an
Heather
Today: Cranky and1
Tomorrow: Happy.
d swings.
Camp letingg four years ofedioriadlfreedom
Jeoparday
January 28, 2000
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For us,
the Daily
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By the Seniors
Former Daily Staffers
Tonight a group of 20 people, who prob-
ably don't belong together, shared
Daily tradition one last time.
We had dinner.
Someone once described it as a big family
dinner. And in a way it has been. For the past
four years, at a point during the busy night,
time slows down for an hour. Sometimes din-
ncr is missed amidst the rush of events,
sometimes not everyone can find a seat at the
table or other responsibilities keep them
away.
We've shared these dinners in times of
hope, on our first nights here, as we learned
names and faces, and looked forward to com-
ing back. We chewed quietly in awe of a girl
who alternately flailed her arms and made
people cry. In another corner the fledgling
sports writers watched the jocular Greek
stuff more Arby's into his mouth than human-
ly possible while his ever-receding hair line
crept further backwards.
Some family members never make it to
dinner, unless the bar counts. Newborn opin-
ion staffers took part in an odd ritual - edit
board at Dominic's. While the editors
ordered pitchers of sangria, the younger
crowd scurried through newspapers, looking
for editorial topics. New and intimidated as
hell by the crazy woman who called herself
one of the editors, the newbies pondered
issues like DNA warehousing, affirmative
action and abortion. With each new issue,
the two editors - one a leftist, one a right-
ist - found their loyalties torn and their
staff nervous and confused. And somewhere
between arguments, pa:liamentarv motions
and deafening pizza bread announcements,
six editorials were passed and the meeting
adjourned.
The arts staff doesn't exactly eat here
either, sometimes they wander in at night and
pick scraps from empty boxes. But as young
unassuming reviewers, they learned from the
soft haired and soft spoken pair of gentle
souls who taught them the Daily's golden
rule: Musicians put out good music, film-
makers put out bad movies.
While we
were at the .
Daily
0.0
So in four years here in the Student
Publications Building, we've wasted a lot .of
time. Time we could have spent doing other
things. We thought about Embracing the
Possibilities in the Greek community or grab-
bing a blow horn to become a campus leader, but.
instead we decided to do something useful. But
because we're a little nostalgic (and well frankly
spent most night here until 2 a.m., you'd also
have that right, but you didn't so it's your own
fault) here's a list of all the things we missed out
on. Always trying to bring you the best coverage
in campus and local news.
0 Travel abroad.
(We love foreign alcohol, men and women)
More sex with strangers
More sex with people we know
Less sex with James Miller
Less ass cleave. 'Nuff said
Never meeting that bitch Jessica Curtin, Brant
Elias or Luke M assie
One word: Porn.
Class
Sleep
* Most of my friends' 21st birthdays
Being skinny
Good health (both physical and mental)
* Pretty much any semblance of a normal life
* The chance to thoroughly piss away my entire
senior year in style. But I plan on malking up for
lost time.
My first date ever with my future girlfriend.,
Explain that one.
0 Discussion, exams and anything else I could
get svm pathetic teachers to buy into. If I were at
the Oaily as much as I led my instructors to
believe, they would've named the paper after
me.
N Spring break (no, I didn't go to the women's
Big Ten basketball tournament in Indianapolis
by choice).
A happy, well-balanced future
® An education from books
* Not being called racist/sexist/bigot/
moron/idiot/biased/yellow/stupid/dirty at least
once a day
A 4.0
Happy, healthy romantic and familial
realtionsips -Compiled from staff reports
And four years passed, just like that. We
ate a few more meals and gained a few more
pounds. Somehow we became the people we
once watched in awe.
The family, which has watched some of its
relatives walk in, stay momentarily on time
lent and disappear through the door for good,
will again say goodbye to some of its most
dedicated members.
For all of the meals we've shared -
putting out special sections on the impeach-
ment, staying up late to put together sports
special sections and sitting at 3 a.m. with
one last pizza, because, well we were awake
- everyone has their favorites.
It is in our family, complete with an
omnipotent deity (Heather), moms and dads
(Jenni, Jeff and Dave), children and monkeys
(Rick, Josh, T.J. and Andy), inbred cousins
(Chris and Jacob), crazy uncles (Jeff D.),
aunts (Erin and Jeannie), distant cousins
(Adam, Adam and Zemke), angelic teenagers
with evil streaks (Katie), condom distribut-
ing aunts (Niki), unidentifiable relations
(Jack and Aaron) that we've all found a place
to call home, when we're tired and when we
are ecstatic.
So if tomorrow our family seems a little
smaller and not as many people return for
dinner on Sunday, well it's true. It's just a
continuation of the cycle. It's how we build
our generations.
But we (the newest Daily ghosts) will
return and we hope there will always be a
chair waiting for us at dinner. We wish we
could stay. And we will miss you, even if
we're only just down the street, sitting on a
bar stool, thinking about dinner and drinking
a beer.
To the losers
who couldn't.
make it
through four
years here.
Long (and whiney) Island
To those who fell along the way
There are a lot of people who walk through the door at 420 Maynard, but there are
only a select few with the stamina to go the distance. (There's also the people
who work here.) But for those of our colleagues who just couldn't make it (too
weak, too stupid, not committed or just plain illiterate) we leave this memento. True,
most of these people are probably still too shattered by their experience working at the
Daily to pick up a paper, but that just gives us more space to berate them for their
weaknesses. (Because of libel, well, we've changed some names, but not personalities.)
#cx
V5s.
ALCOHOLISM
O U R F A V O R I T E F R I E N D
I
I * orw ane* an040.Maynard
This former news reporter quit when she dis-
covered that even by whining, she just could-
n't get other people to do her work for her.
We pity the people who hire her next.
Jersey Chaser
After discovering she preferred Rick's to the
Daily, this former sports writer put more
time into writin naners for athletes than
Two dykes and a visionary
Rise struggling masses! After discovering
they couldn't write an unbiased article if
they tried, this trio decided to take their freak
show on the road and help the unfortunate.
Crafts editor
This spelling bee champion quit (p-e-t-t-y)
the Daily after a dispute over the amount of
her payment. (Too bad she missed an extra
In hot water
This southern cracker got tired of being
labeled "under suspicion" at the Daily, so he
pulled his head out of the hot tub and took
his shenanigans elsewhere.
The IM ringers
This daring duo is conspicuously absent until
their presence is needed at Daily sporting
events. They may not be able to write, but at
THE OPPONENT:
There are no more opponents. No one to
call us and yell at us and tell us we're dirty.
From now on, yell at someone else, we
don't have to pretend to care anymore.
THE OUTLOOK:
Unemployment? Oh well, we'll just do like
all good journalists and soak our troubles
away in a few pints at Ashley's. Later, we'll
pass out in a back alley somewhere.
LAST WEEK:
We saw the light at the end of the tunnel,
but then we passed out. At this point it
doesn't matter, it's old news.
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