10 - The Michigan Daily - Tuesday, September 9, 1997
G.. Jane Original
What do The Pretenders, John Lee
Hooker, Three Dog Night and Bad
Company have in common?
Absolutely nothing! But, G.I. Jane's
director Ridley Scott would like us to
Having seen a million trailers for the
film, I hit play expecting to hear some-
thing akin to the soundtrack from "Top
Gun" - exciting, action-packed music
that makes you feel like you are
living out Demi Moore's
adventures with her as a
Navy SEAL (not a
GI.,' despite what the
title' says. Ask any-
one you know in
are greeted with
"Goodbye" and "The
Homecoming," two defi-
nite downers sung by Chrissie
Hynde of The Pretenders. Pretty tunes,
butthe image that came into my head
was of someone crying into her beer at
a bar, all alone, as an old barkeep swept
up the shattered remains of the last
Despite the sad beginning, I kept
listening, hoping this was going to
develop in stages with the next few
songs. I thought perhaps it was
intended to show the slow start and
then: liven up the music while show-
ing what a tough cookie Demi is
becoming. But no Kenny Loggins
"Danger Zone" tunes here. Three Dog
Night follows with "Mama Told Me
'Kull' the Dull: Action film falls flat
& Sorbo's big, hairy chest fails to inject life into 'Kull the Conqueror'
Is that you, Mr. Clean?
(Not to Come)."Yes, the sentiment of
alienation comes through - a woman
in a formerly all-man's world - but
the light feel of tinkly keyboards just
doesn't get it across.
I don't even want to know why
"Feel Like Makin' Love" by Bad
Company is included. But it doesn't
work either. And why waste John Lee
Hooker's "Dimples" on this album?
The classic rhythm and blues stylings
don't sit right here. Where's the
excitement? Where's the fantasy of
Demi taking a stab at the
establishment reflected in
the music? Adding in
the neo-punk "The
Future Is A War" by
Auntie Christ, with
screamed over and
over, louder and
louder, does not
redeem the fact that,
thematically, this album
is a dud.
The only songs that capture the mood
are "Conspiracy," and "Endurance,"
original instrumentals by Trevor Jones.
As the second title suggests, the music
presents the hard work, sweat agd tears
that Navy SEAL training demands. But
it's too late. I'd already fallen asleep.
My advice: Listen to this album back-
wards. Listen to "Endurance" for inspi-
ration while you brush your teeth. Fight
gingivitis! Clean your gums! Don't let
anyone stop you! When you're finished,
lull yourself to sleep with the rest of the
dull line-up, dreams of clean teeth
dancing in your head.
- Stephanie Jo Klein
By Prashant Tamaskar rid Valusia of Akivasha before the coun-x h
Daily Arts Writer try is enslaved.
Attempting to cash in on the sur- As the main characters, Sorbo and
prising success of the television Carrere help make "Kull" watchable.
series "Hercules," "Kull the Sorbo, who bares his big, hairy chest '
Conqueror" features many of the throughout the whole movie, brings a
same elements that have made the buffoonish charm to the lead role.
small-screen program popular, A limited performer, he doesn't
including beefcake-of-the-moment really try to act, instead letting his
Kevin Sorbo. Still, that which makes body do the talking. Still, it's obvi-
a good TV show rarely makes a good ous that he doesn't take himself very
movie, as "Kull" proves. Despite a seriously, making him more likable.
valiant effort, the two-hour running Carrere, playing something different $
time ends up magnifying the weak- than her usual nice-girl role, is quite
nesses of the style, while diluting the convincing as the evil queen Akivasha.
strengths. Enthusiastic throughout, she flawlessly
The moronic plot begins with Kull shifts from alluring to cruel, showing
(Sorbo) trying to decent range and a
become a member R E V I E W profcient actn
of the Royal Army ability.
of Valusia. Despite Kul the Aside from
his uncanny ability Conqueror Sorbo and Carrere,
to kick butt, he is ** the only other thing
not allowed to join at shuweaun injecting any life
because he isn't into the film is the
nobility. diverse musical score, composed by
However, Kull stumbles his way Joel Goldsmith. He does a nice job of
onto the throne by impressing the capturing moods by interchanging
king just before his majesty dies. In sweeping (but not overdramatic)
the process, he alienates Prince orchestral pieces with energetic electric
Taligaro (Thomas Ian Griffith), the guitars.
heir to the monarchy, who can't stand Ultimately, "Kull" fails because the
seeing a commoner wearing the action scenes (already weighed down
crown. by the idiotic storyline) are so com-
For his queen, Kull selects a seduc- pletely dull.
tive young woman named Akivasha While the sword-fighting is mostly
(Tia Carrere). In reality, Akivasha is a unimpressive, the special effects are
3,000-year-old goddess, who has just inconsistent, varying from visually
been resurrected from the dead by her pleasing to truly laughable.
loyal followers. She plans on taking To its credit "Kull," like the
over Valusia and becoming its evil "Hercules" TV series, is not too violent,
ruler. instead trying to be more campy than
Akivasha and Taligaro join forces self-important. Kevin Sorbo's body cannot save "Kull the Conqueror" from Its many shortcoi
to destroy their nemesis. But Kull, However, the writing isn't sharp - pointless dialogue, weak humor ang weak characters.
who has enlisted the help of one of enough to amuse the audience. The the "Conan" movies, and based on a But, it borrows too much fri
the former king's lovely subjects and secondary characters are mere plot character created by famed pulp novel- "Hercules" television series, at
her brother, isn't so easy to tools, the dialogue is pointless and ist Robert Howard (who also created enough from the "Conan" film
dethrone. the few attempts at humor fail miser- Conan), "Kull the Conqueror" tries ring Arnold Schwarzenegger. The
Along with his companions, the ably. hard to be an appealing film for all ages is a movie that has too many sio,
long-haired warrior must find a way to Produced by the man responsible for to enjoy. ings to work well on the big sere
Delbanco to read from 'Scores'
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By Jessica Eaton progress. However, after a freak accident, they separate apd
Daily Books Editor pursue their own lives - until, 25 years later, they meet .
He was a handsome, respected, divorced philosophy pro- again and discover a love just as true as it ever was
fessor at a small New England college who always followed Their love, they learn, is not based on simple lustJut oA
a policy of never dating his students. She was an attractive, a wise and tender understanding of one another. It 1;ull of
intelligent student with strong ideas about politics, philoso- sophistication and culture as well as moving passion:
phy and free love; a typical girl of her generation, but spe- Nicholas Delbanco was born in London, England, and
cial. was educated at Harvard and Columbia. He has published.
This pair and their fated love affair 17 books, most recently the noel' "
are the focus of "Old Scores," Nicholas the Name of Mercy" in 1995.
Delbanco's recent novel. Delbanco, PR E V I E W Delbanco has been at the Uniers K
director of the University's MFA in Nicholas Delbanco since 1985, where he administ rs th
Writing Program, will be reading from annual Hopwood Awards. He his a
and signing his latest book at ers 10 Bn orders taught at Columbia and Iowa universit
tonight as his first public event to honor Free along with Bennington, Skidmo
the book's publication. He will then be Trinity and Williams colleges, end 'in
touring the U.S., reappearing in Ann Arbor at Shaman 1977 he co-founded the Bennington Writing Workshop with
Drum on Sept. 19, and as part of the Writers Harvest for the late John Gardner. Delbanco has twice received t a
SOS on Oct. 23. National Endowment for the Arts Creative Writing Fellowship
Andrea Barrett, National Book Award winner, said of as well as the Guggenheim Fellowship.and, recently, the,
Delbanco's latest novel, "This spare, haunting evocation of University's Distinguished Faculty Achievement Award.
enduring love brings new life to one of our great old In his latest work, Delbanco is clearly in tune with this
romances. Salvaging love from the ruins, Delbanco's modern visible, audible world and with all of its various dacisiots
day Abelard and Heloise are full of heat and extraordinarily "Old Scores" is a sensitive look at love and passionty
moving." is a work that will touch people in different ways afm
"Old Scores" tells the story of professor Paul Ballard and them as they look at their own choices about lov
his student Elizabeth Sieverdson. The two fall passionately Delbanco's presentation of this novel is one noto
in love, and the love grows as the months and years missed.
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