12C - Th ichigan Daily - Week , etc. Magazine - Thursda aril 13, 2000 4) 0 The Michigan Da - Weekend, etc 1 ---- - MV ONE MORE CRASH COURSE IN SELF-IMPROVEMENT VIA DECEIT Skydiving allow students to experienc It's getting to be time for the age-old "What are you doing this summer?" question and answer session, and I have only one response. "I love the smell of small talk in the morning." Actually, truth be told (once again), I rather loathe small talk, so to me such a conversation is akin to the apoca- lypse, and with the summer months quickly approaching, the apocalypse is now. I guess the basic premise of the question isn't all that bad, as it's born of common curiosity or, in the rarest cases, actual interest. However, for the most part, the conversation following that initial query is pretty much point- less. Unless you're interning aboard NASA's next space shuttle and/or play- ing third base in the Yankees farm sys- tem, chances are your summer plans won't elicit great excitement from your counterpart. "Well, I'm gonna take two classes during spring term -" "Are you serious? That's incredible! What classes?" "Umrnm, Econ and Calculus ..." "Holy shit, you're the new messi- ah!" And if you're anything like me and it www.atomclving.com /campus takes you until mid-June to finally fig- ure out what the summer is all about, then you're just plain out of luck. Your answer's going to be vague and aim- less, something to the effect of"I don't really know. I'm going home, probably just to hang out." The only response I can imagine for the other person would be to purr, "Aww, that's nice," and pat you on the head like the meek little puppy you are. So if you have no firm summer plans yet and you're faced with that inescapable small-talk scenario, here's a new option: Lie. Directly to their faces. As Bob Dylan never really sang, "Lie, lady, lie." And why not? You're probably not going to see this person for the next four months, so why not give them something unique to remember you by? Your fib may not cause mass wor- ship at your feet, but, at the very least, it'll raise an eyebrow or two (which is essentially how I feel about this col- umn of mine). * Tell them you're going to spend your summer watchina "Gilligan's Island" reruns on TNT. When they chuckle softly at what they think is a joke, get real intense and explain how you're writing a sociology thesis on sexual politics, and the story of the castaways in the context of their respective carnal desires is your primary means of research. For instance, you're trying to prove that Gilligan was some sort of asexual creature Chris Kula attracted to nei- By Toyin Akinmusuru Weekend, Etc. Editor As summer approaches, students have more time and energy available to try out new events and experience new memories. This year, one activi- ty gaining in popularity with stu- dents is parachuting. SkyDive Techumseh, a Drop Zone (skydiving facility) just a half hour's drive away from campus, has been gaining increasing student patron- age. Skydiving is an exciting and exhil- arating sport in which you hurl your- self out of a perfectly good plane traveling at 80 to 90 knots at 10,000 feet and fall toward the earth at 120 mph slowed only by some fabric in the wind. The adrenaline rush that a parachuter experiences is said to be the greatest feeling in the world and is also very addictive. The United States Parachute Association (USPA) estimates that skydivers in the United States per- form 3,250,000 jumps each year. It is also estimated that more than 300,000 people completes their first Un t -b Ann '' ' ther gender -he con t i n u o usl y rebuffed the lusty advances of jump every year. Almost anyc do a first jump. providing health requirements are me USPA's more than 34,000 m range in age from 18 to 96. Brad Spatz, an avid skydive pares the activity in the air to ming. "If riding in an airplane ing, then riding in a boat is ming." Ginger and Mary Anne, vet he showed no interest in forming a sugar-daddy relationship with Thurston Howell Ill. Furthermore, you believe that the Professor and the Skipper shared, on more than one occasion, an intimate, moonlit rendezxous while thev were supposedly "fixing the boat" And Mrs. Howell? Clearly a man in drag. U Excitedly tell them you're spend- ing the summer abroad. and when they See KULA, Page 13C Whereto JuMP Tecumseh-Meyers Airport 197 Burt Street Tecumseh, Michigan 49286 Phone: (517) 423-7720 Beginner s skyd',uing classes are offered Saturdays and Sundays, fr' m 9 am to 3 pm. You can jump the samt da y yether permitting. Lessons are tbout $150 each. Experienced divers only pay 151 erjump. Male weighr limit: 230 pounds Female wei ght limit: 180 pounds G svratttw, sI ±iQM+W AUDITIONS FOR THE ORIENTATION SUMMER TROUPE Office of New Student Programs Do you like your voice to be heard? Do you love performing in front of crowds? Would like to get paid for making people laugh, think, learn? Res Rep Theatre troupe (AKA Summer Troupe) is holding auditions for this summer's orientation theatre program. This program performs to over 5000 incoming first-year students. For the last three years, it has been the top rated orientation program. Indivduals interested in being a part of this 10 person ensemble will not only possess a passion for performing, but an understanding of how theatre can be used to inform, enlighten and teach. Individuals in the ensemble will not only assist in the development of the theatre piece, but will perform various roles throughout the summer's 34 show run (Sunday through Wednesday evenings) This opportunity is ideal for the student who either works or takes classes during the day. This is an evening commitment from 7:00 p.m.-10:00 p.m. NO previous acting experience required. Minorities are encouraged to audition. NO audition material required. Be prepared to stay the entire audition time. Auditions will be held Thursday, April 13, 7:00 p.m.-9:00 p.m. in the Main Lounge on the first floor of the South Quad (East side of South Quad) Lounge and call-backs are scheduled for 7:00 p.m.-9:00 p.m. in the same location on Friday, April 14''. Performances are 7:00 p.m.-10:00 p.m. Sundays, Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays from June 4 through August 7h except for June 25th and July 2- 4. Rehearsals begin in May. Assistant Director Position: We are looking for an Assistant Director who will assist with the production of the group (i.e. scheduling rehearsals, taking care of paperwork, creating props, etc.)as well as perform in the troupe. The Assistant Director works approximately 20-30 hours per week during the month of May and between 15-20 during the rest of the summer. The Assistant Director receives $9.00 per hour with an option of living in East Quad and receiving meals. Actors: Actors work about 12-15 hours a week during the months of May, June, July and early August. There may be additional hours spent in rehearsals in May. Students have three options for compensation: 1. Receive $7.50 per hour 2. Live in East Quad and receive $7.50 per hour but no meals 3. Live in East Quad with meals and receive a stipend of $900.00 paid on a bi- weekly basis throughout the course of the summer. Applications are available now in the Office of New Student Programs. Deadline for applying is April 19, 2000. Please return applications to ONSP, 3511 Student Activities Building. For more information contact Ann Hower at the Office of New Student Programs, 764-6413 or email onsp@umich.edu. I Since 1948)P Carry Out I the science of substance and style in an infinity of time, space, and matter you need gear for any action potential apparel, electronics, housewares, games easy and secure online shopping atomicLiving. corn N *l is the winner of Graduation Section free ad raffle. Thanks to the following advertisers for their participation: Alumni Association, Ann Arbor Transportation Authority, Bear Stearns, Cottage Inn Carry Out, Exameb.com, Fowler Center, Gary Lillie & Associates Inc., Harmony House, Jostens, Kaplan, Kurland Realty, Law Library, M Pathways, Metro Mazda, Michigan Union Bookstore, Noggins, Pizza House, Princeton Review, Rampy Chevrolet, Schlanderer's Jewelry, Scorekeepers, Saturn of Ann Arbor, The Union, U of M Telefund, Village Apothecary, Warburg Dillion Reed, West Side Book Shop, and Z ingerman's. For.information on summer rates and products please call (734)764-0554. atomict.ving