6B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc Magazine - Thursday, April 5, 2001 0 r r __00-_-._ThDichi Day Week9d C. v ; DIET PILLS Continued from Page 58 the market, but they are fighting a multi- billion dollar industry that is spending millions to squash the regulatory effort," she said. Most people that use diet pills are unaware of their dangers and their non-effectiveness. The diet pill industry stresses how effective their products are by publicizing success stories. An exam- ple of such a story goes like this: "Laura stepped on the scale and almost fainted. She had gained 100 pounds since the birth of her new baby girl. She knew she had to lose weight, but didn't know where to begin. She tried (insert over- the-counter diet pill here) and within a few months, she was back to a perfect size two and feeling better than ever." These "success stories" do nothing but give people false hopes of effective weight loss. According to nutritionist Coco Newton, "diet pills, like any diet fads, are not a solution to the problem. Diet pills can actually cause people to gain weight because they do nothing to change food habits. Anyone who thinks they are a solution is wrong. People can become reliant on them, and at that point, have given the power to the pill." Newton also thinks that diet pills "are not designed for individual use. This public approach does not take into account the biochemical needs of each person." Whatever your decision may be regarding over-the-counter diet pills, both sides stress the importance of checking with a doctor before you begin any weight-loss system. "If you are taking any prescription medication, these pills could cause dan- gerous reactions," Newton said. "It's not something to take lightly." !MOTORCYCLE Continued from Page 4B today's 1800cc engines." Models like these can cost more than the average automobile, with the most expensive Harley Davidson going for around $30,000. Other models, such as bikes in the "supersport" category like the popu- lar Honda CBR and Kawasaki Ninja models, are known for their high value with their $7,000 - $10,000 price ranges, and their neck-snap- ping acceleration and cornering capabilities. Experts agree that it's best to take the course before plunking down the bucks for a new bike. Starting with a solid used bike is also stressed, as the first sixth months are when new riders are most likely to take a fall and damage the bike, as well as their knees. Emergency rooms can attest that most motorcycle injuries could be prevented by proper gear such as leather and Kevlar jackets, jeans, gloves and proper riding boots. However, these risks don't seem to limit the thousands of motorcyclists in Michigan alone. "The feeling of flying, the union between man, machine and road, the nature all around you makes it all worth the risk," Vogel said. Tidbits you can ponder separately* I I I in's Friday Live music.great food, and a visit to Ancient Egypt. It's Friday-it's what you've been waiting for all week! April 6th * Club Friday Music: Pulled Groin (rock meets blues), 6:30-9:30 PM. * FREE tour: Glass: Old Techniques, New Forms, 6:45 PM. * Toledo Opera Preview: Susannah,;7 P.M. * FREE Performance: Minstrel Soup's Poetry Olympics,7:30 P.M. * Photography Lecture: o . At Home on Earth, 8 P.M. *Should not actually be read sepa- rately. 1. Do not skip ahead. You must read every number sequentially except the next one, which should be read last. Follow the rules. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200 because you're not playing fricking Monopoly. Sheesh. 2. 1 told you not to read this yet. Go back to the beginning, please. (The beginning's down below in No. 3). Prefatory explanation/rationaliza- tion for all this rootin' 'n' tootin' 'n' silliness that should not be read until the end: (Stop now, I'm serious. I'll tell Morn.) It's the conclusion of the colum- nist and relevant editors, readers and call-in voters that this column has been dreadfully mishandled, wasted even. So much space has been given to develop- ing points and elaborating discussion that there were not nearly enough yo'- mamma jokes, cheap puns, stories with monkeys or senseless threats directed toward high-ranking state officials. If you're actually reading this after having read the rest of column and not BREAK- ING THE RULES, you already know there were no yo' mamma jokes, cheap puns, stories with monkeys or senseless threats. And you would also know that, while it wasn't quite the same thing as making threats, I made fun of a high- ranking state official, which you proba- bly thought was at least amusing, because it was. Gosh that was funny, wasn't it? Let's do that again sometime. (Stop now before you embarrass your- self any more and ruin your fun taboot by spoiling all the jokes.) Now, this has been the columnist's back-to-basics installment, the basics in this case being a couple John Uhl Nothi an d Like It Roy with love; bring me her nay-nay; pea-yoo, b.o.; wa-ha-ha, troh-la-la, yip!; I go to Hell now? Heck, I could do this all day (no longer playing letter game). And if I did (transitioning), I might find that there is a nearly infinite number of times that I could I do this, an infinite number of statements I could make. Which is basically the same as saying (postulating) that there is an infinite number of ideas I could express. I could make a whole new language out of just those 42 fucking let- ters! Think about that in your pipe and smoke it. 4. This is probably already getting dull (especially if you broke the rules and read No. 2; just goes to show that people who don't follow the rules will always be bored) and so in this next game please refer to the G.W. photo above and to the right. It goes a little sumthin' like this: What did he just say? -The test scores came back, so I know my I.Q. now. -America will not apologize to the Chinese, because I want to start a war. A great war. A World War ... -Know how many times a day the First Lady gives me head? 5. More fun with pictures of politi- cians and words: Let's take the letters from in that photo - seal of the presi- dent of the united states - and apply the JEFF HURVIT2 lessons of step No. 3 (this isn't g anywhere). GO' Police often hit s slit it on the ass; it's up on the tit, that's eel shit on there; union's are 1 the Id is on top here. Just think of a things that the Seal of the Preside the United States stands for! - To play, send your answers in a addressed envelope to "Johi juhl@umich.edu. Prizes will according to the creativity a answer and weight of the enve Cool Clothes! Plato's Closet is a cool, new retail s teen apparel, shoes and accessories Ex-res Lm-it 03AP us out the next time you're looki accessories all at great prices for be money and look great at the same PLATO'S CL@SET I Open every Friday, 6- o p.m. 2445 Monroe Street Toledo, OH 43620 419-2558000 www.totedomuseum.org Made possible by WFifth Third Bank 3(-lUVM SI A S impromptu word games/fun with a news photo of a(n) (in)famous politician. This column has been void of any thematic continuity or lessons you can apply to life. 3. (This is the beginning.) Whuduya say we play a game? Wouldya like that? K., here it goes: Make as many phrases as you can from this mesh of letters I'll fashion now with a random, sloppy, swiping motion of my hands across the keyboard - ytnvmaltypqahal- gwaetrohratrvbtioatvtanryu. Watch, I'll go first ... we put hay on T.V; tan my ham; any hot rat in the mall; to my Aunt READ THE DAILY V2397 With up to 1000 extra minutes per month at no additional charge, and a $60 cash rebate. Receive a $30 mail-in rebate on the Motorola V2397 phone and a $30 AT&T mail-in service rebate when you sign up for select AT&T Digital Advantage and AT&T Regional Advantage Wireless calling plans $29.99 monthly and above! Charge Minutes $29.99 500 1 year atmonth ~ ' $39.99 1000 1 year ime a1s PARADIGM WIRELESS LLC AT&T Ann Arbor A2 Mobile 623 S. Main St. 734-663-9600 Ann Arbor Ulrich's Electronics 1117 S. University Ave. 734-662-3201 To become an AT&T authorized dealer through Paradigm Wireless, call 248/355-9660. 7001 AT V Wes. 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