4 - The Michigan Daily - Friday, January 7, 1994 ~Iir i~tni"aU h 420 Maynard Ann Arbor, MI 48109 Edited and managed by students at the University of Michigan JosH Duow Editor in Chief ANDREW LEVY Editorial Page Editor Unless otherwise noted, unsigned editorials reflect the majority opinion of the Daily editorial board. All other cartoons, articles and letters do not necessarily represent the opinion of the Daily. K I Al T H E '$ J 08 M L T IM T ME SK Y. Cos npatrol: B*IStchool IPbust 0 0 By SAM GOODSTEIN and FLINT WAINESS The headline in the morning newspaper was hauntingly familiar: "7-year old latest victim of drive-by shooting." Below it sat a story about then-candidate Bill Clinton's pledge to make cities safe by greatly increasing the numbers of police working communities in America's cities. But we had no time to peruse the paper on this mundane Saturday, for we were on our way to a good friend's graduation party. Jumping into our shiny new Blazer, we sifted our way through the hard-packed snow and headed toward South University for another day of collegiate utopia. As usual, South U. was burgeoning with people enjoying the milieu of Ann Arbor in the winter time, the quintessential college aura. Passing through, we had one our typical existential debates, pausing only long enough to remark about the new study that rated Ann Arbor the second best place in the United States to raise children. Without further comment, we both knew what the other was thinking - Ann Arbor is like Christmas in Who-Ville (for those of you who haven't seen the "Grinch Who Stole Christmas," Goodstein and Wainess are LSA sophomores andAssociate Editors of theEditorialPage. Who-Ville can be substituted for Rio during Spring Break). Oh yeah, before we get off on too far of a tangent, this article is supposed to be about the University's deputized police force, the Department of Public Safety (DPS). A little history first and then we'll explain how our rosy Christmas in Who-Ville scenario fits in with DPS. DPS was reconstituted in 1990 because the University wanted an organization, under its control, that would be equipped to deal with students that don't follow University law (and there surely is no shortage of University laws). Of course the vociferous opposition of student activists (or what passed as student activism during the Reagan-Bush era) fell on entirely deaf ears. Consequently the police state currently known as Ann Arbor commenced operation, and our winter peacefully melted away into a beautiful spring. Few things in the world are priceless. One of them, in the humble opinions of these two would-be journalists, is the spring in Ann Arbor. With flowers in bloom and beer on the tap, worries seem to vanish into the warm, clear sky. And how fitting that residents of this fair city do not have to worry about the theft, rape, assault, etc. Or do we? Of course not, we have the formidable combination of the Ann Arbor Police Department and DPS. So not only is spring enchanting, it is safe. So safe in fact, that there is an abundance of police officers patrolling the streets. Ann Arbor's men and women in blue are so abundant that they cannot buy enough cars for all of them, forcingi many to ride around campus on ten- speeds, horses or whatever else they can muster up. On with the narrative. After enjoying a casual gathering of about 100 people in the middle of Greenwood Avenue one evening, nature made its call (read: Miller Genuine Draft sent a message to my dear friend Bladder). Little did we know the Business School, near 0 Greenwood, was under close surveillance by DPS -at 1 a.m. To make a long story short, we were busted. But at least the Business School is safe. At least we are all safe. Meanwhile the headlines roll on. The next morning, enjoying the paper outside a quaint coffee shop, we notice the ever growing crime I rate in Urban America. A shortage or cops in Detroit is, among other factors, forcing the city to consider closing down a part of town. One quarter of six-year-olds live below the poverty line in crime-heavy neighborhoods, big-city cops can't keep up with the crime. But yes, we are safe in Ann Arbor. for in men What women really look By JOHN CHUNG Women say that the most important factor they look for in a guy is their inner character and charisma. While this may be true later on regarding a serious relationship or marriage, it plays a very minor role as to whether she initially dates you. Most guys, if interested, will ask out a woman within two weeks of meeting her. In that time, she will know as much about your "inner self" as she does a brick in the wall. Most women decide whether to date a guy based primarily on superficial first impressions. Your personality may complement hers to a tailored and fitted T, but she will not know this in two weeks and may turn you down simply because you had an ugly pair of pants on that day. In order to maximize your chances of getting a first date, make every aspect about yourself as appealing as possible by keeping the following factors in mind. 0 Making Conversation Women find it a tremendous turn-on if a guy will ask the right questions that get them talking. They love to talk about the most minute aspects of their day such as what type of doughnut they had for lunch or how many minutes they spent on the stairmaster. But what they love even more is when a guy is willing to listen to this stuff and is interested (or at least seems so). So when you talk to her, make what you say is something she can respond at length to. Try not open up with a line like "you look hot today." While it is great to say this you get her talking do not let your attention drift off into the Bears- Redskins game last night. She may give important information for you to set up the first date by indicating what interests her. Also, what she talks about may come up later and if you act clueless, it will be a big turn-off to her. What she says may sound ridiculous and boring, but remember you are, after all, "working on her." ® Looks All women are more likely to give a guy a chance if he is physically attractive to her. Thus if you decide to pursue some woman, make every effort that she sees you at your best; get yourself into good shape, dress nicely, put some cologne on, and have your hair done. While women's tastes do vary widely, these are a few aspects that all women find attractive. Regardless of how you present yourself, make sure you act very confidently about your looks in front of her. Signs of physical insecurity are again a turn-off. Remember, you do not have to be this way 24 hours a day; you can still be wearing three-day old boxer shorts and belching Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" standing on your head; just make sure she does not see it. Women do go out with guys that they don't find physically attractive, but these guys have to work harder to get the first date. Sense of humor A guy's sense of humor is equally as important to a woman as his looks. In most cases, a woman since you will not know about her insecurities. Remember also to stay away from sexist, gross and off- color humor unless you absolutely know she will not find them offensive. You may think the joke about the Rabbi and the hooker in drag is hilarious, but it may simply appall her. Keep your humor on the cute side for her; tell the Rabbi joke on a guys' night out. Sweet Gestures To let a girl know that you're interested in dating, you must do so through gestures towards her which are trivial yet convey you are indeed interested. Directly stating your desires is a big turn-off to women because they prefer courtship to have subtlety. Find out about her through your conversations, and using this knowledge, make her day more pleasant somehow. If she is really busy next Friday, and does not have time to eat, bring her food; if she has had a really bad day, send her some roses. Keep in mind these gestures should only be done on occasion and if it is not a big hassle to you. As you get to know her better, the gestures can get more extravagant, but initial failure to follow these restrictions will hinder your chances of getting a date because the woman will feel that you are obsessed with her. Sendin roses once will make her call and say thanks, but sending roses for a month will make her call the police. In conclusion, remember that you must ask out a woman you are interested in fairly quickly. Waiting I ~ -: