The Michigan Daily/New Student Edition - Thursday, September 7,1989- Page 23
Interpreting the campus map
by Miguel Cruz
Daily Troublemaker
1. Angell Hall. This is where you
CRISPed. This is where you'll CRISP
least seven more times, until you're
so sick of it you'll want to shoot that.
cheerful gentleman who yells out your
name and hands you your schedule.
2. Mason Hall. Connected to
Angell Hall, this building is for
classrooms what Dudley Moore is for
lame movies.
3. Haven Hall. It's connected to
Angell too. Mostly faculty offices.
4. The Diag. Hang out and be seen.
Watch Preacher Mike extol the virtues
of charity and indigence to the
admiring throng while he struts
around in his Calvin Kleins and
Reeboks. And sit on that grass every
chance you get. The University's big
trend for the '90s is cement, cement,
cement.
5. Graduate Library. Acres of
books. Check out a ball of string at
the reference desk if you plan on
'oing into the stacks unaccompanied.
Fhen you see cobwebby skeletons on
the floor, it's probably time to turn
back.
6. UGLi. Supposedly, it stands for
UnderGraduate Library. But if you
look at the place, you'll wonder. In
addition to being the ugliest, this is
also the loudest library you'll ever be
in. Bring your hibachi for Friday
night barbecues at the 3rd floor
circulation desk.
0 . Natural Science Building.
I'm not really clear on what this
building is for, but they do have a
nice greenhouse facing the Diag.
8. Chemistry Buildings, old and
new. Remember that $40 so-called
"application fee" you paid when you
sent in your forms last year? That was
your share of the new Chemistry
building, slated to be completed this
school year. If you don't take any
hem classes in the next four years,
ou are entitled to a refund at
graduation.
9. Bell Tower. The world's largest
musical instrument. Or second largest.
Something like that. It's one of those
clock towers where all four sides show
different times, and none of them is
right.
10. Hill Auditorium. 1300 seats
of acoustic perfection. The ultimate
ation for campus concerts.
1 1. MLB. Nobody makes it through
the University without having at least
one class in the Modern Language
Building's huge lecture halls.
12. Rackham. They make you be
quiet and study. I don't go there.
13. Frieze Building. Much too far
too ever want to walk to no matter
where you are. Even if you're already
there.
14. Betsy Barbour. Named after a
Fisher-Price doll my sister had, I
think. It's rumored you have to dress
up for dinner (probably in the same
outfit my sister's doll wore).
15. Helen Newberry. At one
point, someone had glued a sticker
over "Newberry" on the outside sign,
making it read "Blueberry." But it's
probably gone by now. That's about
as exciting as this all-woman dorm
gets.
16. Kelsey Museum of
something-or-other. This museum has
had the same "special" exhibits for as
long as anyone can remember.
17. LSA Building. Despite it's
quaint old-world name, this building
doesn't seem to have much to do with
LSA. But it is good for some other
things: paying tuition, changing your
address, getting replacements for that
yellow ID card (they're only $5, so
stock up!)
18. Michigan Union. It's got
stores, it's got restaurants, it's even
got a pool hall. And at the back of
the main floor, is the U-Club. Mild-
mannered suit-and-tie lunch club by
day, wild ultrahip dance scene by
night. Too bad they play the same
songs, in the same order, every single
night.
19. Art Museum. If you fancy
yourself too cultured to adorn your
dorm room walls with $6 posters of
half-naked movie stars and cute
animals with funny sayings, this
place has some nice alternatives in
the way of actual art reprints. If you
really want something unique, bring
home that metal sculpture that's in
front of the building. Please.
20. Law Quadrangle. Almost
makes you want to major in Political
Science. The buildings are great,
especially the library. But you need a
subpoena to stay there after 5.
21. President's House. If you
just can't make it all the way back
home from class on one of those
chilly winter days, President
Duderstadt always welcomes visitors
for biscuits and warm cocoa. Stop by
and have a chat.
22. Business School. Nobody I
know has ever been in the School of
Business Administration building. But
I do know that there is always a .
bunch of really pleasant, polite Ann
Arbor high school kids skateboarding
in the courtyard.
23. Lorch Hall. Home to the
accounting department, this building
sports one of the campus' nicer
interiors. In addition, you'll find a
selection of mysterious greek columns
in the courtyard.
24. East Quad. Your first year on
campus, you'll make fun of people
from East Quad. But by the time you
graduate, you'll wish you'd lived
there. It's got the perfect location,
the most interesting selection of
people, and a funky snack bar South
Quad could never match.
25. West Engineering
Building.In the afternoons and
evenings, you'll find people playing
music under the arch. They're often
wealthy, and put out guitar cases full
of change and small bills. Help
yourself.
26. East Engineering Building.
The only class offered in this building
is Math 115. Do not enter, under any
circumstances.
27. Dennison Building. People
do physics here. If you paid attention
at orientation, you heard about how
the building is slowly sinking into
the sand. When campus activity
elsewhere is at a lull, large crowds
often gather here to watch the
building's slow descent.
28. Randall Labs. You tell me.
29. Dana Building (AKA School
of Natural Resources). 'Nuff said.
30. C.C. Little Building. Rumor
has it, the ghost of Andy Gibb roams
the building humming "Love is
Thicker than Water".
31. Natural History Museum.
Every day, busloads of kids come here
from elementary schools all over
Michigan. But for some reason, they
always just hang around outside.
32. CCRB. The Central Campus
Recreational Building. It's got gyms,
racquetball, weight rooms, exercise
programs, and a swimming pool. And
think of it: you're a member. (tip:
watch out for the pool. It's got more
chlorine than it has water and you'll
smell like bleach for months.)
33. The Hill. Home to Stockwell,
Mosher-Jordan, Alice Lloud, Couzens,
and Markley halls. Gateway to the
Arboretum, the University's own
mosquito farm/nature park.
34. Palmer Field. This outdoor
hippodrome sports plenty of tennis
courts and a full-size jogging track.
35. School of Dentistry. They
offer cheap dental care by aspiring
young dentists, but unfortunately, it's
given in a maze of cubicles with 5-
foot high walls. No bargain is worth
the horror of hearing a scream and
seeing a bloody tooth sail over the
wall from the cubicle next to yours.
36. University Health Service.
Free medical care, as long as you
show up between 9 and 5 on a week-
day. And, as everyone knows, most
serious injuries do occur during
business hours. Plus, they give you a
if
throat culture for anything from a
loose filling to male pattern baldness.
37. Michigan League. Way back
when, the Michigan Union was all-
male, so the League was opened as a
place for women on campus to hang
out. These days, the Union, and
several other campus buildings for
that matter, allow women, and the
League seems to have lost much of its
purpose. Maybe you can think of one.
38. North Campus. Up here
you'll find the schools of Art and
Architecture, Music, and Engineering.
There's also a pond, a nuclear reactor,
and possibly the University's best
kept secret: the NCRB. This arctic
alternative to the CCRB offers less
crowds, fabulous outdoor rec
programs, and a pool you don't have
to be thrown into. By the way, no
matter what anybody says, it's faster
to walk to the North Campus than to
take the bus. As a joke, the
University prints up gag bus
schedules and posts them by the bus
stops. Don't be fooled. 0
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