2B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazine - Thursday, October 23, 2003
Random rejects Hasseihoff lookalike
The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazini
A guide to who's where,'
what's happening and whyI The W eekend List
you need to be there..
By Robbie Biederman
For the Daily
The Michigan Daily: Hi, Alexis?
R: Uh, no.
TMD: This isn't Alexis?
R: You know what though, you might
want to check with information. They
changed the rooms around and I don't
even know what my phone number is.
TMD: That's okay. My name's Robbie
and I'm from The Michigan Daily and
you've been selected for the Random
Student Interview. Wanna do it?
R: No kidding, yes.
TMD: I would never kid you dear.
R: Well that's good.
TMD: What's your name?
TMD: Is this your first time?
TMD: It's my first time too. If you
and I were together, I'd make it quick and
TMD: You might be screaming my
name at the end.
TMD: Uh, oh! Let's get this party
started. So, you live in South Quad. Do
you like it there?
R: Yeah, I love it.
TMD: Question: It's a Saturday night,
you are getting drunk with your friends,
do you and your roommate put a sock on
the door to tell each other you're getting
R: No, actually we don't have that
problem. We don't bring guys back to
TMD: I'm sorry. Does that mean
R: No, I hope not.
TMD: That's okay, I'm ugly too.
R: Shut up.
TMD: Well, your voice is sexy. I bet
you'll be getting guys to your room soon.
R: Yeah, I'll work that out with my
TMD: I lived in South Quad too, you
know. What hall are you in?
R: Eight Thompson.
TMD: I lived there. In your room,
look in the northwest corner. Is there a
big stain on the wall?
R: No, there's not.
TMD: That's too bad. I left one there.
Any idea of what you will major in?
TMD: You're just winging it. General
R: Um, maybe pre-med.
TMD: Would you consider shmee-
R: Uh, I thought about it for awhile,
but I decided against it.
TMD: You would go pre-med, but
you wouldn't go shmee-med?
R: Um, pretty much.
TMD: Are you taking shmorgo?
R: Yes, I'm taking it right now.
TMD: Yeah? Is it shmard?
R: A little bit.
TMD: Megan, I believe in two things.
R: Tell me.
TMD: I believe that you will pass
shmorgo and I believe that the children
are our future.
R: (laughs) That's great.
TMD: And another thing, I believe in
magic. And, I believe in me and you. And
I believe that if we set aside our differ-
ences, we'd make beautiful children.
TMD: What music do you listen to?
R: Name it. I listen to a lot of stuff.
TMD: I don't know Name It, are they
good? Can you sing a song they sing?
R: Uh ... no.
TMD: I got a serious question - are
you ready? If you were a nail polish
color, what would you be and why? Go!
R: Hot pink! I don't know why.
TMD: Wrong, not the answer I was
R: It matches my bathing suit?
TMD: OK. If you were one of the
Hanson brothers, which would you be?
Quick! 3 ...
R: The one who ...
TMD: No, let me finish counting, 3-
R: The one who got a haircut.
TMD: Is that the one who is a girl?
R: Aren't they all girls?
TMD: Now, I'm a heterosexual male,
but I thought they were all so attractive
that I would mmm-bop them all.
TMD: Would you ever go out with
R: But I don't know you.
TMD: I feel like I know you. Do you
R: I don't usually feel sparks over the
TMD: So, what do I have to do to get
R: That's a tough one. I don't let that
many people see me naked.
TMD: Keep in mind, I'm really, real-
ly good looking.
R: OK. It has to take a lot.
TMD: Again, I'm really, really -
TMD: Excuse me, no interrupting
goddammit ... really good looking.
R: You'd probably have to get me real-
TMD: Uh, oh.- We've got a stallion.
Want to meet me later for a drink?
R: No, it's a Tuesday.
TMD: Listen, some tell me I look like
R: Why didn't you say that before?
TMD: You know what that means ...
R: "Night Rider?"
TMD: No. Germans love David
R: My mom is German!
TMD: Tell your mom I say,
"Gutentag,' and she was great. Well, it's
been a slice of heaven with you. Tell me
you love me, I love you.
R: Anything you say.
TMD: G-O-D bless you. Look for
this in the Weekend Magazine on
Phoo MEdiors: Tony Ding,
Photorarpheers: Forest Casey',
Ashley 11 arpe
Cover Photo: Danny Moloshok
Pto IJustration: Brett
Arts Editors: Todd Weiser,
Manain Editor, Jason Roberts,
scott eri a, Editorst
Editor in Chief: Loue Meizlish
And Now Ladies and
Gentlemen Sounds like a winner.
Michigan Theater 6:45 & 9:30
The Legend of Suriyathi
Almost as high-quality as "The
Legend of Bagger Vance."
Michigan Theater 7:30 p.m.
Lost in Translation He could've
done better than the lounge singer.
State Theater 7:15 & 9:30 p.m.
Courtesy of Dimension
No, "Scary Movie 2" was the worst movie ever, not "Scary Movie."
Films opening .
Beyond Borders Come on, I know
about the whole suspension of disbelief
thing, but can anybody honestly picture
Angelina as a disaster relief worker? Go
bade to carrying vials of blood around
your neck At Showcase: 1:30, 4:15,
7:20, 10:00, 12:30 (Fri. and Sat).
Brother Bear Any movie that reunites
the Rick Moranis/Dave Thomas
"Strange Brew" duo deserves my
money. And it's a cartoon. At Quality 16.
The Housekeeper My house could
sure use a good deaning. Seriously, we
live in fifth and it is disgusting. Maybe
she wears one of those French-maid
costumes, that'd be sweet At Madstone:
1:20, 3:15, 5:20, 7:25
Radio Another one of those great men-
tally challenged morality tales. Thanks a
bunch, Cuba. Get a new agent At
Madstone: 1:00, 3:10, 5:20, 7:30, 9:45
At Showcase: 12:00, 12:30, 2:20, 2:50,
4:40, 5:10, 7:05, 7:35, 9:25, 9:55,
11:40 (Fri. and Sat), 12:15 (Fri. and Sat.)
Scary Movie 3 Another movie direct-
ed by the great and powerful Jerry
Zucker who brought us "Airplane" and
"Naked Gun?' Surely you can't be seri-
ous. I am serious, and don't call me
Shiriey. At Madstone: 1:15, 3:20, 5:25,
7:30, 9:35 At Showcase: 12:45, 1:15,
1:45, 2:45, 3:15, 3:45, 4:45, 5:15, 5:45,
6:45, 7:15, 7:45, 8:15, 8:45, 9:15, 9:45,
10:15, 10:45, 11:15, 11:45 (Fri. and Sat),
12:15 (Fri. and Sat)
Wonderland The more serious, less
good "Boogie Nights." Damn I love
pom! At Showcase: 12:35, 3:05, 5:25,
7:40, 10:05, 12:25 (Fri. and Sat)
Dick Siegel Trio There's nothing
funny about the word 'rockabilly.'
Nothing. 8 p.m., The Ark, $13.50
RB3+2 Leave your consonants at
the door. 9 p.m., Bird of Paradise,
Boy'sLife See Thursday, 5:3
p.m. and 7 p.m.
all be teenaged
and. pissed off
Theater 7 &
311 (wI Alien
311? That's two
jokes in one! 7
$26.50 area col-
this fun since the
Grand 01' Opry
town. 8 p.m., The A
be one of the
weirdest and most enter-
taining movies ever. At the
State Theater's midnight
showing, it gets even weird-
er. Get your tickets in
advance and get ready to
get down with some good
of tunes from the likes of
Meatloaf and Tim Curry,
that crazy transvestite.
See above. Stat
Theater 2, 4:1
Casa de lo
above. Mich i ga
Theater 4, 7:15
4:30, 7 & 9:1.
See above. Stat
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Good Boy! No movie about strange
animals from outer space can ever com-
pare to the incomparable. That of course
means "Howard the Duck" and/or
"Killer Klowns from Outer Space." At
Showcase: 12:15, 2:35,4:35, 6:35, 8:30
House of the Dead Finally, a horror
movie that utilizes the tricks of the
"Matrix." Lick that ear, scary monster,
lick that ear. At Showcase: 12:40 (Fri.
Intolerable Cruelty Made with love
and affection, it ain't the usual Coen's,
but at least Cathy Z is possibly the most
gorgeous woman you can ogle over for
about two hours. At Madstone: 1:10,
3:15, 5:20, 7:25 At Showcase: 12:05,
2:15, 4:30, 6:50, 9:05, 11:10 (Fri. and
Kill Bi: Volume 1 You must see this
movie at least twice. You must see this
movie at least twice! You must see this
movie at least twice!!! And then see
"Battle Royale." At Madstone: 2:00,
4:30, 7:00, 9:30 At Showcase: 12:10,
1:40, 2:25,4:20,4:55, 6:40, 7:10, 9:00,
9:30, 11:20 (Fri and Sat), 11:50 (Fri. and
Lost in Translation To all men: Find
out whatever Bill says to Scarlett at the
end of this movie and say it to a girl. At
Showcase: 1:00, 7:55
Mystic River Uniting the talents that
brought you "Footloose," "Fast Times"
and Hudsucker," and killing innocent
people at a theater near you. At
Madstone: 1:30, 4:15, 7:05, 9:45 At
Showcase: 12:40, 1:10, 3:40,4:10, 6:30,
7:00, 9:20, 9:50, 12:05 (Fri. and Sat)
Out of Time Denzel is the biggest
over-actor of the past 25 years. look
back at his stuff in 2030 and you'll be
able to compare him to Charlton
Heston. At Madstone: 1:25, 3:45, 7:25,
9:45 At Showcase: 3:20, 5:35, 10:20,
12:35 (Fri. and Sat)
Runaway Jury Rachel Weisz is hot
and Dustin Hoffman got to feel her
boobs. God I wish I was in the show! At
Madstone: 1:00, 3:35, 7:00, 9:35 At
Showcase: 1:20, 4:00, 6:55, 9:35,
12:20 (Fri. and Sat)
The School of Rodc You know, he's
right Nope, you're not hard core unless
you live hard core. At Showcase: 12:25,
12:55, 2:40, 3:10, 5:00, 5:30, 7:25,
9:45, 11:55 (Fri. and Sat.)
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Why does the kid from "Six Feet Under"
always have to be the one to die? And
how can you call Biel's hours of scream-
ing and running good acting? At least
shes nice to ogle at too. At ~howcase:
12:20, 12:50, 2:30, 3:00, 3:30, 4:50,
5:20,5:50, 7:00, 7:30, 8:00,9:10, 9:40,
10:10, 11:30 (Fri. and Sat), 12:00 (Fri.
and Sat), 12:30 (Fri. and Sat).
Veronica Guern We can say this
much about Veronica, she's no Edward
R. Murrow. He would've beaten them
bloody Irish. At Showcase: 1:25, 10:25,
12:35 (Fri. and Sat).
Dada Band flaunts aesthetics;
promises nonsense, travesty and
incongruity. 9:30 p.m., Blind Pig,
Groove Come rock to the
rhythms of this new student group
as they jam away on trashcans and
lids, using brooms and sticks. This
is not Stomp imitation, but rather
the grooviest group on campus.
Get it, grooviest? That's a good
one. 8:30 p.m., Michigan League
Boy's Life This play is in the spot-
light this weekend for Basement
Arts and guarantees to be a great
time. 5:30 p.m., Arena Theatre,
Bubba Ho-Tep Bruce Campbell is
the man. That's all. State Theater
7:15 & 9:30 p.m.
Casa de los Babys Don't they
know how to pluralize? Michigan
Theater 7 & 9 p.m.
Lost in Translation See above.
State Theater 7 & 9:15 p.m.
Rocky Horror Picture Show
Let's do the time warp again. State
Detroit Cobras, 25 Suaves,
The Avatars, Picture tortured
mathematicians playing B. B. King.
Yeah, exactly. 9:30 p.m., Blind Pig,
Dark Star Orchestra, So many
jokes, so little space. So we will
make none of them here. But you
should laugh as though we did. 7
p.m., Michigan Theater, $21.50.
Kissinger, Half-way through they
put Kissinger on trial; sentenced to
open for Blink 182. 10 p.m., Elbom
Room, Ypsilanti, $5.
Multiple Departure Dates: Nov-Dec 2003, Jan-Feb 2004
Departures from: NY, LA, Miami, Chicago & Toronto
Toll Free: 1-888-281-1265
q bn~sriht isa
Phone Numbers: Michigan Theater: 668-8397; Quality 16: 827-2837; Showcase: 973-8380;
Showtimes are effective Friday through Thursday. Matinee times at State Theater are effec-
tive for Saturday and Sunday only.