6B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend MMuazlne - Thursday, February 21, 2002
The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazine -
V THE SAGA UNDER
EPISODE11: JIzz WAILERS VS.
BY JEFF DICKERSON - DAILY ARTS EDITOR
THE CANTINA BAND
Top 10 reasons to stay at
school over spring break
When it comes to music in the
"Star Wars" universe, few if any
musical acts get any recognition.
Songs are scattered far from one
another, between space battles and
lightsaber showdowns. From the
four films in the epic science fic-
tion series, only two bands get any
screen time, The Modal Nodes
(commonly refered to as the
Cantina band) and The Max Rebo
Band. While the bands get similar
screen time, one band's musical tal-
ent gets overshadow by the other's
The first music introduced in the
saga is found at the halfway point
of "A New Hope" in the Mos Eisley
Cantina. The Modal Nodes, a seven
member garage act (Figrin D'an,
Doikk Na'ts, Ickabel G'ont, Nalen
Cheel, Tedn Dahai, Tech M'or and
Lirin Car'n) entertain the mass of
humans, hammerheads, jawas and a
host of others. Their postmodern-
jazz inflected songs often go unno-
ticed with the commotion in the
seedy bar, nevertheless; the band
Unfortunately the dynamic musi-
cal compositions of the Modal
Nodes was long forgotten by the
time "Return of the Jedi" hit the-
aters. As the ambiguous droid duo
R2-D2 and C-3PO enter Jabba's
baroque-style palace, a trifecta of
pop savvy creatures, known simply
as The Max Rebo Band sits quietly
before their rousing set. This would
be the end of the brilliant act The
Modal Nodes and the genesis of the.
garbage that is The Max Rebo
Irony is no stranger to those in
the "Star Wars" universe. The
Modal Nodes first started their
illustrious musical career in Jabba's
Palace, only to be replaced shame-
fully by The Max Rebo Band. The
band of Bith musicians was a part
of the Intergalactic Federation of
Musicians, but some gambling
debts by group leader Figrin D'an
forced the troupe to seek other eco-
nomic opportunities. After playing
some wedding gigs, the Modal
Nodes were long gone from the
desert wasteland of Tatooine and
their Hutt employer.
The story behind how Figrin
D'an and the Modal Nodes ended
up in the Mos Eisley Cantina has
become somewhat of a myth.
Rumor has it when Jabba learned of
the band whoring themselves out
for weddings and other special
events, he put a bounty on their
heads. Fleeing the the most wretched
hive of scum and villainy where they
could lay low, the band became a
lounge act in the busy spaceport.
Jabba needed to find a quick fix
for his lack of musical accompani-
ment, thus Max Rebo, Droopy
McCool and Sy Snootles became
staples of the crime lord's lavish
Max Rebo is the highly deriva-
tive leader of the eponymous Max
By Matt Grandstaff
Weekend Magazine Editor
So you waited until the last minute
to make spring break reservations,
and now you have nowhere to go.
.Fear not, for Ann Arbor is a great
place to spend a week in solitude.
Here are a few ideas that will make
your week better than any trip to
Florida, Acapulco or Jamaica.
10. Catch up on school work -
For students weeks behind in their
reading, spring break is the perfect
time to do a little catch up reading.
Then again, students this far behind
probably didn't buy books in the
first place. So instead, just watch a
few hours of "Saved by the Bell."
9. Explore Ann Arbor - Have
you always wondered what North
Campus is like? Ever wondered if
there is a 7-11 anywhere in this city?
With so much time to spare over
break, exploration (getting lost) is a
great way to spend a day. Be careful
though, outside of campus, you are
likely to get hit by a car if you try
crossing the street in traffic
8. Deliver newspapers - With
so many students gone for the week,
there are sure to be thousands of
Wall Street Journals going to waste.
Take advantage of this and try sell-
ing them to "Crazy Protest Guy" in
the Diag so he can learn some things
about the real world and stop talking
about drugs and masturbation.
7. Take the "Crazy Protest
Guy's" place in the Diag - With
"Crazy Protest Guy" out of the pic-
ture, you can start practicing a
protest of your own. Think of some-
thing creative like "kill the
Butterfinger," "don't donate blood"
or "Bring back the Cheesy Gordita
Crunch." Once you have a good
protest, you can practice so the stu-
dents will be amazed when they get
6. Clean your apartment -
Better yet, trash your "I got to go to
Hawaii" roommate's room. When
your roommate gets home, tell him
you couldn't find the spatula.
5. Play "Meijer Survivor" for a
week - Imagine you and 15 of your
friends trying to stay in Meijer for
seven days. But beware of dangerous
immunity challenges such as having
to eat live gerbils in the pet depart-
4. Gain weight and get pale -
With all these fancies dieting and
tanning to look great for spring
break, it's time to make a change for
yourself. Eat Taco Bell for every
meal and put Clorox all over your
body. When your friends get back,
you can get them to say, "Wow, you
really look like shit!"
3. Watch the "Sopranos" -
Every episode ... eight times. When
your friends get back, let them know
that the show has toughened up your
image and break their arms.
2. Hook up at the bar - I bet
you didn't know Thursday nights
become "Senior Night" during
spring break. Now you can get 50
years of experience in one night.
Just make sure you pick up some
Viagra for the party and Polident for
the morning after.
1. Sleep - Sleeping through an
entire spring break is not the worst
thing that could happen. Besides
with your baggy eyes, messed up
hair and feces breath, you will still
be able to contend with "Crazy
Protest Guy" for the honor of being
the. scariest guy on campus. This
won't be that hard to accomplish,
however, as the two of you could be
the only ones that stayed in Ann
Arbor over break.
Courtesy of Lucasfilm
The helpless cough of a squirrel with a crushed face, that's what life's all about.
Enjoy a night of semi-automatic music on
Saturday February 23rd featuring:
Show starts at 8 p.m.
Admission is $5, $3 for students, with proceeds benefiting
the Ann Arbor Hunger Coalition
Sunday evening Jazz Mass at 5 p.m.
Alternative worship featuring live music by Stephen Rush and Quartex
bandmates Droopy McCool and Sy
Snootles as part of a group called
Evar Orbus and His Galactic Jizz
Wailers. Their sound could best be
compared to early Bob Marley &
The Wailers meets post Here Come
the Warm Jets Brian Eno.
Soon after the group had its
first hit single with the tech- ,
no-induced "Lapti Nek," the group
renamed itself and met up with
their future employer Jabba the
Hutt. After a successful 90-day trial
period, the slug-like crime boss
gave Max Rebo and his two jizz-
wailing associates a lifetime con-
.Back on Tatooine, The Modal
Nodes were content playing their
Birth of Cool-esque set lists without
the fame and fortune achieved by
their successors. Sadly, the tal-"
ented musicians will be noth-
ing more than a lounge
act in a universe unwill-
ing to accept musical revolu-
For every hit single pro-
duced by the Max Rebo band,
the more gifted musicians such
as Figrin D'an and the Modal
Nodes will get shoved aside
V in favor of mass-produced
chorus heavy songs. Perhaps
with the fiery death of The
Max Rebo Band on Jabba's
sail barge (courtesy of Luke
Skywalker and company), the
trend of over-commercial-
ized music will die with
- Y it.
A look at the
underside of U of M I
Droopy McCool, Max Rebo and Sy Snootles kicking out the jams.
Corner of 1st and Huron St.
Downtown AA (734) 623-7400
"I am the King of the Campus!"