III
Scrooge McDuck saves the ozone layer
The column for this week is
sponsored by the letter "E."
We're going to discuss Ecology,
Energy, Engineering, the Earth and
Tinkertoys, which don't actually be-
gin with an "E," but which can be,
shaped into one using only three red
sticks, two yellow ones and three of
those little round pieces. They can
also be shaped into a windmill and a
seven-foot tall phallic symbol.
My housemates and I discovered
all this en route to solving the world
energy crisis. But we'll get to that
later.
First, ecology. Ecology, the
study of how things stay alive by
killing other things, is apparently
also the single most important issue
facing the world today, at least until
this whole "Today Show" business
really gets out of hand.
Until recently, none of us really
thought that ecology had anything to
do with us. Ecology had to do with
"life cycles" - birds eating fish eat-
ing worms eating dead birds, Since
humans get their food from Kroger,
which eats nothing but your pay-
check, we never really thought of
ourselves as part of the ecosystem.
But that was before the summer of
1988, when "the greenhouse effect"
became a household phrase and we
realized that spewing pollution into
the air could seriously affect our
air-conditioning bills.
So we decided that we would do
whatever we could to protect the en-
vironment, even if it meant dressing
our own children up in duck suits.
This is what happened last Satur-
day in Lenawee County, Michigan.
The county is being considered as a
site for a state nuclear waste dump,
and its outraged residents decided to
take decisive action: they held a pa-
rade. The parade included several Le-
nawee County youngsters wearing
Huey, Dewey, and Louie outfits, car-
rying signs saying "No Nukes, They
Make Me Puke." No decision has
been made yet about the dump, but
rumor has it that extremists in the
county are considering employing
high-school marching bands and
giant hot-air balloons shaped like
Underdog, if necessary.
Is this what Mother Earth is
coming to? Civil war? Armies of
Earth First! shock troops armed with
trombones clashing with electric
company goons dressed up like char-
acters from Fantasia? Apparently
so, unless we find a lot more di-
nosaurs to kill.
You see, it all comes down to
fossil fuels. We don't have enough
of them to meet our energy needs, so
we have to resort to nuclear power.
Fossil fuels are made from the de-
composed bodies of dead animals;
Exxon promised to "put a tiger in
your tank," (before they changed the
PP pJIM
UN!
slogan to "put a dead manatee on
your beach") but the tiger was actu-
ally a dinosaur. The funny thing is,
most of the people who are so fired
up about the fossil fuel crisis are the
same ones who want to get rid of
nuclear weapons, which could sup-
ply us with all the dead bodies we
want. Go figure.
Since mass extinction isn't an
option, we have only one choice:
conservation. Federal, state, local
governments are pouring millions of
dollars into mass transportation. If
you ask me, which you don't have
to since I'm writing the column here
and I'll tell you anyway, they could
save themselves a lot of money by
simply chipping in to buy me a new
car.
I own a 1976 Pontiac LeMans,
which is responsible for about 63
percent of the fossil fuel consump-
tion of the entire planet. It is a large
car. Very large. Nobody is sure
where Pontiac LeMans' originally
came from, but it is suspected that
they were built by the same race of
giants that constructed Stonehenge
and the statues on Easter Island. One
trip to Briarwood in it could power
Manhattan for two-and-a-half years.
However, buying me a new car
would only solve half of the fossil
fuel crisis, the other half of which is
that we have too much fossil fuel.
Fossil fuels create pollutants, which
in turn create acid rain in Canada,
threatening the next generation's
supply of Labatt's. Therefore, we
need to seek alternative energy
sources, which is why a bunch of
old men are giving my housemates
millions of dollars.
Trust me, we're going to get to
the Tinkertoys any second now.
My house is split up between
Engineering and LSA students. This
runs against every principle of na-
ture. Engineers and LSAer's have a
hard enough time living in the same
space/time continuum, much less
the same house. Engineers resent
LSA students because we get to read
novels for credit. LSAer's resent
engineers because they will be able
to afford food after they graduate.
But we manage to get along hap-
pily, as long as Drew, my fellow
LSA pal, and I ignore the fact that,
while we're writing five-page papers
on golf imagery in The Sound and
the Fury, our housemates are saving
the world. Jim and Jeff (actually
LSA Computer Science, but that's
practically engineering) are involved
in a University solar-powered car
project, in which they are learning
the most fundamental skill of scien-
tific research: convincing rich people
to give you money. Jeff once told
me to make sure he got his phone
messages because he was expecting a
call from the president of Amoco,
who he said might donate a few hun-
dred thou to the project.
I'm sure you'll all sleep easier
knowing that the survival of the
ozone layer depends on whether or
not I can find a pen with ink in it.
But even if I can't, we may still be
saved by the Tinkertoys.
You see, a few weeks ago, Jim
bought a Tinkertoy set. A nice little
break from engineering, right?
Wrong. There's no such thing as a
break for an engineer, except maybe
a few light caic problems before bed.
No sooner had Jim bought the
Tinkertoys than he and Rick (our
third engineer) were excitedly dis-
cussing friction coefficients and gear
ratios; within a few days, they had
built a windmill/pulley system that
could lift a bottle of water.
Therein lies our hope. Instead of
choking on the ashes of dead di-
nosaurs, we will someday be able to
have all our energy needs supplied
by a network of Tinkertoy wind-
mills, provided can we restructure
our economy around lifting bottles
See Poniewozik, Page 13
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Seven Years ago... November 3, 1982
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Modulistic terror
A vast sadistic feast
The only way to exit
is going piece by piece
(In response)
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"SOUTHFIELD - Democrat James Blanchard, beating out a late dip in
the polls, thoroughly defeated his Republican opposition for governor in
yesterday's election, making him the first Democrat to take over the state's
top office in 20 years."
Twenty-seven Years ago... November 3, 1962
"WASHINGTON (AP) - President John F. Kennedy told the American
people last night the Soviet rocket bases in Cuba are being dismantled, the
missiles are being crated, and 'progress is now being made towards the
restoration of peace in the Caribbean."
Seventy-four Years ago... November 3, 1915
"Gothic hall of Martha Cook building housed many celebrities when
Governor Ferris and Mrs. Ferris, President-emeritus James B. Angell,
President Harry B. Hutchins and Mrs. Hutchins attended the "old-fashioned"
dinner... as part of the informal opening exercises last night.
"'Co-education here has been a decided success. I am in favor of it and
shall continue to be so long as coeducation fits the women for the duties of
life - for the home as well as public duty,' said President Hutchins."
Items in the Weekend Almanac are culled from past issues of the Daily on
this date in history. All articles are taken from Daily files which are open
to public perusal in the Daily's library.
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-Angell Hall
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Rickie Lee Jones
Flying Cowboys
Geffen Records
For some of us, Rickie Lee Jones
represents the most romantic state
we can achieve. Her champagne-
drenched singing, her laugh and cry,
her aching croon and her exuberant
scat simply enchant us. And since
art at its best brings people together,
we want to share her, but only with
someone very special. Like anything
by Billie Holiday, Van Morrison's
Moondance, Miles Davis' In a Si-
lent Way, and not much else, Rickie
Lee Jones can best be appreciated by
parties of two - not just as a
soundtrack for a romantic interlude,
but as a context for an entire ro-
mance. But how would I know?
Since Jones has been invisible for
five years, (although she did show
up last year to play her father's "The
Moon is Made of Gold," my per-
sonal favorite, on Rob Wasserman's
Duets) you might worry about Fly-
ing Cowboys having that slaved-
over, studioed-to-death feel that
Randy Newman's Land of Dreams
suffered from, after a similar ab-
sence. But instead, it's a beautiful
album, artful in its effortlessness,
miraculous in its artistry. If we let
it, Flying Cowboys, like love in one
of its best songs, "Is Gonna Bring
Us Back Alive."
Jones' first two records, Rickie
Lee Jones (1979) and Pirates (1981)
opened us up to a unique, mad and
passionate artist wearing sensibili-
ties on her sleeves. "Last Chance
Texaco," "Coolsville," and "We Be-
long Together," were all mini-dra-
mas of involving and involved pas-
sion. It was all very personal - if
not autobiographical, then at least
very close to her bones. With the re-
lease of The Magazine, though, she
withdrew a little bit. The focus
shifted, blurred, to more impression-
istic scenes. Songs diffused in their
narrative, like "Rorschachs," barely
held together and still managed to
make sense.
Flying Cowboys launches out
even deeper into the mystic. The
story lines are difficult to follow,
although I suspect that "The
Horses," "Rodeo Girl," and the title
track have something in common.
Of course, its not necessary to decide
how the moody "Ghost Train" builds
on her previous "Night Train" and
"Slow Train," or to decipher a line
like "And this world's all jacked up
like a Cadillac/Painted by a rodeo
girl," in order to love this music.
The sound is what counts. The pro-
ducer, Steely Dan's Walter Becker,
gets a least part of the credit for that.
His lush, tasteful control works
wonders with the the cover version
of "Don't Let the Sun Catch You
Crying," as well as the reggae-tinged
tracks (a welcome breakthrough for
Jones).
Flying Cowboys is better than
amazing. It delivers everything we
expect from Rickie Lee Jones.
-Mark Swartz
John Houze
Detroit
(343) 965-3366
RULES AND RE
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Pursue a Rewarding Career - Ensure
of Jewish Life " Find Professional 1
THE ;-
I walk
I hide
I fight
How I feel inside
Jump
Don't stop
It's still always to the top
Study!
Ryad hard
K &p up
deal yourself another card
is it over
or has it started
take the money
through my heart
4 years gone
do I have a job
or did I just
get robbed?
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Cincinnati." New York . Los Angeles.Jerus
Programs leading to degrees in
Rabbinics - Cantorial Studies." Graduat
Jewish Education - Jewish Conununal
Rabbi Gary P. Zola, National Director of Admissions anc
will be on campus.......Wednesday, November 15.........
Call ..............1"50.......................... for
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Page 10 Weekend/November 31989
Weekend/Nov rx3,1989