4A - The Michigan Daily - Friday, September 20, 2002
OP/ED
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STUDENTS AT THE
UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN
SINCE 1890
JON SCHWARTZ
Editor in Chief
JOHANNA HANINK
Editorial Page Editor'
Unless otherwise noted, unsigned editorials reflect the opinion of the majority of the Daily's
editorial board. All other articles, letters and cartoons do not
necessarily reflect the opinion of The Michigan Daily.
NOTABLE
QUOTABLE
So on one level they
need congratulating,
which a lot of people
shy away from, which is
a very dangerous thing.
- British artist Damien Hirst to the BBC,
on the perpetrators of the Sept. 11 attacks.
In a BBC artigle which run yesterday,
Hirst was quoted as apologizing or
calling the attacks a "work of art."
'/Thne.
SAM BUTLER TI- .SO£APOX
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Saddam, featuring Ludacris and Fozzy Bear
DAVID HORN OtRNGRAPHY
0
spoke with my
dear friends at the
State Department
earlier this week and
told them I was strug-
gling to conceptualize a
column idea. I wanted
to write about Iraq,
because that seems to
be the thing to do these
days, but wanted a fresh angle. So the State
Department arranged for Saddam Hussein to
spend a few days with me here in Ann Arbor.
We left Ann Arbor a few times (to Crawford,
Tex., the Upper West Side, Guilder and
Endor), but for the most part Saddam and I
just kind of cruised around campus and
around town, having all sorts of misadven-
tures. Some excerpts from various conversa-
tions follow, all of which, I think, provide a
real insight into the essential Saddam Hus-
sein.
Guy at keg: Hey can I bum a Camel?
Saddam: Hell, you can bum 400.
Yoda: Fear leads to hate. Hate leads to
anger. Anger leads to suffering.
Saddam: Suffering? What do you know
about suffering? I hear people in my
country wipe with both sides of the toilet
paper.
Yoda: Hygienic that can't be, hmm?
Saddam: The U.S. is going to invade. I
need to outfit my troops.
Mr. Allen: 29, two for 50.
Saddam: Don't even bang unless you plan
to hit something!
President George W. Bush: Bombs over
Baghdad.
Fozzy Bear: Hey Saddam, I've got an .
uncle in Ireland.
Saddam: Oh really?
Fozzy Bear: No, O'Reilly. Waca Waca
Waca.
Saddam: So, you're Michigan's long
snapper?
Michigan long snapper Joe Sgrol: So,
you're a megalomaniac?
Saddam: Ahh, touch6!
Coach Lloyd Carr: Your supply of biolog-
ical weapons is tremendous. And I've got
to tip my hat to your offensive line.
Saddam: Who was that Joe Sgroi charac-
ter?
Saddam: Knock knock.
Jerry Seinfeld: Who's there?
Saddam: Saddam.
Jerry Seinfeld: Saddam who?
Saddam: Sadam WHOssein.
Kenny Bania: That's gold Saddam, gold.
Can I take that?
Viagra spokesman Bob Dole: With just
one dose a day, your 21 concubines will be
satisfied in no time.
Saddam: They're whores, Senator.
Whores!
Michael Jackson: These allegations are
false ...
Saddam: Why the white man no like
Michael Jackson?
Saddam: Services? But I'm not even Jewish.
Michael Brooks: Tonight is Yom Kippur.
You should be with your family.
Saddam: I think I'll stay here. Would you
want to spend Yom Kippur with 21 whores
and a sheep?
Michael Brooks: This is Hillel. This is
your home. It's good to be home. Welcome
home.
Ludacris: I got hoes in different area
codes. Area codes.
Saddam: Every other city I go. Every
other video. No matter where I go, I see
the same hoes. .
Beta Rush Coordinator: Hey! Welcome
to Beta! So what dorm are you in?
Saddam: Ooh is that Faygo? And Bells
pizza? Excuse me.
Saddam: Shuss? Can't it at least be shus-
sein?
Professor Ralph Williams: I don't know,
good friend, but fiesole is already taken.
Andre the Giant: Saddam, is Iraq ahead?
Saddam: If it is we'll all be dead.
Saddam: Hey, I've got an uncle in Ireland.
Cute sophomore girl Saddam is trying
to impress with his sly wit: You do?
Saddam: No, O'Reilly. Waca Waca Waca.
Saddam: Is any of this at all funny?
The Michigan Daily Editor-in-Chief Jon
Schwartz: 111 years of editorial freedom.
S
0
0
David Horn can be reached at
hornd@umich.edu.
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Congress should consider
'economic and human cost'
before declaring war
To THE DAILY:
Brenda Abdelall's viewpoint (The new
international police? 9/19/02) concerning the
possible war in Iraq made several credible
arguments for why peaceful negotiation is a
better alternative than armed conflict for the
United States as well as for Iraqi civilians. An
article published in the Detroit Free Press
today gives insight into further negative rami-
fications of the conflict, citing the fact that fed-
eral agencies are unprepared for the massive
operation of cleaning up the debris in post-
attack Iraqi society, and as yet have made no
effort to coordinate with human rights organi-
zations to offer the aid that will be needed by
civilians that are injured or displaced by U.S.
military intervention. Considering that the mil-
itary agenda pushed by war hawks in the Bush
administration would leave Iraq without a
political structure or viable economy (a prob-
lem compounded by eleven years of sanctions
and the rule of a corrupt government), the U.S.
would bear immediate responsibility for what
would be essentially long-term occupation of
Iraq, requiring the deployment of tens of thou-
sands of troops over several years and consid-
erable financial resources poured into rebuild-
ing the country.
In light of the implications of this situation,
Congress would do well to consider the eco-
nomic and human cost to this country before it
decides to write a blank check to declare war
on another. A successful attempt to settle the
matter peacefully would both allow the U.S. to
share this burden with the United Nations, and
permit the federal government to focus on aid-
ing the United States internally.
SARAH BEDY
LSA senior
Combined system will only
be a benefit if 'people
actually use' bus service
TO THE DAILY:
The problem with the Daily's assertion that
an expanded Detroit bus service "has the poten-
tial to reduce harmful emissions from cars, alle-
viate traffic jams and provide affordable
transportation between low-income areas and
jobs," (Combine the bus systems, 9/19/02) is
that that only happens if people actually use the
bus service. Has the Daily ever considered that
the reason Detroit's bus service is "scattered" is
because there's no demand for it?
A few months ago when the mileage for
Detroit's SMART bus system was nearly dou-
bled to .60, an article in the Detroit News esti-
mated that for ever dollar spent by people to
ride a SMART bus, it costs eight dollars from
taxes. So when the Daily endorses expanding
what is little more than a money pit, which
would undoubtedly increase taxes even more,
sorry if I don't follow the logic.
DAN LEVI
Rackham
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Postal Service.
6
VIEWPOINT
Notion of 'Israeli Apartheid' a cheap, easy reduction
BY ELAN DOBBS
It is difficult to know where to begin
refuting the insidious, not-terribly-well-con-
ceived parallels invoked by Salah Husseini's
editorial piece from Monday. To anyone
familiar with the history and content of the
Apartheid regime in South Africa, a direct
comparison between it and Israeli occupation
of the West Bank immediately sticks out as
inane and inapposite. Unfortunately, in a
world of catch phrases and over simplifica-
tion, it seems that the talismanic repetition of
such a provocative word, even when com-
pletely divorced from its meaning and con-
text carries with it a great deal of power.
Many prominent members of the University
community have made the irresponsible and
ulation (viz., the Palestinians). While this
hypothetical invasion bears striking resem-
blance to the historical injustices perpetrated
by European imperialists upon native popu-
lations the world round, it has no bearing on
Israel unless you believe that Jews have nei-
ther a historical nor legal right to existence
within any borders in the Middle East. The
inescapable logical conclusion of Husseini's
argument is that Israel must as a matter of
justice and international law be dismantled
and its population expelled. I have neither
the space nor the emotional energy to
respond to this, but it is worth noting that
Husseini conveniently invokes "international
law" (which is, of itself, a concept loosely
thrown around without reference to its actual
meaning) to damn Israel but seems to take no
suffer as the Palestinians have. The settle-
ment policy, especially since the early '80s
and especially in Gaza and Hebron is, in my
opinion foolish andwrong. These feelings do
not, however, beg Husseini's conclusion that
Israel's existence is an affront to the order of
things, nor does it change the fact that the
vast majority of Israelis would, if given the
chance, embrace a peaceful Palestinian State
next door (I say that with full understanding
of what current Israeli opinion polls say ...
these are the products of a country at war. I
also don't really believe the Palestinian polls
at the moment reflect the genuine opinion of
that population. Take a look at domestic
polls right now and you could falsely con-
clude that Americans don't care for their
own civil liberties).
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