The Michigan Daily/New Student Edition - Thursday, September 7,1989- Page 23 Interpreting the campus map by Miguel Cruz Daily Troublemaker 1. Angell Hall. This is where you CRISPed. This is where you'll CRISP least seven more times, until you're so sick of it you'll want to shoot that. cheerful gentleman who yells out your name and hands you your schedule. 2. Mason Hall. Connected to Angell Hall, this building is for classrooms what Dudley Moore is for lame movies. 3. Haven Hall. It's connected to Angell too. Mostly faculty offices. 4. The Diag. Hang out and be seen. Watch Preacher Mike extol the virtues of charity and indigence to the admiring throng while he struts around in his Calvin Kleins and Reeboks. And sit on that grass every chance you get. The University's big trend for the '90s is cement, cement, cement. 5. Graduate Library. Acres of books. Check out a ball of string at the reference desk if you plan on 'oing into the stacks unaccompanied. Fhen you see cobwebby skeletons on the floor, it's probably time to turn back. 6. UGLi. Supposedly, it stands for UnderGraduate Library. But if you look at the place, you'll wonder. In addition to being the ugliest, this is also the loudest library you'll ever be in. Bring your hibachi for Friday night barbecues at the 3rd floor circulation desk. 0 . Natural Science Building. I'm not really clear on what this building is for, but they do have a nice greenhouse facing the Diag. 8. Chemistry Buildings, old and new. Remember that $40 so-called "application fee" you paid when you sent in your forms last year? That was your share of the new Chemistry building, slated to be completed this school year. If you don't take any hem classes in the next four years, ou are entitled to a refund at graduation. 9. Bell Tower. The world's largest musical instrument. Or second largest. Something like that. It's one of those clock towers where all four sides show different times, and none of them is right. 10. Hill Auditorium. 1300 seats of acoustic perfection. The ultimate ation for campus concerts. 1 1. MLB. Nobody makes it through the University without having at least one class in the Modern Language Building's huge lecture halls. 12. Rackham. They make you be quiet and study. I don't go there. 13. Frieze Building. Much too far too ever want to walk to no matter where you are. Even if you're already there. 14. Betsy Barbour. Named after a Fisher-Price doll my sister had, I think. It's rumored you have to dress up for dinner (probably in the same outfit my sister's doll wore). 15. Helen Newberry. At one point, someone had glued a sticker over "Newberry" on the outside sign, making it read "Blueberry." But it's probably gone by now. That's about as exciting as this all-woman dorm gets. 16. Kelsey Museum of something-or-other. This museum has had the same "special" exhibits for as long as anyone can remember. 17. LSA Building. Despite it's quaint old-world name, this building doesn't seem to have much to do with LSA. But it is good for some other things: paying tuition, changing your address, getting replacements for that yellow ID card (they're only $5, so stock up!) 18. Michigan Union. It's got stores, it's got restaurants, it's even got a pool hall. And at the back of the main floor, is the U-Club. Mild- mannered suit-and-tie lunch club by day, wild ultrahip dance scene by night. Too bad they play the same songs, in the same order, every single night. 19. Art Museum. If you fancy yourself too cultured to adorn your dorm room walls with $6 posters of half-naked movie stars and cute animals with funny sayings, this place has some nice alternatives in the way of actual art reprints. If you really want something unique, bring home that metal sculpture that's in front of the building. Please. 20. Law Quadrangle. Almost makes you want to major in Political Science. The buildings are great, especially the library. But you need a subpoena to stay there after 5. 21. President's House. If you just can't make it all the way back home from class on one of those chilly winter days, President Duderstadt always welcomes visitors for biscuits and warm cocoa. Stop by and have a chat. 22. Business School. Nobody I know has ever been in the School of Business Administration building. But I do know that there is always a . bunch of really pleasant, polite Ann Arbor high school kids skateboarding in the courtyard. 23. Lorch Hall. Home to the accounting department, this building sports one of the campus' nicer interiors. In addition, you'll find a selection of mysterious greek columns in the courtyard. 24. East Quad. Your first year on campus, you'll make fun of people from East Quad. But by the time you graduate, you'll wish you'd lived there. It's got the perfect location, the most interesting selection of people, and a funky snack bar South Quad could never match. 25. West Engineering Building.In the afternoons and evenings, you'll find people playing music under the arch. They're often wealthy, and put out guitar cases full of change and small bills. Help yourself. 26. East Engineering Building. The only class offered in this building is Math 115. Do not enter, under any circumstances. 27. Dennison Building. People do physics here. If you paid attention at orientation, you heard about how the building is slowly sinking into the sand. When campus activity elsewhere is at a lull, large crowds often gather here to watch the building's slow descent. 28. Randall Labs. You tell me. 29. Dana Building (AKA School of Natural Resources). 'Nuff said. 30. C.C. Little Building. Rumor has it, the ghost of Andy Gibb roams the building humming "Love is Thicker than Water". 31. Natural History Museum. Every day, busloads of kids come here from elementary schools all over Michigan. But for some reason, they always just hang around outside. 32. CCRB. The Central Campus Recreational Building. It's got gyms, racquetball, weight rooms, exercise programs, and a swimming pool. And think of it: you're a member. (tip: watch out for the pool. It's got more chlorine than it has water and you'll smell like bleach for months.) 33. The Hill. Home to Stockwell, Mosher-Jordan, Alice Lloud, Couzens, and Markley halls. Gateway to the Arboretum, the University's own mosquito farm/nature park. 34. Palmer Field. This outdoor hippodrome sports plenty of tennis courts and a full-size jogging track. 35. School of Dentistry. They offer cheap dental care by aspiring young dentists, but unfortunately, it's given in a maze of cubicles with 5- foot high walls. No bargain is worth the horror of hearing a scream and seeing a bloody tooth sail over the wall from the cubicle next to yours. 36. University Health Service. Free medical care, as long as you show up between 9 and 5 on a week- day. And, as everyone knows, most serious injuries do occur during business hours. Plus, they give you a if throat culture for anything from a loose filling to male pattern baldness. 37. Michigan League. Way back when, the Michigan Union was all- male, so the League was opened as a place for women on campus to hang out. These days, the Union, and several other campus buildings for that matter, allow women, and the League seems to have lost much of its purpose. Maybe you can think of one. 38. North Campus. Up here you'll find the schools of Art and Architecture, Music, and Engineering. There's also a pond, a nuclear reactor, and possibly the University's best kept secret: the NCRB. This arctic alternative to the CCRB offers less crowds, fabulous outdoor rec programs, and a pool you don't have to be thrown into. By the way, no matter what anybody says, it's faster to walk to the North Campus than to take the bus. As a joke, the University prints up gag bus schedules and posts them by the bus stops. Don't be fooled. 0 .lti CONSULTATIONSin TRANSFORMATION Techniques and technology to transcend and transmute the limitations and resis- tances of this moment of mind in time and to awaken to the innate and intrinsic har- mony and melody we each have held and will hold again, in body, mind, and spirit. Using the techniques of psychoanalysis, psychotherapy, and psychosynthesis with the technology of sensory-motor, audio- visual, and alchemical-aromatic hypnot- ics to unleash and reawaken the hidden potential of the soul. I At Roy' M.S., W. Matthews III M.Ed., Ph.D., J.D. 318 S. 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