ime (4.0) - And
your final answer is?
9. Under the Thscan Sun
(3.3) - People, people, people, I
understand "Good Boy!" but this is
just too much.
10. The Rundown (2.7) - If
the Rock bottom isn't enough of
an attraction I don't know what is.
By Lauren Hodge
"Have you ever had sex in your par-
ents'bed?" "Have you ever had sex in
the shower?" 'Are you wearing a
thong right now? " These are just a few
of the sample questions that Pure
Romance specialist Dana Heitz poses
to break the ice between guests at her
in-home romance parties.
Whether you're looking to heat up a
bachelorette party or gather the girls for
a night of guaranteed amusement, these
sex-toy parties aim to encourage sexual
pleasure both with and without a part-
ner. A recent University graduate, Heitz
has since joined the nationwide Pure
Romance Corp. that coordinates
romance parties to encourage women
to feel more comfortable in their rela-
tionships behind closed doors.
"I think what I'm doing is great
because (the parties) empower women
to make us feel more comfortable
with our sexuality. They also help to
make us more independent sexually,"
Informing guests that she will
explain "what it is, where to put it and
what it does," Heitz comes armed to
the designated party with boxfuls of
both kinky and G-rated products to
spice up any night. Products like
"Lickety Stiff," "Nympho Niagra" and
the linen spray "Between the Sheets"
are all part of the Pure Romance Inti-
mate Collection and can help enhance
stimulation in the obvious and not-so-
obvious pleasure zones.
To help familiarize guests with her
exciting, nontraditional sex products,
Heitz offers hands-on exposure to
those who so desire it. As a profes-
sional consultant, she performs a
somewhat extended version of "show
and tell" by showcasing her supply of
unique vibrators, scented lubricants
and other orgasm-inspiring toys. And
for those of you who prefer to think
visually, colorful diagrams and illus-
trations from the hit books "Tickle
Your Fancy" or "Toygasms" offer
guidance to different positions and
techniques ... in bed.
Some non-run-of-the-mill items
include tested creams to help women
speed up or slow down the timing of
their boyfriend's orgasm. These prod-
ucts, called heighteners and pro-
longers, respectively, are a surefire
way to show your loved one who really
wears the pants in the relationship.
While some of her products may be
more suited for the advanced sex fiend,
Dana offers a host of beginner and
non-sex-related goods. With every-
thing from sensual pillow mists and
soothing bath bubbles to "cock"tail
sippers and feather teasers, there is
something for the whole family. Prod-
ucts range in price from $3 (the
"world's smallest condom") to $125
(the "impulse" vibrator).
"One of the nicest things about host-
ing a Pure Romance party is that
guests get the products brought right to
them," said Heitz.
In addition to learning about and
sampling Heitz's products, partygoers
can expect to play "dirty" games and
enjoy the opportunity to win prizes.
The "Blind Man's Penis," for example,
encourages guests to draw a penis to
the best of their ability while balancing
a sheet of paper on their head. The
maker of the most accurate sketch is
awarded a free gift, but all contestants
ultimately walk away with an excellent
piece of refrigerator art.
"I think the parties are fun and that
all girls should do it," said Emily
Schwartz, a senior in the School of
Art and Design. After experiencing
her first Pure Romance party, Emily
said she would now consider hosting
one of her own.
Throwing your own romance party
offers even more benefits than simply
attending the get together. The Pure
Romance Consultant will share 10 per-
cent of that evening's sales with the
hostess which can be then be used
towards any product from the Romance
Collection. A surprise mini sex gift will
also be given as a means of showing
appreciating for the party's hostess.
And just to make sure that everyone
goes home a winner, complimentary
colored penis pens are distributed to
Choose your own adventure.
each guest (batteries not included).
One anonymous guest said, "I didn't
really know what to expect and was
mostly dragged to the party. But it
ended up being really fun and less
awkward than I thought it would be. I
liked the fact that you could learn
about the products in a comfortable
setting without feeling weird about it,
as you might like in a sex store."
While these Pure Romance Parties
really are all fun and games, their main
goal is to help with "relationship
enhancement" regardless of age, Heitz
acknowledged, who has held partie
for women as old as 86.
LSA senior Ji-In Lee said, "I thin
girls should make pleasure a high pr
ority in sex because it's not somethir
we usually do"
Those interested in putting the "C
in romance can visit wwwpureroman
ceparties.com to book a party, recei
a catalogue or just to learn more abou
how you can improve your sex life. A
Pure Romance Parties By Dana, an
thing goes. There is, of course, or
small rule: No boys allowed.
NEWS IN ENTERTAINMENT
-HOT OR NOT?
FIGHTING AROUND THE WORLD -
Russell Crowe is sick of people like
Harry Knowles and Matt Drudge talking
smack about him, so he's just not gonna
talk to them anymore. That's mature.
According to the Internet Movie
Database, Crowe has banned all Internet
journalists from the press junkets for his
new film - with the longest title ever -
"Master and Commander: The Far Side
of the World." Crowe has grown tired of
all the "lies" printed about him on web
publications, blaming them for his rowdy
Apparently, his assault of an awards-
show director and penchant for stealing
married women have nothing to do with
* that bad rep; nope, it's all the media!
So far, there have been no reports of
Crowe boycotting "South Park;" lend-
ing creedence to their assertion that
Crowe enjoys life in three ways: mak-
ing movies, making songs and fighting
around the world.
WILD AT HEART -- The New York
Post reports that cult filmmaker David
Lynch is on a fundraising mission to
establish a network of "peace palaces" all
over the globe.
With an ultimate goal of raising $1 bil-
lion, Lynch and Transcendental
Meditation movement leader Maharishi
MaheshYogi plan on building meditation
temples in 3,000 of the world's largest
cities and a 40,000-capacity headquar-
ters in India. One can only assume that
Twin Peaks, Wash., will be one of the
first cities to host a temple.
Lynch has followed meditational prac-
tices for over 30 years and takes this
cause very seriously. Lynch told the Post,
"I'm going all out for this. It's kind of
important to have peace on Earth."
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