Page 2-The Michigan Daily-Weekend etc. - March 12, 1992
Broken rules to live by
1he best thing about co-ops is that they provide a place to stay for
those students who wish to surrender all individual freedom and live
with other students who all think, act, and dress exactly the same, but
couldn't get into the Greek system.
Not that I have any moral objection to the Greek system. While I
personally would rather join a slave labor gang, I realize that Greek life is
an excellent alternative for some students, namely those students who like
rules. Especially stupid rules.
Shot on location
Guess the city, state or country of these filmmaking promo logos.
A prime example of Greek rules in action comes from a Daily staffer
who belongs to a fraternity. Every night at dinner they appoint one leader
who sits in the head chair and gets to eat his dessert first. If anybody else
takes a bite of dessert before the leader, he is discliplined via a fair and
democratic procedure in which he is dragged into the bathroom by his
brothers and given a swirly.
A swirly, for those of you who did not attend summer camp, involves
holding a person's head into the toilet bowl and flushing. The varieties
include Plain Swirlies, Lemon Swirlies, and Chocolate Fudge Swirlies. If
you are ever given a swirly, you should definitely request the plain. Trust
Of course, perhaps you desire the opportunity to be disciplined by your
housemates for breaking arbitrary and pointless rules, but are put off by the
elitist and exclusionary admission standards of the Greek system. In this
case you can always join a co-op, which has no such elitist standards. In fact
they have no admission standards at all. Your fate is in the hands of
whatever random scumbags happened to wander in off the street.
And now is an especially good time to join, now that the Inter-
Cooperative Council (ICC) has adopted a new harrassment policy. It's
based on the old University harrassment policy, which was ruled to be in
violation of the First Amendment two years ago.
The ICC already has several rules defining and prohibiting "uncoopera-
tive behavior," as in, "What we have heah... is a fail-yuh to cooperate."
The new ICC policy states that harrassment, which includes jokes,
based on "race, sex, political belief, sexual orientation, national origin,
economic status, age, veteran status, or physical or mental disability" is
Let's take a look at the new policy in action. For instance, suppose that
we have two co-op residents, who I'll call "Mr. Smith" and "Mr. Hitler."
One night at the dinner table, Mr. Smith jokes, "How many Nazis does it
take to screw in a lightbulb?" Mr. Hitler, deeply offended, begins making
anti-semitic references towards Mr. Smith. How would the anti-harrassment
policy handle this case?
Mr. Smith would be subject to discliplinary action for engaging in
uncooperative behavior. He harassed Mr. Hitler by making ajoke denigrat-
ing his political belief and mental disability. Mr. Hitler would not be subject
to punishment because, as you may have noticed, religious harrassment is
The positive side of the ICC policy is that, to the best of my knowledge,
it does not regulate when you can eat your dessert. And swirlies are not
Fashion on the green, complete with putters
The end of the hockey season is drawing near; our favorite sport to look
forward to is golf. Toss out that Felsner jersey and all maize-and-blue in
favor of a lemon-yellow or pastel blue cardigan. Our perennially preppie
friend informs us that this season, pink is the color of choice on the links.
And, as anyone who's ever gotten out of a sandtrap knows, argyle is the
pattern of the pros.
When considering a material for that oversweater, choose alpaca for
chilly days, and something more like a cotton or rayon blend (please, no
synthetic fabrics!) to throw over your shoulders.
The early '80s never left the country club fairway, even if they've left
the Paris runway.
Of course, motor coordination (and coordinating your socks to your
sweaters) is essential. Keep your eyes on the ball and your feet planted; but
keep your peepers out for those oxford-like spikes. To implement the look
off the green, a pair of Bass bucks will do nicely. For the total poseur, ig-
nore the stereotypical plaid polyester and sport either baggy, loose, comfy
cotton Dockers or a full circle skirt in summer white for around town.
Should they ask your handicap, smile sweetly and say, "I'm a scratch
golfer." You might or might not know the difference between a putter and
an iron, but you sure as heck look good.
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DID YOU KNOW...
- Victoria Gotti, wife of reputed Ma-
fia Godfather John Gotti who is cur-
rently on trial in New York City,
was asked how she could possibly
know nothing of her husband's busi-
ness affairs. She responded, "I didn't
ask him for a resume when I fell in
love with him."
- When Patrick Buchanan was asked
his opinion on the recent philander-
ings of Democratic Senator Ted-
Kennedy he responded, "I admire
Ted Kennedy. How many 59-year-
olds do you know who still go to[
Florida for spring break?"
- Margo Baumgart
WEEKEND s t a f f
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Michael John Wilson
Weekend news editor
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