6B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc Magazine - Thursday, April 5, 2001
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DIET PILLS
Continued from Page 58
the market, but they are fighting a multi-
billion dollar industry that is spending
millions to squash the regulatory effort,"
she said. Most people that use diet pills
are unaware of their dangers and their
non-effectiveness. The diet pill industry
stresses how effective their products are
by publicizing success stories. An exam-
ple of such a story goes like this: "Laura
stepped on the scale and almost fainted.
She had gained 100 pounds since the
birth of her new baby girl. She knew she
had to lose weight, but didn't know
where to begin. She tried (insert over-
the-counter diet pill here) and within a
few months, she was back to a perfect
size two and feeling better than ever."
These "success stories" do nothing
but give people false hopes of effective
weight loss. According to nutritionist
Coco Newton, "diet pills, like any diet
fads, are not a solution to the problem.
Diet pills can actually cause people to
gain weight because they do nothing to
change food habits. Anyone who thinks
they are a solution is wrong. People can
become reliant on them, and at that
point, have given the power to the pill."
Newton also thinks that diet pills "are
not designed for individual use. This
public approach does not take into
account the biochemical needs of each
person."
Whatever your decision may be
regarding over-the-counter diet pills,
both sides stress the importance of
checking with a doctor before you begin
any weight-loss system.
"If you are taking any prescription
medication, these pills could cause dan-
gerous reactions," Newton said. "It's not
something to take lightly."
!MOTORCYCLE
Continued from Page 4B
today's 1800cc engines." Models like
these can cost more than the average
automobile, with the most expensive
Harley Davidson going for around
$30,000.
Other models, such as bikes in the
"supersport" category like the popu-
lar Honda CBR and Kawasaki Ninja
models, are known for their high
value with their $7,000 - $10,000
price ranges, and their neck-snap-
ping acceleration and cornering
capabilities.
Experts agree that it's best to take
the course before plunking down the
bucks for a new bike. Starting with a
solid used bike is also stressed, as
the first sixth months are when new
riders are most likely to take a fall
and damage the bike, as well as
their knees. Emergency rooms can
attest that most motorcycle injuries
could be prevented by proper gear
such as leather and Kevlar jackets,
jeans, gloves and proper riding
boots.
However, these risks don't seem to
limit the thousands of motorcyclists
in Michigan alone. "The feeling of
flying, the union between man,
machine and road, the nature all
around you makes it all worth the
risk," Vogel said.
Tidbits you can ponder separately*
I
I
I
in's
Friday
Live music.great food, and a visit to Ancient Egypt.
It's Friday-it's what you've been waiting for all week!
April 6th
* Club Friday Music: Pulled Groin (rock meets blues),
6:30-9:30 PM.
* FREE tour: Glass: Old Techniques, New Forms, 6:45 PM.
* Toledo Opera Preview: Susannah,;7 P.M.
* FREE Performance:
Minstrel Soup's Poetry Olympics,7:30 P.M.
* Photography Lecture: o .
At Home on Earth, 8 P.M.
*Should not actually be read sepa-
rately.
1. Do not skip ahead. You must read
every number sequentially except the
next one, which should be read last.
Follow the rules. Do not pass Go, do not
collect $200 because you're not playing
fricking Monopoly. Sheesh.
2. 1 told you not to read this yet. Go
back to the beginning, please. (The
beginning's down below in No. 3).
Prefatory explanation/rationaliza-
tion for all this rootin' 'n' tootin' 'n'
silliness that should not be read until
the end: (Stop now, I'm serious. I'll tell
Morn.) It's the conclusion of the colum-
nist and relevant editors, readers and
call-in voters that this column has been
dreadfully mishandled, wasted even. So
much space has been given to develop-
ing points and elaborating discussion
that there were not nearly enough yo'-
mamma jokes, cheap puns, stories with
monkeys or senseless threats directed
toward high-ranking state officials. If
you're actually reading this after having
read the rest of column and not BREAK-
ING THE RULES, you already know
there were no yo' mamma jokes, cheap
puns, stories with monkeys or senseless
threats. And you would also know that,
while it wasn't quite the same thing as
making threats, I made fun of a high-
ranking state official, which you proba-
bly thought was at
least amusing,
because it was.
Gosh that was
funny, wasn't it?
Let's do that again
sometime. (Stop
now before you
embarrass your-
self any more and
ruin your fun
taboot by spoiling
all the jokes.)
Now, this has been
the columnist's
back-to-basics
installment, the
basics in this case
being a couple
John Uhl
Nothi
an d Like It
Roy with love; bring me her nay-nay;
pea-yoo, b.o.; wa-ha-ha, troh-la-la, yip!; I
go to Hell now? Heck, I could do this all
day (no longer playing letter game). And
if I did (transitioning), I might find that
there is a nearly infinite number of times
that I could I do this, an infinite number
of statements I could make. Which is
basically the same as saying (postulating)
that there is an infinite number of ideas I
could express. I could make a whole new
language out of just those 42 fucking let-
ters! Think about that in your pipe and
smoke it.
4. This is probably already getting dull
(especially if you broke the rules and
read No. 2; just goes to show that people
who don't follow the rules will always be
bored) and so in this next game please
refer to the G.W. photo above and to the
right.
It goes a little sumthin' like this: What
did he just say?
-The test scores came back, so I
know my I.Q. now.
-America will not apologize to the
Chinese, because I want to start a war. A
great war. A World War ...
-Know how many times a day the
First Lady gives me head?
5. More fun with pictures of politi-
cians and words: Let's take the letters
from in that photo - seal of the presi-
dent of the united states - and apply the
JEFF HURVIT2
lessons of step No. 3 (this isn't g
anywhere). GO' Police often hit s
slit it on the ass; it's up on the tit,
that's eel shit on there; union's are 1
the Id is on top here. Just think of a
things that the Seal of the Preside
the United States stands for!
- To play, send your answers in a
addressed envelope to "Johi
juhl@umich.edu. Prizes will
according to the creativity a
answer and weight of the enve
Cool Clothes!
Plato's Closet is a cool, new retail s
teen apparel, shoes and accessories
Ex-res Lm-it 03AP
us out the next time you're looki
accessories all at great prices for be
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PLATO'S
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I
Open every Friday, 6- o p.m.
2445 Monroe Street Toledo, OH 43620
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Made possible by WFifth Third Bank
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SI A S
impromptu word games/fun with a news
photo of a(n) (in)famous politician. This
column has been void of any thematic
continuity or lessons you can apply to
life.
3. (This is the beginning.) Whuduya
say we play a game? Wouldya like that?
K., here it goes: Make as many phrases
as you can from this mesh of letters I'll
fashion now with a random, sloppy,
swiping motion of my hands across the
keyboard - ytnvmaltypqahal-
gwaetrohratrvbtioatvtanryu. Watch, I'll
go first ... we put hay on T.V; tan my
ham; any hot rat in the mall; to my Aunt
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