6
4A - The Michigan Daily - Thursday, November 7, 2002
OP/ED
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JOHANNA HANINK
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Unless otherwise noted, unsigned editorials reflect the opinion of the majority of the Daily's
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necessarily reflect the opinion of The Michigan Daily.
NOTABLE
QUOTABLE
t It was a vote
against the hollow
negativism, cowardice
and mediocrity of the
current Democratic
Party. They have
nothing to say; and
that matters."
- Andrew Sullivan in his weblog
yesterday, andrewsullivan.com, on
Tuesday's election results.
JENNIFER GREENE JENN' CORNER
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Do the math: Evil will prevail
LUKE SMITH THERE IS NO 1 IN COLUMN
Slowly, battle lines
are being drawn
across the global
community. Some con-
flict is creeping up, and
undoubtedly, the United
States will either be at its
center, or just get in the
middle of it. Like RISK
- the game of total
world domination - the United States is
seeking countries, although not to conquer,
but instead, to garner their support.
Those who join us will be champions. It
has to be that way, right? For decades, the
United States has thrust itself against numer-
ous adversaries, drafting themselves as the
lynchpin of both the world economy and the
world's chief protectorate and defender of the
realm. That is the way it is, isn't it?
Consequently, because of our escalated
position, the world of war politics and the alle-
giances contained therein are often drafted in
two colors - black and white. The United
States' role as defender of the light allows Pres-
ident Bush et al to subscribe to a simple arith-
metic in the new hotness of political debate -
the Iraq issue. The equation is quite simple,
even for the masterminds of U.S. policy:
Axis of Evil Membership Card + Weapons
of Mass Destruction = Invasion of your land.
It's pretty basic stuff, this President business;
could someone fax me an application?
The enemies list is growing, unabated.
Germany is opposed to a war in Iraq (since
when did Germany stop liking war), France
is against us too (the French are naturally
predisposed to"be against Americans, so this
really shouldn't count) and Russia is on the
bandwagon too. Nevermind China, North
Korea and Saudi Arabia, who have each
tipped their hats against an Iraq Attaq (©
Luke Smith).
Forget the Axis of Evil, the aforemen-
tioned nations, with their opposition of the
indomitable and infallible reputation of the
United States' foreign policy have outed
themselves as the enemy of the United States
and therefore - because of our incontinent
benevolence - the proponents and undoubt-
edly the facilitators of evil.
The invasion equation faces a slightly dif-
ferent application when applied to countries
whose leaders have disrespected President
Bush's father. Because of Saddam Hussein's
urination on the United States' demands dur-
ing President Bush Sr.'s reign. Instead of a
simple addition problem, the equation's left
side is raised to the second power. This effects
the right side of the equation, by increasing
exponentially both the likelihood and degree
of a forthcoming attack.
Based on the Bush arithmetic, North
Korea is no doubt due for an invasion. Maybe
we should even simulcast the attacks split-
screen on FOX News: Double the violence,
double the ratings. However, since North
Korea's leadership didn't step to George W.'s
pappy, like that big evil Saddam Hussein did,
the formula for North Korea is altered. After
leaving North Korea with our tails between
our legs before, Dubya is no doubt hesitant to
return, so instead of the equation of invasion,
we sent North Korea a Happy Halloween
card, with a Snickers bar and a note reading,
"Disarm plz. - The U.S."
But why should North Korea, or any
country, have to disarm? Well that's easy.
Because we said so. "Hey North Korea, this
is the United States. Listen, you need to
lose those nukes. The United Nations
doesn't allow them; we're just acting on
their behalf. Us? Yeah, we have nukes, but
God likes us, so disarm, pagans!
Since we are God's favorite country and
consequently always correct, what if God
liked France more than us and France got to
use our foreign policy "techniques?" Imagine
French President Jacques Chirac giving the
Oval Office a ring: "Hey G-dub, bonjour! Lis-
ten, things are getting sticky-icky-icky over in
your neck of the woods, so I wuz thinkin'
we're going to send some troops into Detroit
to get some of the crime and murder under
control. It is just a peacekeeping force ... and
they'll be there tomorrow. Holla. Merci!"
Not in 10 million years would France's
peacekeeping troops be allowed in this coun-
try. But, one of the privileges of lbeing The
Chosen Country is the hypocrisy that comes
with being King. So naturally, we're the first
to butt into other countries' business -
because father America knows best.
Somewhere in his tower a couple weeks
ago, Donald Rumsfeld was scratching his
head and furrowing his brow thinking, "if
we'd just taken care of that hostage situation
in Russia for them, then they would be all
over this war in Iraq business with us."
Ah, the brilliant push-pull of the foreign
policy, a policy whose mantra is coded along
the lines of: Hey nations of the world, we'll
help you out whether you want it or not, but
first, pledge your allegiance to our flag.
Luke Smith can be reached
at lukems@umich.edu.
la
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LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
0
Daily cares about its own
profits, not the intellectual
growth of 'U' students
TO THE DAILY:
In yesterday's Daily, the editors of the
Daily argued that the Collegiate Readership
Program is nothing more than "a corporate
money-making scheme," Gannet news suspi-
cious ... (11/06/02). The Daily seems to
think that by offering free newspapers to stu-
dents, local newspapers like the Ann Arbor
News and the Metro Times will suffer. It
seems obvious to me, and most likely to
everyone else on campus, that it is the Daily
stands to lose the most from the Readership
Program. I would venture to guess that not
many students paid for local newspapers on
a regular basis before the Readership Pro-
gram began; they obtained their news from
the Daily or a free online news source.
I, for one, welcome the addition of other
news sources that can provide students with a
broader view of national and world events. The
strength of local newspapers is that they provide
detailed information on local events, Gannett's
Collegiate Readership Program does not
infringe on this in the least. Accordingly, I hope
that students continue to support the program.
The Daily's doomsday prediction of the
downfall of local media is nothing more than
a feeble scare tactic to maintain its own "bot-
tom line." As far as I can see, the only
"money-making scheme" here is one in
which the Daily attempts to portray a laud-
able idea in a negative light.
ERic WILFONG
LSA senior
AMI supports productive
and honest discussion on
Middle East politics
TO THE DAILY:
Last week, the Daily Editorial Board
criticized the pro-Israel ads that have
recently been published in the Daily as
detrimental to the dialogue on the Middle
East, (Diminished dialogue, 10/31/02). As
representatives of the pro-Israel camp on
academic and cultural perspective. It is not
our goal to insult and demean the discus-
sion by issuing propaganda against Pales-
tinians, Arabs, Muslims, Christians and etc.
And we do not condone the message that
campustruth.org and Michigan Committee
for a Safe Israel have been putting forth in
the past few weeks. We stand behind intel-
lectual discussion, academic discourse. We
respect the claims of the other side. We
respect free speech and the right of every-
one to express their beliefs, whether we
agree with them or not.
What we do not respect is extremists on
both side of the dialogue throwing rash
offensive accusations, spreading meaning-
less and close-minded rhetoric and advanc-
ing ideas that only further enrage both sides
and alienate community not closely identi-
fied with the debate. In spirit of peaceful
coexistence, we urge both sides to use rea-
son and compassion in this discourse. Irra-
tional, demagogic language is not going to
lead to any peaceful resolution. Conflict in
the Middle East is a complex issue that
often involves language not to be thrown
around lightly and situations easily taken
out of context. As representatives of pro-
Israel community on this campus, we
believe that offending the other side is not a
means to a solution. So whether it is the ads
from campustruth.org or a speaker at the
divestment conference advocating the
destruction of the state of Israel, we believe
that neither one is a credible means to a
political dialogue, and we condemn using
such means to attain political goals.
We stand with Israel and it's right to
exist in the Middle East. What we don't
stand with is the mediocrity of propaganda
and hate. We stand for peaceful coexistence
and peaceful, respectful dialogue.
Avi JACOBSON
LSA junior
YUUA DERNOVSKY
LSA senior
The letter writers are co-chairs of the American
Movement for Israel
The Daily misrepresented
the Newspaper Readership
Program for its own ends
TO THE DAILY:
conspiracy theory that Gannett is out to
crush the Ann Arbor News and Metro Times.
The Ann Arbor news is not even a flea on
the big dog Gannett's ass. If Gannett wanted
to tank the Ann Arbor News, it could do so
effortlessly. To assert that Gannett would be
forced to use a newspaper readership pro-
gram to accomplish this task is laughable at
best. Next time you pass the newspaper rack
in front of the Union at 8 p.m., take a look at
which papers are sold out and which are still
on the racks. The USA Today sells out, the
Ann Arbor News doesn't even come close.
And this is Ann Arbor.
Second, the Daily whines about how this.
program will have to be funded by either the
University or the Michigan Student Assembly.
According to one of the people who helped
bring this program to the University, if the Uni-
versity decides to keep the program, it will cost
$72,000 a semester. That's less than $2 per stu-
dent per semester. If you wanted to go to a
newsstand and buy one copy of each paper that
is available free in this program, you could not
do it for $2. And that is simply one day. Uni-
versity students pay $6.69 per semester for
MSA. Even if the University decided not to
foot the bill and MSA did, worst case scenario
the fee increases $2 per semester. That's $8.69
total. University of Wisconsin students pay
over $300 per semester.
Third, a much smaller detail. Metro
Times would suffer very little if the pro-
gram were to continue. Metro Times is a
metro Detroit rag. Ann Arbor makes up an
extremely small portion of its readership
base. I realize that you were making a ludi-
crous argument and were grasping at straws
for something to back that argument up, but
some of us aren't from out of state, some of
us know what the Metro Times is. A bomb
could be dropped that would wipe out Ann
Arbor and Metro Times would be fine.
THOMAS WHARRY
Kinesiology senior
LETTERS POLICY
The Michigan Daily welcomes letters
from all of its readers. Letters from Universi-
ty students, faculty, staff and administrators
will be given priority over others. Letters
must include the writer's name, phone num-
ber and school year or University affiliation.
The Daily will not print any letter that can-
not be erified Ad hominem attacks will not
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