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1D3 - The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc. Magazine - Thursday, September 30, 1999
GOoD NEWS FOR WOODY, BAn NEws FOR GALLAGHER
The MichigaMDaily fekendhetc.aga
Spaceyrs big in triler with nothing suspect
How would life in the United
Staes be different if marijuana use
was not only legal but a way of life?
I pondered this question one night
while I sat on my porch (yeah, I
know: get over
the unhealthy
porch fetish,
sir!), listening
to the music of
the ever-pro-
voking Bob
Ma.ley, himself
no stranger to,
the friendly
herb. I could ;
Ilmost hear
3ob whisper-
ng in my ear Chris Kula
'Jah is king,
'ire one up for Unsung
he rastaman..." nn Arbor
So, here are
he possible cultural differences I
:ame up with. Cheech and Chong,
eat your THC-engorged hearts out.
U The official version of "The
Star-Spangled Banner" is recorded
by Cypress Hill. The lyrics are
changed to "Oh say, can you see/By
the blunt's early light."
* Specialty bongs are found
alongside African-style statuettes
and molded clay floor lamps on the
shelves of yuppie outfitter Pier One.
* Woody Harrelson is widely con-
sidered the greatest living thespian
of our generation. His gripping char-
acterization of Billy Hoyle in "White
Men Can't Jump" ranks right up
there with Brando's Stanley
Kowalski.
* In the event of cabin pressure
loss, the gas masks that fall from an
airplane's ceiling compartments dis-
pense pre-filtered pot fumes. The
captain, speaking over the intercom,
says "Ladies and gentlemen, it's time
to...raise our altitude, if you catch
my drift."
* At restaurants, hostesses ask
"Smoking, non-smoking or...smok-
ing (wink wink, nudge nudge)?"
* In 1992, Bill Clinton is elected
president in the greatest landslide
ever witnessed. His success at the
polls stems largely from his response
to the question of whether or not he
had ever tried marijuana:
"Hell yeah, I smoked pot," Clinton
said, "and I inhaled like a freaking
Hoover vacuum!"
M Instead of chewing tobacco,
most major league baseball players
suck on cannabis seeds. As a result,
washed-up Detroit Tiger pitcher
Doug Brocail, one of the few players
who still chews bubblegum, throws a
record 27 no-hitters in one season.
Starbucks introduces a new
branch of dual java cafes/hash bars.
It's common to hear morning cus-
tomers say "Yeah, I'd like a double
mocha extra foam, a blueberry bran
muffin and one fat mother of a
joint."
San Francisco officially
changes its name to New New
Amsterdam. Shortly thereafter, the
Golden Gate Bridge disappears into
a thick, hazy fog, never to be seen
again.
Nipsey Russell relocates to San
Francisco. He is never seen again
either.
7-1 1 is once again open 24
hours a day, but now it is stocked
only with Funyuns, spicy beef jerky
and grape Slurpees.
U Motel 6 switches its traditional
slogan to "We'll leave the light on for
you, and then we'll get wicked blown
out with you. Hey, did you see Phish
at the Rosemont? Man, they totally
tore up that Gin, didn't they?" Motel
6's stock rises 300 points in two
days.
Irreverent prop comic Gallagher
is severely beaten by one of his audi-
ences when, for the finale of his
"Sledge-O-Matic" routine, he crush-
es and destroys 20 kilos of fine
Chilean weed.
* In the nation's capital, the
Washington Monument and its adja-
cent reflecting pool are converted
into the universe's largest water
bong.
"High Times" displaces "Time
Magazine" as the most widely-read
weekly newsmagazine. One of its
staff writers, a Vermont native
known simply as Head, is awarded
the Pulitzer Prize for journalism for
his piece titled "Nugs: Phatty, Dank
or Phatty Dank?"
* Busta Rhymes is hospitalized
when microscopic marijuana plants
begin taking root in his lungs.
3 Hash Bash draws more than
12.5 million people to the Diag,
including a number of world leaders.
A well-toasted Pope John Paul II
leads the crowd in a mass sing-along
of Rick James' "Mary Jane."
The whole world lives in peace
and harmony.
And if you believed that last one
- wow, you must be smoking some-
thing.
-Chris Ku/a can be reached at
ckulaca unmich.edu and like the
Electric Conpanm. he likes to get
high on life. Yeah/
By MatthewSrett
Daily Arts Writer
A sharp and stylish thriller, 'The Usual
Suspects" grabs viewers by the throat and
dares them to figure out the identity of
Keyser Soze before the film's final
frames. And from the beginning, all we
know for sure is that Soze, a mysterious
evil mastermind with a wicked reputa-
tion, has set up a drug heist for five crim-
inals looking to hit it big.
Making up the quintet are McManus
(Stephen Baldwin), Fenster (Benicio Del
Toro), Hockney (Kevin Pollak), Keaton
(Gabriel Byrne) and Verbal Kint (Kevin
Spacev). This ensemble is the heart of the
film, with several underachieving actors
giving the performances of their careers.
In the end, however, it's Spacey who
rises to the top in the role of the crippled
con man who talks a big game and has
Soze hot on his tail. Verbal likes good
coffee, once sang in a barbershop quartet
and didn't get his name by accident The
part established Spacey as a major acting
talent with the moviegoing public and
snagged him the Oscar for Best
Supporting Actor. Spacey is so mesmer-
izing and convincing in the part that it's
near impossible to take your eyes off him
when the actor's onscreen.
The film gets rolling with Kint in the
hands of the authorities, who question
him about the heist and the events leading
up to it. Kint is reluctant to spill the
beans, but also scared to death to go back
out on the streets with Soze lurking in the
shadows. From there, the plot unfolds in
Kint's flashbacks, with occasional breaks
for real-time happenings. What evolves is
a web of mystery that will leave viewers
puzzled and guessing at every turn about
the identity of Keyser Soze.
The majority of the credit for the twists
and turns goes to screenwriter
Christopher McQuarrie (who won the
Oscar for his screenplay) and director thing novel for most of today's ma
Bryan Singer. McQuarrie's script devel- suspense. Anyone seeing "The
ops several smart and unique characters Suspects" for the first time will b
in a well-crafted plot packed with a few pressed to predict an ending after f
vicious bits of humor. Singer is relentless five minutes,
in his storytelling, demanding full atten- As a result, the film's conclusi
tion from the audience. The two also do satisfying as any in recent memo
an admirable job at not tipping their hand will cause a knee-jerk need for
too early, and as a result, include some- viewings in order to determine v
-I
MAKE DEADLINEs, NOT WAR.
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71
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