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12B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazine - Thursday, October 3, 2002
The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazil
ARI PAUL - FouGHT THE LAw
ANN COULTER°S IN LOVE WITH A COMMIE
e, it would be slander if I
claimed that the ultra-conser-
vative talkinghead and author
of the bestseller "Slander: Liberal Lies
about the American Right," Ann
Coulter, was spending her nights with a
Marx-reading, A.C.L.U.-supporting
lefty. It would damage her image as the
woman who thinks that all democrats
are as bad as the Sept. 11 terrorists.
But then again, opposites attract.
The scene: Ai's bedroom, night.
Lights dim, Marvin Gaye playing light-
ly in the background. Ari and Ann
smoking cigarettes under the covers. A
framed portrait of Che Guevara hangs
on the wall above the bed.
Paul: I'm sorry, baby. How was I to
know that The New York Times would
write an article about us?
Coulter: "(The New York Times is) a
bizarre sectarian newspaper edited by
wrathful demagogues." (Dec. 18, 2000,
from her column "Plus the sun was in
his eyes")
Paul: Wrathful demagogues? You
mean Jews? You think that if Jews did-
n't run The New ...
Coulter: "We should kill their lead-
ers and convert them to Christianity."
(Responding to bombings of Sept.
11, 2001, in her column for that week,
"This is War")
Paul: And that would make journal-
ism all better? You are a racist.
Coulter: "The old liberal stand by:
Racism." (June 30, 2000, "O.J. was
'proved' innocent?")
Paul: You're right. I'm too stubborn.
You're not a racist. I just refuse to admit
that I regret wasting my time chasing
after those leftist chicks that won't put
out like you.
Coulter: "Liberal women are use-
less." (April 18, 2000, from her column
"No shadow of a doubt - liberal
women are useless")
Paul: I mean, us lefties are so over-
sensitive. What's wrong with profiling
dark-skinned people at airports any-
way?
Coulter: "Not all Muslims may be
terrorists, but all terrorists are Muslim."
("Future Widows of America: Write
Your Congressman," September 26,
2001)
Paul: What about Timothy
McVeigh? He was a Christian ultra-
conservative who hated blacks and
other minorities.
Coulter: "The old liberal stand by:
Racism." (June 30, 2000, "O.J. was
'proved' innocent")
Paul: My point is that you can't
blame a whole religion for the actions
of a few. It would be absurd to blame
Christianity or the white race for
McVeigh, and it's the same with Islam.
Coulter: "It's perplexing to hear lib-
erals carrying on so about how peaceful
I02/03 Fall Season ii
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S - - - - - - 02912483
$10 Rush Tickets on sale 10 am-5
pm the day of the performance or
the Friday before a weekend event
at the UMS Ticket Office, located in
the Michigan League.
50% Rush Tickets on sale
beginning 90 minutes
before the event at the
performance hall Box
Office.
Cullberg Ballet
Swan Lake
Mats Ek choreographer
Tue 10/8 8 pm
Power Center - Ann Arbor
A controversial remake
of the classic bailer,
Mats Ek's "choreogra-
phy brims with humor
and momentum...the
emotional currents are
vivid. (The Times of
London)
most Muslims are." (Oct. 12 2001,
"Affirmative Action for Osama")
Paul: Well, listen, there are a lot of
good Muslim charity groups. In fact
there's one headed by that guy; I can't
remember his name ...
Coulter: "Their names are too com-
plicated. There's a reason they use num-
bers at Guantanamo." (Sept. 19 2002,
"So Three Arabs Walk into a Bar")
,Paul: I don't know why I spend night
after night with you. There are a lot of
people in America who would sooner
hang you than pork you.
Coulter: "By 'America,' I obviously
mean to exclude newsrooms, college
campuses, Manhattan and Los
Angeles." (Aug. 9 2002, "Nuclear anni-
hilation can't be confined to the outer
boroughs")
Paul: Anywhere that has non-white,
well-informed people you mean.
Coulter: "The old liberal stand by:
Racism." (June 30, 2000, "O.J was
'proved' innocent")
Paul: Okay, so conservatives aren't
so bad about race. I mean, Dubya
appointed Norm Mineta as Secretary of
Transportation.
Coulter: "Mineta is burning with
hatred for America ... because he is a
minority." (Feb. 28, 2002, "Mineta's
Bataan Death March")
Paul: You think that because he's
against racial profiling? He's against it
because it's ineffective, and besides,
you think he might be a bit sensitive
about it seeing as he lived in an intern-
ment camp.
Why else would he be against racial
profiling?
Coulter: "(Mineta) has deliberately
blocked the racial profiling of Arabs
because he secretly hates America."
(Feb. 28, 2002, "Mineta's Bataan Death
March")
Paul: Hey! I just gave you props for
not being a racist. What kind of ...
Coulter: "The old liberal stand by:
Racism." (June 30, 2000, "O.J was
'proved' innocent")
Paul: Listen, Ann, if this relationship
is going to go anywhere:you have to
compromise.
For starters, on even days, we'll
watch Fox News, and on odd, we'll
watch CNN. In the middle we'll find a
balance.
Coulter: "Where's this center?
Somewhere between Lenin and
Stalin?" (from wwwkeepandbear-
arms. corn)
Paul: Okay. I said I was sorry. I'm
sorry for letting everyone know that the
heroine of the right is sleeping with the
scum from the left.
And I'm sorry for telling everyone
your true thoughts about racism. Does
me letting the world know that you are
nothing but a racist make you that
upset?
Coulter: "Frankly, I'm getting a lot
of great publicity." (Quoted from
Howard Kurtz, "National Review Cans
Columnist Ann Coulter, Washington
Post: Oct. 2, 2001.)
-Ari Paul can be reached at
aspaul@umich.edu.
FUNKTELL
Continued from Page 3B
TMD: What's the weirdest crowd
you guys ever played for?
Joseph: We're playing in Lans-
ing with a bunch of punk groups...
Demps: And a riot broke out
when we were leaving the stage.
TMD: You recorded a live
album at the Blind Pig back in
July, which is supposed to be com-
ing out this winter. How did it turn
out?
Matt Henninger (bass): We all
came off stage and we were hyper-
critical of ourselves.
Everyone thought it was horrible
and the worst thing we had done.
But you go back and realize that
actually it is really good. Some of
the tracks are just going to blow
people away, honestly.
TMD: Does it mean anything to
you that this
is an integrat-
ed hip-hop "(The rac
group? Or isIN
that just who diversity
you are?
Joseph: It's group) d
pretty much
always been seem we
like that.
Perry: but somd
Yeah, we've
always been a when We
real diverse
group, and it another
doesn't seem
unnatural or like "Wh
like a special
thing - that's guys are
just how it
was. Ann different
Arbor is a
very diverse man!
place, and
that's one of
its best assets.
And a band like this, being so
diverse is just a natural occur-
rence.
Joseph: It doesn't seem weird
here, but sometimes when we go to
another city it's like "Whoa. You
guys are all different colors? Oh
man!"
Betts: We have so much in com-
mon, but we're all individuals and
very strong about our individuali-
ty, so it's a learning experience,
and I think that it is helpful, cause
ciaI
v ofthe
loesn 't
gird here,
etimes
Sgo to
city it's
oa. You
all
tt colors?
- Quentin Joseph
in this world youhave to know
more than what's in your comfort
zone.
TMD: But with everybody
being so different, such an indi-
vidual, how do you hold it all
together?
Joseph: With a group this big,
it's definitely hard to have every-
body on the same page. It takes a
lot of meetings; it takes like a lot
of discussing. That's probably the
biggest challenge in this group.
Demps: It just comes with terri-
tory; like we're here to make
music, and you can tell where peo-
ples' focuses are and who is really
trying to do it and who's not.
And that's the experience we've
had with all these musicians, and
you can just see what's really
going on with people's heads and
minds.
Henninger: It really impressed
.me when I
joined the
crew; you
could see
even the first
time I played
with them,
everybody
was coming
from some-
where differ-
ent, but
down the
road every-
one was star-
ing at the
same thing.
The goal
was set, and
everybody
knew the
work that
had to be put
into it. Hav-
ing that is
something
aggression for real on each other,
we do it in a joking way and just
front like it's a joke.
TMD: What else did you learn
out there?
Perry: That there isn't much
happening around here. We felt
like in the three weeks we were out
there, we
made more
headway and
progress than "lwe wane
the five
years we've our owni
been here.
We came We wann,
to some big ,
realizations influenca
in terms of
our music. product4
We're trying an t
to make this it t
a career - fr.u
we're trying fom us
to make a
living. This
is what we
wanna do,
but unfortunately there are certain
things you can't do.
TMD: Like what?
Perry: You can't be all over the
place in terms of our direction.
You have to define yourself. You
have to bring your focus down to
something we're all in favor of
going for..
You can't be having a funk song
here, a rock song, the next track a
hip-hop song the next track, a jazz
song next. You can bring other ele-
ments into the mix, but you can't
be all over the place.
Demps: You can, but that's not
what companies want.
TMD: You're working on some
new demos right now, hopefully to
shop around for a deal with a
label.
Does that give you a different
sense of purpose when you go into
the studio, or do you just approach
it like you did your earlier
records?
Lawler: Whenever we've
recorded stuff before, there hasn't
been much of a difference between
the sound on a CD and the sound
of the live show. That's a criticism
that we've heard in the past. So
I
f
2i
e
we're trying to get more of a stu-
dio sound.
Betts: We're trying to get (the
songs) radio ready.
TMD: That's going to be quite a
shift for you guys. How do you
start to refine such a wide range of
styles into something more
focused? ,
P e r r y:
Everybody
ia write has to bend.
Not every-
rnaterial. body is going
to be 100
a have percent satis-
fied. Some-
on the body may
bring some-
on. We thing to the
group and it
3 come might get ...
B e t t s
Smashed!
- Jackson Perry They might
have to
rewrite it.
TMD: Did
that recently happen to you?
Betts: Yes, but it didn't hurt my
feelings or nothing (laughs). That's
just the way it has to be.
TMD: Have you guys figured
out what that new focus will be
more along the lines of?
Perry: Alternative hip-hop soul.
Lawler: A little less old school
funk, more modern hip-hop.
Joseph: It's hard to nail down.
Production-wise, maybe like Jay D
of Slum Village to the Neptunes to
Jil[ Scott-type production.
TMD: Can you make big
changes like that and still be true
to the band's spirit?
Perry: We're not going to sell
out and become the next pop
extravaganza. We wanna write our
own material; we wanna have
influence on the production. We
want it to come from us.
Lawler: We can't not be funky.
The live show is still where there
are no limits. We can always take
the live show wherever we want to
go.
Funktelligence will be playing
Saturday, Oct. 19 at the Blind Pig
in Ann Arbor.
very few bands have.v
TMD: You all recently drove out
to the West Coast for some shows.
How was the experience driving to
California?
Lawler: We spent three weeks
together, like all seven of us, 24
hours a day, and we got along
famously.
Demps: There was like the
World War III of pillow fights in
the van.
Perry: Instead of releasing our
Cleveland Orchestra
Franz Welser-Mast
music director
Heinz Karl Gruber
baritone chanssonier
Wed 10/9 8pm
Orchestra Hall - Detroit
The Cleveland Or-
chestra visits Detroit
to open UMS's Choral
Union series with
a unique program
including Beethoven's
"Pastoral" Symphony
and HK Gruber's Fran-
kenstein!!.
J
Tamango's Urban Tap
Full Cycle
Fri 10/11 8pm
Sat10/128 pm
A master of improvisa-
tion, Tamango blends
the aesthetics of hip-
hop culture with world
music, video artistry,
and the traditional
jazz idioms of bebop
and swing in a unique
contemporary style.
FIJI RETURNS
TO THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN
BEAFOUNDING FATHER.
LEAVEYOUR LEGACY.
BECOMEAWOLVERINE FIJI.
Phi Gamma Delta/Fiji is looking for gentlemen who excel in the areas of
scholarship, leadership, athletics, and community service to restart its
"Tradition of Excellence" at the University of Michigan.
For more information, please attend one of the following fifteen minute
information meetings- that will be hosted by FIJI alumni members:
Tuesday, 10/15 6:00pm Thursday, 10/17 6:00pm
Tuesday, 10/22 5:00pm Wednesday, 10/23 6:00pm
Thursday, 10/24 6:00pm
All meetings will be in Michigan Union 4 Floor Conference Room
For more information, please contact:
Josh Morita, Director of Expansion, at jmorita@phigam.org
and visit our website at www.phigam.org_
2. ,:,:&
Power Center - Ann Arbor
"R 764.2538 I www.ums.org
11 y tS A valid student ID is required. Limit two tickets per student, per event.
socdlfc Rush tickets are not offered if an event is sold out. Seating is subject to
availibility and box office discretion.