12B - The Michigan Daily - Weeknd, etc. Magazine - Thursday, October 12, 2000
The Michigan D - Weekend, etc
Continued from Page 68
a speech. Get it? Captain Ron. It sounds
like someone doing an impression of
Reagan as a lisping, doddering fool.
What Garbage Pail Kids did best,
though, was combine low-grade visu-
al humor or shock value with a witty
phrase to make a crude joke. The
ironic part is how many common
phrases or word uses I picked up from
these things, not to mention the dis-
covery of many names I didn't know
Each of these, card subtitles taught
both a common expression and a lesson
in life: Stormy Weather/April Showers
was a girl in the rain getting struck by
lightning (the danger of electrical cur-
rents). Electric Bill was a guy in an elec-
tric chair (capital punishment and the
danger of electrical currents). Live Mike
was a trashy-looking guitar player get-
ting electrically shocked by a short in his
amplification (the dangers of heavy
metal and electrical currents). Half-
Nelson was a picture of a doll that was
half male and half female (the world of
cross-dressing and bisexuality). Peepin'
Tom was a guy with eyes all over his
body and a telescope (the world of per-
verts). Nervous Rex was a guy smoking
a pack of cigarettes surrounded by sever-
al cups of coffee (the world of caffeine
and nicotine abuse). Drunk Ken was a
bag man with a forty by a dumpster hal-
lucinating a pink elephant and a blue
bunny (the world of alcohol abuse).
Adam Bomb was a picture of a boy
pushing a button triggering a nuclear
bomb mushroom cloud up from his head
(the foreboding threat of nuclear war ...
this was the '80s, remember). Acne Amy
was a metal-mouthed pimple-faced girl
(the foreboding threat of puberty).
Perhaps more than anything else,
Garbage Pail Kids taught me about
myself. The scads of cards featuring
vomit (Up Chuck and Heavin' Steven),
snot (Gore May eats her own mucus) and
body hair (Harry Carrie) helped kids get
in touch with the beauty of their physical
Moreover, by identifying with the
poor kids depicted in these cards, chil-
dren my age were forced to deal with
their own vices. I've always had a
dreadful sweet tooth and my favorite
card was a first series picture of a
toothless doll devouring lollypops and
candy: Junkfood John.
- John can be reached via e-mail at
juhhwnich.edu and would like to dedi-
cate this cohnn to the band Fuse.
Sites to cure what ails ya
Athletes practice safe sports to prevent
By Kiran Divvela
Daily Arts Writer
An all-American boy is overwhelmed by unacceptable sexu-
al impulses. To compound the problem, he's starting his
first day at the University of Michigan! But-those damned
perverse urges! What's heto do?
Unspeakable Ur e
an illustrated novel by Moises ulido
A comic, literary novel about a U-M student struggling
with his sexual identity,aset on the Ann Arbor campus,
written by U-M graduate Moises Pulido
order from major bookstores incl. Borders, Bames&Noble, or online at www.bn.com
You know it's out there. All the
cold and flu medication propaganda
has convinced you that you're going
to be debilitated by sickness soon and
there's nothing you can do about it.
Conveniently, the web has a huge
amount of resources to prevent you
from reaching for your tissue box
Pfb MD.com, the premiere Website
for health and those who heal, has an
entire suite of helpful data organized
by your perspective, whether you're a
consumer, a pre-med student or a
The site contains hundreds of arti-
cles searchable by keyword. In addi-
tion to the WebMD database, the site
can search through numerous other
medical databases geared towards
Another site with health facts is
Discover.com. Besides having the
best commercials on television,
Discovery.com is also a fountain of
knowledge for wellness and animal
health. Men, women, seniors and
children have separate sections with
articles specific to each category.
Information is good, but
Discoverv.com provides more than
just a plethora of facts. There are also
interactive games involving items of
diet and exercise.
If you're sick of thinking about
health in general and want to find out
how much longer you're going to live,
consult TleSpark.com's Death Test.
Basically you input information about
yourself and it spits out the date
you're going to die. Don't take it too
seriously though, one of the questions
asked whether or not you put live
firecrackers in your mouth for fun.
If you've become a hypochondriac
after reading this issue, your craving
for health information will be
quenched by the time you finish look-
ing through these sites. They'll prob-
ably even have a cure for your inces-
sant toe nail biting.
By Nick Kacher
For the Daily
For every touchdown scored, goal
made and point earned by a Michigan
athlete, there are sure to be three times as
Competing at the college level can
really take its toll on an athlete's body.
Injuries are a part of athletics. No mat-
ter how much preparation goes into
avoiding them, they are still going to
But Michigan athletes would be drop-
ping like flies if not for the dedication
and expertise of the unsung hero of
every team, the trainer.
"I think we'd pretty much fall apart
without our trainers,"junior field hockey
player Ashley Thomas said. "They set up
doctor appointments and get us what we
need, they also make our rehab programs
if we do have injuries. It's really helpful."
The trainers are the first ones to show
up to practice every day, in order to give
various treatments before that days prac-
tice, and they are the last ones to leave.
If the team has to get up early for a
morning practice, the trainer's alarm is
set just as early. If an athlete has to get x-
rays, or make a doctor's appointment, no
matter what time of day, there is a good
chance the trainer will be the one picking
them up. "They prepare cold and hot
packs, electrical stimulation and they
just tell you what you should be doing,"
Michigan hockey player, Scott Matzka
Although the trainers are extremely
helpful in preventing and taking care of
injuries, it is up to each individual athlete
to make sure to warm-up properly.
"It's important to get a good stretch
before you get on the ice and then anoth-
er nice one after practice to make sure
that you are not tight the next day" juni-
ior hockey goalie Josh Blackburn said."
Teammate Matzka adds, "the biggest
thing is that if you have an injury, rest it
and make sure you keep an eye on it and
tell the trainers."
At the end of the day, after all the tape
is torn off and all the ice has melted,
what remains is a relationship.
It is a two-way street, one in which
the athletes must swallow their pride
and inform the trainers when they are
hurting, and the trainers must know
their athletes well enough, so that they
don't have to.
Scott Matzka does his best
QUALITY DRY CLEANING
& SHIRT SERVICE
(Across from Nickels Arcade)
Are you ready for the
The GRE is an important part
of your Graduate School
application. Stand out from
the other applicants.
. Maximum 8 students
* 4 computer adaptive tests
0 Expert Instructors
0 Up-to-date Materials
* Satisfaction Guarantee
Oct. 21s' & 28th
Call today to enroll!
Northern Trust is all about class, from our commitment to our clients, to the depth and breadth of our career
development tracks for our newest employees. Find out how we can maximize your full career potential when
you become a member of one of our Development Programs in:
Corporate & Institutional Services
Personal Financial Services
What's coming up?
Win $100, $50, or $25
Random cash drawing held at the Info Session. All attendees are eligible.
Monday, October 16th
512 E. Williams St.
For more information about Northern Trust, these development programs and career events, visit our web site at:
Northern Trust offers competitive salaries, in-depth training, and exceptional benefits
in a professionally encouraging work environment.
Attn: VGlCollege Relations
50 S. LaSalle St., M-5
Chicago, IL 60675 " Fax: 312-557-2734
Experience our winning ways.
Stop by the UAC office and pick out a fish to bring
home. Fish tend to get lonely, so we recommend
taking them home in pairs.
jM4chiga I ~'o rcieg1ra 'regeft ;
. 100 ears 4Aarl n 1And
November 2nd, 8:00 pm at Michigan Theater.
Tickets are $5 for students, seniors, and children;
$8 for Adults. Tickets may be purchased at
,, MUTO, 734.763.TKTS, or at the door.
coM 1T U11
UNIVERSITY ACTIVITIES CENTER
comm~fitted [touaEdiverse a"workplace.
t w a