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April 12, 2001 - Image 18

Resource type:
The Michigan Daily, 2001-04-12

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2B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc. Magazine - Thursday, April 12, 2001

The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc. Maga


f or

List of winners ...3


Casual dining at its best!
Corner of 1st and Huron St.
Downtown AA
(734) 623-7400
****Detroit Free Press
9 out of 10 Ann Arbor News
Ann Arbor's Finest
Mexican Style Food!
Michigan's Largest Selection of
Gourmet Hot Sauces & Salsas!

Open Seven Days

Kai Garden $pecIng
in Hong
(734) 995-17860
116 S.Main St.
Carryout and Mn
reservations accepted.
Now Serving Liquor &
Exotic Drinks s es
Mon-Th 11-10 Fri-Sat 11-11 Sun 12-10

Best Restaurants.N.4
Pizza House .6
Fleetwood Diner ...
Angell Hall bathroom ... 8
Palio ... 8
Best Businesses. 9
Footprints ...9
Photostory ...10-11
Best of Entertainment ...12
Value Village...12
WCBN ...13
Noggins. . 14
Best of the University ...15
Drew Henson ..11
Decodliithe Martha ftII... 11
Freshman Fallacies ...18
Best of Dating ..18
Best of the Rest...18
Best of the Web...19
UPN .. 19
My Mouth ..19
Worst of Ann Arbor ... 20

If you haven't heard of ESPN.com,
you either don't know the meaning
of the word 'sport' or are so socially
inept that you don't have any friends
who would tell you about it. With
that said, ESPN.com has taken the
gold in the Olympics of online that is
the Best of Ann Arbor.
Arguably the most perused web-
site on any college campus,
ESPN.com houses a fountain of
knowledge, past and present about
sports, culture, and current headlines
about every major sport out there.
"I primarily use ESPN.com for it's
up-to-date scores and box scores,"
said LSA senior Kush Goyal, a fre-
quent user of the site.
He added that ESPN.com is the
place to turn to when looking for
more specific information, particu-
larly on less high profile sports.
Even if you're wondering about
Mark Lisi's game-winning goal
against the Kansas City Wizards,
ESPN.com got it.
In addition to' simple information,
ESPN.com gets the viewer involved.
For the latest NCAA tournament

ESPN.com crushes competition

By Kiran J. Divvela
Daily Arts Writer

they offered a free pool system. By
simply filling out an online form,
users could set up their own pools,
receive printouts of their teams and
get updated accounts of who in the
pool was winning. Keeping in that
tradition, they've implemented
online fantasy baseball, football,
basketball and hockey leagues.
The nice thing about the fantasy
sports is thatthere are several differ-
ent games in each sport, so you're
not confined to just the league. For
example, one game allows you to be
a basketball team's general manager.
Best of all, it's all automated, allow-
ing the average viewer to do more
important stuff like, well, watch
more sports.
Since the ESPN network is famous
for its world-class sports reporting,
they have a huge amount of material,
video and audio, which is never
broadcast to the public at large. This
is where ESPN.com comes in. Many
press conferences videos and audio
clips are handed over to the website
so the public can access it.
Another part of the web of sports
that ESPN.com has its claws over is
EXPN.com. This extreme sporting
portal is one of the best places to go

to on the web to get information
about skateboarding, snowlarding,
BMX and a wide variety of other
extreme sports. One of the cooler
aspects is the link on the front page
with a site solely dedicated to news
about Tony Hawk and his achieve-
A less tangible part of the site is
its die-hard fan base. Many sports
fans go to this site right after watch-
ing a game.
LSA junior Ali Saksouk said he
goes to the site immediately after
most sporting events "to see the
immediate reaction of the players
and the media.
As a source of instant headlines,
ESPN.com is incomparable. Their
accompanying Insider section gives
hardcore fans even more
SportsCenter.promos and ESPN the
Magazine exclusives for a small fee.
Many have confessed to having
this site as their homepage, for obvi-
ous reasons: Its reliability, ease of
use and functionality all make it the
number one website for sports hun-
gry college students. ESPN.com is
more than an online sports maga-
zine. It's a sporting culture phenom-

Carryout and
Catering Available
Cooking by Mania Rosa
300 Detroit St. 665-0444
at Catherine across from the Farmer's Market
Happy Birthday!
Charly's would like to be the first to
congratulate you with a free meal Just
bring along a friend and proper ID, and
select your favorite entree from
our famous menu. It'sjust
( our way of saying
T um Congratulations
I ~ and thanks for
Charleyscelebratingwith us


Mon. - Sat. 20i a.m.
Sunday 'til 12:00 a.m.

Cali 761-6650
333 E. Huron

Saigon Garden
(734) 747-7006
Vietnamese &
Chinese Cuisine
Dine-In & Carry-Out
1220 South University
(at Forest)
-Z Ann Arbor, Michigan
Mon.-Thur. 11 a.m. to 10 p.m.
Fri. 1 1 a. m. to 11 p.m.
Sat. 11:30a.m. to 11p.m.
Sun. 12 Noon to 10p.m.

There is a part of my body that always seems
to get me in trouble. It's not a very large organ,
but none-the-less it seems to affect my life in
an enormous way. Here's some hints to its ori-
gin - Bodily fluids go in and out of it, it's a
couple inches in diameter and it's necessary
for biological survival.
If your mind lives in the gutter (like mine)
than before you make your guess you need to
move many feet north. It's my mouth, the small
orifice three quarters of the way down from
the top of head, which
words, food and breath
pass through on a daily
basis. Everyone has a
mouth. If a person was
missing some kind of
mouth they would die, but '
my mouth is unique
becauseit works separate- ;
ly from my brain.
Over the years, more
and more, it's become its
own being - an uncon- Elizabeth
trollable entity. It's been Pensler
giving me problems since I
learned how to do that Twin
dreadful thing that hap- Peals
pens to all of us when we
hit the tender age of 2 -
talk! Due to all the problems it has ensued
upon me, I have made an executive decision to
sue my mouth. If a child can sue their parents,
if the woman who spilled hot coffee all over
her lap can sue McDonald's, then by-gonnit I
can sue my mouth. Here's the relevant evi-
dence that I have collected over the years for
the impending case:

Prosecution wants to enter evidence A. At
the age of five the defendant, her mouth, would
insult obese women by asking the ever ignorant
question - are you pregnant? Smokers didn't
get away easy either because they would
receive a long speech on the dangers of smok-
ing or how they were going to die from cancer.
Entering school just antagonized the enemy.
It gave it the ultimate freedom to back talk,
insult and offend endless amounts of people,
including teachers.
My mouth also got me in many fights with
my friends - I would tell friend A that friend
B said she was ugly, stupid or obnoxious. In
turn, that one small comment, that one small.
sentence, became the fire that lit the explosion
because a massive brawl always followed.
Since my mouth likes to go on and on, I
manage to get in fights with not just my
friends, but random strangers as well. People
are very perceptive of my mouth and its ability
to argue and disagree. Those around me make
it their business to aggravate and assault me -
just to see a volatile reaction.
For example, my grandmother said to me,
"Why don't you become a nurse instead of a
doctor - It's too stressful of a job for women."
This sexist statement sent my mouth into a vol-
canic eruption of "How can you say that?" My
grandmother walked away from the fight after
my 20-minute speech on how this isn't 1945
and women have moved out of the kitchen. She
seemed totally unaffected, and feminist ideolo-
gy became the fuel for many fires to set-off my
It was on an early morning in middle school
that I called a male teacher, for no good reason
at all "A sexist pig!" Shortly after that I tried to

wage a sexual harassment suit on my many
male contemporaries on behalf of an acquain-
tance, which managed to do nothing, but blow
up in my face and throw me in the middle of a
gender crossfire.
Then there is the deadly activity of asking
me a question. Most people will walk away
from an inappropriate question or laugh and
blush, but I take all questions very seriously.
A fellow classmate of mine asked, "Do
women wear underwear with panty hose?" The
girl sitting next to me covered her mouth and
looked at the ground. But I immediately sought
to give a complete, educated answer to the
question "Some women wear underwear
with panty hose, but other women don't like
the lines underwear makes .." I created a virtu-
al paradigm on "When women wear under-
wear." This isn't just information that one will-
ingly submits without coercion or pressure,
however, my mouth knows no limit
Due to these outbreaks, I spent most of my
youth learning to control every single word that
came out of the enemy. It was a constant strug-
gle between good and bad - right versus
College was just another road to the merci-
less path of speech. Unlike before where my
teachers told me not to talk, not to raise my
hand and not to participate, in college it was
condoned and even encouraged. I must have
gone too far because one of my discussion
classes became a virtual circus.
On one occasion, the Graduate Student
Instructor made me move my desk to the front
of the class, right next to his, to prevent me
from conversing with my classmates. This is
after he asked me repeatedly to stop coming to

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"'/kfe/phia Styl"
We also cany your 747-SPOT
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