-_ T--- - 0 a -0 - 12B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazine - Thursday, October 3, 2002 The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazil ARI PAUL - FouGHT THE LAw ANN COULTER°S IN LOVE WITH A COMMIE e, it would be slander if I claimed that the ultra-conser- vative talkinghead and author of the bestseller "Slander: Liberal Lies about the American Right," Ann Coulter, was spending her nights with a Marx-reading, A.C.L.U.-supporting lefty. It would damage her image as the woman who thinks that all democrats are as bad as the Sept. 11 terrorists. But then again, opposites attract. The scene: Ai's bedroom, night. Lights dim, Marvin Gaye playing light- ly in the background. Ari and Ann smoking cigarettes under the covers. A framed portrait of Che Guevara hangs on the wall above the bed. Paul: I'm sorry, baby. How was I to know that The New York Times would write an article about us? Coulter: "(The New York Times is) a bizarre sectarian newspaper edited by wrathful demagogues." (Dec. 18, 2000, from her column "Plus the sun was in his eyes") Paul: Wrathful demagogues? You mean Jews? You think that if Jews did- n't run The New ... Coulter: "We should kill their lead- ers and convert them to Christianity." (Responding to bombings of Sept. 11, 2001, in her column for that week, "This is War") Paul: And that would make journal- ism all better? You are a racist. Coulter: "The old liberal stand by: Racism." (June 30, 2000, "O.J. was 'proved' innocent?") Paul: You're right. I'm too stubborn. You're not a racist. I just refuse to admit that I regret wasting my time chasing after those leftist chicks that won't put out like you. Coulter: "Liberal women are use- less." (April 18, 2000, from her column "No shadow of a doubt - liberal women are useless") Paul: I mean, us lefties are so over- sensitive. What's wrong with profiling dark-skinned people at airports any- way? Coulter: "Not all Muslims may be terrorists, but all terrorists are Muslim." ("Future Widows of America: Write Your Congressman," September 26, 2001) Paul: What about Timothy McVeigh? He was a Christian ultra- conservative who hated blacks and other minorities. Coulter: "The old liberal stand by: Racism." (June 30, 2000, "O.J. was 'proved' innocent") Paul: My point is that you can't blame a whole religion for the actions of a few. It would be absurd to blame Christianity or the white race for McVeigh, and it's the same with Islam. Coulter: "It's perplexing to hear lib- erals carrying on so about how peaceful I02/03 Fall Season ii ; z , , 1 $s with 1 HEAT YOUR HOME I ~ /A o1c MORE EFFICIENTLY A Division of Clean Sweeps of Michigan AIR DUCT CLEANING! ,.u. Reduce the Dust You Breathe While / ~1 Meeting the NationalAir Duct You Reduce YourEnergy Bills Cleaners Association Standards ASK ABOUT I MoldDRYER VENTS CLEANING 20 OFF '"Dust I Bacteria I this coupon . Polle "*Pollen - .. .7 46 84 8 Licensed by theState of Mchigan 029724830 S - - - - - - 02912483 $10 Rush Tickets on sale 10 am-5 pm the day of the performance or the Friday before a weekend event at the UMS Ticket Office, located in the Michigan League. 50% Rush Tickets on sale beginning 90 minutes before the event at the performance hall Box Office. Cullberg Ballet Swan Lake Mats Ek choreographer Tue 10/8 8 pm Power Center - Ann Arbor A controversial remake of the classic bailer, Mats Ek's "choreogra- phy brims with humor and momentum...the emotional currents are vivid. (The Times of London) most Muslims are." (Oct. 12 2001, "Affirmative Action for Osama") Paul: Well, listen, there are a lot of good Muslim charity groups. In fact there's one headed by that guy; I can't remember his name ... Coulter: "Their names are too com- plicated. There's a reason they use num- bers at Guantanamo." (Sept. 19 2002, "So Three Arabs Walk into a Bar") ,Paul: I don't know why I spend night after night with you. There are a lot of people in America who would sooner hang you than pork you. Coulter: "By 'America,' I obviously mean to exclude newsrooms, college campuses, Manhattan and Los Angeles." (Aug. 9 2002, "Nuclear anni- hilation can't be confined to the outer boroughs") Paul: Anywhere that has non-white, well-informed people you mean. Coulter: "The old liberal stand by: Racism." (June 30, 2000, "O.J was 'proved' innocent") Paul: Okay, so conservatives aren't so bad about race. I mean, Dubya appointed Norm Mineta as Secretary of Transportation. Coulter: "Mineta is burning with hatred for America ... because he is a minority." (Feb. 28, 2002, "Mineta's Bataan Death March") Paul: You think that because he's against racial profiling? He's against it because it's ineffective, and besides, you think he might be a bit sensitive about it seeing as he lived in an intern- ment camp. Why else would he be against racial profiling? Coulter: "(Mineta) has deliberately blocked the racial profiling of Arabs because he secretly hates America." (Feb. 28, 2002, "Mineta's Bataan Death March") Paul: Hey! I just gave you props for not being a racist. What kind of ... Coulter: "The old liberal stand by: Racism." (June 30, 2000, "O.J was 'proved' innocent") Paul: Listen, Ann, if this relationship is going to go anywhere:you have to compromise. For starters, on even days, we'll watch Fox News, and on odd, we'll watch CNN. In the middle we'll find a balance. Coulter: "Where's this center? Somewhere between Lenin and Stalin?" (from wwwkeepandbear- arms. corn) Paul: Okay. I said I was sorry. I'm sorry for letting everyone know that the heroine of the right is sleeping with the scum from the left. And I'm sorry for telling everyone your true thoughts about racism. Does me letting the world know that you are nothing but a racist make you that upset? Coulter: "Frankly, I'm getting a lot of great publicity." (Quoted from Howard Kurtz, "National Review Cans Columnist Ann Coulter, Washington Post: Oct. 2, 2001.) -Ari Paul can be reached at aspaul@umich.edu. FUNKTELL Continued from Page 3B TMD: What's the weirdest crowd you guys ever played for? Joseph: We're playing in Lans- ing with a bunch of punk groups... Demps: And a riot broke out when we were leaving the stage. TMD: You recorded a live album at the Blind Pig back in July, which is supposed to be com- ing out this winter. How did it turn out? Matt Henninger (bass): We all came off stage and we were hyper- critical of ourselves. Everyone thought it was horrible and the worst thing we had done. But you go back and realize that actually it is really good. Some of the tracks are just going to blow people away, honestly. TMD: Does it mean anything to you that this is an integrat- ed hip-hop "(The rac group? Or isIN that just who diversity you are? Joseph: It's group) d pretty much always been seem we like that. Perry: but somd Yeah, we've always been a when We real diverse group, and it another doesn't seem unnatural or like "Wh like a special thing - that's guys are just how it was. Ann different Arbor is a very diverse man! place, and that's one of its best assets. And a band like this, being so diverse is just a natural occur- rence. Joseph: It doesn't seem weird here, but sometimes when we go to another city it's like "Whoa. You guys are all different colors? Oh man!" Betts: We have so much in com- mon, but we're all individuals and very strong about our individuali- ty, so it's a learning experience, and I think that it is helpful, cause ciaI v ofthe loesn 't gird here, etimes Sgo to city it's oa. You all tt colors? - Quentin Joseph in this world youhave to know more than what's in your comfort zone. TMD: But with everybody being so different, such an indi- vidual, how do you hold it all together? Joseph: With a group this big, it's definitely hard to have every- body on the same page. It takes a lot of meetings; it takes like a lot of discussing. That's probably the biggest challenge in this group. Demps: It just comes with terri- tory; like we're here to make music, and you can tell where peo- ples' focuses are and who is really trying to do it and who's not. And that's the experience we've had with all these musicians, and you can just see what's really going on with people's heads and minds. Henninger: It really impressed .me when I joined the crew; you could see even the first time I played with them, everybody was coming from some- where differ- ent, but down the road every- one was star- ing at the same thing. The goal was set, and everybody knew the work that had to be put into it. Hav- ing that is something aggression for real on each other, we do it in a joking way and just front like it's a joke. TMD: What else did you learn out there? Perry: That there isn't much happening around here. We felt like in the three weeks we were out there, we made more headway and progress than "lwe wane the five years we've our owni been here. We came We wann, to some big , realizations influenca in terms of our music. product4 We're trying an t to make this it t a career - fr.u we're trying fom us to make a living. This is what we wanna do, but unfortunately there are certain things you can't do. TMD: Like what? Perry: You can't be all over the place in terms of our direction. You have to define yourself. You have to bring your focus down to something we're all in favor of going for.. You can't be having a funk song here, a rock song, the next track a hip-hop song the next track, a jazz song next. You can bring other ele- ments into the mix, but you can't be all over the place. Demps: You can, but that's not what companies want. TMD: You're working on some new demos right now, hopefully to shop around for a deal with a label. Does that give you a different sense of purpose when you go into the studio, or do you just approach it like you did your earlier records? Lawler: Whenever we've recorded stuff before, there hasn't been much of a difference between the sound on a CD and the sound of the live show. That's a criticism that we've heard in the past. So I f 2i e we're trying to get more of a stu- dio sound. Betts: We're trying to get (the songs) radio ready. TMD: That's going to be quite a shift for you guys. How do you start to refine such a wide range of styles into something more focused? , P e r r y: Everybody ia write has to bend. Not every- rnaterial. body is going to be 100 a have percent satis- fied. Some- on the body may bring some- on. We thing to the group and it 3 come might get ... B e t t s Smashed! - Jackson Perry They might have to rewrite it. TMD: Did that recently happen to you? Betts: Yes, but it didn't hurt my feelings or nothing (laughs). That's just the way it has to be. TMD: Have you guys figured out what that new focus will be more along the lines of? Perry: Alternative hip-hop soul. Lawler: A little less old school funk, more modern hip-hop. Joseph: It's hard to nail down. Production-wise, maybe like Jay D of Slum Village to the Neptunes to Jil[ Scott-type production. TMD: Can you make big changes like that and still be true to the band's spirit? Perry: We're not going to sell out and become the next pop extravaganza. We wanna write our own material; we wanna have influence on the production. We want it to come from us. Lawler: We can't not be funky. The live show is still where there are no limits. We can always take the live show wherever we want to go. Funktelligence will be playing Saturday, Oct. 19 at the Blind Pig in Ann Arbor. very few bands have.v TMD: You all recently drove out to the West Coast for some shows. How was the experience driving to California? Lawler: We spent three weeks together, like all seven of us, 24 hours a day, and we got along famously. Demps: There was like the World War III of pillow fights in the van. Perry: Instead of releasing our Cleveland Orchestra Franz Welser-Mast music director Heinz Karl Gruber baritone chanssonier Wed 10/9 8pm Orchestra Hall - Detroit The Cleveland Or- chestra visits Detroit to open UMS's Choral Union series with a unique program including Beethoven's "Pastoral" Symphony and HK Gruber's Fran- kenstein!!. J Tamango's Urban Tap Full Cycle Fri 10/11 8pm Sat10/128 pm A master of improvisa- tion, Tamango blends the aesthetics of hip- hop culture with world music, video artistry, and the traditional jazz idioms of bebop and swing in a unique contemporary style. FIJI RETURNS TO THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN BEAFOUNDING FATHER. LEAVEYOUR LEGACY. BECOMEAWOLVERINE FIJI. Phi Gamma Delta/Fiji is looking for gentlemen who excel in the areas of scholarship, leadership, athletics, and community service to restart its "Tradition of Excellence" at the University of Michigan. For more information, please attend one of the following fifteen minute information meetings- that will be hosted by FIJI alumni members: Tuesday, 10/15 6:00pm Thursday, 10/17 6:00pm Tuesday, 10/22 5:00pm Wednesday, 10/23 6:00pm Thursday, 10/24 6:00pm All meetings will be in Michigan Union 4 Floor Conference Room For more information, please contact: Josh Morita, Director of Expansion, at jmorita@phigam.org and visit our website at www.phigam.org_ 2. ,:,:& Power Center - Ann Arbor "R 764.2538 I www.ums.org 11 y tS A valid student ID is required. Limit two tickets per student, per event. socdlfc Rush tickets are not offered if an event is sold out. Seating is subject to availibility and box office discretion.