-22B -e Michigan Daily - WUe4gc, e. - Best of Ann Arbor - rsday, April 18, 1996 e
a a a
The Ic igan
-Best Sporting Goods:
Your mother wears combat boots.
Maybe not, but if she did, she'd probably
buy them here. And what a selection they
All right, folks: Take your financial aid
checks, cash them and let's all go to
Cancun! Ah, the plight of the student.
Good people watching, too. But what
ever happened to the "Thrifty Acres"
thing? "Acres"? What? It is the bestplace
to see children being beaten on a regular
basis, with a possible exception to the
movie "Oliver Twist."
Best Michigan items:
And they play cool University music
while you buy, incessantly. Look for the
great deals on the sidewalk.
All you lovers out there, take note.
But really, how many florists are there
downtown? And what exactly do
flowers have to do with the famous
WWII battle, anyway? If you want
flowers, just pick them from the
University's various gardens around
campus. It's cheaper, subversive, and
you get to arrange the bouquet your-
Best Sports Bar:
Hey, Touchdown, Scorekeepers,
blah, blah, blah. Ann Arbor has more
sports bars than it knows what to do
with. Why can't we get something re-
ally useful like another coffee shop?
People have fought wars and died
for a piece of Angelo's homemade
raisin bread. Well, that may not be
entirely true, but they have stood in
long lines for a traditional Angelo's
This place is packed with more cool
kids around lunch time than anywhere
else on campus.
Best place to throw up after you eat
all that food: your bathroom.
You have no choice but to take out
the food because there's never any-
where to eat inside the restaurant. That's
the price you pay for being a popular
eatery, I suppose.
Sure, some may have shouted out
"Oh no! Not another cafe!" when they
first saw "the NAC," but when they
came inside and saw its big, fluffy
sofas, separate smoking room and ul-
tra-diverse menu, Ann Arborites even-
tually embraced the cafe as one of their
If Pizza House doesn't get sick ofall
those drunk customers stumbling in
and half-consciously demanding a
pizza, they should continue to corner
the market on late night munchies in
Best Place for Your Par-
ents to Take You:
the Gandy Dancer
Like you could ever afford to go
there if mommy and daddy weren't
Take a bus ride up to North Campus
to sample the delicate cuisine prepared
by the Bursley cafeteria staff. Man, the
things they can do with cheese and
pasta will make your head spin.
Best Romantic Evening:
the Gandy Dancer
"Oh, Bob, this meal at the Gandy
Dancer is just soooo romantic. The
food is delicious, the wine is lovely,
and even my water tastes really, really
good. What do you mean you hope I
brought my wallet?"
Best Happy Hour:
Mitch's must have the happiest cus-
tomers in town. And the most drunk,
but maybe one implies the other.
Best Overall Restaurant:
Hey, you get to make your own
food! What a novel idea! It's just like
you never went out, and you're stand-
ing in your kitchen cooking for your-
self. Definitely worth the $10 meal
Best Overall Bar:
Mitch's is the best! Maybe it's be-
cause of the 500 inch screen TV they
have there. Or maybe it's those occa-
sional appearances by Pearl Jam. Well,
OK, we're blatantly lying, but don't get
mad. We're only trying to drum up
even more customers than Mitch's al-
Have Mom and Dad tak
Borders has the best magazines, and as you can see, It also happens to have a few books laying around. I wonder If they sell games, too ... like Monopoly.
Border's Books and Music
Can you spell m-o-n-o-p-o-I-y? I
knew you could. Honestly, they've sure
got a lot of stuff. Not much porn, how-
Michigan Book andSupply
But where do you get posters of those
bikini-clad Budweiser women? They've
got everything from save the Earth post-
ers to the knee-slapping classic "Benefits
of Higher Education" poster. What a
.ge4 iol D4ao p A4..u* 0 0 0
1900 Old Rawsonville Rd
-94 N. Service Dr &
Old Rawsonville Rd)
3500 Carpenter Road*
and Ellsworth-South of HQ)
April 5, 1996:
Headline: "What's that smell? Left-
over Salmon is back!" Also aline "Left-
over Salmon won't stink up your re-
frigerator." -Stephanie Jo Klein.
April 11, 1996:
"Ministry has wriggled itself into the
hearts and minds ofagood many people,
not unlike the Kennedys ortapeworms."
April 5, 1996:
Headline: "Don't Tell Little Orphan
Annie, but Dandy Warhol is coming
back to town" -Lise Harwin.
March 1, 1996:
"Bush is like a pile of doggie doodie
- the stinkier it is, the more flies it
attracts." Brian A. Gnatt. Also: "Col-
lective Soul was boring, Warrant was
bad; and Candlebox was even worse.
But never, in all the shows I have seen,
have I ever witnessed such a horren-
dous live band as Bush."
March 1, 1996:
Most paranoid quote: "But once the
endless greed of the petroleum, auto
and rubber interests sucked all the
money there was to be made, and sucked
a couple of generations of workers dry,
there's nothing left. It's kind of what
happened to the whole country." -
Wayne Kramer, quoted by Brian A.
January 18, 1996:
"The one good thing about music in
1995 - Jerry Garcia finally died." -
Brian A. Gnatt.
September 28, 1995:
"But why has radio become a giant
mess of watery diarrhea?" -Brian A.
On Meatloaf: "And don't forget the
cheese. It's the cheesiest." And
"Whether you like rock epics, cheese
rock, big chunky guys singing about
stupid stuff, or you hate all of this, you
still gotta love the Loaf." -Brian A.
"Be afraid. Be very afraid. No one is
safe. Turn on the radio- Hootie. Flip on
MTV - Hootie. Read Rolling Stone -
Hootie. Don't start questioning your san-
ity just yet. It's not your imagination. It's
real. As your life becomes one big blur of
all Hootie all the time, stop and ask
yourself why?" -Tyler Brubaker.
September 6, 1995 :
"So you say, 'Hey Mr. College Mu-
sic Critic, where can I go to get my
groove on? I've heard about all the
pretty and delicate acoustic music I can
catch at the Ark. I've caught all of the
Spin Doctors wannabes at the frat par-
ties. I've seen all ofthe soulless pseudo-
funk at Rick's. I know 'bout all that, but
I want some sweat on my soul. I want
my feet to move like they never have
before. I want my funk uncut. I want
The Bomb." -Mark Carlson.
March 13, 1996:
"I am the great and powerful villain,
Fu Manchu! Fear me! I am a scourge to
all that is good! If you cross my path, I
will cross your eyes! Fear me!" -Jeff
Longest sentence: "When a double-
billing weekend at the theater leaves
you feeling dried-up, as if the stage has
become a vacuum of cold, incongruent
silences and enigmatic visual meta-
phors with little fervor and no real bite
to jolt our mounting expectations, one
is reminded that drama is not a syn-
onym for theater." -Erin Crowley.
"I took a road trip for spring break last
year, and I'm doing it again next week.
When you're riding in a car with three
other guys, unshaven and hung over, the
car reeking of cold canned foods and the
delightful aroma of stale body odor, un-
derwear slightly worn out from its five
day unwashed gig, man, then you know
you're living the good life. You can't
even set foot out of the car for fear the
locals will run screaming fortheir daugh-
ters and their shotguns. Unless you're at
a truck stop, where the filthy go to play.
There you will be accepted into an exclu-
sive club full of angry men with suspi-
cious eyes. Rememberto stop at Stuckey's
while you're there and pick up a pecan
log. It's all you'll have to eat for a while."
January 30, 1996:
"It's a Van Damme movie. Need I
say more?" -Kristen Okoskv, on "Sud-
January 23, 1996:
"Fully naked men licking whipped
cream off each other." -Melisa Rose
Bernardo, on "Party. "
January 23, 1996:
"The movie spins wildly out of con-
trol, body parts fly hither and yon and
we are treated to a hysterically funny
film-school student's vision of hell,
complete with a rock band."--Michael
Zilberman, on "From Dusk TillDawn. "
December 1, 1995:
"I like little baby snoogle-fleejers.
You might think they are mean, but
they are not. They are very nice." -
Dean Bakopoulos, on Jimmy Carter's
Rock on at the Mongolian Barbecue, where you might get a little more than you
336 South State Street Ann,