"S~v it in books and read it on TV
/ It dontt mean nuthin' to me / Little
girl I gpt a question / C'mon babe
teach n* a lesson / What's this shit
called love?" - Pagans, 1978.
Brief synopsis of Carlson's St.
*Valentiae's Days past: 1992, sat
around; 1993, sat around; 1994, sat
around. But this year I've had a rev-
elation courtesy of the Cleveland
kicks-combo, the Pagans. Who needs
this shit called love when you got the
world of rock 'n' roll at your ear tips?
Rock music has long been the carrier
pigeon of love and raunchy, get-down-
lation (in fact, 75 percent of all your
*protp-rock junk is about love and
screwin' arOd not bein' able to get any,
so you go dbwn to the bar and drink
yourself sity and you write some
dippy love song to some girl you've
seen once anti fall so far that you puke
all over yourself in one big shameful
mess). Sounds like fun. I'll pass.
Here's a lift of the tunes I'll be
groovin' to this February 14th while
you're all outat the bar trying to score
The MichiganDaily - Weekend etc. - Thursday, February 9, 1995 - 5
St. Valentine to Hallmark, inc.:What's this shit called love?
THE ROLLING STONES. Still
the misogynist kings of rock, though
they've mellowed some by marriages
and marriages and marriages, the
'Stones rack 'em up with little ditties
like "Under My Thumb," "Doncha
Bother Me," "Brown Sugar," "Honky
Tonk Woman," "Heart of Stone" and
"Stupid Girl." An editorial interrup-
tion: you don't have to tell me that
these songs are offensive, but, hey,
don't bitch to me - today, these
tunes are considered "classic rock."
Pop culture perpetuates the images of
male sexual power in pop songs of
today like Aerosmith's current gar-
bage, and even Liz Phair pulls the ol'
switcheroo with the sexual power trip
and comes out on top. Lashin' out at
the evil woman anti-being has been a
theme in all the truly soul wrenching,
lift-me-higher music from the golden
age of the blues to today. Sure, they're
all perverts and chauvinists and
assholes, but they move. Who wouid
you rather have in your daily rock
supplement? Air Supply, for Christ's
sake?! I don't perpetuate the myths; I
just dig the grooves, baby.
THE TROGGS. These kave kids
are of course best known for "Wild
Thing," but more importantly, they
had a vision - instead of alienating
women like the 'Stones, why don't
we praise 'em by lickin' their feet.
They still always come out on top, but
from '66 to '76, the Troggs delivered
stripped-down, tribal stomps like "I
Want You," "I Can't Control My-
self," "Gonna Make You," "Give It
To Me," "I Can Only Give You Ev-
erything," "Feels Like A Woman"
and "Hip Hip Hooray" which con-
tains the immortal line "Hip hip hoo-
ray, feelin' okay /My girl told me that
she loved me today ... Oop oop eee
doo, peppermint chew / My girl loves
me but she doesn't love you." Garage
THE STOOGES. Iggy and the
Asheton brothers burst onto the na-
tional scene in 1969 with the first
truly modern kinky song, "I Wanna
Be Your Dog." With lyrics like "Sew
me up, I want you here / Well in my
room I want you here / Now we're
gonna be face to face / And I'll lay
right down in my favorite place," the
Stooges would piss people off world-
wide before their breakup in 1974.
Iggy still rants on with Beavis and
Butt-Head pleasers like "Butt Town,"
but the first true snot-nosed punks
with pent-up sexual frustration and
nowhere to release it but on stage with
chaotic, fuzzed-out energy passed
away in the '70s.
THE CYNICS. Pittsburgh's hope-
less romantics The Cynics have been
releasin' their love to the world since
'86 but still, unjustly, remain hope-
lessly obscure. Eight platters of
nuthin' but true love ballads, ragers
and psych-outs. Somehow, singer
Michael Kastelic never delivers a re-
peated theme, offering new spins on
old tales of breakups, new found loves,
forever waitin' for your true love to
return into your arms, findin' your
lover in the bed with another ding-a-
ling and goin' crazy mad gone with
confusion over somebody new, some-
body old and somebody borrowed.
By this time, if Kastelic writes from
experience, I'd estimate he's had
4,738 girlfriends. Their latest full-
length, "Get Our Way," was the best
passion-fueled rock 'n' roll explosion
of 1994. Put this in your CD player
and watch the women melt.
There's so much that I've had to
leave out like the Flamin' Groovies,
the Count Five, ? and the Mysterians,
the Muffs, the Dwarves, the Kinks,
the Humpers, the Ramones and the
Afghan Whigs (who deserve the Barry
White sez they're coozedelic life-
time achievement award), but the
message is there - rock stars can't
get any love or sexual release. Ha!
We all know that's a farce. The real
revelation on love that 40 years of
rock has provided for us is an inti-
mate yet public glance at the bitter-
-ness, devotion, frustration, ecstasy,
power, weakness and tragic reliance
upon affection. We keep comin'
back for more. Thank God ... and
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Palstaff thinks he's a lady-killer.
The wives know he's a fortune-hunter.
The rest is a riotous comedy.
The Merry Wives of Windsor
by William Shakespeare
Mendelssohn T t Charge by phone:
February 9 - 11 at 8 PM 313 764-0450
February 12 at 2 PM Student seating is $6 with ID
Tickets are $16 and $12 at the League Ticket Office
UM School of Music Department of Theatre
Meet Gloria Steinem
Wednesday, February 15
at 7:30 P.M.
76 at the
n Michigan Theater
Photo: Sigrid Estrada Gloria Steinem, founder of Ms. magazine
and the Ms. Foundation for Women, will
be at the Michigan Theater to talk about
and sign copies of her new book, Moving