6D - Wednesday, September 5, 2001- The Michigan Daily - New Student Edition
WHERE ARE THEY NOW?'
Pains lessen, wounds heal for '80s stars:
"I am only going to ask you one more time. Have you seen this car?" - Leonard Shelby (Guy Pearce) in "Memento."
aMemento' leaves viewer looking
for answer, hekngmeore
By Ryan Blay
Daily Arts Writer
"Oooohhh. As lcng as we got each other/We got the
world spinnin' right in our hands." Who composed
these wise words? Plato? Shakespeare?
Nah, they came from the theme to TV's "(bowing
Pains." From 1985-1992, the Seavers reminded the
viewing world how to laugh and how to cry. But more
than that, the family managed to transcend television,
demonstrating whatusually happens to celebrities after
their fame begins to, wane.
All the pathetic people who missed 2001's Growing
Pains TV movie no doubt wish to know how the
Seavers are doing acer all these years. You've come to
the right place.
Dr. Jason Seaver (Alan Thicke), one of television's
finest psychiatrists, transplanted his family to Wash-
ington D.C. from iew York, in part because of his
wife's new job. He wrote a series of novels that
nobody, including his own family, has read. In the
name of comedy, he still hasn't learned how to apply
his own psychiatric knowledge to his, own personal sit-
uations.
In real life, Alan Tliicke, former 80s icon and hest of
"The All New Three's A Crowd'{ (which can be seen
on The Game Show Network), is still one of Canada's
finest exports to the United States. He'll continue to
host crappy beauty pageants and spend time with his
kids.
Matron Maggie Malone (Joanna Kerns), former
journalist, became pris secretary to U.S. Senator Mac
Robinson, a typicar fat cat politician. When sbe is
declared "not tough esnough" to handle the senator, she
has a sort of spiritualawakening and moves the whole
family back to New W*k to run against Mac in the. pri-
mary. Naturally she wins, with the help of her loving
family.
Kerns does not currently hold public office, but she
was in a position of power as director of Showtime's
"Beggars and Chooiyers." Also, she portrayed the
mother of Winona Ryder in "Girl, Interrupted." ((wick
- slap your head and say "so THAT'S who that was!")
Eldest son Mike bacomes a V.P. in an advertising
firm, proving a C-stadent can do well (kind of like
George W. in a way). lie and his wife, Kate, have three
little kids they adopted from around the world. He
helms the advertising portion of his mother's congres-
sional race.
Kirk Cameron will always be known as "the dude
whose sister was D.J. on "Full House," but that doesn't
mean he and his wife, Chelsea Noble (Kate on the
show) don't have a life outside of the show. Born again
Christian Kirk is involved in many charities. Sadly,
none of them involve rescuing his latest dreadful
works, like "The Conmuter Wore Tennis Shoes," and
the short-lived "Kirk" on the WB.
After his upstart Ben Seaver Leisure Time Con-
cepts.com failed, Ben nearly cost his mother her cam4
paign when he was arrested for speeding and other
traffic violations live on TV But he wised up, hooked
up with a social worker, and saved the day.
Actor Jeremy Miller is a lot like that best friend
from high school you haven't seen in years; he isn't up
to a whole lot.
Chrissy, now 17, started smoking, but quit at the end
of the movie. Her documentary on her mom's cam-
paign won some awards.
Actress Ashley Johnson, who plays Chrissy, is wotk-
ing on completing high school. She was Mel Gibson's
daughter in "What Women Want." Defying stereotype g
of child stars, she actually seems to be turning out OK.
Precocious Carol graduated 3rd in her class at
Columbia Law and got a workaholic job on Wall
Street. To absolutely nobody's surprise, she ends up'
marrying the rival campaign manager, thanks to -the
help of his Jonathon Lipnicki-esque son.
Tracey Gold courageously overcame anorexia, thanks
in part to the reduced spotlight after the show ended.
After doing a number of god-awful TV movies, she
seems to be exiting in style, opting for a family life.
Luke Brower, the precious homeless child virtuall
adopted by the Seavers, is strangely M.I.A.
Actor Leonardo DiCaprio's whereabouts at this time x
are unknown. Thedbest guess would be a trendy New
York or Hollywood nightclub.
Here are some updates on some other 1980s media
stars, and where they are now.
Burt Ward (Robin, "Batman"): working with aban
doned Great Danes
Bronson Pinchot (Balki, "Perfect Strangers"): Do
you remember the timeless "Blame it on the Bellboy?"
Did you know Bronson's doing musical theater n6W
Where's the "dance ofjoy" when you need it?
Hammer: Some things are probably best left to the
imagination
Jordan Knight (New Kids on the Block): Read
Estate Developer. Seriously.
Josh Saviano (Paul, "The Wonder Years"): Not sure,
but we know he's NOT Marilyn Manson.
Willie Aames (Buddy, "Charles in Charge"): Not'
doing so many drugs anymore; that's a plus. Traveling
across the country as Bibleman with Billy Graham;
hmm, maybe the drugs weren't so bad after all. 1:
Gerardo (Rico Suave): whatever.
Christopher Hewett (Mr. Belvedere): see "Gerardo"
Bob Saget (Danny Tanner, "Full House"): according
to "Half-Baked," "sucks dick for coke".
Jimi Hendrix: deceased, drugs.
Janis Joplin: deceased, alcohol.
Mama Cass: deceased, ham sandwich. -
Ok, the last three weren't 80s icons, deal with it.
By Lyle Henretty
Daly Arts Editor
"Memento" is a film that unfolds
around the viewer. Each subsequent
shot introduces another aspect of a
character's life that not only affects
the following scenes, but also those
that came before. The storyline
makes you feel as if you are one
step ahead of the film, only to real-
ize you are two behind. Yet despite
this, the film is
never hard to
M follow, even as
you question
lemento everything
about it.
Grade: A This is the
At Showcase beauty that is
and Michigan Theater " M e m e n t o ,"
arguably the
finest crime
drama this side
of "The Usual
Suspects." Like
"Suspects," it is
gritty and
almost addictive to watch, yet
"Memento" does the older film one
better. In "Suspects" you could not
trust the protagonist because he
may have been lying.
Here, even the protagonist does-
n't know where he's going or where
he's been, only that he wants
revenge. Leonard Shelby ("L.A.
Confidential"'s Guy Pearce) has
acquired antegrade amnesia ever
since he witnessed his wife's death.
He remembers everything that hap-
pened in his life before the incident,
but can only retain new memories
for about fifteen minutes.
That is, he will literally have no
idea how a long conversation began,
or even who he's talking to. So the
viewer can better appreciate Shel-
by's plight, Director Christopher
Nolan structures his film back-
wards, beginning with the very
revenge most revenge movies save
as a payoff. Yet knowing what hap-
pens takes nothing away from the
tension and intrigue, and the ending
(beginning) is more shocking than
the climax.
Shelby's only desire is to kill the
man who murdered his wife and left
him in such a convoluted state. He
tattoos important facts onto his
body (such as the license plate
number of his car) and relies on a
multitude of Polaroid pictures to
guide him on his quest.He is either
being aided or hindered by the
shady Teddy ("The Matrix's" Joe
Pantoliano).
On the back of a Polaroid bearing
his face, Shelby simply scrawled
"Teddy: Don't Believe His Lies."
Carrie Ann Moss ("Chocolat,"
"Matrix") floats in and out of the
picture, clearly battered and suffer-
ing, but the only real help Shelby
has. Or is she?
This is the most information one
can give without giving away any of
the delicious twists and turns the
film takes throughout. The script is
simply amazing, and any plot hole
is easily covered by Nolan's confi-
dent Noir-pastiche framing. The
actors embody the quiet confusion
or over-blown sleaze of Noir with-
out falling into caricature. Aussie
Pearce underplays Shelby, creating
a man so broken that only his
machine-like need for revenge
keeps him from utter destruction.
Pantoliano is slippery and untrust-
worthy with false teeth and spiked
hair, yet the viewer clings to him as
Shelby does, knowing he plays an
important role, but not sure of his
intentions. Moss is in turn both
meek and fierce, and she passes
easily between the roles.
With his first film, Nolan has cre-
ated a living, breathing entity. A
film that could easily be an early
contender for next years Oscars
(assuming it does not get lost in the
popcorn shuffle of summer films),
"Memento" is the most intelligent,
enjoyable film released in years.
Keyser Soze himself would have
been astonished by this flick.
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Leonardo Decaprio was at some trendy Hollywood nightclub the day they took this Despite the resembalance, Josh did"
picture. not become Marilyn Manson.
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