10B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc. Magazine - Thursday, November 1, 2001 .' V V V w w Third season of 'Survivor' not a charm thus far for CBS The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc. Magazine - X-MAS IN NOVEMBER: FIVE COLUMNS FOR THE PRI L Jeff DickersonI Survivor Insider Each passing week brings with it a greater sense of frustration while watching the reality show "Survivor." Is it just me or are these people not interesting? Perhaps we were spoiled by the nonsensical madness of Greg the first go round. Maybe it was the undeniable bitch Jerri on "Survivor 2" that made the program so addic- tive. Who do we have now to draw us to channel 14 on our cable box Thursday nights? While I admit to a certain bias, (Carl was my favorite "character" in the African melodrama) the ratings tend to favor my analysis. Although gaining viewers from the previous week, "Survivor" is still millions of fans short of "Friends"' numbers. Executive producer Mark Burnett has hinted at unique "twists" to occur in the coming weeks, but will it be enough to make viewers switch from the peacock to the eye? Back to Carl. For the second week in a row Tribal Council ended with an unforeseen stinger ending for both fans and contestants. As predicted, Samburu took its first hit and dropped a member. Party lines were drawn in the sand and allegiances stayed firm up until Tribal Council. Silas declared once and for all his association with the generation X-ers Lindsey, Brandon and Kim. With nobody backing down "Survivor: Africa" had its first tie in the voting. After another tie the contest came down to a series of fifth grade science questions. Boran not only won the Immunity Idol but also took home a lavish reward to their camp. A 100-gallon canister of water will prove its immense value over the next few weeks. Hydration should keep the tribe better equipped in the physical challenges; Lindsey proved last week the problems created by insufficient water consumption. Boran also has the mental edge having finally won immunity. Things could not be worse for their opponents who are feuding within rather than against the other tribe. Samburu put on their own ren- dition of "West Side Story" last week, the Jets being the older generation and the Sharks being the kids of Kenya. We all know when you're a Jet you're a Jet all the way, but Silas seemed doubtful of his Shark heritage until it came down to the votes. After the Shark victory Brandon, Kim, Lindsey and Silas became safe up until the merger three weeks from now. Should their alliance stay intact following the merge, the four slackers will find themselves competing against one another for the million dollar prize. Samburu will lose for the second week in a row, evening up the num- bers on both sides. With the younger alliance in control, the victim list can be narrowed down to Frank, Linda and Teresa. Frank is the biggest asset to the tribe of the sepiors; his physical attributes far exceed both Linda and Teresa. While Linda has been vocal in the tribal feud, Teresa has been the quietest of the elders. The three will be picked off one by one when need- ed. It is oh so simple when you break it down scientifically. No trickery this week, Linda is the next to go. NORTHW' K'> K' K K> >'~'K'~ K' 'K' K" Discover your future as a Health Care Practitioner at Northwestern Health Sciences University. We offer the widest Programs available include: Chiropractic Acupuncture Oriental Medicine Massage Therapy integrative Health & Welness Human Biology Since 1941, Northwestern has earned an international reputation as a pioneer in natural heath care education, patient care and scientific research. The individual attention and access to educationalresources our students receive helps them excel in preparing to practice as outstanding health care practitioners. With our unique pioneering clinical education programs and our personal assistance in job placement, Northwestern provides an incredible educational experience. For more information or to schedule a campus visit, call the Office of Admissions at 1-800-8884777, ext. 409 or go on-tine at www.nwhealth.edu T Northwestern Health Sciences University came up with a.lot of ideas for my column this week. None of them, however, were good enough to stretch into full column length. So, I'll be going for quantity this time, not quality. We'll see how that goes. 1) In my last column I listed a few rea- sons why Halloween is great. I neglected to mention that the days directly before and after Halloween are also pretty rad, for one reason: You really get to stick it to the freaks. And by freaks I mean long- hairs, artsy types, East Quad kids and other people who don't dress like you and I and occasionally dye their hair unnatural colors like blue, green, purple or red. Anyway, around Halloween what you do is you go up to one of those freaks and say something like "Hey freak, Halloween isn't until next week! What's with the clothes?" Try it yourself. Find some freaky kid today and be like "Yo freaky-deaky, Halloween was yes- terday! Wash your hair! And a trim wouldn't hurt, neither!" Trust me, it'll make you feel way better about your sad little life. 2a) If you're an avid reader of "Sick!," you'd know that I work as a cashier for a chain of parking garages. Last Friday I had to work at the Maynard Street lot, the one by Scorekeepers, and the only station that came in clearly through the two decade-old piece of shit radio in the up and sharing love-related sob stories, like they just found out the man they had been seeing for three months is married, and would you please play "The Shoop Shoop Song (It's In His Kiss)" for me Delilah, because I really need a pick-me- up right now, I'm in a real bad Ben Goldstein Sikk! ' booth was the Delilah show on Cool 107. Cool 107, if you're not familiar, is an adult contemporary station. The Delilah show consisis of lovesick women calling on Berlin's "Take My Breath Away"? 2b) On a related note, I'm really dig- gin' Kazaa these days. If not for this post-Napster miracle of technology, I probably would have shelled out $9.99 for Berlin's Greatest Hits CD. And yes, 'that is at the "Nice Price." 2c) There was one other notable thing about my shift last Friday. So there I was just hangin' out in my booth, you know, not causin' trouble, not botherin' nobody, and this middle-aged white dude pulls up in a canary yellow Volkswagen Beetle. He gives me his ticket and says "Well hello there. Wowee, you're much more attractive than the guy who usually works here." He looked like he had bad skin when he was younger, or smallpox. "Thanks," I said. "That'll be $2.85." "No, I mean it, you're beautiful." Beautiful, he said! Take that, Michigan Review! 3) My girlfriend "D-Town Dana" has this way of talking about her past lovers that really upsets me. Last week we were lying on the floor and completely out of the blue she said something along the lines of "Yeah, I used to date this guy who was really well endowed. He actual- lyhad a tattoo on his penis. When it was flaccid it said 'Hi' and when it was fully erect it said 'Himalayan Mountains.' Easily one of the top five biggest I've ever seen. Mike, I think his name was. Or Matt. Marty? Anyway, nice guy." Needless to say I was revolted. 4) What's the deal with this Sean "Puffy" Combs, anyway? He changes names more -than Liz Taylor changes husbands! I mean, he goes from Sean Combs to Puffy to Puff Daddy to P. Diddy? What's up with that? Change your name all you want, Sean, Suge Knight is out of jail and he'll find your bitch ass. Speaking of Liz Taylor, I already got my mom her Christmas present: Liz Taylor's White Diamonds perfume, $5.99 at TJ Maxx. What a steal! Hey ladies, you think I spoil my momma? You should see how I treat my girl- friends! 5) My housemate Brooke just got engaged to her boyfriend Eric. A look at the underside of U of M p o- i. www.universitysecrets.com place. With its embarrassing DJ/caller banter and horribly cheesy songs, the Delilah show represents everything I hate about radio. But after a while, the saccharine adult contemporary tunes began to grow on me. This may be a good time to men- tion that I had a bad head cold at the time and was perhaps delirious. Anyway, Phil Collins's "Against All Odds" came on and I actually got emotional. Hell yeah, take a look at me now! And has anyone else noticed how sick the synth-bass is y32 to ri ~- .o,; y0 C > . (Compe'nsat'ion:'/ A , A A , A, ' I.