4 - The Michigan Daily - Friday, January 7, 1994
~Iir i~tni"aU h
420 Maynard
Ann Arbor, MI 48109
Edited and managed
by students at the
University of Michigan
JosH Duow
Editor in Chief
ANDREW LEVY
Editorial Page Editor
Unless otherwise noted, unsigned editorials reflect the majority opinion of the Daily editorial board.
All other cartoons, articles and letters do not necessarily represent the opinion of the Daily.
K I
Al T H E '$ J 08 M L T IM T ME SK Y.
Cos npatrol: B*IStchool IPbust
0
0
By SAM GOODSTEIN
and FLINT WAINESS
The headline in the morning
newspaper was hauntingly familiar:
"7-year old latest victim of drive-by
shooting." Below it sat a story about
then-candidate Bill Clinton's pledge
to make cities safe by greatly
increasing the numbers of police
working communities in America's
cities.
But we had no time to peruse the
paper on this mundane Saturday, for
we were on our way to a good
friend's graduation party. Jumping
into our shiny new Blazer, we sifted
our way through the hard-packed
snow and headed toward South
University for another day of
collegiate utopia.
As usual, South U. was
burgeoning with people enjoying the
milieu of Ann Arbor in the winter
time, the quintessential college aura.
Passing through, we had one our
typical existential debates, pausing
only long enough to remark about the
new study that rated Ann Arbor the
second best place in the United States
to raise children. Without further
comment, we both knew what the
other was thinking - Ann Arbor is
like Christmas in Who-Ville (for
those of you who haven't seen the
"Grinch Who Stole Christmas,"
Goodstein and Wainess are LSA
sophomores andAssociate Editors of
theEditorialPage.
Who-Ville can be substituted for
Rio during Spring Break).
Oh yeah, before we get off on too
far of a tangent, this article is
supposed to be about the University's
deputized police force, the
Department of Public Safety (DPS).
A little history first and then we'll
explain how our rosy Christmas in
Who-Ville scenario fits in with DPS.
DPS was reconstituted in 1990
because the University wanted an
organization, under its control, that
would be equipped to deal with
students that don't follow University
law (and there surely is no shortage
of University laws). Of course the
vociferous opposition of student
activists (or what passed as student
activism during the Reagan-Bush
era) fell on entirely deaf ears.
Consequently the police state
currently known as Ann Arbor
commenced operation, and our
winter peacefully melted away into a
beautiful spring.
Few things in the world are
priceless. One of them, in the humble
opinions of these two would-be
journalists, is the spring in Ann
Arbor. With flowers in bloom and
beer on the tap, worries seem to
vanish into the warm, clear sky.
And how fitting that residents of
this fair city do not have to worry
about the theft, rape, assault, etc. Or
do we? Of course not, we have the
formidable combination of the Ann
Arbor Police Department and DPS.
So not only is spring enchanting, it is
safe.
So safe in fact, that there is an
abundance of police officers
patrolling the streets. Ann Arbor's
men and women in blue are so
abundant that they cannot buy
enough cars for all of them, forcingi
many to ride around campus on ten-
speeds, horses or whatever else they
can muster up.
On with the narrative. After
enjoying a casual gathering of about
100 people in the middle of
Greenwood Avenue one evening,
nature made its call (read: Miller
Genuine Draft sent a message to my
dear friend Bladder). Little did we
know the Business School, near 0
Greenwood, was under close
surveillance by DPS -at 1 a.m. To
make a long story short, we were
busted. But at least the Business
School is safe. At least we are all
safe.
Meanwhile the headlines roll on.
The next morning, enjoying the
paper outside a quaint coffee shop,
we notice the ever growing crime I
rate in Urban America. A shortage or
cops in Detroit is, among other
factors, forcing the city to consider
closing down a part of town. One
quarter of six-year-olds live below
the poverty line in crime-heavy
neighborhoods, big-city cops can't
keep up with the crime.
But yes, we are safe in Ann
Arbor.
for in men
What women really look
By JOHN CHUNG
Women say that the most
important factor they look for in a
guy is their inner character and
charisma. While this may be true
later on regarding a serious
relationship or marriage, it plays a
very minor role as to whether she
initially dates you. Most guys, if
interested, will ask out a woman
within two weeks of meeting her. In
that time, she will know as much
about your "inner self" as she does
a brick in the wall. Most women
decide whether to date a guy based
primarily on superficial first
impressions. Your personality may
complement hers to a tailored and
fitted T, but she will not know this
in two weeks and may turn you
down simply because you had an
ugly pair of pants on that day. In
order to maximize your chances of
getting a first date, make every
aspect about yourself as appealing
as possible by keeping the
following factors in mind.
0 Making Conversation
Women find it a tremendous
turn-on if a guy will ask the right
questions that get them talking.
They love to talk about the most
minute aspects of their day such as
what type of doughnut they had for
lunch or how many minutes they
spent on the stairmaster. But what
they love even more is when a guy
is willing to listen to this stuff and
is interested (or at least seems so).
So when you talk to her, make what
you say is something she can
respond at length to. Try not open
up with a line like "you look hot
today." While it is great to say this
you get her talking do not let your
attention drift off into the Bears-
Redskins game last night. She may
give important information for you
to set up the first date by indicating
what interests her. Also, what she
talks about may come up later and
if you act clueless, it will be a big
turn-off to her. What she says may
sound ridiculous and boring, but
remember you are, after all,
"working on her."
® Looks
All women are more likely to
give a guy a chance if he is
physically attractive to her. Thus if
you decide to pursue some woman,
make every effort that she sees you
at your best; get yourself into good
shape, dress nicely, put some
cologne on, and have your hair
done. While women's tastes do vary
widely, these are a few aspects that
all women find attractive.
Regardless of how you present
yourself, make sure you act very
confidently about your looks in
front of her. Signs of physical
insecurity are again a turn-off.
Remember, you do not have to be
this way 24 hours a day; you can
still be wearing three-day old boxer
shorts and belching Led Zeppelin's
"Stairway to Heaven" standing on
your head; just make sure she does
not see it. Women do go out with
guys that they don't find physically
attractive, but these guys have to
work harder to get the first date.
Sense of humor
A guy's sense of humor is
equally as important to a woman as
his looks. In most cases, a woman
since you will not know about her
insecurities. Remember also to stay
away from sexist, gross and off-
color humor unless you absolutely
know she will not find them
offensive. You may think the joke
about the Rabbi and the hooker in
drag is hilarious, but it may simply
appall her. Keep your humor on the
cute side for her; tell the Rabbi joke
on a guys' night out.
Sweet Gestures
To let a girl know that you're
interested in dating, you must do so
through gestures towards her which
are trivial yet convey you are
indeed interested. Directly stating
your desires is a big turn-off to
women because they prefer
courtship to have subtlety. Find out
about her through your
conversations, and using this
knowledge, make her day more
pleasant somehow. If she is really
busy next Friday, and does not have
time to eat, bring her food; if she
has had a really bad day, send her
some roses. Keep in mind these
gestures should only be done on
occasion and if it is not a big hassle
to you. As you get to know her
better, the gestures can get more
extravagant, but initial failure to
follow these restrictions will hinder
your chances of getting a date
because the woman will feel that
you are obsessed with her. Sendin
roses once will make her call and
say thanks, but sending roses for a
month will make her call the police.
In conclusion, remember that
you must ask out a woman you are
interested in fairly quickly. Waiting
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