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November 01, 2001 - Image 17

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Publication:
The Michigan Daily, 2001-11-01

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10B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc. Magazine - Thursday, November 1, 2001

.'

V V V

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Third season of 'Survivor' not a charm thus far for CBS

The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc. Magazine -
X-MAS IN NOVEMBER: FIVE COLUMNS FOR THE PRI

L Jeff DickersonI

Survivor Insider
Each passing week brings with it a
greater sense of frustration while
watching the reality show "Survivor."
Is it just me or are these people not
interesting? Perhaps we were spoiled

by the nonsensical madness of Greg
the first go round. Maybe it was the
undeniable bitch Jerri on "Survivor
2" that made the program so addic-
tive. Who do we have now to draw us
to channel 14 on our cable box
Thursday nights?
While I admit to a certain bias,
(Carl was my favorite "character" in
the African melodrama) the ratings
tend to favor my analysis. Although
gaining viewers from the previous
week, "Survivor" is still millions of

fans short of "Friends"' numbers.
Executive producer Mark Burnett has
hinted at unique "twists" to occur in
the coming weeks, but will it be
enough to make viewers switch from
the peacock to the eye?
Back to Carl. For the second week
in a row Tribal Council ended with an
unforeseen stinger ending for both
fans and contestants. As predicted,
Samburu took its first hit and
dropped a member. Party lines were
drawn in the sand and allegiances

stayed firm up until Tribal Council.
Silas declared once and for all his
association with the generation X-ers
Lindsey, Brandon and Kim. With
nobody backing down "Survivor:
Africa" had its first tie in the voting.
After another tie the contest came
down to a series of fifth grade science
questions.
Boran not only won the Immunity
Idol but also took home a lavish
reward to their camp. A 100-gallon
canister of water will prove its
immense value over the next few
weeks. Hydration should keep the
tribe better equipped in the physical
challenges; Lindsey proved last week
the problems created by insufficient
water consumption. Boran also has
the mental edge having finally won
immunity. Things could not be worse
for their opponents who are feuding
within rather than against the other
tribe. Samburu put on their own ren-
dition of "West Side Story" last week,
the Jets being the older generation
and the Sharks being the kids of

Kenya. We all know when you're a Jet
you're a Jet all the way, but Silas
seemed doubtful of his Shark heritage
until it came down to the votes. After
the Shark victory Brandon, Kim,
Lindsey and Silas became safe up
until the merger three weeks from
now. Should their alliance stay intact
following the merge, the four slackers
will find themselves competing
against one another for the million
dollar prize.
Samburu will lose for the second
week in a row, evening up the num-
bers on both sides. With the younger
alliance in control, the victim list can
be narrowed down to Frank, Linda
and Teresa. Frank is the biggest asset
to the tribe of the sepiors; his physical
attributes far exceed both Linda and
Teresa. While Linda has been vocal in
the tribal feud, Teresa has been the
quietest of the elders. The three will
be picked off one by one when need-
ed. It is oh so simple when you break
it down scientifically. No trickery this
week, Linda is the next to go.

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came up with a.lot of ideas for my
column this week. None of them,
however, were good enough to
stretch into full column length. So, I'll be
going for quantity this time, not quality.
We'll see how that goes.
1) In my last column I listed a few rea-
sons why Halloween is great. I neglected
to mention that the days directly before
and after Halloween are also pretty rad,
for one reason: You really get to stick it
to the freaks. And by freaks I mean long-
hairs, artsy types, East Quad kids and
other people who don't dress like you
and I and occasionally dye their hair
unnatural colors like blue, green, purple
or red. Anyway, around Halloween what
you do is you go up to one of those
freaks and say something like "Hey
freak, Halloween isn't until next week!
What's with the clothes?" Try it yourself.
Find some freaky kid today and be like
"Yo freaky-deaky, Halloween was yes-
terday! Wash your hair! And a trim
wouldn't hurt, neither!" Trust me, it'll
make you feel way better about your sad
little life.
2a) If you're an avid reader of "Sick!,"
you'd know that I work as a cashier for a
chain of parking garages. Last Friday I
had to work at the Maynard Street lot,
the one by Scorekeepers, and the only
station that came in clearly through the
two decade-old piece of shit radio in the

up and sharing
love-related sob
stories, like they
just found out the
man they had
been seeing for
three months is
married, and
would you please
play "The Shoop
Shoop Song (It's
In His Kiss)" for
me Delilah,
because I really
need a pick-me-
up right now, I'm
in a real bad

Ben
Goldstein
Sikk! '

booth was the Delilah show on Cool 107.
Cool 107, if you're not familiar, is an
adult contemporary station. The Delilah
show consisis of lovesick women calling

on Berlin's "Take My Breath Away"?
2b) On a related note, I'm really dig-
gin' Kazaa these days. If not for this
post-Napster miracle of technology, I
probably would have shelled out $9.99
for Berlin's Greatest Hits CD. And yes,
'that is at the "Nice Price."
2c) There was one other notable thing
about my shift last Friday. So there I was
just hangin' out in my booth, you know,
not causin' trouble, not botherin' nobody,
and this middle-aged white dude pulls up
in a canary yellow Volkswagen Beetle.
He gives me his ticket and says "Well
hello there. Wowee, you're much more
attractive than the guy who usually
works here." He looked like he had bad
skin when he was younger, or smallpox.
"Thanks," I said. "That'll be $2.85."
"No, I mean it, you're beautiful."
Beautiful, he said! Take that,
Michigan Review!
3) My girlfriend "D-Town Dana" has
this way of talking about her past lovers
that really upsets me. Last week we were
lying on the floor and completely out of
the blue she said something along the
lines of "Yeah, I used to date this guy
who was really well endowed. He actual-
lyhad a tattoo on his penis. When it was
flaccid it said 'Hi' and when it was fully
erect it said 'Himalayan Mountains.'
Easily one of the top five biggest I've
ever seen. Mike, I think his name was.

Or Matt. Marty? Anyway, nice guy."
Needless to say I was revolted.
4) What's the deal with this Sean
"Puffy" Combs, anyway? He changes
names more -than Liz Taylor changes
husbands! I mean, he goes from Sean
Combs to Puffy to Puff Daddy to P.
Diddy? What's up with that? Change
your name all you want, Sean, Suge
Knight is out of jail and he'll find your
bitch ass.
Speaking of Liz Taylor, I already got
my mom her Christmas present: Liz
Taylor's White Diamonds perfume,
$5.99 at TJ Maxx. What a steal! Hey
ladies, you think I spoil my momma?
You should see how I treat my girl-
friends!
5) My housemate Brooke just got
engaged to her boyfriend Eric.
A look at the
underside of U of M
p o-
i.
www.universitysecrets.com

place.
With its embarrassing DJ/caller banter
and horribly cheesy songs, the Delilah
show represents everything I hate about
radio. But after a while, the saccharine
adult contemporary tunes began to grow
on me. This may be a good time to men-
tion that I had a bad head cold at the time
and was perhaps delirious. Anyway, Phil
Collins's "Against All Odds" came on
and I actually got emotional. Hell yeah,
take a look at me now! And has anyone
else noticed how sick the synth-bass is

y32 to ri ~- .o,; y0 C > .
(Compe'nsat'ion:'/<Ct,

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