208'- TheMichigan DAily fest of AnnAbor 998 - Thursday April16 1998'
Best of Film
0
Th6Michigan Daily Best,of Ann.Arbor 1998
And the award for most pointlessly long title goes to ...
Best of the University
All the best of the 'U' ... why students spend all those
Best Love Scene:
"Chasing Amy"
There are a number of great candi-
dates for this one, as there are every year.
But with "Chasing Amy" in the running,
there obviously is a standout. The rain
scene (all of you who have seen it know
what this means) is one of the most
moving love scenes ever. Sniff. And just
for a bit of ironic juxtaposition ...
Most Gratuitous Violence:
"Event Horizon"
This movie had enough blood in it to
fuel a good-sized emergency room for
a year or two. The film had it all, if
you're looking for blatant masochism:
eye-gougings, disembowelings and
men without skin, oh my! And all of it
was explicitly portrayed, complete
with the digital experience.
Most Predictable
Dialogue:
"Titanic"
The award goes to ... (drumroll,
please)... "Titanic"! The film pulled in
every other award this year, so it is
only fitting that it should receive this
one. The most impressively mundane
piece of writing came in a scene show-
ing Kate Winslet sitting in a dining
room, waiting for her dinner. In her
most poignantly pathetic, introspective
tone, her voice echoes something to
the effect of, "I felt like I was standing
at the edge of a cliff, ready to jump off,
and all that I needed was a loving hand
to reach out and save me." It is less
than 30 seconds before the audience is
shown a moving vignette: Winslet's
character standing on the ship's bow
railing, ready to jump. No sooner is
this scene shown than faithful Leo
shows up behind her, with the afore-
mentioned "loving hand." And surpris-
ingly, he reaches out and saves her.
Thanks, Jimmy, for challenging our
collective intellect with this engaging
piece of film.
Best Exploitation of a
Movie Trend:
"Men in Black"
OK, for all of you out there who are
tired of the recent spate of alien flicks,
I apologize for this one. But a light in
the film darkness this year was the
Best Professor:
Ralph Williams
All students should make sure to catch
one of his lectures on Shakespeare or the
Bible before they graduate.
Best Course:
Psych 111/ Law 306 (Tie)
Freud's sexual stages and the legal
system. What could be more exciting?
Best Blow-off Course:
Sports in Ancient Rome
A class with "sports" in it won't be
the biggest intellectual challenge of
your life.
Best Sports Team:
Football
Undefeated season. National Cham-
pions. Enough said.
Best Athlete:
Charles Woodson
One word: Heisman.
Best Library:
Harlan Hatcher Graduate
Library
You can do pretty much anything in a
hidden corner or your own little study
room in the Grad Library.
(
-B
Best Place to Study:
Harlan Hatcher Graduate c
Library w
It's true what they say. Someone t1
could die in the stacks and not be
found for days.
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Courtesy of Paramount Pictures
For gratuitous violence, see "Event
Horizon (above)."
Courtesy of Warner Bros.
Batman and Robin tried to save the day
with rubber suits and cold puns. They
lost (right).
comic relief offered up by "Men In
Black." It featured an innovative plot,
some great one-liners and the coolest
Will Smith song in years (which con-
sequently set the stage for "Gettin'
Jiggy Wit' It," the keenest song ever.
Nah nah nah nah nah nab nah!).
Best Sequel:
"Scream 2"
Many may disagree, but "Scream 2"
was a pretty impressive thrill ride.
Maybe it wasn't quite as innovative as
its predecessor, but it still had audi-
ences squirming.
Worst Sequel:
"The Lost World"
Michael Crichton has sold out
completely, and he proved it this year
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with "The Lost World."
He wrote the book solely in
response to the lucrative success of
"Jurassic Park," and it showed. The
book was heinous, and the film was
even worse. At least millions were
spent on the project, so the dinosaurs
were pretty nifty.
Worst Venture into a
Rubber Suit:
"Batman and Robin"
Last summer gave us the fourth
episode of the Batman series, in
which, maybe, the first installment
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should have been the last. This time,
George Clooney took his place
behind the wheel of the Batmobile. I
promised myself that I'd never say
this, but maybe George should stick
to surgery. Give me a chest tube,
stat!
Most Excessive Use of
Cold Puns:
"Batman and Robin"
Same movie, with honors going to
Mr. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Chill.
Gay Guy Who the Largest
Number of Women Fell
For:
Rupert Everett
Rupert Everett's portrayal of Julia
Roberts's homosexual friend in "My
Best Friend's Wedding" made audi-
ences everywhere swoon.
Most Pointlessly Long
Movie Title:
"I Know What You Did
Last Summer"
The all-time champion in this cat-
egory is "To Wong Foo, Thanks For
Everything, Julie Newmar." But last
summer's "I Know What You Did
Last Summer" comes close. A bit of
advice for all the aspiring title writ-
ers out there: Despite evidence to the
contrary, U.S. movie audiences
aren't completely asinine, and some
of the plot can be left to our collec-
tive discernment. Let's try to stick to
one or two words. Maybe "I Know."
or "Last Summer," or heck, if you're
feeling particularly uninspired,
"What You."
PAUL TALANIAN/Daily
INDIAN SPRINGS METROPARK
near Clarkcston
(810)625-7870
(800) 477.3192 KENS
INGTON METR
Professor Ralph Williams is well known for his bubbling personality and enigmatic lecturing style.
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