Page 2-The Michigan Daily-Weekend etc. - March 12, 1992 Jonathan * Chart Broken rules to live by 1he best thing about co-ops is that they provide a place to stay for those students who wish to surrender all individual freedom and live with other students who all think, act, and dress exactly the same, but couldn't get into the Greek system. Not that I have any moral objection to the Greek system. While I personally would rather join a slave labor gang, I realize that Greek life is an excellent alternative for some students, namely those students who like rules. Especially stupid rules. Shot on location Guess the city, state or country of these filmmaking promo logos. A prime example of Greek rules in action comes from a Daily staffer who belongs to a fraternity. Every night at dinner they appoint one leader who sits in the head chair and gets to eat his dessert first. If anybody else takes a bite of dessert before the leader, he is discliplined via a fair and democratic procedure in which he is dragged into the bathroom by his brothers and given a swirly. A swirly, for those of you who did not attend summer camp, involves holding a person's head into the toilet bowl and flushing. The varieties include Plain Swirlies, Lemon Swirlies, and Chocolate Fudge Swirlies. If you are ever given a swirly, you should definitely request the plain. Trust me. Of course, perhaps you desire the opportunity to be disciplined by your housemates for breaking arbitrary and pointless rules, but are put off by the elitist and exclusionary admission standards of the Greek system. In this case you can always join a co-op, which has no such elitist standards. In fact they have no admission standards at all. Your fate is in the hands of whatever random scumbags happened to wander in off the street. And now is an especially good time to join, now that the Inter- Cooperative Council (ICC) has adopted a new harrassment policy. It's based on the old University harrassment policy, which was ruled to be in violation of the First Amendment two years ago. The ICC already has several rules defining and prohibiting "uncoopera- tive behavior," as in, "What we have heah... is a fail-yuh to cooperate." The new ICC policy states that harrassment, which includes jokes, based on "race, sex, political belief, sexual orientation, national origin, economic status, age, veteran status, or physical or mental disability" is "uncooperative." Let's take a look at the new policy in action. For instance, suppose that we have two co-op residents, who I'll call "Mr. Smith" and "Mr. Hitler." One night at the dinner table, Mr. Smith jokes, "How many Nazis does it take to screw in a lightbulb?" Mr. Hitler, deeply offended, begins making anti-semitic references towards Mr. Smith. How would the anti-harrassment policy handle this case? Mr. Smith would be subject to discliplinary action for engaging in uncooperative behavior. He harassed Mr. Hitler by making ajoke denigrat- ing his political belief and mental disability. Mr. Hitler would not be subject to punishment because, as you may have noticed, religious harrassment is not prohibited. The positive side of the ICC policy is that, to the best of my knowledge, it does not regulate when you can eat your dessert. And swirlies are not expressly prohibited. Fashion on the green, complete with putters The end of the hockey season is drawing near; our favorite sport to look forward to is golf. Toss out that Felsner jersey and all maize-and-blue in favor of a lemon-yellow or pastel blue cardigan. Our perennially preppie friend informs us that this season, pink is the color of choice on the links. And, as anyone who's ever gotten out of a sandtrap knows, argyle is the pattern of the pros. When considering a material for that oversweater, choose alpaca for chilly days, and something more like a cotton or rayon blend (please, no synthetic fabrics!) to throw over your shoulders. The early '80s never left the country club fairway, even if they've left the Paris runway. Of course, motor coordination (and coordinating your socks to your sweaters) is essential. Keep your eyes on the ball and your feet planted; but keep your peepers out for those oxford-like spikes. To implement the look off the green, a pair of Bass bucks will do nicely. For the total poseur, ig- nore the stereotypical plaid polyester and sport either baggy, loose, comfy cotton Dockers or a full circle skirt in summer white for around town. Should they ask your handicap, smile sweetly and say, "I'm a scratch golfer." You might or might not know the difference between a putter and an iron, but you sure as heck look good. I F frL L 4 70 . 1~ I , t4. v4 2 , 3 b~1f~ .0 OA)toZ "g SMS NI!Url 'S onbi3nbnglV "l, lu~~a S1'L J PNo~~ vASh'Wrt AND C.LOSE. Ap-oum D 'T ) T14- EARS, owKy ? Nfm &~&4'AarA'± -~ ~ to Wschmoob NE vv S y DID YOU KNOW... - Victoria Gotti, wife of reputed Ma- fia Godfather John Gotti who is cur- rently on trial in New York City, was asked how she could possibly know nothing of her husband's busi- ness affairs. She responded, "I didn't ask him for a resume when I fell in love with him." - When Patrick Buchanan was asked his opinion on the recent philander- ings of Democratic Senator Ted- Kennedy he responded, "I admire Ted Kennedy. How many 59-year- olds do you know who still go to[ Florida for spring break?" - Margo Baumgart 91 WEEKEND s t a f f t AW + .r. rrr rs rr^ r x 3r rr. rN rrs v. vrf. AVA6" yl& Editors Julie Komorn Elizabeth Lenhard Michael John Wilson Weekend news editor Lar Barager Production Kristen McMurphy Alissa Strauss Artist Jonathan Higgins Graphics Erin Einhorn I,._ d Zns rr r a ' i pill p. 1 f Jr ing and 9 rinking I sze-CI~al W est 'Cocktails WCSL " Dining *Carry Out " Luncheon - Specials SZECHUAN - HUNAN - MANDARIN Hours: M-Th,11:30-10; F, 11:30-11 Sat., Noon-11 pm; Sun., Noon-10 pm Happy Hour: 4-7, M-Th 2161 W. Stadium (East of Liberty) Ann Arbor " 769-5722 THANO'S LAMPLIGHTER -421East Liberty ^' block west of State) 665-7003 Sicilian Pizza our Specialty Beer, Wine, and Liquor Open 7 Days til 200 AM. 1100 E. Catherine at Glen - 761-8996 Open 6 a.m. - 4 p.m. weekdays 6 a.m. - 3 p.m. Sat., 7 a.m. - 2 p.m. Sun. Serving breakfast and lunch all day. Featuring homemade raisin bread Favorites for over 30 years. L Chinese Restaurant Mandarin, Szechuan, and Hunan Specialties. Exotic Drinks, Full Bar. Carry out, Quick Lunch Special, Sunday Brunch. 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