__h McianD.y_*eenec.Mg I 1D3 - The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc. Magazine - Thursday, September 30, 1999 GOoD NEWS FOR WOODY, BAn NEws FOR GALLAGHER The MichigaMDaily fekendhetc.aga Spaceyrs big in triler with nothing suspect How would life in the United Staes be different if marijuana use was not only legal but a way of life? I pondered this question one night while I sat on my porch (yeah, I know: get over the unhealthy porch fetish, sir!), listening to the music of the ever-pro- voking Bob Ma.ley, himself no stranger to, the friendly herb. I could ; Ilmost hear 3ob whisper- ng in my ear Chris Kula 'Jah is king, 'ire one up for Unsung he rastaman..." nn Arbor So, here are he possible cultural differences I :ame up with. Cheech and Chong, eat your THC-engorged hearts out. U The official version of "The Star-Spangled Banner" is recorded by Cypress Hill. The lyrics are changed to "Oh say, can you see/By the blunt's early light." * Specialty bongs are found alongside African-style statuettes and molded clay floor lamps on the shelves of yuppie outfitter Pier One. * Woody Harrelson is widely con- sidered the greatest living thespian of our generation. His gripping char- acterization of Billy Hoyle in "White Men Can't Jump" ranks right up there with Brando's Stanley Kowalski. * In the event of cabin pressure loss, the gas masks that fall from an airplane's ceiling compartments dis- pense pre-filtered pot fumes. The captain, speaking over the intercom, says "Ladies and gentlemen, it's time to...raise our altitude, if you catch my drift." * At restaurants, hostesses ask "Smoking, non-smoking or...smok- ing (wink wink, nudge nudge)?" * In 1992, Bill Clinton is elected president in the greatest landslide ever witnessed. His success at the polls stems largely from his response to the question of whether or not he had ever tried marijuana: "Hell yeah, I smoked pot," Clinton said, "and I inhaled like a freaking Hoover vacuum!" M Instead of chewing tobacco, most major league baseball players suck on cannabis seeds. As a result, washed-up Detroit Tiger pitcher Doug Brocail, one of the few players who still chews bubblegum, throws a record 27 no-hitters in one season. Starbucks introduces a new branch of dual java cafes/hash bars. It's common to hear morning cus- tomers say "Yeah, I'd like a double mocha extra foam, a blueberry bran muffin and one fat mother of a joint." San Francisco officially changes its name to New New Amsterdam. Shortly thereafter, the Golden Gate Bridge disappears into a thick, hazy fog, never to be seen again. Nipsey Russell relocates to San Francisco. He is never seen again either. 7-1 1 is once again open 24 hours a day, but now it is stocked only with Funyuns, spicy beef jerky and grape Slurpees. U Motel 6 switches its traditional slogan to "We'll leave the light on for you, and then we'll get wicked blown out with you. Hey, did you see Phish at the Rosemont? Man, they totally tore up that Gin, didn't they?" Motel 6's stock rises 300 points in two days. Irreverent prop comic Gallagher is severely beaten by one of his audi- ences when, for the finale of his "Sledge-O-Matic" routine, he crush- es and destroys 20 kilos of fine Chilean weed. * In the nation's capital, the Washington Monument and its adja- cent reflecting pool are converted into the universe's largest water bong. "High Times" displaces "Time Magazine" as the most widely-read weekly newsmagazine. One of its staff writers, a Vermont native known simply as Head, is awarded the Pulitzer Prize for journalism for his piece titled "Nugs: Phatty, Dank or Phatty Dank?" * Busta Rhymes is hospitalized when microscopic marijuana plants begin taking root in his lungs. 3 Hash Bash draws more than 12.5 million people to the Diag, including a number of world leaders. A well-toasted Pope John Paul II leads the crowd in a mass sing-along of Rick James' "Mary Jane." The whole world lives in peace and harmony. And if you believed that last one - wow, you must be smoking some- thing. -Chris Ku/a can be reached at ckulaca unmich.edu and like the Electric Conpanm. he likes to get high on life. Yeah/ By MatthewSrett Daily Arts Writer A sharp and stylish thriller, 'The Usual Suspects" grabs viewers by the throat and dares them to figure out the identity of Keyser Soze before the film's final frames. And from the beginning, all we know for sure is that Soze, a mysterious evil mastermind with a wicked reputa- tion, has set up a drug heist for five crim- inals looking to hit it big. Making up the quintet are McManus (Stephen Baldwin), Fenster (Benicio Del Toro), Hockney (Kevin Pollak), Keaton (Gabriel Byrne) and Verbal Kint (Kevin Spacev). This ensemble is the heart of the film, with several underachieving actors giving the performances of their careers. In the end, however, it's Spacey who rises to the top in the role of the crippled con man who talks a big game and has Soze hot on his tail. Verbal likes good coffee, once sang in a barbershop quartet and didn't get his name by accident The part established Spacey as a major acting talent with the moviegoing public and snagged him the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor. Spacey is so mesmer- izing and convincing in the part that it's near impossible to take your eyes off him when the actor's onscreen. The film gets rolling with Kint in the hands of the authorities, who question him about the heist and the events leading up to it. Kint is reluctant to spill the beans, but also scared to death to go back out on the streets with Soze lurking in the shadows. From there, the plot unfolds in Kint's flashbacks, with occasional breaks for real-time happenings. What evolves is a web of mystery that will leave viewers puzzled and guessing at every turn about the identity of Keyser Soze. The majority of the credit for the twists and turns goes to screenwriter Christopher McQuarrie (who won the Oscar for his screenplay) and director thing novel for most of today's ma Bryan Singer. McQuarrie's script devel- suspense. Anyone seeing "The ops several smart and unique characters Suspects" for the first time will b in a well-crafted plot packed with a few pressed to predict an ending after f vicious bits of humor. Singer is relentless five minutes, in his storytelling, demanding full atten- As a result, the film's conclusi tion from the audience. The two also do satisfying as any in recent memo an admirable job at not tipping their hand will cause a knee-jerk need for too early, and as a result, include some- viewings in order to determine v -I MAKE DEADLINEs, NOT WAR. WRITE FOR THE DAILY. RIGnT ON, MAN. pZebrate our G CCOmp hments... Live with British students in the center of Oxford as an Associate Student of an Oxford college at an affordable cost $8,600 a semester Tuition, Housing, Tours, Meals Summer term option Oxford Study Abroad Programme 52Cornmarket Street Oxford OX 1 3HJ England Tel & Fax: 011 44 1865 798738 Email: osap@osap.co.uk Web: www.srudyabroad.com/osap 71 yT "k L k ,'r iY e. b tl September 30 October I 1 I:0OAM-4:OO PM se , " r ^ ' _r i ' .a "-:E * i;4 ,b. .'# ,f t. . 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