The Michigan Daily - Friday, January 28, 2000 -- 9
:Alone again? Mac was sexier,
but Linz is pretty damn cute
By Matthew Barrett
Daily Arts Writer
A new director and star can't save
this familiar story. The jokes in the
ome Alone" series are old and
tired. Lacking humor, originality,
direction and acting, "Home Alone
3" is an awful movie that will hope-
fully mark the end of one of the
more successful movie franchises.
Alex D. Linz ("One Fine Day")
Home
Alone 3
Playing at
Bryan Lark s Room
*oby traps for
bcfricndin, the
plays Alex,
a p p a r e n t I y
renamed to pro-
tect the
M ac a u I a v
Culkin charac-
ter.
Alex must be
a pretty big fan
of the series
because he's got
Mac's moves
down pat. From
screaming in
front of a mir-
ror to setting
the bad guys to
old and grumpy.
sell on the black market. They nar-
row the chip's location down to his
neighborhood and then slowly fig-
ure out who has it.
Alex is conveniently home with
the chicken pox and spots them in
his neighbors' houses. He calls
911, but the police are too late.
After a few stern warnings from the
head of police, Alex decides to take
matters into his own hands.
With a booming direct-to-video
market and such bad writing and
direction, it's hard to figure out
whv "Home Alone 3" ever made it
to the theaters.
In his directorial debut. Raja
Gosnell has a hard time creating
tension throughout the movie.
There really aren't any memorable
shots or sequences in the movie
and Gosnell seems to borrow lib-
erally from the film's predeces-
sors.
John Hughes' screenplay for the
movie is terrible. The dialogue is
not funny when it tries to be, and
laughably off when it tries to be
touching and dramatic. Plotwise,
Hughes never seems to be going for
anything more than getting Alex
alone with the robbers.
The east of the movie is made up
of unknown actors, and that
shouldn't change after this movie.
The quartet of robbers are unable
to muster up the humor that Daniel
Stern and Joe Pesci brought to their
roles, and try as hr might, Alex D.
Linz is no Macaulav Culkin. The
older siblings are cruel and mean to
Alex, but they pack nowhere near
the sinister punch of the children in
the first two movies.
Alex's parents are nothing more
than the stereotypical suburban
mother and father and they seem
like cheap imitations of the origi-
nals.
Big A's family lives in a small.
suburban neighborhood. vet no one
raises an eyebrow when the spies
wander around in broad daylight
wearing ridiculous costumes.
The A Man is also the proud
owner of the most verbatly
advanced parakeet known to man.
Singing, one liners, and bargaining
with humans are all within the lim-
itations of his. fine, feathered
friend.
"Home Alone 3" is a horrendous
movie with very few positive
points. The makers simply took the
two previous movies, tweaked
them, and tried to sell the result as
new. When compared with its pre-
decessors, it has nothing to offer.
Truth be -told, it's as dry as toast
without butter.
Courtesy of dorks on the Web
Optimus Prime flexes his cyber-muscles and scares away the
pretenders to his robotic throne.
Autobots rule;
Joes drool
By Chris Grandstaff
Daily Arts Writer
In the mid-'80s the world was protected by two chief
groups - the Autobots of Transformer fame and the G.
1. Joes. Since their downfall a wild debate has been rag-
ing about which group was more powerful.
That debate ends here and now. The winner? Well,
they're more than meets the eye, and robots in disguise.
"Freedom is the right of all
sentient beings."
- Optimus Prime
_____Big Daddy
Let's be realistic here. How could a bunch of $itch-
ass wannabe grunts led by some guy named Duke have
a chance against robots who transform into cars and
dinosaurs and shit. Besides the Transformers arejust
fuckin' cool.
Led by Optimus Prime, the Autobots continualy
defended mankind from the evil forces of the
Decepticons.
Where were the Joes then? All I ever saw was a
bunch of soldiers "fighting" Cobra Commandr ind
company and getting their asses beat. Is that who you
want protecting mankind? Who do you Joe fans think
you are'?
And could you seriously consider Cobra Commander
a threat? The guy was a whining bitch. He'd have to
mop the floors for Megatron just so his chrome ass
could even be considered part of the crew.
Besides Optimus held the power to instill life into all
non-sentient beings with the Creation Matrix. If the
Joe's even began to smack talk with Optimus and com-
pany he'd just turn all their tanks and planes into
Autobots and then what would Dukie and his pals have?
Shit! They wouldn't have shit.
The debate is over, the decision has been made.
"Autobots, let's transform and rooooooll out."
but nice-once-you-get-to-know-
01om neighbors. Alex does it all.
The setup in the movie is very
imnple. The robbers are after Alex
because he is in possession of a
eomputer chip they are tryin to
Professor:
By Marzipan Rogers
F'Or the Daily
Prof. Gimlet Tangass, Gim or "The DTs" to
Iersonifies everything real and true about drun
wannabe American academics.
His 17 books, from his debut effort
Plantation Spiritual" to his most recent vi
Richard
Tangass
Azlick's
Tonight at 8
Depth of Me," have me
a majority of positiver
his departmental cowl
DT's students can't getc
teaching.
"It's usually right aro
during the first day of cl
say that I can't tell them th
psychedelics, but that if
should be somewhere pl
woods or my bedroom -
really get into me. It's di
GSls: they don't know I
until I come to a morning
a fifth of .lack in me. sai
recent interview.
his students. "'The only thin,
'Suck U to Me'
of that.
The status of course comes from his grandson's band, Lick
o his students, Bob Lick. Playing hundreds of shows to dozens of fans at
iken Irish poet premiere coffee shops around town, the family style is multi-
generational. The two are at their most powerful when they
"Hippie Pot work together, DT reciting his poetry over his grandson's
olume, "The music. "Lyrics are just poetry set to music, so my poetry is,
t with almost like, even better with music. I like the band, even if it's not a
reviews from great jazz combo, like Lady Bird or the Day. But we're still
'orkers. And better than any music I've heard in the last 25 years."
enough of his DT goes deeper than mere music and adulterous sex
though, and the poetry in his newest book shows it.
und the time "The fourth poem about my late, great friend Allen
ass - when I Ginsberg in this book really shows my sensitivity. Like this
hey should use stanza:
they do they When he said to me
easant like the He thought I was cute for a relatively old man
- that the kids (Younger
fferent for the thair
'm really cool him)
mectine with I said
d Tanass in a 'ool''
'I mean. come on. I *\ c gotta be pretty cool to say that''
g better than a And what is it that DT' thinks will reallv make the commnu-
only thing bet- nity support him and his work'
And what with "Well, you have to suck up to mue. I 'i local, and with the
s, I see plenty University. You owe me.
9eaqyufuwe
a eut& eudge
6ut a64jfwwd?
r, P
k
Let that someone special
know just how big it is!
Buy a Cupid-Gram from
Classifieds for only $6.00.
Space is limited, so reserve your
heart today! See Classified page
for Mail-In Form. 0r call your
order in: 764-0557. Or stop by:
420 Maynard St., 2nd Floor
Deadline:
February 10 at 4:00 p.m.
Will appear in the I ondav,
February 14 edition of the Daily.
DT reall\ laves
lithe grad student is a trim under'rad. And thet
ter than a trim undergrad is a rail thin townie. f
my grandson's status among the high schooler
We'll also be taking
orders in the Fishbowl
on February 7, 8, & 9
from 10 a.m.-4 p.m.
td 0
One Mile West of Weber's Inn
ONLY $4.75 Matinees before 6 pm,
Kids, Seniors, & Everyone all day Tuesday
4$5.50 with Student ID after 6pm
$5.25 Late Shows Fri & Sat '
No passes or Tuesday discounts
7-
Unlimited Free Drink Refills & .250 Corn Refills
THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN
SCHOOL of MUSIC
MOZART BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION:
MICHIGAN CHAMBER PLAYERS
Sunday January 30, 4:00pm
Rackham Auditorium
Fred Ormand, Deborah Chodacki, Harry Sargous, Richard
Beene, Soren Hermansson, Andrew Jennings performing works
by "Mozart and Friends." Wind Serenade in E-Flat Major,
Haydn Two Comic Trios, Mozart 3 Notturni for SSB and 3
Bassett Horns, Abel Finale from Violin Sonata and Mozart
Finale from Violin Sonata, J.C. Bach 2 Canzonettes.
FACULTY RECITAL/SUPER BOWL
"."""w"' pd ~w aw we, BDf' 8's
youcewe a ChuWC tcWULMNOL
mw uf f"ituw atfrA twEQt:
ALTERNATIVE CONCERT:
ff
ALL SCREENS DIGITAL STEREO
ALL THEATERS STADIUM SEATING
HURRICANE (R)
1:00, 3:55, 6:45,9:30
OEYE OF THE BEHOLDER (R)
11:35,12:55,1:40,3:05,3:40,5:10,
5:45,7:15, 7:50, 9:20, 10:00
FRI/SAT LS 1125,12:00
O ISN'T SHE GREAT (R)
11:30, 1:30, 3:30, 5:30, 7:45, 9:45
FRI/SAT LS 11:45
CIGELA'S ASHES (R)
12:30, 3:25, 6:30, 9:25
0 DOWN TO YOU (PG-13)
12:50, 3:45, 5:40, 7:35, 9:20
FRI/SAT LS 11:20
O PLAY IT TO THE BONE (R)
11:55, 2:25, 4:55, 7:25, 9:55
CRADLE WILL ROCK (R)
9:15 FRI/SATLS 11:50
GIRL INTERRUPTED (R)
11:10, 1:30,4:20,7:00, 9:35
SUPERNOVA (PG-13)FRI/SAT LS 11:25
NEXT FRIDAY (R)
1:05, 3:10, 5:15,7:40,9:45
FRI/SAT LS 11:45
MAGNOLIA (R) 11:55, 3:35, 7:25
FRI/SAT LS 10:55
CIDER ROUSE RULES (PG-13)
1A:00,1.:30,4 10,6:55, 9:30
FRI/SAT LS 11:55
GALAXY QUEST (PG)
12:50, 2:55, 5:05, 7:20, 9:25
TALENTED MR. RIPLEY (R)
11:05, 1:45, 4:25, 7:10, 9:50
STUART LITTLE (PG)
11:00, 1:00, 3:00, 5:00, 7:05, 9:00
FRI/SAT LS 11:00
GREEN MILE (R)12:00, 4:00, 8:00
Sunday, January 30, 7:00pm
Britton Recital Hall
Stephen Shipps, violin; William Btocom, piano; Erling
Blondal Bengtsson, cello; Gariela Frank, piano
Milhaud Le Boeuf sur la Toit, Cinea Fan tsie for Violin and
Piano, Bolcom Cello Sonata, Bolcom Spr Rags for Piano
Trio, Short works of Kocian, Palacios and>|iazolla.
UNIVERSITY SYMPHONY ORJIESTRA
Tuesday, February 1, 8:00 PM
Hill Auditorium
Kenneth Kiesler, conductor
Richard Kim, Mehdi Javan ar,9 669t conductors
. Mix 7.6 by Stephanie Johnson (JM masters student)
" Violin Concerto in a, 'Qp.53, Dvorak
Gregory Lee (199 *2OOO coner er), violin
" Piano Concerto n GRavel,
Joshua Cullen ( 99-200O concerto )ner), pianist
" L'Oiseau de Feu (Firebird suite (1919 ersion), Stravinsky
GUEST LECTURE/PERFORMANE:
Richard SeraphinOff, horn
"
A
"
"
S
Thursday, February 3,1:00 PM
Stearns Cady Room #202
Professor Seraphinoff from Bioomington University.
DANCE DEPARTMENT: World Rhythms
Thursday-Saturday, Feuary 3-5, 8:00 PM
Sunday, February 6* 2:00 PM
Power Center
Guest choreographe Donald Mckayle. $18 for Center
Orchestra and Balcony,$14 for"Side Orchestra and Balcony &
z
I'
L_
ww"9 VVA '