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October 25, 2000 - Image 4

Resource type:
The Michigan Daily, 2000-10-25

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4-- The Michigan Daily-- Wednesday, October 25, 2000

Making ife just a little bit easier for men

420 Maynard Street
Ann Arbor, M1 48109
Edited and managed by
students at Mhe
University of Michigan

O ne thing I've noticed is the trend for many
men's magazines to have some sort of
self-improvement section.
Maxim has its monthly "How To Do Every-
thing Better" section, which gives tips on

Editor in Chief
Editorial Page Editor

dless otherwise noted, unsigned editorials reflect the opinion of the majority of
the Daily's editorial board. All other articles, letters and cartoons do not
necessarily reflect the opinion of The Michigan Daily.'
-M .V P .,.A. ..
ojecte Aminority enrolment is encouraging

everything from how to
spotting a fake diamond
to having sure-fire sex
on every date. Men's
Health gives you tips on
such things as speeding
up your workout recov-
ery and how to "give
her delightful shivers."
This month in Esquire
there are 14 pages
devoted to "How To Be
A Better Man," includ-
ing all sorts of advice
on things such as the
proper methods for both
disarming a gunman
and using a vibrator.
I know, it sounds
pretty involved, but let's


roll sushi properly to

Drop png the

Life Easier For Men.
1. Understand our comprehensive inadequa-
cies. Guys tend to say exactly what we mean,
which I guess is a good thing. The bad thing is
that we foolishly believe that women actually
mean what they say as well. For instance:
He says: "I told John and Dan I would hang
out with them tonight."
He means: I told John and Dan I would
hang out with them. Tonight.
She says: I told Amy and Sara I would hang
out with them tonight."
She means: lbu re not spending enough time
on me.
Guys don't want you to start speaking your
mind all the time, probably because that myste-
rious misdirection you throw at us so often is
one of the things that makes you so enchanting-
ly female. However, please remember that we
don't have a hope in Hades of understanding
you unless you make a little effort to understand
our thickheadedness and be patient with it.
2. Employ a hair style that complements
your face. I realize that hair styles are like fash-
ions and change over the years, but some things
prove constant. Long hair makes your face look
smaller and short hair makes your face look
bigger. If you don't have a thin face - and I
don't mean an "average" face, I mean a "thin"
face with visible cheekbones and all that -
short hair is probably going to make you look
fat. It's a simple fact and has nothing to do with
fashion and everything to do with angles,
planes and shading. So please, do us a favor'
and think before you butcher those tresses. Just
because it looks good on Angelina Jolie does
not necessarily make it look good on you.
3. Utilize the DUFF properly. It seems like
every time you see a gaggle of three or more
attractive women, there is always a DUFF -
the Designated Ugly Fat Friend - present as
well. This presents an enormous challenge for
a group of guys looking to strike up polite con-
versation because, invariably, someone has to

end up with the DUFF. A lot of times a poten-
tial meeting is brought to a screeching halt for
no other reason than the fact that no one wants
the DUFF. I have a couple of friends who
always volunteer for DUFF duty after a few
cocktails and believe me, I treasure those guys
like the precious jewels they are. But most guys
aren't so lucky. The proper time to employ the
DUFF is when you ladies are in a vicious,
"men suck so lets get drunk and dance all
night" sort of mood and the last thing you want
is to meet guys. Other than that, leave her at
4. Use truth in advertising. In every survey
I've ever seen, women say the number one qual-
ity they seek in a man is sense of humor. Hog-
wash. Balderdash. I have a good friend who is
one of the funniest guys I've ever met. He's also
nice, amazingly intelligent, a whole lot of fun
and he comes from money to boot. He has dal-
liances from time to time, but certainly does not
have girls beating downthis door like you would
think. Why? Well, he's fat and real life is not a
Drew Carey episode where the funny fat guy
always gets the girl. Let's have a little truth in
advertising here. If the number one quality you
seek is really abs of steel or a nice ass, then let
us know. We promise not to feel offended by
your objectification of us. Furthermore, we
can't be the guy of your dreams if we don't
know what that guy is.
5. Allow us to be gallant. Ladies, we want to
pull out chairs, open doors and pick up the tab.
We want to be that knight in shining armor.
Deep down, most guys are really hopeless
romantics, but you have to allow us to act in
that manner. Being a strong, independent
woman shouldn't mean that we have to treat
you like you're androgynous. After all, if we
did that we would just skip the amenities and
ask, "wanna fuck?" Doesn't seem too appeal-
ing, does it?
- Branden San:can be reached via e-mail
at hamrhead aiumich.edu.

t houghthe numbers are only
reliminary, it looks like the
ersitv's under-represented
=Lrity enrollment figures are going
crease for the first time in recent
ssuming the University's projec-
are close to the actual number
rolled under-represented minori-
both students and
administration Enrollme
Mesrve credit for their represente
efforts to boost overall at the UJ
minority enrollment.
At the same time, the 1998:13
}fluctuating enrollment
numbers highlight the 1999:
=need for the University
to retain its aggressive 2ooo (projec
affirmative action poli-
There is good rea- Under-represe
son to believe the Uni- incfude black,
versity's estimates canandH'spar
indicate an actual
increase in enrollment for under-rep-
resented minorities, since past esti-
>mates have proven quite accurate.
Significant efforts by both the Uni-
versity and students over the past
year make it unlikely that the appar-
ent spike in minority enrollment was
due solely to natural fluctuations in
'the applications.
The University has made
admirable efforts to recruit under-
represented minorities and to defend
:its affirmative action policies. Stu-
'dents have also played an active role
lin making the University environ-
ment more hospitable to minority stu-
dents by coordinating massive
petition campaigns in favor of affir-
-mation action and participating in the
;admissions lawsuits as intervenors.
Students' and the University's
:apparent accomplishments in drawing
under-represented minorities to the


University are definitely commend-
able but they should not overshadow
the need to do more. Having under-
represented minorities comprise 14.8
percent of the student body seems
impressive in absolute terms, but rel-
ative to the population of the United
States as a whole, this number is not
all that satisfactory. Black people
alone make up about
of under- 12 percent of the over-
minorities all U.S. population.
iversity The University
should aggressively
percent recruit potential stu-
dents in all high
percent schools in economical-
ly disadvantaged
d); 14.8per- and/or urban areas.
,it Whereas students at
high schools like Cass
Pd minorities Tech have always been
ative Amer- targeted by the Univer-
C sttdients. sity, efforts to recruit
students from typical
high schools in cities such as Detroit
like Charles E. Chadsey High School
could be expanded.
Additionally, individual students
can help increase the University's
under-represented minority enroll-
ment figures by taking an active and
vocal interest in the outcome of the
admissions lawsuits, or at least by
signing petitions in support of affir-
mative action when the opportunity
presents itself.
The likely spike in under-represent-
ed minority enrollment at the Univer-
sity is encouraging and a testament to
the success of initiatives by students
and by the University administration
to increase diversity. Still, the Uni-
versity community should not be sat-
isfied until the student population at
the University is as ethnically diverse
as the population of the United

not kid ourselves - guys have to face the fact
that being a man includes more than just sitting
around in our underwear, eating cold pizza and
drinking beer while cheering on our favorite
sports team. Many never come to this realiza-
tion until after college, but some of us do. For
those of us out there, I have one simple request
for the ladies: Give us an even playing field.
Now, don't get me wrong - I love women
just like they are and have no intention of play-
ing for a different team. However, after years of
inquiry in this field, I have realized that there
are a lot of things about men that women just
seem to be completely clueless on. After con-
ferring with some friends (both male and
female) I have decided that I'm not alone in
this conclusion. So ladies, after extensive
research on your behalf, I proudly present a list
of The Five Things Women Can Do To Make

'My roommate's 'friend' sleeps over every night, and he
lives one floor below us.'

-An anonymous LSA first-year student, describing what
life is like with her "third roommate."

.. ....


may not be
but his politics

Ecoglcal footprints
Consumption habits need to be changed

L ast Friday, the World Wide Fund ican family w
for Nature released its "Living sentatives, no
'Planet Report 2000," an assessment an improved gl
on the health of the world's environ- Though 84
Iment. The report stated that if people Kyoto Treaty,r
win the developing world consumed as actuall comr
much as those living in the richest the en orcemt
countries, the human race would The United Sta
;need another two planet Earths to '98, but it ha
scope. According to the WWF, at approval. The
today's levels of economic activity, for not ratifyi
;the human race is operating 30 per- developing n
tcent above what Earth can provide Arguing that
(without suffering serious damage. already have s
Ruud Lubbers,
resident of WWF At today's levels of
fnternational says
that while better busi- economic activisy
ness practices and , i
modern technologies the human race is
could help rectify the
;situation, the devel- operating, 3
oped world may need
to reduce its con percent above
.sumption as bv
economies in poorer what Earth can
countries grow. This
suggestion for self- rovide.
(control for the
world's wealthiest
nations is not original; the controver- uncertain sciei
sial Kyoto treaty, negotiated in steps individu
December '97, had far-reaching~to slow down
implications for developed nations. the world's nat
While the Kyoto Protocol calls for Reduce, re
all nations to take a number of steps chase in bulk
to formulate national and regional 'concentrated j
programs to improve local emission ing and save
ors and the like, the United clothes in goo
S, Canada, Japan, Australia and tossing them.
Zealand are specifically singled turn off the Ii
: as the most problematic regions. room. Buy re
Treaty would force the United Done with ti
al es to reduce "greenhouse gas" advantage of
sions (carbon dioxide, methane, bin. Small ste
ous oxide and three synthetic ple can have j
gases) by 7 percent below 1990 lev- one big stri
els between the years 2008 and 2012. WWF, each1
14 is estimatedthat meeting these footprint," th
standards will cost the United States leaves on the
390 billion, about $2,700 per Amer- help make or 1

ith, argue many repre-
guaranteed results of
[obal climate.
countries signed the
only 22 ratified it, thus
mitting themselves to
ent of its regulations.
ates signed the treaty in
as yet to pass Senate
Senate's main reason
ng the treaty involves
nation participation.
industrialized nations
stringent environmental
standards, the United
States believes that
exempting developing
nations will give them
free reign to increase
pollution as they
increase consumption
Supporters ofthe
Treaty suggest the
United States has not
ratified the treaty sim-
ply because exempt
nations include China
and India.
While the politics
remain unclear on the
rnce of Kyoto, there are
al Americans can take
the rapid depletion of
tural resources.
use and recycle. Pur-
when possible and buy
uice to reduce packag-
money. Donate old
d condition rather than
Conserve energy and
ights when leaving the
echargeable batteries.
his newspaper? Take
the nearest recycling
ps taken by many peo-
ust as much impact as
de and according to
person's "ecological
e burden each person
e environment, could
break the world.

are pro-student
After reading Emily Achenbaum's column
"Al Gore: Another case of me being born too
late," (10116/00), 1 was left practically speech-
less by her analogy of this campaign to a
courtship. The fact that she is insulting enough
to women to say that they will not vote unless
they're "seduced" is preposterous. Give women
a little more credit here. When it comes to poli-
tics, I don't think I am alone in that I want sub-
stance, not romance. I suppose in
Achenbaum's utopia, Justin from N Sync
would run for president and she and all her lit-
tle friends could cry and scream on Larry King
Live. So what if he thinks the North Atlantic
Treaty Organization-is a bug repellent, he's
supercute in a cargo pants.
I think if Achenbaum took a look at what
Al Gore truly stands for, she would be wooed,
at least in the political sense. Let's look at the
issues here and how they affect us. as college
students. Gore does care about student voters
and those in our age group. He and his daugh-
ter Karenna set up GoreNet and Students for
Gore, national organizations specifically for
young voters. He chose to participate in the
MTV Town Hall - Bush declined.
The environment is consistently rated as
one of the top three student concerns: The
environment has always been one of Gore's top
priorities. If elected, lie has promised to ratify
the Kyoto Protocol, pass the Comprehensive
Test Ban Treaty, fight to expand the moratori-
um on oil and gas drilling off the coasts of
Florida and California, work to stop commer-
cial exploration of the Arctic National Wildlife
Refuge and encourage increased "smart
growth" in areas of development. Higher edu-
cation is also something Gore has shown a
commitment to.
Gore supports the Administration's pro-
posed College Opportunity Tax Cut, which
would provide a choice between a tax deduc-
tion or a 28 percent tax credit on up to S 10,000
in tuition. He also has proposed new 4010)
accounts that allow individuals to put money
way to save for job training, education and life-
long learning for themselves or their family,
and let those savings grow tax-free. In addition,
Gore has proposed a National Tuition Savings
plan to allow families to save for their chil-

dren's college education inflation-free and tax-
free. The program will link together existing
statewide college savings and prepaid tuition
I could go on and on, with issues like a
woman's right to choose and campaign finance
reform, but see for yourself. Check out
Tti:algore.com, I know it's not as exciting as
MTV, but give it a shot. Gore may not be sexy,
but he's got my vote.
Gore has made
Holocaust analogies
This letter is partially a response/com-
ment on the Genocide Awareness Project
display earlier this month, but extends
beyond that. Students' reaction to the juxta-
position of abortion and the Holocaust was

on several levels justified and reasonable. I
still think there are several haunting parallels
between the two that cannot be ignored.
Try to picture a GAP-like display
attempting to equate the Holocaust with
choosing not to recycle aluminum cans.
All the ink and paper spent here in the
Daily vehemently decrying what GAP pre-
sented would be spent double, triple...
even ten-fold in denouncing such a propo-
sition, I would hope.
Yet, this is the parallel Vice President Al
Gore makes in his book Earth in the Balance.
You don't have to be a Jew to be utterly out-
raged at such an idea. That Gore, by all
accounts an intelligent man, could (in print)
link choosing which trash container to toss
your empty beverage can in with an atrocity
against humanity appalls and amazes me. Such
a position would be laughable were it not so.
horrific and extremist. If you thought GAP was
over-the-top, Gore, with the publishing of
Earth in the Balance back in 1992, had already
successfully and radically set the standard on
extremism in Holocaust comparisons.

K ___
<I ' '--- - -~ I
'~1' a41

Miss Ameca'puate gender stereotypes
By Aubrey Henretty and professional dreams through grants and she bite? Has she had all of her shots? Need I
Daily Editorial Writer scholarships. The latter claim is a noble goal, go on?

I have never been a big fan of beauty
pageants. When I was about five, I was watch-
ing one with my mom when she remarked
facetiously, "Maybe I should get a dress like
that," then laughed. Puzzled, I asked what was
so funny. "I could never wear a dress like that!"
I looked at her and said, with total five-year-old
confidence that my mother was the prettiest
woman in the whole wide world, "Yes, you
cnuld." Mom laupihed aain.

indeed, but it is overshadowed by the glaring
falsity of the former.
Let's take a look at the judging process in
the preliminary rounds. According to the offi-
cial Website, Miss America should begin as
40 percent "talent," 15 percent "On-Stage Per-
sonality in Evening Wear," 15 percent "Physi-
cal Fitness in Swimsuit," and have a dynamite
interview worth 30 percent. These guidelines
are similar to those many people use when

The ideal woman: 70 percent physical, 30
percent mental. God bless America.
The real tragedy of the Miss America
Pageant is the mixed message it sends little
girls who are less cynical than I am: Education
and professionalism are great, but only after
you've proven that you can look smashing on
stage. Don't be fooled, ladies! The Miss Amer-
ica Pageant is not about the advancement of
women any more than "The Jeffersons" was


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