12B - The Michigan Daily - Weeknd, etc. Magazine - Thursday, October 12, 2000 9 0 The Michigan D - Weekend, etc PAIL Continued from Page 68 a speech. Get it? Captain Ron. It sounds like someone doing an impression of Reagan as a lisping, doddering fool. What Garbage Pail Kids did best, though, was combine low-grade visu- al humor or shock value with a witty phrase to make a crude joke. The ironic part is how many common phrases or word uses I picked up from these things, not to mention the dis- covery of many names I didn't know before. Each of these, card subtitles taught both a common expression and a lesson in life: Stormy Weather/April Showers was a girl in the rain getting struck by lightning (the danger of electrical cur- rents). Electric Bill was a guy in an elec- tric chair (capital punishment and the danger of electrical currents). Live Mike was a trashy-looking guitar player get- ting electrically shocked by a short in his amplification (the dangers of heavy metal and electrical currents). Half- Nelson was a picture of a doll that was half male and half female (the world of cross-dressing and bisexuality). Peepin' Tom was a guy with eyes all over his body and a telescope (the world of per- verts). Nervous Rex was a guy smoking a pack of cigarettes surrounded by sever- al cups of coffee (the world of caffeine and nicotine abuse). Drunk Ken was a bag man with a forty by a dumpster hal- lucinating a pink elephant and a blue bunny (the world of alcohol abuse). Adam Bomb was a picture of a boy pushing a button triggering a nuclear bomb mushroom cloud up from his head (the foreboding threat of nuclear war ... this was the '80s, remember). Acne Amy was a metal-mouthed pimple-faced girl (the foreboding threat of puberty). Perhaps more than anything else, Garbage Pail Kids taught me about myself. The scads of cards featuring vomit (Up Chuck and Heavin' Steven), snot (Gore May eats her own mucus) and body hair (Harry Carrie) helped kids get in touch with the beauty of their physical beings. Moreover, by identifying with the poor kids depicted in these cards, chil- dren my age were forced to deal with their own vices. I've always had a dreadful sweet tooth and my favorite card was a first series picture of a toothless doll devouring lollypops and candy: Junkfood John. - John can be reached via e-mail at juhhwnich.edu and would like to dedi- cate this cohnn to the band Fuse. Sites to cure what ails ya Athletes practice safe sports to prevent By Kiran Divvela Daily Arts Writer An all-American boy is overwhelmed by unacceptable sexu- al impulses. To compound the problem, he's starting his first day at the University of Michigan! But-those damned perverse urges! What's heto do? Unspeakable Ur e an illustrated novel by Moises ulido A comic, literary novel about a U-M student struggling with his sexual identity,aset on the Ann Arbor campus, written by U-M graduate Moises Pulido order from major bookstores incl. Borders, Bames&Noble, or online at www.bn.com You know it's out there. All the cold and flu medication propaganda has convinced you that you're going to be debilitated by sickness soon and there's nothing you can do about it. Conveniently, the web has a huge amount of resources to prevent you from reaching for your tissue box repeatedly. Pfb MD.com, the premiere Website for health and those who heal, has an entire suite of helpful data organized by your perspective, whether you're a consumer, a pre-med student or a doctor. The site contains hundreds of arti- cles searchable by keyword. In addi- tion to the WebMD database, the site can search through numerous other medical databases geared towards patients. Another site with health facts is Discover.com. Besides having the best commercials on television, Discovery.com is also a fountain of knowledge for wellness and animal health. Men, women, seniors and children have separate sections with articles specific to each category. Information is good, but Discoverv.com provides more than just a plethora of facts. There are also interactive games involving items of diet and exercise. If you're sick of thinking about health in general and want to find out how much longer you're going to live, consult TleSpark.com's Death Test. Basically you input information about yourself and it spits out the date you're going to die. Don't take it too seriously though, one of the questions asked whether or not you put live firecrackers in your mouth for fun. If you've become a hypochondriac after reading this issue, your craving for health information will be quenched by the time you finish look- ing through these sites. They'll prob- ably even have a cure for your inces- sant toe nail biting. By Nick Kacher For the Daily For every touchdown scored, goal made and point earned by a Michigan athlete, there are sure to be three times as many injuries. Competing at the college level can really take its toll on an athlete's body. Injuries are a part of athletics. No mat- ter how much preparation goes into avoiding them, they are still going to happen. But Michigan athletes would be drop- ping like flies if not for the dedication and expertise of the unsung hero of every team, the trainer. "I think we'd pretty much fall apart without our trainers,"junior field hockey player Ashley Thomas said. "They set up doctor appointments and get us what we need, they also make our rehab programs if we do have injuries. It's really helpful." The trainers are the first ones to show up to practice every day, in order to give various treatments before that days prac- tice, and they are the last ones to leave. If the team has to get up early for a morning practice, the trainer's alarm is set just as early. If an athlete has to get x- rays, or make a doctor's appointment, no matter what time of day, there is a good chance the trainer will be the one picking them up. "They prepare cold and hot packs, electrical stimulation and they just tell you what you should be doing," Michigan hockey player, Scott Matzka said. Although the trainers are extremely helpful in preventing and taking care of injuries, it is up to each individual athlete to make sure to warm-up properly. "It's important to get a good stretch before you get on the ice and then anoth- er nice one after practice to make sure that you are not tight the next day" juni- ior hockey goalie Josh Blackburn said." Teammate Matzka adds, "the biggest thing is that if you have an injury, rest it and make sure you keep an eye on it and tell the trainers." At the end of the day, after all the tape is torn off and all the ice has melted, what remains is a relationship. It is a two-way street, one in which the athletes must swallow their pride and inform the trainers when they are hurting, and the trainers must know their athletes well enough, so that they don't have to. Scott Matzka does his best gold bond cleaners QUALITY DRY CLEANING & SHIRT SERVICE 332 Maynard (Across from Nickels Arcade) 668-6335 Are you ready for the GRE? The GRE is an important part of your Graduate School application. Stand out from the other applicants. . Maximum 8 students * 4 computer adaptive tests 0 Expert Instructors 0 Up-to-date Materials * Satisfaction Guarantee (800) 2-REVIEW www.princetonreview.com Courses start Oct. 21s' & 28th Call today to enroll! The inceton Review Northern Trust is all about class, from our commitment to our clients, to the depth and breadth of our career development tracks for our newest employees. 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