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November 16, 2000 - Image 22

Resource type:
The Michigan Daily, 2000-11-16

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_ r

Presenting the top ten greatest porno movies of ali time

Review of Vu: Make sundaes or meet stalkerWs?-

By Lyle Henretty
Da.ily' Arts Watrt
The pornographic film industry
his alwaiys been the red headed
stepchild of the entertainment busi-
ness. Pornographic, or "porno,"
trotres Iate been around since the
intntosn rif the camera and bring ini
billiotns of dollars in revenrue ech
veat. hard stocking., independent pio-
duicers. direcctors, crescitetobers arid
devoted. talented actors and actresses
bitt thetr humrps to put out a nest
minsererv cif eowweeks. Arid that
doresn't cscn touclh the fetish sub-
oeitre! Yet thcsc hard uorking rmco
arid iwoment are treated like pariahs,
stimple. because they give the people
Ptornioraphic films have often
been derided for their budget satvig
techntiques, simtple, grass roots plots
and all Ire raked peoiple ratving nasty
sex. Titsritier, for one, is appalled
hi these fallacies prorpagated hiyttre
nitric elite. I lhaie nutstakenit in to
iri asti hands to celebrate the cli-
iractic telsiet errcrtt of thre porri
indstry.sComreitilttie, as sic co
diw isli tire hir desilist Ie civecrid
tor \ rite.
10). 'Dirts Bobs Xcellent
Adienttore 36" : \\ ile Irtis is trie of
th esrkitsnisries tiniitire pornot
itt '. it is cectainlyIs sie of teroost
endrr n-, 1iI' fel tit lDirts Bob. islii
asdircs. rt.. itrs Iisstrniein
tistethinstysxtinstalilmenrt. i s
Charaitern.alstrnamredlIirts Bob, liis

developed into a livingswrithingr
truly comforting figure. Yt Dirts
Bob, along stub the scriptwrtr(also
Dirty Bob) breathes neu life ito this
familiar character, pulling out a Isis
surprises (hint: sie finally learn wshy
he is called "Dirty Bob"). Fans of the
series, though, still trot be disappoint-
ed, as there are still plcniy of itissc
trayt s ith co-stars Phocnixx Blaqite
and Kristen Blest. A ice seunnfoii
thre initiated. air inspired gent lii
those nets to the seriei.
9. "Caligula": Okay'. so Iis isn't
technically a porno trosvie. But whre
else ciii you get Shakespearean
actors like Sir John (itelgud, Peter
O'Toole and Malcolm McDowtell ini a
urosie directed by Bob (ineciorre.
ruwnter of Penthouse Magazine'? TIhe
high dramra and the duped cast ace
nicselc offset by loads of tnakeif tidies
arid sorte pretty hard-circe iorogra-
phi'. reportedfly shot secretly after thre
"real" actors had finished isithr their
liarts. Oral history taikes sin a ishbole
tew mirarninigwitribthis onch
8. "The Postman Always Comes
'Twsice"' It's rice thast a storctof' irih
utrter ioy and simptlliciti triurehes us
sqrite like thre story ofrequiited losie ini
thre afreroon. Bunny Bleui (ir0 reli-
uin to Kristen)I is a lineslyrhousessihe
iso noi iisIsrierfinrus life s sansinre
Iliersehlel 'srse is a stell istaisfed
potiat wosr ker iswliiIrs satisfiredlite
on mrte than trie occasion.Teiris is
a tro' fulf ilIntndinthards-sor
sex. whirle threcartisatcbes.Ilie iperflest
ift movriss e.

7. "Traci, I Love You" This one
is crucial for the collectot, as it is the
only legal porn filmr statring teen
heartthrob 'Traci Lords. After creatin"
this filti through bet owtn production
comrplanryiraci swent on to star ini
Stepihen King's grocrndbreaking runi-
series "Thre Tonimyiknockers."
6. "Defiance: IThe Spanking
Store"':Brock BHenderson, captatin
oif IrefCoituis follegreIa'rtosse tearn
has a lreart-wcrenchtingr secret. All hei
N ants to do is be spanked. While Ihis
friends cock bimunard base hard-core
sex iswit cheerleaiders, professors.
frienidly' bar mraids and tire teamriimas-
cot. he defies (hetce. tire titlef thremi
sill toi find his one trite site
I Doirinsitrix Beads' tahiti. Whast
might sent like commionpitlacsie
piornor~ aphtic spiantkingc-sex
sequtences by today 's stanidardi s wcre
- t ottdhi caking in their sayrs.
belireve tire filmr still rises to tire
5. "The Good, The Bad, and the
Hlorn"" : 'IhIe title ands stor' of'thins
flmi hardills trtter. arid its inreirsion
heretsis sim'ply ito cciiiesentitire
(UGAiNTICIL'bodyofstock 'romnt
(IAT .' in the indsry:c Johnrr
Iliris. John mradie one oifth
LARGE ISI' conrbtritits imii nablt~~ie
toi tiretort indsustry.I Holmeis itas just
a stimple Bible student IfromiOhioi
ittl rilae it BI( )in aiIG.r1way.ir
IHortmci' career spannrredI1 7.,traybie
It yearrs. lsth i s thIe otny IGliorni
strto imake a 3-dimrenrsisona~l'rfnlm(it
ini tirehick crss. ctiuitire). lii

aippears in the Guinniess Book of
World Records for sorte reason or
4. "Frankenpenis 11" : Thlis filmr
is a special treat for a heretofore
utntappied nmarket: W~omren that enjoy
balding. ugly, fatuteri swittgreasy
hair and mrustachres, arid rhoothite a
hidlden urge to look it recently re-
attached setvered aceritalia. Thlit's
right. Ron Jeremty and JiohnirWravie
idobbit, together agarin.iJererri is a
gift to tire porn far. as weil as a hero
to all of us os ersteirt ugly g(-uys tht
only shotter once a neck. Borbbit still
standis as air Amrercanricon.si runt
iso Iogallanrtly looked uperile ramlirtar-
tion in the eye and sail, "I think rn.t
try frietrd."Brasvo,. gerrrlcrrarr ind
keep Thtemircoinrg.
3. "Pussyman 10: Butts, Butts,
and more Butts" : I Irirestly. I liats
tie ccseen thins uovre. lutIt hairsa
sety yrmiin title. andi if' tiere c
alrea~dy til to tact lii. there trust liea
demirandrd(i such a thinitt. l's eciiio
urine free tinre thinssteekendi if'irisy-
trie isants to coentretrer indlwitcIts i
ih titmie. Please? Sirs tie?
2. "IDeep Throtat" : 1Ind
Lsitelarce stars' is a WOis iailt ,tist-
fIe ciithiisex.55Wit tireheltpiiiDr.
l'sititg(Harfry (ccm iii I issilssrsr
hat itrt'clitoris.,ii in anappaeniitriker-
sILu1t by G(liirs ieen p1lisesd usepl
dlown itnrisiehrtrnt. rLIitskils. the
docrtorn ud icieraiilistietit-. irisottlst
rarrsndom IpeopileiiiainI dn't kinoir
citricfromrirstiriess list lp r in
iswit herrlem.icnnSevltulle T is

By Matthew Barrett and Chris Kula
Fur the Dasily'
Somie people come to the Vu for
the furious lair datrces and sonic
conne for tire bottomtless cup of icy
cold ('oke icte carre for tire story.
a think piece on a rind-letvci strit
club corning no termsnith umits diiin
identity in tire free of its enthused
male customtrs.
Last weekenid, vanioutsnmemnbers of
the Daily Arts Posse ventiured no tire
fabled Ypsilanti honsnpot, Deja Vu
Shirscl, for a right of hard-hittring
innsesnigatisve jouralisni. In took
sortieaim-twistung on tire part of our
editors for us no sign off ott a
Saturdaiy nigirt assignmnetnt, but inn tire
end, asic thirst for te truth printedi
too creat no resist.
After receiinrg our- co10inientsirv
betveraiges inn janzzsy gloss-itt-tire-dark
hunited ediniont esllector's cups. the
potters that be quickly ushered us
mnto tireI'xecsutisve Lsurnige {hiapts
sifter stuir econnicia cisour 0welI-knotsn
incadibirns sto titnWsicosuld be
traced bhtie elsub's top-shelf talent.
Sittinn1 II1-sitrinr- six femtaie.
fus e i-ic on tine linge's iposh
uintil cosuchnes. sic settled itt fsorstn
eye -op~enintg cicuning1 of all-music
cenetainmutennt.I' 'inpt f'or tworsritire
stfes. iwtrhichdalreadvi bren. it
isas as brnusud tensw eerecefor all.
Inn additioto nnchub fbvitnis like
lie bombtiiic.k'amrosnr, iwit
iranresiintoit itoiidifferennt mtitt ns
tinusnurgini tire cicuning --scy sice

and pebbles from the Flinstones. Not
no imention the pouty, broodiung faced
Destiny, twna looked like she'd rather
be an a real estate coinsention than
shossing ner goods to tine crosid.
The strippers performned death
defyinrg acts on the pole. They did
jumnps anud flips icier seen before.
Well maybe in's been displsayed ounce
or nowice before our "Circus of 'The
Stars," bc earlc '90s teeny hopper
Tire Vu offered a cast of mnenro-
rsable chariacters scorthyc of a Batvid
Lcnchr sehicle.
Oine of asic fates ws a suspected
regular, identified ontly by his
Indianra Boosiers t-shirt and thick
slices("'fhe better to see you wcith,
tiy pretty!"hi Wcecould ourly inmaginrc
tit this yotuing desvfaint wsatdross ultr
iris BorbrKnight-related sorrowss inn a
bevc of S20 full-fr-ontal lap dances.
While our 'Hoosier preferred no be
assay fromuntire action. snother patron
chose tso sit front turd centner, fist
fully tucked ith dirty sinrgles. Be
secured nun lustentinppefeccreceis inn
sthich sutrp re heeivrsedthnie bills
to vi hr iis mrouthr. jst as linng as site
ssjtedh niis letvei.
Tine wis ninetin tinecrossd isere tno
less saisusi' for Isiun' than tire inent
(Jne wisn pnn untsi donlar bhuh n her
mothnndintltire strhiper slinrkedh sotswn
unti sunskesd tire mrney' up. k racy%
'line sondtcrck in' sutr cieningngci
tire guturfromr Iintrun oatsdc
pthemsitrg germs t no mttIaler csrk-

Just as art imnitates life, strip, clubs
imitaie art, and '8ilt music videos
are nra exception. Onne of the fine
lashes of the \'u paid honmage to
BaiId Ice Roth and company.
sashavinng her stay through 'san
Balen's semrilan rocker, "lHar for
Teachber." A gentleman's stager
regarding the approximate tice that
tineubiquitous football stadiuni
antnhemrn "Who Let the Dogs Out'?"
siould first sound off ws settled far
too carly in nine night w-henr a few of the
Vu's fittest scere "let out" while Baha
Men soofed in the background -
cie cthnie rost mrisogynist omale has-
tards squirmred inn their seats at this
Bsutciecnn tine fenrrninis-minded mren
in tine clsub ucere disappointed sith
uninsired performannces by satie of
the V's' secoind siring strippers.
These girls wsere clearly going
nirah the mrotionsi, particularly the
younga tottiati abodoused herself in
Bershevi's chocolate syrup before
letargicailly nosing herself off as part
ouf the sprecial "shatter dancee" bin. In
toouktin eagle-ceed colleague totpoint
stunt."Strut'sve still girt sorte sauce un
scour ass!"
Speatkintg of celebrities, sports
snuerstrsA5nthbony 'lhnoma~s of tire
Cii e.sirs if Misbican offenrsie
bacekfieldandirisletndatnShranahnan. Red
SWintgs fordautni d binthterforminer inn

the sunmmner flop "Me, Myself and
Irenre," were in attendance- at least in
spirit, courtesy of patrons spanting
their respecnive jerseys (yau can settle
dawn noic, Lloyd).
No other celebrities were sighted.
Inn conclusion, a night at Bela Vsu is
isell-isarib the S6 couples night admis-

sian fee, thanks in part to the accomo-
dtating staff, the off-colorful clientele
and the gravity-defyning pole climibing..
-Dai1cAnus iwriters Chnris Connsino
Be'n Gua/uuteinn, Gabe Fanjurni annu
El'/abth i enis/ic contrnibnue/ no u/uis


Out o Myth, Into Reality
Ihusobet' fu-t emmmer 31, 2000(


is tire first legul Ipornm m itsu i atut. us
fir asi I knoss, tie neuly prn nun me nun
ever single-hlanidedisyInnrung titusnmu
presietial sndnmnstruii
1. 'Debbie Dues Dallas' \uNot
onlny mu wondierfInl prnorun 'uhtueprns-
tune. biutalsor cue ofi'tire tinrest cliteen
headser moitules civenrtnae c enhnic us
urn V try ul'iu knos\\s. ihsa ns \cci unto
inigaUct'andsibetter-mmills. Sheis.
fa sI know,clns."suts ' lt I ur
st enrhunn"begurnr'i i tin111tine letter
I-'- tisside ouni I n ati s iReporintens.
SitshowInnn 'nuna.ulittle slinks unttinept
uanti smetlt for'tis hm, us I'nevcer
persnally gomttenpast tirefi ntifteen
nnr1unnes. but, sernunuis .\'w'S tire t'-'t
est fifteen nminures e e untscdcil
genri c sideotalic
For some answers see:
Food For Thought
Women in Vietnam
huni esimated that 11,000 ho
15,000 women serced inViotnam.
remarkabl, 00 accurate records
wore kept. Women serced as
oununeshogistical supportintlli-
geoce, Bud Croon, eotertainorn
nd USO (proudly known no
Donut Doilies). For one
bibliography, go ho:
Gary Cillie & Assoc., Realtors


Music by Giuseppe Verdi
Libretto by Arrigo Bonco
The Merry WirersofkT'indsr amid Hinty IV
Sung in' Italian w/Lngish supenmuics

ga * university
$t0 Ru.sh Ticket Tickets an iale t0 am - 6 pot the day of the performance or the
Frid'ay h'fore a weekenda 'sent an tbc ListS Box Office lncated in the Power
Center,. tam Fletchcr Street.
50% Roth Tickets Ticketsion sale beginning 90itinutes befoure
the entontsuthuePerformance Ball Bux Office.
W-tLL Avd'ttowJL'V.
event.sudntID Rush ird.LTicketsikes pr aren, enot .. "offered _..:..if..r.an.. eventRshTikeisae saidere i outen i andd utan
seating is subject no asailahiity and bus office discretion.

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