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April 13, 2000 - Image 21

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The Michigan Daily, 2000-04-13

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12C - Th ichigan Daily - Week , etc. Magazine - Thursda aril 13, 2000

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The Michigan Da - Weekend, etc

1 ---- - MV

ONE MORE CRASH COURSE IN SELF-IMPROVEMENT VIA DECEIT

Skydiving allow students to experienc

It's getting to be time for the age-old
"What are you doing this summer?"
question and answer session, and I
have only one response.
"I love the smell of small talk in the
morning."
Actually, truth be told (once again),
I rather loathe small talk, so to me such
a conversation is akin to the apoca-
lypse, and with the summer months
quickly approaching, the apocalypse is

now.
I guess the basic premise of the
question isn't all that bad, as it's born
of common curiosity or, in the rarest
cases, actual interest. However, for the
most part, the conversation following
that initial query is pretty much point-
less.
Unless you're interning aboard
NASA's next space shuttle and/or play-
ing third base in the Yankees farm sys-

tem, chances are your summer plans
won't elicit great excitement from your
counterpart.
"Well, I'm gonna take two classes
during spring term -"
"Are you serious? That's incredible!
What classes?"
"Umrnm, Econ and Calculus ..."
"Holy shit, you're the new messi-
ah!"
And if you're anything like me and it

www.atomclving.com /campus

takes you until mid-June to finally fig-
ure out what the summer is all about,
then you're just plain out of luck. Your
answer's going to be vague and aim-
less, something to the effect of"I don't
really know. I'm going home, probably
just to hang out."
The only response I can imagine for
the other person would be to purr,
"Aww, that's nice," and pat you on the
head like the meek little puppy you
are.
So if you have no firm summer
plans yet and you're faced with that
inescapable small-talk scenario, here's
a new option: Lie. Directly to their
faces. As Bob Dylan never really sang,
"Lie, lady, lie."
And why not? You're probably not
going to see this person for the next
four months, so why not give them
something unique to remember you
by?
Your fib may not cause mass wor-
ship at your feet, but, at the very least,
it'll raise an eyebrow or two (which is
essentially how I feel about this col-
umn of mine).
* Tell them you're going to spend
your summer watchina "Gilligan's
Island" reruns on TNT. When they
chuckle softly at what they think is a

joke, get real intense and explain how
you're writing a sociology thesis on
sexual politics, and the story of the
castaways in the
context of their
respective carnal
desires is your
primary means of
research.
For instance,
you're trying to
prove that
Gilligan was
some sort of
asexual creature
Chris Kula attracted to nei-

By Toyin Akinmusuru
Weekend, Etc. Editor
As summer approaches, students
have more time and energy available
to try out new events and experience
new memories. This year, one activi-
ty gaining in popularity with stu-
dents is parachuting.
SkyDive Techumseh, a Drop Zone

(skydiving facility) just a half hour's
drive away from campus, has been
gaining increasing student patron-
age.
Skydiving is an exciting and exhil-
arating sport in which you hurl your-
self out of a perfectly good plane
traveling at 80 to 90 knots at 10,000
feet and fall toward the earth at 120
mph slowed only by some fabric in

the wind. The adrenaline rush that a
parachuter experiences is said to be
the greatest feeling in the world and
is also very addictive.
The United States Parachute
Association (USPA) estimates that
skydivers in the United States per-
form 3,250,000 jumps each year. It is
also estimated that more than
300,000 people completes their first

Un t -b
Ann '' '

ther gender -he
con t i n u o usl y
rebuffed the lusty
advances of

jump every year. Almost anyc
do a first jump. providing
health requirements are me
USPA's more than 34,000 m
range in age from 18 to 96.
Brad Spatz, an avid skydive
pares the activity in the air to
ming. "If riding in an airplane
ing, then riding in a boat is
ming."

Ginger and Mary Anne, vet he showed
no interest in forming a sugar-daddy
relationship with Thurston Howell Ill.
Furthermore, you believe that the
Professor and the Skipper shared, on
more than one occasion, an intimate,
moonlit rendezxous while thev were
supposedly "fixing the boat" And
Mrs. Howell? Clearly a man in drag.
U Excitedly tell them you're spend-
ing the summer abroad. and when they
See KULA, Page 13C

Whereto JuMP
Tecumseh-Meyers Airport
197 Burt Street
Tecumseh, Michigan 49286
Phone: (517) 423-7720
Beginner s skyd',uing classes are offered Saturdays
and Sundays, fr' m 9 am to 3 pm. You can jump
the samt da y yether permitting.
Lessons are tbout $150 each. Experienced divers
only pay 151 erjump.
Male weighr limit: 230 pounds
Female wei ght limit: 180 pounds
G svratttw, sI
±iQM+W

AUDITIONS FOR THE
ORIENTATION SUMMER TROUPE
Office of New Student Programs
Do you like your voice to be heard? Do you love performing in front of
crowds? Would like to get paid for making people laugh, think, learn? Res Rep
Theatre troupe (AKA Summer Troupe) is holding auditions for this summer's
orientation theatre program. This program performs to over 5000 incoming
first-year students. For the last three years, it has been the top rated orientation
program.
Indivduals interested in being a part of this 10 person ensemble will not only
possess a passion for performing, but an understanding of how theatre can be
used to inform, enlighten and teach. Individuals in the ensemble will not only
assist in the development of the theatre piece, but will perform various roles
throughout the summer's 34 show run (Sunday through Wednesday evenings)
This opportunity is ideal for the student who either works or takes classes
during the day. This is an evening commitment from 7:00 p.m.-10:00 p.m.
NO previous acting experience required. Minorities are encouraged to audition.
NO audition material required. Be prepared to stay the entire audition time.
Auditions will be held Thursday, April 13, 7:00 p.m.-9:00 p.m. in the Main
Lounge on the first floor of the South Quad (East side of South Quad) Lounge
and call-backs are scheduled for 7:00 p.m.-9:00 p.m. in the same location on
Friday, April 14''.
Performances are 7:00 p.m.-10:00 p.m. Sundays, Mondays, Tuesdays and
Wednesdays from June 4 through August 7h except for June 25th and July 2-
4. Rehearsals begin in May.
Assistant Director Position: We are looking for an Assistant Director who
will assist with the production of the group (i.e. scheduling rehearsals, taking
care of paperwork, creating props, etc.)as well as perform in the troupe. The
Assistant Director works approximately 20-30 hours per week during the
month of May and between 15-20 during the rest of the summer. The Assistant
Director receives $9.00 per hour with an option of living in East Quad and
receiving meals.
Actors: Actors work about 12-15 hours a week during the months of May,
June, July and early August. There may be additional hours spent in rehearsals
in May. Students have three options for compensation:
1. Receive $7.50 per hour
2. Live in East Quad and receive $7.50 per hour but no meals
3. Live in East Quad with meals and receive a stipend of $900.00 paid on a bi-
weekly basis throughout the course of the summer.
Applications are available now in the Office of New Student Programs.
Deadline for applying is April 19, 2000. Please return applications to ONSP,
3511 Student Activities Building. For more information contact Ann Hower at
the Office of New Student Programs, 764-6413 or email onsp@umich.edu.

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Section free ad raffle.
Thanks to the following advertisers
for their participation:
Alumni Association, Ann Arbor
Transportation Authority, Bear
Stearns, Cottage Inn Carry Out,
Exameb.com, Fowler Center, Gary
Lillie & Associates Inc., Harmony
House, Jostens, Kaplan, Kurland
Realty, Law Library, M Pathways,
Metro Mazda, Michigan Union
Bookstore, Noggins, Pizza House,
Princeton Review, Rampy
Chevrolet, Schlanderer's Jewelry,
Scorekeepers, Saturn of Ann Arbor,
The Union, U of M Telefund, Village
Apothecary, Warburg Dillion Reed,
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For.information on summer rates and
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