6D - Wednesday, September 5, 2001- The Michigan Daily - New Student Edition WHERE ARE THEY NOW?' Pains lessen, wounds heal for '80s stars: "I am only going to ask you one more time. Have you seen this car?" - Leonard Shelby (Guy Pearce) in "Memento." aMemento' leaves viewer looking for answer, hekngmeore By Ryan Blay Daily Arts Writer "Oooohhh. As lcng as we got each other/We got the world spinnin' right in our hands." Who composed these wise words? Plato? Shakespeare? Nah, they came from the theme to TV's "(bowing Pains." From 1985-1992, the Seavers reminded the viewing world how to laugh and how to cry. But more than that, the family managed to transcend television, demonstrating whatusually happens to celebrities after their fame begins to, wane. All the pathetic people who missed 2001's Growing Pains TV movie no doubt wish to know how the Seavers are doing acer all these years. You've come to the right place. Dr. Jason Seaver (Alan Thicke), one of television's finest psychiatrists, transplanted his family to Wash- ington D.C. from iew York, in part because of his wife's new job. He wrote a series of novels that nobody, including his own family, has read. In the name of comedy, he still hasn't learned how to apply his own psychiatric knowledge to his, own personal sit- uations. In real life, Alan Tliicke, former 80s icon and hest of "The All New Three's A Crowd'{ (which can be seen on The Game Show Network), is still one of Canada's finest exports to the United States. He'll continue to host crappy beauty pageants and spend time with his kids. Matron Maggie Malone (Joanna Kerns), former journalist, became pris secretary to U.S. Senator Mac Robinson, a typicar fat cat politician. When sbe is declared "not tough esnough" to handle the senator, she has a sort of spiritualawakening and moves the whole family back to New W*k to run against Mac in the. pri- mary. Naturally she wins, with the help of her loving family. Kerns does not currently hold public office, but she was in a position of power as director of Showtime's "Beggars and Chooiyers." Also, she portrayed the mother of Winona Ryder in "Girl, Interrupted." ((wick - slap your head and say "so THAT'S who that was!") Eldest son Mike bacomes a V.P. in an advertising firm, proving a C-stadent can do well (kind of like George W. in a way). lie and his wife, Kate, have three little kids they adopted from around the world. He helms the advertising portion of his mother's congres- sional race. Kirk Cameron will always be known as "the dude whose sister was D.J. on "Full House," but that doesn't mean he and his wife, Chelsea Noble (Kate on the show) don't have a life outside of the show. Born again Christian Kirk is involved in many charities. Sadly, none of them involve rescuing his latest dreadful works, like "The Conmuter Wore Tennis Shoes," and the short-lived "Kirk" on the WB. After his upstart Ben Seaver Leisure Time Con- cepts.com failed, Ben nearly cost his mother her cam4 paign when he was arrested for speeding and other traffic violations live on TV But he wised up, hooked up with a social worker, and saved the day. Actor Jeremy Miller is a lot like that best friend from high school you haven't seen in years; he isn't up to a whole lot. Chrissy, now 17, started smoking, but quit at the end of the movie. Her documentary on her mom's cam- paign won some awards. Actress Ashley Johnson, who plays Chrissy, is wotk- ing on completing high school. She was Mel Gibson's daughter in "What Women Want." Defying stereotype g of child stars, she actually seems to be turning out OK. Precocious Carol graduated 3rd in her class at Columbia Law and got a workaholic job on Wall Street. To absolutely nobody's surprise, she ends up' marrying the rival campaign manager, thanks to -the help of his Jonathon Lipnicki-esque son. Tracey Gold courageously overcame anorexia, thanks in part to the reduced spotlight after the show ended. After doing a number of god-awful TV movies, she seems to be exiting in style, opting for a family life. Luke Brower, the precious homeless child virtuall adopted by the Seavers, is strangely M.I.A. Actor Leonardo DiCaprio's whereabouts at this time x are unknown. Thedbest guess would be a trendy New York or Hollywood nightclub. Here are some updates on some other 1980s media stars, and where they are now. Burt Ward (Robin, "Batman"): working with aban doned Great Danes Bronson Pinchot (Balki, "Perfect Strangers"): Do you remember the timeless "Blame it on the Bellboy?" Did you know Bronson's doing musical theater n6W Where's the "dance ofjoy" when you need it? Hammer: Some things are probably best left to the imagination Jordan Knight (New Kids on the Block): Read Estate Developer. Seriously. Josh Saviano (Paul, "The Wonder Years"): Not sure, but we know he's NOT Marilyn Manson. Willie Aames (Buddy, "Charles in Charge"): Not' doing so many drugs anymore; that's a plus. Traveling across the country as Bibleman with Billy Graham; hmm, maybe the drugs weren't so bad after all. 1: Gerardo (Rico Suave): whatever. Christopher Hewett (Mr. Belvedere): see "Gerardo" Bob Saget (Danny Tanner, "Full House"): according to "Half-Baked," "sucks dick for coke". Jimi Hendrix: deceased, drugs. Janis Joplin: deceased, alcohol. Mama Cass: deceased, ham sandwich. - Ok, the last three weren't 80s icons, deal with it. By Lyle Henretty Daly Arts Editor "Memento" is a film that unfolds around the viewer. Each subsequent shot introduces another aspect of a character's life that not only affects the following scenes, but also those that came before. The storyline makes you feel as if you are one step ahead of the film, only to real- ize you are two behind. Yet despite this, the film is never hard to M follow, even as you question lemento everything about it. Grade: A This is the At Showcase beauty that is and Michigan Theater " M e m e n t o ," arguably the finest crime drama this side of "The Usual Suspects." Like "Suspects," it is gritty and almost addictive to watch, yet "Memento" does the older film one better. In "Suspects" you could not trust the protagonist because he may have been lying. Here, even the protagonist does- n't know where he's going or where he's been, only that he wants revenge. Leonard Shelby ("L.A. Confidential"'s Guy Pearce) has acquired antegrade amnesia ever since he witnessed his wife's death. He remembers everything that hap- pened in his life before the incident, but can only retain new memories for about fifteen minutes. That is, he will literally have no idea how a long conversation began, or even who he's talking to. So the viewer can better appreciate Shel- by's plight, Director Christopher Nolan structures his film back- wards, beginning with the very revenge most revenge movies save as a payoff. Yet knowing what hap- pens takes nothing away from the tension and intrigue, and the ending (beginning) is more shocking than the climax. Shelby's only desire is to kill the man who murdered his wife and left him in such a convoluted state. He tattoos important facts onto his body (such as the license plate number of his car) and relies on a multitude of Polaroid pictures to guide him on his quest.He is either being aided or hindered by the shady Teddy ("The Matrix's" Joe Pantoliano). On the back of a Polaroid bearing his face, Shelby simply scrawled "Teddy: Don't Believe His Lies." Carrie Ann Moss ("Chocolat," "Matrix") floats in and out of the picture, clearly battered and suffer- ing, but the only real help Shelby has. Or is she? This is the most information one can give without giving away any of the delicious twists and turns the film takes throughout. The script is simply amazing, and any plot hole is easily covered by Nolan's confi- dent Noir-pastiche framing. The actors embody the quiet confusion or over-blown sleaze of Noir with- out falling into caricature. Aussie Pearce underplays Shelby, creating a man so broken that only his machine-like need for revenge keeps him from utter destruction. Pantoliano is slippery and untrust- worthy with false teeth and spiked hair, yet the viewer clings to him as Shelby does, knowing he plays an important role, but not sure of his intentions. Moss is in turn both meek and fierce, and she passes easily between the roles. With his first film, Nolan has cre- ated a living, breathing entity. A film that could easily be an early contender for next years Oscars (assuming it does not get lost in the popcorn shuffle of summer films), "Memento" is the most intelligent, enjoyable film released in years. Keyser Soze himself would have been astonished by this flick. U - + .cated Downtown On Campus Mr. Greek's Is a Quick Service Restaurant MON-SAT 8AM-1O PM SUN 9AM-8 PM DINE IN 662-6336 - New Menu Updated In Summer 2001 Dessert Menu Features Edy's Ice Cream Shakes & "Carbolite"from Morico Frozen Yogurt Check Out Our Extensive Breakfast Menu Breakfast Served All Day - CARRY OUT 215 5. STATE STREET T-SHIRT *PRINTING LOWEST PRICES! K HIGHEST QUALITY! 0 FASTESTSERVICE! * 1002 PONTIAC TR. U e 994-1367 , m ONE so IN a Courtesy of E? dri}ne The Perfect Stranger, Salki. Courtesy of ABC Courtesy of AB Leonardo Decaprio was at some trendy Hollywood nightclub the day they took this Despite the resembalance, Josh did" picture. not become Marilyn Manson. I. ______________ ________________ IF Your most memorable year at Michigan might be the one you spend abroad. Student Memberships Get the body you want! Take advantage of this student-only offer and shape up your fall at our state-of-the-art club. Hurry... 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