4-- The Michigan Daily-- Wednesday, October 25, 2000 Miti~g~ttHilh Making ife just a little bit easier for men 420 Maynard Street Ann Arbor, M1 48109 daily.letters@umich.edu Edited and managed by students at Mhe University of Michigan O ne thing I've noticed is the trend for many men's magazines to have some sort of self-improvement section. Maxim has its monthly "How To Do Every- thing Better" section, which gives tips on MIKE SPAWIN Editor in Chief E miLY ACHENBAUM Editorial Page Editor dless otherwise noted, unsigned editorials reflect the opinion of the majority of the Daily's editorial board. All other articles, letters and cartoons do not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Michigan Daily.' -M .V P .,.A. .. ojecte Aminority enrolment is encouraging everything from how to spotting a fake diamond to having sure-fire sex on every date. Men's Health gives you tips on such things as speeding up your workout recov- ery and how to "give her delightful shivers." This month in Esquire there are 14 pages devoted to "How To Be A Better Man," includ- ing all sorts of advice on things such as the proper methods for both disarming a gunman and using a vibrator. I know, it sounds pretty involved, but let's ,: 5 "" roll sushi properly to Branden Sanz Drop png the Hammrer Life Easier For Men. 1. Understand our comprehensive inadequa- cies. Guys tend to say exactly what we mean, which I guess is a good thing. The bad thing is that we foolishly believe that women actually mean what they say as well. For instance: He says: "I told John and Dan I would hang out with them tonight." He means: I told John and Dan I would hang out with them. Tonight. She says: I told Amy and Sara I would hang out with them tonight." She means: lbu re not spending enough time on me. Guys don't want you to start speaking your mind all the time, probably because that myste- rious misdirection you throw at us so often is one of the things that makes you so enchanting- ly female. However, please remember that we don't have a hope in Hades of understanding you unless you make a little effort to understand our thickheadedness and be patient with it. 2. Employ a hair style that complements your face. I realize that hair styles are like fash- ions and change over the years, but some things prove constant. Long hair makes your face look smaller and short hair makes your face look bigger. If you don't have a thin face - and I don't mean an "average" face, I mean a "thin" face with visible cheekbones and all that - short hair is probably going to make you look fat. It's a simple fact and has nothing to do with fashion and everything to do with angles, planes and shading. So please, do us a favor' and think before you butcher those tresses. Just because it looks good on Angelina Jolie does not necessarily make it look good on you. 3. Utilize the DUFF properly. It seems like every time you see a gaggle of three or more attractive women, there is always a DUFF - the Designated Ugly Fat Friend - present as well. This presents an enormous challenge for a group of guys looking to strike up polite con- versation because, invariably, someone has to end up with the DUFF. A lot of times a poten- tial meeting is brought to a screeching halt for no other reason than the fact that no one wants the DUFF. I have a couple of friends who always volunteer for DUFF duty after a few cocktails and believe me, I treasure those guys like the precious jewels they are. But most guys aren't so lucky. The proper time to employ the DUFF is when you ladies are in a vicious, "men suck so lets get drunk and dance all night" sort of mood and the last thing you want is to meet guys. Other than that, leave her at home. 4. Use truth in advertising. In every survey I've ever seen, women say the number one qual- ity they seek in a man is sense of humor. Hog- wash. Balderdash. I have a good friend who is one of the funniest guys I've ever met. He's also nice, amazingly intelligent, a whole lot of fun and he comes from money to boot. He has dal- liances from time to time, but certainly does not have girls beating downthis door like you would think. Why? Well, he's fat and real life is not a Drew Carey episode where the funny fat guy always gets the girl. Let's have a little truth in advertising here. If the number one quality you seek is really abs of steel or a nice ass, then let us know. We promise not to feel offended by your objectification of us. Furthermore, we can't be the guy of your dreams if we don't know what that guy is. 5. Allow us to be gallant. Ladies, we want to pull out chairs, open doors and pick up the tab. We want to be that knight in shining armor. Deep down, most guys are really hopeless romantics, but you have to allow us to act in that manner. Being a strong, independent woman shouldn't mean that we have to treat you like you're androgynous. After all, if we did that we would just skip the amenities and ask, "wanna fuck?" Doesn't seem too appeal- ing, does it? - Branden San:can be reached via e-mail at hamrhead aiumich.edu. t houghthe numbers are only reliminary, it looks like the ersitv's under-represented =Lrity enrollment figures are going crease for the first time in recent ssuming the University's projec- are close to the actual number rolled under-represented minori- both students and administration Enrollme Mesrve credit for their represente efforts to boost overall at the UJ minority enrollment. At the same time, the 1998:13 }fluctuating enrollment numbers highlight the 1999: =need for the University to retain its aggressive 2ooo (projec affirmative action poli- 'ies. There is good rea- Under-represe son to believe the Uni- incfude black, versity's estimates canandH'spar indicate an actual increase in enrollment for under-rep- resented minorities, since past esti- >mates have proven quite accurate. Significant efforts by both the Uni- versity and students over the past year make it unlikely that the appar- ent spike in minority enrollment was due solely to natural fluctuations in 'the applications. The University has made admirable efforts to recruit under- represented minorities and to defend :its affirmative action policies. Stu- 'dents have also played an active role lin making the University environ- ment more hospitable to minority stu- dents by coordinating massive petition campaigns in favor of affir- -mation action and participating in the ;admissions lawsuits as intervenors. Students' and the University's :apparent accomplishments in drawing under-represented minorities to the fit N nil University are definitely commend- able but they should not overshadow the need to do more. Having under- represented minorities comprise 14.8 percent of the student body seems impressive in absolute terms, but rel- ative to the population of the United States as a whole, this number is not all that satisfactory. Black people alone make up about of under- 12 percent of the over- minorities all U.S. population. iversity The University should aggressively percent recruit potential stu- dents in all high percent schools in economical- ly disadvantaged d); 14.8per- and/or urban areas. ,it Whereas students at high schools like Cass Pd minorities Tech have always been ative Amer- targeted by the Univer- C sttdients. sity, efforts to recruit students from typical high schools in cities such as Detroit like Charles E. Chadsey High School could be expanded. Additionally, individual students can help increase the University's under-represented minority enroll- ment figures by taking an active and vocal interest in the outcome of the admissions lawsuits, or at least by signing petitions in support of affir- mative action when the opportunity presents itself. The likely spike in under-represent- ed minority enrollment at the Univer- sity is encouraging and a testament to the success of initiatives by students and by the University administration to increase diversity. Still, the Uni- versity community should not be sat- isfied until the student population at the University is as ethnically diverse as the population of the United States. not kid ourselves - guys have to face the fact that being a man includes more than just sitting around in our underwear, eating cold pizza and drinking beer while cheering on our favorite sports team. Many never come to this realiza- tion until after college, but some of us do. For those of us out there, I have one simple request for the ladies: Give us an even playing field. Now, don't get me wrong - I love women just like they are and have no intention of play- ing for a different team. However, after years of inquiry in this field, I have realized that there are a lot of things about men that women just seem to be completely clueless on. After con- ferring with some friends (both male and female) I have decided that I'm not alone in this conclusion. So ladies, after extensive research on your behalf, I proudly present a list of The Five Things Women Can Do To Make 'My roommate's 'friend' sleeps over every night, and he lives one floor below us.' -An anonymous LSA first-year student, describing what life is like with her "third roommate." .. .... 'Gore sexy' may not be but his politics Ecoglcal footprints Consumption habits need to be changed L ast Friday, the World Wide Fund ican family w for Nature released its "Living sentatives, no 'Planet Report 2000," an assessment an improved gl on the health of the world's environ- Though 84 Iment. The report stated that if people Kyoto Treaty,r win the developing world consumed as actuall comr much as those living in the richest the en orcemt countries, the human race would The United Sta ;need another two planet Earths to '98, but it ha scope. According to the WWF, at approval. The today's levels of economic activity, for not ratifyi ;the human race is operating 30 per- developing n tcent above what Earth can provide Arguing that (without suffering serious damage. already have s Ruud Lubbers, resident of WWF At today's levels of fnternational says that while better busi- economic activisy ness practices and , i modern technologies the human race is could help rectify the ;situation, the devel- operating, 3 oped world may need to reduce its con percent above .sumption as bv economies in poorer what Earth can countries grow. This suggestion for self- rovide. (control for the world's wealthiest nations is not original; the controver- uncertain sciei sial Kyoto treaty, negotiated in steps individu December '97, had far-reaching~to slow down implications for developed nations. the world's nat While the Kyoto Protocol calls for Reduce, re all nations to take a number of steps chase in bulk to formulate national and regional 'concentrated j programs to improve local emission ing and save ors and the like, the United clothes in goo S, Canada, Japan, Australia and tossing them. Zealand are specifically singled turn off the Ii : as the most problematic regions. room. Buy re Treaty would force the United Done with ti al es to reduce "greenhouse gas" advantage of sions (carbon dioxide, methane, bin. Small ste ous oxide and three synthetic ple can have j gases) by 7 percent below 1990 lev- one big stri els between the years 2008 and 2012. WWF, each1 14 is estimatedthat meeting these footprint," th standards will cost the United States leaves on the 390 billion, about $2,700 per Amer- help make or 1 ith, argue many repre- guaranteed results of [obal climate. countries signed the only 22 ratified it, thus mitting themselves to ent of its regulations. ates signed the treaty in as yet to pass Senate Senate's main reason ng the treaty involves nation participation. industrialized nations stringent environmental standards, the United States believes that exempting developing nations will give them free reign to increase pollution as they increase consumption Supporters ofthe Treaty suggest the United States has not ratified the treaty sim- ply because exempt nations include China and India. While the politics remain unclear on the rnce of Kyoto, there are al Americans can take the rapid depletion of tural resources. use and recycle. Pur- when possible and buy uice to reduce packag- money. Donate old d condition rather than Conserve energy and ights when leaving the echargeable batteries. his newspaper? Take the nearest recycling ps taken by many peo- ust as much impact as de and according to person's "ecological e burden each person e environment, could break the world. are pro-student TO THE DAILY: After reading Emily Achenbaum's column "Al Gore: Another case of me being born too late," (10116/00), 1 was left practically speech- less by her analogy of this campaign to a courtship. The fact that she is insulting enough to women to say that they will not vote unless they're "seduced" is preposterous. Give women a little more credit here. When it comes to poli- tics, I don't think I am alone in that I want sub- stance, not romance. I suppose in Achenbaum's utopia, Justin from N Sync would run for president and she and all her lit- tle friends could cry and scream on Larry King Live. So what if he thinks the North Atlantic Treaty Organization-is a bug repellent, he's supercute in a cargo pants. I think if Achenbaum took a look at what Al Gore truly stands for, she would be wooed, at least in the political sense. Let's look at the issues here and how they affect us. as college students. Gore does care about student voters and those in our age group. He and his daugh- ter Karenna set up GoreNet and Students for Gore, national organizations specifically for young voters. He chose to participate in the MTV Town Hall - Bush declined. The environment is consistently rated as one of the top three student concerns: The environment has always been one of Gore's top priorities. If elected, lie has promised to ratify the Kyoto Protocol, pass the Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty, fight to expand the moratori- um on oil and gas drilling off the coasts of Florida and California, work to stop commer- cial exploration of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge and encourage increased "smart growth" in areas of development. Higher edu- cation is also something Gore has shown a commitment to. Gore supports the Administration's pro- posed College Opportunity Tax Cut, which would provide a choice between a tax deduc- tion or a 28 percent tax credit on up to S 10,000 in tuition. He also has proposed new 4010) accounts that allow individuals to put money way to save for job training, education and life- long learning for themselves or their family, and let those savings grow tax-free. In addition, Gore has proposed a National Tuition Savings plan to allow families to save for their chil- dren's college education inflation-free and tax- free. The program will link together existing statewide college savings and prepaid tuition plans. I could go on and on, with issues like a woman's right to choose and campaign finance reform, but see for yourself. Check out Tti:algore.com, I know it's not as exciting as MTV, but give it a shot. Gore may not be sexy, but he's got my vote. SARAH PRAY LSA SENIOR Gore has made inappropriate Holocaust analogies TO THE DAILY: This letter is partially a response/com- ment on the Genocide Awareness Project display earlier this month, but extends beyond that. Students' reaction to the juxta- position of abortion and the Holocaust was on several levels justified and reasonable. I still think there are several haunting parallels between the two that cannot be ignored. Try to picture a GAP-like display attempting to equate the Holocaust with choosing not to recycle aluminum cans. All the ink and paper spent here in the Daily vehemently decrying what GAP pre- sented would be spent double, triple... even ten-fold in denouncing such a propo- sition, I would hope. Yet, this is the parallel Vice President Al Gore makes in his book Earth in the Balance. You don't have to be a Jew to be utterly out- raged at such an idea. That Gore, by all accounts an intelligent man, could (in print) link choosing which trash container to toss your empty beverage can in with an atrocity against humanity appalls and amazes me. Such a position would be laughable were it not so. horrific and extremist. If you thought GAP was over-the-top, Gore, with the publishing of Earth in the Balance back in 1992, had already successfully and radically set the standard on extremism in Holocaust comparisons. MICHAEL FOLEY ENGINEERING GRADUATE STUDENT CHIP CULLEN G DI:TL Ir:'V Miss Ameca'puate gender stereotypes By Aubrey Henretty and professional dreams through grants and she bite? Has she had all of her shots? Need I Daily Editorial Writer scholarships. The latter claim is a noble goal, go on? I have never been a big fan of beauty pageants. When I was about five, I was watch- ing one with my mom when she remarked facetiously, "Maybe I should get a dress like that," then laughed. Puzzled, I asked what was so funny. "I could never wear a dress like that!" I looked at her and said, with total five-year-old confidence that my mother was the prettiest woman in the whole wide world, "Yes, you cnuld." Mom laupihed aain. indeed, but it is overshadowed by the glaring falsity of the former. Let's take a look at the judging process in the preliminary rounds. According to the offi- cial Website, Miss America should begin as 40 percent "talent," 15 percent "On-Stage Per- sonality in Evening Wear," 15 percent "Physi- cal Fitness in Swimsuit," and have a dynamite interview worth 30 percent. These guidelines are similar to those many people use when The ideal woman: 70 percent physical, 30 percent mental. God bless America. The real tragedy of the Miss America Pageant is the mixed message it sends little girls who are less cynical than I am: Education and professionalism are great, but only after you've proven that you can look smashing on stage. Don't be fooled, ladies! The Miss Amer- ica Pageant is not about the advancement of women any more than "The Jeffersons" was ~I HREsoMETIwnmwvYOU TINK nn4K DAILY'S