4 - The Michigan Daily - Tuesday, April 9, 2002
OP/ED
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NOTABLE
QUOTABLE
(What provokes
every free, faithful
and brave soul is
what is taking place
against our oppressed
kinfolk in Palestine."
- Saddam Hussein in a speech yesterday
explaining why Iraq, in support of the
Palestinian cause, will withhold oil until
Israel pulls its security forces out
of the West Bank. Translation provided
by the BBC News Service.
SAM BUTLER DuT ,OABox
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The 2nd Annual Truth Manifesto: 20 things that burn
DUSTIN J. SEIBERT THE MAN IFESTO
So I suppose I should
consider it a blessing
that I am still pumping
out this column after three
semesters. I am still here in
all my angry black man
glory, still trying to keep
things as thorough as possi-
ble and I haven't compro-
mised myself yet, which
means something, I suppose.
I get a lot of heat from readers for having such a
"negative" and "warped" view of the world, but
the way I see it, the blinders came down for me a
long time ago, giving me the ability to see the
absurdity of the world, of people, and even of
myself, and the mentality will forever stay with
me, mentally, emotionally and in the physical
form of the tattoo on my left arm.
I'm no miserable, antisocial, angry wretch
keeled over a computer in a dark room getting off
on flipping the world the bird; frankly I consider
myself quite fortunate to be able to keep my mind-
set and participate in everyday life at the same
time (a well-crafted skill I, tell you). Why should I
have to conform to what society has laid before
me? Why should I be tethered in the proverbial
box that is every stereotype that I qualify for?
Conformity is like a prison to me - you may as
well put a gun to my head and pull the trigger.
For this time of transition into finals, I won't
run too deep on this column. I normally don't
do lists, as they are oftentimes indicative of a
lousy writer, but hey, I got things to do as well,
and lists are a nice way to vent, so without fur-
ther ado, here is a number of things that don't
quite better my brief stay here on Earth:
Censorship. It is the idea that we cannot
handle certain things that are said and showed
to us. Everybody is always trying to silence
someone else, which is sad because it yields the
idea that there should only be one way and one
voice. We so-called "open minded" liberals suf-
fer from this and don't even realize it ... admir-
ing a beautiful lady on the street, just to watch
her lift a cigarette to her mouth and see all the
attraction roll away in a puff of smoke ... asses
who wear their sunglasses indoors because they
think it's "cool ..." muscle shirts on anyone, let
alone cats with no muscles to speak of...
The idiots who were actually convinced that
a grown man, let alone the president of our
country and leader of the free world, choked on
a pretzel. Can someone say "Budweiser ...?"
People that walk around in this god-awful cold
Michigan weather in shorts and T-shirts. They
think 45 degrees-plus is summertime and they
look like damn fools and make the rest of us
uncomfortable just looking at them ... The
Defend Affimative Action Party, their mentali-
ties, their methods, their actions and their cloud-
ed reasoning. They do not represent the standard
mentality of blacks on this campus (uh-oh! I
think I am a racist now!) ... walking in on a cir-
cle jerk with Ruben Duran, J.J. Wilson and the
rest of the writers at The Michigan Review....
The pursuit of a relationship is enough to
drive my otherwise grounded ass straight up the
wall. It's basically a glorified game, and if you
haven't mastered the motions you are bound to
come up short every time ... the widely accept-
ed idea that Tupac Shakur and Biggie Smalls
are the best emcees ever. Neither of them are.
the greatest - they are just above average rap-
pers who happen to no longer be breathing. It's
another example of the completely ig'nant idea
that greatness comes from death ... White folks
that live and die by the full-body tan. Sure the
most beautiful women in the world are brown-
skinned, but it's almost like tanners are not con-
tent with the skin that they were born with.
Makes you wonder ....
Dogmatism. People who stay stuck on a cer-
tain set of beliefs just because. The worst part
about it is that a large amount of the people who
hold their beliefs to be true can't even point to
the source and tell you why they think that way
(never more present than in religion) ... Con-
doms. They destroy the experience. Yeah, I
know they are necessary but that doesn't mean I
have to like them ... Having my field bitch
Ruben Duran failing to properly bring in the
dividends ... these sorority pants with the Greek
letters printed on the ass. Who came up with
that? That has to be one of the wackest fashion
ideas ever....
About 90 percent of the fraternity par-
ties on campus. I can stand around drinking
Natty Light while listening to bad Nelly
records and discussing the last episode of
"The Sopranos" at home. Watching
rhythm-free dancing and drunken girls fall
over themselves while talking gibberish are
added bonuses though, especially when
they see you in class the following week
with a mortified look on their faces ... The
general consensus that Bursley Hall sucks.
It's nice, peaceful, and we have a sense of
community unlike any other hall on cam-
pus, particularly Markley, the Mecca of
General Studies majors ....
DPS. They revel in their back asswardness.
They remain inconsistent and obviously cultur-
ally biased when it comes to the level of securi-
ty at social gatherings on campus. Obviously
second tier toy cops whose applications to the
police academy fell through ... Weak souls who
get all riled up when playing the Dozens. Do I
really know your mom? Then qwitcherbitchen!
... The Grammys and the Oscars. Enough said.
Ahh ... that felt great. This column really
was therapeutic - two weeks of incessant
stress gone with a few strokes of keys. But I
know that the stress a boomerang, waiting to
come back and hit me. So, if you are a cute
young lady with a good conversation and a bet-
ter massage, please call 555- ... oh, to hell with
it. I'll get at you all in the fall.
Knowledge.
6
6
Dustin Seibert can be reached at
dseibert@umich.edu.
A whole semester of commentary
PETER CUNNIFFE ONE FOR THE ROAD
he job of the colum-
nist, to analyze, hec-
tor, philosophize or
just press readers' buttons, is
a tricky one that requires
great care. Miscalculations
can leave one misunderstood,
looking foolish and possibly
pissing off people he never
intended to. But it is when
columnists enter the realm of prediction that they
invite real danger, for unlike mere opinions, this
is when they can be proven wrong. Since there
are apparently few consequences to being wrong
(Dick Morris still has a job), for my last column
of the semester, here are some predictions (some
good, some grasping at straws) of what will hap-
pen over the summer.
GUBERNATORIAL PRIMARY
Those writing off David Bonior's chances
in the Democratic primary because he's cur-
rently only polling at 11 percent are in for a sur-
prise. Bonior will pull off a victory over
Jennifer Granholm and Jim Blanchard. The
effectiveness of unions (which are mostly back-
ing Bonior) at voter turnout was shown in the
come-from-behind victory of Sen. Debbie
Stabenow in the last general election and they
should be at least as enthusiastic about their
longtime ally, Bonior, in the primary. And his
new running mate, state senator Alma Wheeler-
Smith, has the credentials and rhetorical muscle
to help turn out liberals for the ticket. Republi-
can boasts notwithstanding, he's a good bet for
the general election too. He's someone liberals
can be enthusiastic about, but who also attracts
many voters who are often unreceptive to
Democratic candidates with his few, but
notable conservative stances (such as being
pro-life) and an appealing populist message.
15TH DISTRICT CONGRESSIONAL PRIMARY
The money and interest group connections
cultivated during his 47 years in the House of
Representatives give John Dingell the hands
down victory over 8-year Rep. Lynn Rivers. Ann
Arbor will support Rivers, but Dingell's longtime
Dearborn constituency won't abandon him and
the district's other communities in Wayne and
Monroe counties are ideologically closer to Din-
gell, which he'll make sure to point out in endless
ads. Also look for the reverse of 2000's Democ-
rats voting for McCain phenomenon: Republicans
turning out to elect their preferred Democrat, the
more conservative Dingell.
THE TIGERS
Will lose 100 games.
OUR NEXT UNIVERSITY PRESIDENT
This one's more hope than expectation, but
I'm betting on Madeleine Albright. Already
affiliated with the University as a Distinguished
Scholar at the William Davidson Institute, she's
a prominent academic and experienced admin-
istrator with useful government connections.
Yes, I have no indication she's ever been under
consideration or if she'd even take the job. But
how could we resist such a noted figure who
would be great at drumming up alumni support,
attracting other important academic figures
from around the world and bringing in federal
money. I've heard her leadership style can be
overbearing, but I'm sure she understands how
a university works. Also, stronger administra-
tive control of University divisions may be
warranted in light of incidents such as the blun-
dering and insensitivity of the Department of
Sociology, Department of Near Eastern Studies
and Office of Multi-Ethnic Student Affairs in
sponsoring a conference (Perspectives on the
Muslim World: Unveiling the Truth) where the
literature sold denied the Holocaust.
ISRAELI/PALESTINIAN CONFLICT
The United States will force Israel to give
up its current effort to weed terrorists out of the
West Bank. The United States will facilitate
drawn out negotiations, but, after furiously
lowering expectations for them, will participate
only half-heartedly. Major concessions will be
offered by neither side and the negotiations
will fail. Suicide bombings will pick up again
and Israel, noting the success of the April cam-
paign at curbing them, will reinvade.
This time the United States will finally do
the best thing possible for both sides by letting
Israel end the cycle of violence by destroying
the terrorist capabilities of the
PLO/Hamas/Islamic Jihad. The Palestinian inde-
pendence movement, free of the insulting claim
that Palestinians just can't help blowing up peo-
ple trying to have dinner, will have increased
support because of legitimate non-violent meth-
ods and convince Israel to grant serious conces-
sions and make a Palestinian state possible.
BUSH
Initial failure to curb violence in the Middle
East and putting too much political capital in an
unsuccessful attempt to convince other countries
to go along with an invasion of Iraq will lead to
major political embarrassment and an end to sky-
high poll numbers. This will result in his ultra-
conservative domestic agenda finally coming
under real scrutiny and further damage his stand-
ing. He will blame the media for this.
These are just my best guesses. Because of
personal preferences, I actually hope some of
them are wrong. But right or wrong, like any
good columnist, I'm sure I'll be back to predict
again.
Peter Cunnife can be reached
atpcunniff@umich.edu.
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Tacos, Mexicans and
Weekend imperialism:
Absolute nonsense
TO THE DAILY:
This is a very short resnonse to Aleian-
attachments to American food in any way,
especially nasty corporate food like
McDonalds.
Also, I'm pretty sure that the tacos that
Weekend Magazine was referring to are
those which the average American is famil-
iar with, whether served at Taco Bell or the
dorms
INSlrFAn OF WHINMGAQ~Il
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