III Scrooge McDuck saves the ozone layer The column for this week is sponsored by the letter "E." We're going to discuss Ecology, Energy, Engineering, the Earth and Tinkertoys, which don't actually be- gin with an "E," but which can be, shaped into one using only three red sticks, two yellow ones and three of those little round pieces. They can also be shaped into a windmill and a seven-foot tall phallic symbol. My housemates and I discovered all this en route to solving the world energy crisis. But we'll get to that later. First, ecology. Ecology, the study of how things stay alive by killing other things, is apparently also the single most important issue facing the world today, at least until this whole "Today Show" business really gets out of hand. Until recently, none of us really thought that ecology had anything to do with us. Ecology had to do with "life cycles" - birds eating fish eat- ing worms eating dead birds, Since humans get their food from Kroger, which eats nothing but your pay- check, we never really thought of ourselves as part of the ecosystem. But that was before the summer of 1988, when "the greenhouse effect" became a household phrase and we realized that spewing pollution into the air could seriously affect our air-conditioning bills. So we decided that we would do whatever we could to protect the en- vironment, even if it meant dressing our own children up in duck suits. This is what happened last Satur- day in Lenawee County, Michigan. The county is being considered as a site for a state nuclear waste dump, and its outraged residents decided to take decisive action: they held a pa- rade. The parade included several Le- nawee County youngsters wearing Huey, Dewey, and Louie outfits, car- rying signs saying "No Nukes, They Make Me Puke." No decision has been made yet about the dump, but rumor has it that extremists in the county are considering employing high-school marching bands and giant hot-air balloons shaped like Underdog, if necessary. Is this what Mother Earth is coming to? Civil war? Armies of Earth First! shock troops armed with trombones clashing with electric company goons dressed up like char- acters from Fantasia? Apparently so, unless we find a lot more di- nosaurs to kill. You see, it all comes down to fossil fuels. We don't have enough of them to meet our energy needs, so we have to resort to nuclear power. Fossil fuels are made from the de- composed bodies of dead animals; Exxon promised to "put a tiger in your tank," (before they changed the PP pJIM UN! slogan to "put a dead manatee on your beach") but the tiger was actu- ally a dinosaur. The funny thing is, most of the people who are so fired up about the fossil fuel crisis are the same ones who want to get rid of nuclear weapons, which could sup- ply us with all the dead bodies we want. Go figure. Since mass extinction isn't an option, we have only one choice: conservation. Federal, state, local governments are pouring millions of dollars into mass transportation. If you ask me, which you don't have to since I'm writing the column here and I'll tell you anyway, they could save themselves a lot of money by simply chipping in to buy me a new car. I own a 1976 Pontiac LeMans, which is responsible for about 63 percent of the fossil fuel consump- tion of the entire planet. It is a large car. Very large. Nobody is sure where Pontiac LeMans' originally came from, but it is suspected that they were built by the same race of giants that constructed Stonehenge and the statues on Easter Island. One trip to Briarwood in it could power Manhattan for two-and-a-half years. However, buying me a new car would only solve half of the fossil fuel crisis, the other half of which is that we have too much fossil fuel. Fossil fuels create pollutants, which in turn create acid rain in Canada, threatening the next generation's supply of Labatt's. Therefore, we need to seek alternative energy sources, which is why a bunch of old men are giving my housemates millions of dollars. Trust me, we're going to get to the Tinkertoys any second now. My house is split up between Engineering and LSA students. This runs against every principle of na- ture. Engineers and LSAer's have a hard enough time living in the same space/time continuum, much less the same house. Engineers resent LSA students because we get to read novels for credit. LSAer's resent engineers because they will be able to afford food after they graduate. But we manage to get along hap- pily, as long as Drew, my fellow LSA pal, and I ignore the fact that, while we're writing five-page papers on golf imagery in The Sound and the Fury, our housemates are saving the world. Jim and Jeff (actually LSA Computer Science, but that's practically engineering) are involved in a University solar-powered car project, in which they are learning the most fundamental skill of scien- tific research: convincing rich people to give you money. Jeff once told me to make sure he got his phone messages because he was expecting a call from the president of Amoco, who he said might donate a few hun- dred thou to the project. I'm sure you'll all sleep easier knowing that the survival of the ozone layer depends on whether or not I can find a pen with ink in it. But even if I can't, we may still be saved by the Tinkertoys. You see, a few weeks ago, Jim bought a Tinkertoy set. A nice little break from engineering, right? Wrong. There's no such thing as a break for an engineer, except maybe a few light caic problems before bed. No sooner had Jim bought the Tinkertoys than he and Rick (our third engineer) were excitedly dis- cussing friction coefficients and gear ratios; within a few days, they had built a windmill/pulley system that could lift a bottle of water. Therein lies our hope. Instead of choking on the ashes of dead di- nosaurs, we will someday be able to have all our energy needs supplied by a network of Tinkertoy wind- mills, provided can we restructure our economy around lifting bottles See Poniewozik, Page 13 THE GREAT WALL____ RESTAURANT Specializing in - DINNERS & LUNCHES Szechuan, Hunan - CARRY-OUTS 'm Rated Ann Arbor's best new restau- and Cantonese rant of 1988 and best oriental res- taurant of 1989 by The Michigan Daily Weekend Magazine. 747-7006 Monday -Sunday 11 am-11 pm 1220 S. UNIVERSITY." AT S. FOREST -NEX ANN ARBORvA N m ". GRANDPRIZE! Featured Cover Model on the Natic Circulated Magazine ...win All First Place Prizes Rickie Lee Jones: Enchanting romance 5 FIRST PLACE FINAISTS-WILU.RECEIVE: An AN Expense Paid Trip to the National C Accomm.dion A Fashion clothing Alowance $2,000.00 Wortt of Photography tor Your P A Contest Photo Feature in the specialAn MOD'L PORTFOLIO Professional Instruction on Makeup. Depc 'One Grand Prize Winner will be selected fromc 10 RUNNERS UP WILL RECEIVE: $1,500.00 Worth of Photography A Contest Feature in the special MOD'L PORTFOUO ALL ENTRIES WILL. RECEIVE A 01 MODIL PORTFOLIO AN( il Call for Comi I- a SINCE 1989 Seven Years ago... November 3, 1982 ---1t I 9)FF rjHjA WA1L1 Modulistic terror A vast sadistic feast The only way to exit is going piece by piece (In response) S KLTRA F ZINN ff- -- -Immmmw-w I r- I SORRY smR., NO COS rLSALLo'ALW _ 5 "SOUTHFIELD - Democrat James Blanchard, beating out a late dip in the polls, thoroughly defeated his Republican opposition for governor in yesterday's election, making him the first Democrat to take over the state's top office in 20 years." Twenty-seven Years ago... November 3, 1962 "WASHINGTON (AP) - President John F. Kennedy told the American people last night the Soviet rocket bases in Cuba are being dismantled, the missiles are being crated, and 'progress is now being made towards the restoration of peace in the Caribbean." Seventy-four Years ago... November 3, 1915 "Gothic hall of Martha Cook building housed many celebrities when Governor Ferris and Mrs. Ferris, President-emeritus James B. Angell, President Harry B. Hutchins and Mrs. Hutchins attended the "old-fashioned" dinner... as part of the informal opening exercises last night. "'Co-education here has been a decided success. I am in favor of it and shall continue to be so long as coeducation fits the women for the duties of life - for the home as well as public duty,' said President Hutchins." Items in the Weekend Almanac are culled from past issues of the Daily on this date in history. All articles are taken from Daily files which are open to public perusal in the Daily's library. p They serve that they? at W. Quad, don'tI adi -Angell Hall NOSIR, tr 1 Ncr WA WSW YOUwy s 4E Rickie Lee Jones Flying Cowboys Geffen Records For some of us, Rickie Lee Jones represents the most romantic state we can achieve. Her champagne- drenched singing, her laugh and cry, her aching croon and her exuberant scat simply enchant us. And since art at its best brings people together, we want to share her, but only with someone very special. Like anything by Billie Holiday, Van Morrison's Moondance, Miles Davis' In a Si- lent Way, and not much else, Rickie Lee Jones can best be appreciated by parties of two - not just as a soundtrack for a romantic interlude, but as a context for an entire ro- mance. But how would I know? Since Jones has been invisible for five years, (although she did show up last year to play her father's "The Moon is Made of Gold," my per- sonal favorite, on Rob Wasserman's Duets) you might worry about Fly- ing Cowboys having that slaved- over, studioed-to-death feel that Randy Newman's Land of Dreams suffered from, after a similar ab- sence. But instead, it's a beautiful album, artful in its effortlessness, miraculous in its artistry. If we let it, Flying Cowboys, like love in one of its best songs, "Is Gonna Bring Us Back Alive." Jones' first two records, Rickie Lee Jones (1979) and Pirates (1981) opened us up to a unique, mad and passionate artist wearing sensibili- ties on her sleeves. "Last Chance Texaco," "Coolsville," and "We Be- long Together," were all mini-dra- mas of involving and involved pas- sion. It was all very personal - if not autobiographical, then at least very close to her bones. With the re- lease of The Magazine, though, she withdrew a little bit. The focus shifted, blurred, to more impression- istic scenes. Songs diffused in their narrative, like "Rorschachs," barely held together and still managed to make sense. Flying Cowboys launches out even deeper into the mystic. The story lines are difficult to follow, although I suspect that "The Horses," "Rodeo Girl," and the title track have something in common. Of course, its not necessary to decide how the moody "Ghost Train" builds on her previous "Night Train" and "Slow Train," or to decipher a line like "And this world's all jacked up like a Cadillac/Painted by a rodeo girl," in order to love this music. The sound is what counts. The pro- ducer, Steely Dan's Walter Becker, gets a least part of the credit for that. His lush, tasteful control works wonders with the the cover version of "Don't Let the Sun Catch You Crying," as well as the reggae-tinged tracks (a welcome breakthrough for Jones). Flying Cowboys is better than amazing. It delivers everything we expect from Rickie Lee Jones. -Mark Swartz John Houze Detroit (343) 965-3366 RULES AND RE Contact your MODT Photogra; Pursue a Rewarding Career - Ensure of Jewish Life " Find Professional 1 THE ;- I walk I hide I fight How I feel inside Jump Don't stop It's still always to the top Study! Ryad hard K &p up deal yourself another card is it over or has it started take the money through my heart 4 years gone do I have a job or did I just get robbed? pr i _n, , , O. IS YOU] ate--- ... ... waw c l"I4 OVI *VAL GA1I t3; 4o "!)Afo WR D ou O+S4l at Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute c Cincinnati." New York . Los Angeles.Jerus Programs leading to degrees in Rabbinics - Cantorial Studies." Graduat Jewish Education - Jewish Conununal Rabbi Gary P. Zola, National Director of Admissions anc will be on campus.......Wednesday, November 15......... Call ..............1"50.......................... for '+ i rc r 1 F 3iL'iLN: ii7 I - UGLi i Page 10 Weekend/November 31989 Weekend/Nov rx3,1989