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2B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazine-
- Thursday, October 2, 2003
Random is a closet case momma's boy
The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazin
A guide to who's where,
what's happening and why
you need to be there.. The Weekend List
By Rebecca Ramsey
Daily Weekend Editor
The Michigan Daily: Hi, is Jeff there?
Random: Yeah, this is Jeff.
TMD: Hi, my name is Rebecca and I'm
from The Michigan Daily. You have been cho-
sen for the Random Student Interview. Want
to help me out?
R: Sure, will this take long? It's kind of
TMD: No, we can make it quick I suppose.
But please be gentle, it's my first time.
R: (laughs) Okay.
TMD: Let's get started then. Have you ever
committed or witnessed a crime on campus?
R: Not really. During the first week of
classes, I saw someone trying to steal a bike,
but they gave up.
TMD: Yeah, crime is rampant here.
Especially public urination. So, essentially,
you just stood around watching the attempted
theft without doing anything about it?
R: I did, but I was on my cell phone with
my mom, and I couldn't get off to call the
cops or anything.
TMD: You couldn't, or you didn't? Jeff, are
you a momma's boy? Be honest, this is a
phone conversation, and you should feel com-
fortable enough to tell me almost anything.
I'm here to listen.
R: I do hold a special spot in my heart for
TMD: Loser. Your heart will be trampled on
by the next girl who comes your way, wuss.
R: Oh, OK, so I shouldn't tell people that?
TMD: Now you're talking. Speaking of
girls, do you have a girlfriend?
R: Not really.
TMD: What kind of answer if that, you kind
of have a girlfriend?
R: I just got out of a long relationship with
my high-school girlfriend.
TMD: Ah, one of those. So, you guys broke
up because you wanted to have your way with
other freshman girls?
R: You could say I want to keep my options
TMD: I bet you were dumped.
R: It was mutual, actually.
TMD: Hey, what are the cat's pajamas?
R: I don't know, what?
TMD: No, see, I asked you, that means you
respond to my question.
R: Then I really don't know.
TMD: Me neither, but I'm thinking it's
R: Okay then.
TMD: Have you ever heard the saying,
"Freshman girls: Get them while they are skinny?"
R: (laughing) No. Did you make that up?
TMD: No, Jeff, I wish that I did ... But, I'm
serious; act fast and get them while they are
skinny. Michigan residents are also the fattest
in the nation, so stay away from Michigan
girls. That and Faygo softdrinks, another
R: I'm from Michigan and I like Red Pop.
TMD: Then I don't even need to tell you
what I'm talking about.
Have you ever been told that you look like a
R: Um, my aunt once told me I look like
Ricky Martin a little.
TMD: I'm sure she was lying. Do you like
to wear tight pants and shake your bon bon?
R: I only dance when I'm alone.
TMD: Hmm, is that a code for something
else? I hate to ask what shaking your tail-
feather means. Do you have a lot of pent-up
R: Not really. I'm just an average guy. Do
you look like a celebrity?
TMD: Excusa me, but whose interview is
TMD: Adrien Brody, but without the nose.
Dead-on look alike. If you were to write a per-
sonal ad, what would the title be?
R: Like single, white, male seeking a thin,
non-smoking, Catholic woman?
TMD: No, not at all. I'm talking about the
heading of the ad. Like, "Ready and Willing,"
"Finger-licking Good" or "Are you my
R: Seems like you've really thought about
this. Um ...
(After almost two minutes of thinking hard,
Jeff comes up with something less than
R: How about "My Cherie Amore?"
TMD: Wow, you're getting all Stevie
Wonder on me.
R: I tried. That was hard.
TMD: What's you favorite Michigan athet-
R: Women's soccer, no doubt.
TMD: Any particular reason?
R: They are really mean and try to beat each
other up. It's awesome! You can't find that
TMD: What are you studying? We need to
fit some small talk in somewhere, that is, if
we are going to continue talking.
R: Um, I'm not sure yet. Maybe political
TMD: Oh, OK. So you will be the smarter
one in this relationship.
R: I think I can handle that.
TMD: I don't think you're ready for this
jelly. Tell me this, do you have an aversion to
the word "poop?" I'm sorry if you do, but the
Random Student Interview characteristically
features a fecal-matter segment. It's in our
R: That's fine. Poop's alright with me, so is
the word "excrement."
TMD: Ew, enough of that. Is Jesus alright
TMD: Ain't that the truth. Were you a late
R: My voice didn't get deep until around
TMD: Was that a voice crack?
R: Better late than never.
TMD: Just keep telling yourself that, and
that you're a closet momma's boy. Do you
have any deep thoughts that you would like to
express while you being interviewed?
R: I have to poop right now.
TMD: Cool, its like I induced your bowel
movement. Well, that's not that deep, but I'll
R: Alright, good.
TMD: Jeff, I have to know, will you still
love me when I'm in my hanging-with-Ravi
Shankar phase or when I'm in my bloated-
R: Haha, I love "Wayne's World!"
TMD: Pshaw, don't even get me started.
R: How about the part when Wayne says, "I
believe I requested the handjob?"
TMD: Am I missing something? Have we
R: That would make a great headline for a
TMD: Thanks. I'll keep that in mind.
R: Cool, thanks.
TMD: I'll also remember you always, Jeff.
I like to say your name. You've been a good
interviewee, Jeff, but I think we should see
other people. Look for this in Weekend
Magazine on Thursday.
R: Alright, bye.
Writers: Sravya Chirumamilla, Megan
Jenkins, Ragan Olczak
Photo Editors: Tony Ding, Brett
Photographers: Joel Friedman, Brett
Mountain, Kate Rose, Laura Shlecter,
Cover Photo: Brett Mountain
Arts Editors: Todd Weiser, Managing
Editor, Jason Roberts, Scott Serilla,
Editor in Chief: Louie Meizlish
Cet Amour-La This movie reeks of
traitorous Frenchiness. The story sounds
kinda boring, anyway. At Madstone:
1:00, 3:10, 5:20, 7:30, 9:40.
Concert for George You get what
it says you get: a concert for George
- the deceased Beatle's classics per-
formed by his closest friends and col-
leagues. Oh yeah, the Monty Python
guys poke their heads in, too.:At
Showcase: Noon, 2:15, 4:35, 6:50,
Out of Time It doesn't appear that
this movie utilizes either of
Washington's two greatest assets: his
good looks or his ability to play a
grade-A hardass. That's not a good
sign. At Showcase: 12:35, 1:05,
2:50, 3:20, 5:05, 5:35, 7:20, 7:50,
9:35, 10:05, 11:55, 12:25 AM (Fri.
and Sat.) At Madstone: 1:25, 3:45,
The School of Rock When their
forces combine, Tenacious D and
"Kindergarten Cop" form ... a hilari-
ous rock act led by the former Mr.
Olympia? Oh, right, they form 'The
School of Rock." -Hah. At Showcase:
12:10, 12:40, 2:30, 3:00, 4:50, 5:20,
7:10, 7:40, 9:30, 10:00, 11:50, 12:20
AM (Fri. and Sat.).
Dirty Ptty Things It's not every-
day youna freshintact kidney in
your tub. You might as well capital-
ize on it when given the opportunity.
State Theater: 7:15, 9:45
cated to focusing on St. Petersburg
with composer Leonid Desyatnikov
taking the spotlight. 8 p.m.,
Rackham Auditorium, 915 E.
Washington St., $18 - $34; 734-764-
Goodnight Desdemona (Good
Morning Juliet) See Thursday. 8
Translation See Films
Michigan Theater: 7:15,
Anything Else Does anyone else
find Christina Ricci to be one of the
scariest ladies in Hollywood? Maybe
Woody figured Jason Biggs's boyish
charm would cancel out her scari-
ness. At Showcase: 12:00, 2:20, 4:45,
7:00, 9:15, 11:30.
Cabin Fever Aren't you supposed
to starve a fever? Well, then why
don't people start starving this
damned flick of funds and cure the
epidemic? Seems simple enough. At
Showcase: 10:25, 12:40 AM.
Cold Creek Manor How would
you feel if Sharon Stone and Dennis
Quaid decided to open up shop in
your boyhood crib? I thinkI'd open
po ase: 12:05 PM, 2:40, 5:15,
7:45, 10:10, 12:30 AM (Fri and Sat).
Dickie Roberts: Former Child
Star David Spade is kind of like a
child star himself, only he became a
star when he was an adult and then
ruined his career during his transition
into middle age. Sort of an adult,
child star, but not a child. Ahh, this is
too confusing. At Showcase: 1:20,
3:25, 5:40, 8:05.
Dilty Pretty Things It's not every-
day you find a fresh, intact kidney in
your tub. You might as well capitalize
on it when given the opportunity. At
Madstone: 1:00, 3:10, 5:20, 7:30, 9:45.
Duplex Damn Drew Barrymore for
getting involved in this movie and
marring the comic reputation of Ben
Stiller. What ever happened to the
glory days of "The Cable Guy?!?" At
Showcase: 1:10, 3:10, 5:10, 7:15,
9:15, 11:10. At Madstone: 1:20, 3:20,
5:20, 7:20, 9:40.
The Fighting Temptations We all
thought Cuba Gooding was a sur-
vivor. He wasn't going to give up.
Hell, the guy almost won an Oscar.
Alas, though, you can't ride on the
coattails of Jerry Maguire forever. At
Showcase: 1:25, 4:00, 6:35, 9:10,
9:40, 11:45, 12:15 AM (Fri. and Sat.).
Freaky Friday They say life is full of
important choices. Here's one for
everyone out there. What is more
delectable? Jamie Lee Curtis in her
daughter's body or those wild pre-
teens in "Thirteen?" At Showcase:
The Holy Land Would you people
lighten up?!? Rabbis are just likethe
rest of us: They too need some of that
sexual healing - some just a little
more and with cheaper whores than
others. At Madstone: 5:25, 9:40
Lost in Translation Oh yeah, Wild
Bill is back in town. Well, if your town is
Tokyo, and if you consider doing cheap
whiskey ads being back. At Showcase:
1:40, 4:15, 6:40,9:00,11:15.
Luther Martin Luther, he's our hero,
gonna take Catholicism down to zero
Da-da-da-da, da-da-da, fighting on
the Lutheran side. At Showcase:
1:30, 4:25, 7:05.
The Magdalene Sisters C'mon,
honey, why are you so depressed
about being a new Magdalene sister?
Just picture it: In a few years, you'll be
abusing fresh, young recruits your-
self. At Madstone: 3:30, 9:30.
Matchstick Men There must be
some popularnappeal to guys who
wash their hands 134 times a day.
Don't ask what it is. At Showcase:
4:45, 7:35, 10:05. At Madstone:
1:10, 3:40, 7:10, 9:35.
Once Upon a Time in Mexico
Rumor has it that the bartender
always gets it worse than anyone. The
big scary Mexican never spares the
lowly drink server. Or does he? At
Showcase: 1:15, 3:30, 5:45, 8:10,
10:30, 12:35. At9Madstone: 1:15,
3:20, 5:25, 7:35, 9:45.
Pirates of the Caribbean: The
Curse of the Black Pearl It
should be something more like
"Johnny Depp: Curse of the Coolest
Actor ever. Actually, that would
suck royally as a title, but I think you
get the point.At Showcase: 12:45,
The Rundown If you're able
both to rock-bottom an opponent
and cock a 12-gauge with your
armpit, then you ought to be
spared all criticism. Kudos to The
Rock, ya big goon! At Showcase:
12:30, 1:00, 2:45, 3:15, 5:00,
5:30, 7:30, 8:00, 9:45, 10:15,
Midnight, 12:30 a.m. (Fri. and Sat.).
Secondhand Lions Sorry, but not
all of us find two old dust bags and
some cheeseball kid to be a charming
trio. Don't let their shrewd tactics fool
you. At Showcase: Noon, 2:20, 4:40,
7:00, 9:20, 11:35.
Under the Tuscan Sun Ohh, they
actually filmed it on site. So it's not
just a clever name. At Showcase:
12:15, 1:35, 2:35, 4:30, 5:00, 6:55,
7:25, 9:25, 9:55, 11:40, 12:10.
Underworld This concept sounds
strikingly similar to that for a carnival
sideshow: Come watch a fanged,
leather-clad vixen clash with an abnor-
mally hairy strong man. Discuss
amongst yourselves. At Showcase:
Midnight, 12:25, 2:55, 5:25, 7:55,
9:50, 10:20. At Madstone: 1:05,
3:30, 7:05, 9:30.
Thirteen Wild teenage girls, ready
to party .. comeget em while
they re hot. State Theater: 7:00, 9:30
Fighting Hellfish, Blamethrower
That's it Blamethrower, you've just
been added to my list of terrible band
names. You're now in the good com-
pany of Christpuncher and Nipple
Dust. Congrats. Elbow Room, 6 S.
Washington St., Ypsilanti, 10 p.m. $5.
The Ron Brooks Trio OK, so I've
got nothing special for you this week
Ronny. Just know that I still hate you.
Bird of Paradise, 312 S. Main St., 8
p.m. $5. 662-8310.
EdgeFest: Trevor Watts & Small
Ensembles, Hamster Theatre
There's nothing edgier than middle-
aged British jazz ensembles. The
Firefly Club, 207 S. Ashley St., 10
p.m. $20. 665-9090.
Goodnight Desdemona (Good
Morning Juliet) This play puts a
funny new twist on the lives of two
of Shakespeare's well-known hero-
ines, Desd emona and Juliet. 8 p.m.,
Trueblood Theatre, student $8 and
general $15; 734-764-2538.
A m e r i c a n
The bard ne
a funny r
two of Shak
dent $8 an(
Comic Book Man, make
me. State Theater: 9:30.
What fShakespeare's two
greatest heroines didn't die?
(Good Morning Juliet)
An award-winning parody by
Directed by Suzi Regan
October 2 - 4 & 9 - 11 at 8pm
October 5 & 12 at 2pm
General Admission $15 - Students $8 w/ID
League Ticket Office 734-764-2538
Dirty Pretty Things See Thursday.
State Theater: 7:15, 9:45.
Translation See Films
Michigan Theater: 7:00,
The University of Michigan
Department of Dermatology
is currently offering research
study for facial acne.
Owning Mahoney Careful, there's
likely more to your local financier
than meets the eye. Michigan
Theater 7:15, 9:45.
The Big Wu
Ironically, about the same size of your
ordinary Wu. Yes, I know what irony
is, I'm just trying to piss off Alanis
fans. Blind Pig, 208 S. First St., 9:30
p.m. $12. 996-8588.
The Gore Gore Girls Dude, Al
Gore's daughter is so hot. Plus, she
wrote for Futurama too. She's
dreamy. Elbow Room, 6 S.
Washington St., Ypsilanti, 10 p.m. $5.
Color & Design (
EXCEPTIONAL HAIR, (
AS SEEN IN MOdERN 4
ANd ON TLC's "A
Look fOR US IN ThE C
208 E. WAShiNg-
Thirteen See Thursday.
Theater: 7:00, 9:30
If you are over the age of 12 and are in good
general health, you may be eligible to participate
in a research program for facial acne.
Office visits and study agent are provided free of charge to eligible
participants. You may also receive compensation for your participation!
For more information, please call:
University of Michigan
Glass Pack Seems like that would
break, ya know, when you put things
in it? Like stones? Am I wrong here?
Elbow Room, 6 S. Washington St.,
Ypsilanti, 10 p.m. $5. 483-6374.
Pride C'mon, there's an entire room
that plays only 80's music.
Homophobia be damned, I just gotta
dance! Necto, 516 E. Liberty St., 10
p.m. $5 ($10 under 21). 994-5436.
The Rants, GloriS Look for my
new garage band soon. We cant
decide if we're gonna call ourselves
The Sing ulars or The Plural. It's clever,
right? Blind Pig, 208 S. First St., 9:30
p.m. $6 ($9 under 21). 996-8588.
St. Petersburg String Quartet
This concert will kick off a year dedi-
Phone Numbers: Michigan Theater: 668-8397; Quality 16: 827-2837; Showcase: 973-8380;
Showtimesare effective Friday through Thursday. Matinee times at State Theater are effec-
tive for Saturday and Sunday only.
UM School of Music Department of Theatre and Drama