100%

Scanned image of the page. Keyboard directions: use + to zoom in, - to zoom out, arrow keys to pan inside the viewer.

Page Options

Download this Issue

Share

Something wrong?

Something wrong with this page? Report problem.

Rights / Permissions

This collection, digitized in collaboration with the Michigan Daily and the Board for Student Publications, contains materials that are protected by copyright law. Access to these materials is provided for non-profit educational and research purposes. If you use an item from this collection, it is your responsibility to consider the work's copyright status and obtain any required permission.

November 04, 1987 - Image 11

Resource type:
Text
Publication:
The Michigan Daily, 1987-11-04

Disclaimer: Computer generated plain text may have errors. Read more about this.



To

mI II

Greek Deb

OFFICIAL RULES.N.. KEEP READING

Sophomore Walter "Wrinkles" Hodgson
didn't know what possessed him, but he
had to go through with it. He felt uncom-
fortable as he tiptoed down the darkened
hall. Trespassing was risky enough, much
less in Dean Snively's office. Luckily, the
door was open, and he found what he
wanted in the desk of the dean's lovely
secretary, Rosetta Stone. Suddenly, the
lights snapped on, and there stood the sun-
burn-tressed Miss Stone. "You're making

a big mistake, Wrinkles," she said. "Here,
let me show you how to do that." She came
closer to the nervous sophomore, sending
him into a paroxysm of fright and passion.
Rosetta continued, "Use a 3-by-5 card or
a blank piece of paper. Handprint your
name, school, address, home address,
age, phone number, jacket size (S, M, L,
XL), jacket color (Black or White), and
the name and occupation of the person
who ripped off the HOT SHOT as well

Galley Slave
on Ari's
Ghost Ship!

as the drink recipe on the HOT SHOT
Schnapps bottle label. NO PURCHASE
NECESSARY. (For a free facsimile of label
containing the answer to this question,
send a stamped, self-addressed envelope
(except WA & VT) to: P0O. Box 888, Church
Hill, MD 21690.)"
The petrified Hodgson followed her orders
well. "That's what I call breaking and
entering, Walter," joked Miss Stone. "How
about a thick shake at Rawley's?"

PROFESSOR TELLS
ALL TO CHEERLEADER
Professor David Thornton, the heartthrob
of every coed at State, walked down the
darkened hallway, lost in thoughts of
Albanian Baroque poetry. Suddenly, he
was approached by Tammy Prescott,
cheerleading captain and Queen of the
Schnapps Festival.
"Please tell me the truth, professor," said
Tammy breathlessly. "Where do I mail
my entry to the HOT SHOT Mystery
Sweepstakes?"
"Well, here's how, Tammy," replied the
professor knowingly. "Address your
entries to "HOT SHOT" Mystery
Sweepstakes, P.O. Box 884, Church
Hill, MD 21690. Enter as often as you
wish, but each entry must be mailed
separately. All entries must be post-
marked by November 22, 1987, and
received by December 10, 1987. The
prize winners will be determined in a
random drawing among all correct
entries received. The drawing will be
held on or about December 16, 1987
under the supervision of an indepen-
dent judging organization, whose
decisions are final on all matters
relating to this offer. HOT SHOT
cannot be responsible for lost, late,
or misdirected mail."
"Oh, thank you. Professor Thornton,"
said Tammy as she watched him leave.
She now was a little bit wiser, but still
in love.

It was a late spring night, full of promise for
Roscoe Workman, Rip Arbucle, and Penelope
Goldberg as they made their way across
campus. Suddenly, the heavens exploded. A
blinding green light filled the quad. To the
horror of the trio, a slim, silver disk dropped
out of the sky and hovered near them. "Must
be a spaceship!" exclaimed Roscoe, ever dis-
playing his grasp of the obvious. A hatch
opened up in the craft, and from it a voice
boomed, "Come aboard earthlings. We want
to tell you something. You will meet with no
harm." The voice sounded eerily like Ward
Cleaver's. As if drawn by an invisible force,
all three complied. They found themselves in
a smoothly walled room, with no signs of life
present. The voice continued: "There are
some things about the HOT SHOT Mystery
Sweepstakes we think you should know.
This sweepstakes is open to registered
students of this campus who are of legal
drinking age in their state of residence
and the state where they attend school
at the time of entry.
Employees of the HOT SHOT Distillery
Company, their distributors, affiliates,
subsidiaries, advertising agencies,
promotion agencies, retailers, their

ALIENS
KIDNAP
COLLEGE
SCHOLARS:
families and employees of retailers are
not eligible. Sweepstakes is void where
prohibited by law. Limit one prize per
individual. Taxes on prizes are the sole
responsibility of the prizewinner. All
federal, state, and local laws and regu-
lations apply. The odds of winning a
prize depends on the number of entries
received. No prize substitutions or cash
equivalents will be awarded. Prizes are
not transferable. Furthermore, the
Grand Prize winner will be required to
sign and return an Affidavit of Eligi-
bility and Release of Liability within 7
days of notification. In the event of non-
compliance within this time period,
an alternate winner will be selected.
Winners agree to allow use of their
names and/or photos in sponsor's ad-
vertising without compensation."
"You may now leave. This encounter has
ended. Live long and prosper, and don't for-
get to wash your hands before dinner." The
students exited, and the ship left as mysteri-
ously as it had arrived. What did these people
see? Fact or fiction? Myth or legend? Or just
plain fun? You be the judge.

LT. "SPATS" McNULTY
ON THE CASE OF

ov

KC.

COLLEGE CAFETERIA RUN LIKE BOOTCAMP

INSIDE:
WIN A
FABULOUS
TRIP FOR 2
TO THE
BAHAMAS!

"Let's eat!" exclaimed Frank Dawson to a
few of his college chums. A chorus of groans
rose from the guys. The cafeteria at Defore
hollege was a place that evoked fear more
'Whan sustenance. Dejected, they headed for
the student center... and The Pit. Upon
entering, the lads were greeted by Mary
"Sarge" Muldoon, a woman who had served
some thirty years in the Pit. She wordlessly
poured ladlefuls of gray, lumpy gruel on the
plates of the pallid students. A shriek came
from the line, "I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANY-
MORE! ! GOTTA GET OUTITA HERE! !!"
Sarge came around the steam table and
grabbed the student, who had dropped his
tray near Frank and his pals. "There, there,"

COLLEGE ZANIES
WOW"'!

she said. "Sure 'n I've got the solution. Just
enter the HOT SHOT Mystery Sweepstakes.
Listen to what you can win. .." No one dared
move as Sarge continued:
"One Grand Prize will be awarded. It's
a trip for two to the Bahamas. Prize
includes round-trip airfare and hotel
accommodations for 7 days and 6 nights
plus $500 spending money for meals and
incidentals. Approximate retail value of
trip is $3,500. Grand Prize winner must
agree to depart and return on dates
specified by the sponsor. Departure will
be from the major airport terminal
nearest to the prizewinner's residence.
It will be the responsibility of the prize-

winner to provide for his/her own
transportation to this airport. Approxi-
mately 300 first Prizes, HOT SHOTTM
Satin jackets will be awarded. Approx-
imate retail value is $30.00. Prize-
winners will be notified by mail on or
about February 1, 1988. For a list of
prizewinners, send a self-addressed
envelope to: "HOT SHOT Mystery
Sweepstakes" Winners List, P.O. Box
886, Church Hill, MD 21690."
HOT SHOT TM Schnapps, 42 Proof,
Produced by the Hot SNot Distillery,
Owensboro, KY 0 1987.

UFO GRABS
STUDENTS -
AS NURSE
WATCHES
HELPLESSLY

"Aargh!"

~,nos un?() -A55alst
-aajap Inoquznaap aqZJ
S-eM pun 'a)tn fjo dis
WIIOIA
ssaldBH
a111

pogqua2 aH @j ~ino amamos punona aS aas II
aqSreW jlasafloS spua asool aaqj do diuM vpV
o~uii suanj sup aaoaq 2uL~uis. Sm dots ammo'J,,
«"duajaprjl
-2uTpjIad-pnudun upi uo i~luou jxau aill uixa
In-eq of prl I~,, pasnm aq{,'si j13d pus aql" "
« alluaM9 Szzn j anonq iooiq ualols Sm 2uiuainj
-aa 101 SuIMJ4 snui-eqs ~J uflj oO Iuaoxamnu
Bum duds ol,,:pua1 uollduaasui uV 'apuolq
2uiuunis u~ jo Ssso2 pT x guiu paanpoad s1udS
«auo slg ~u."lp axu up ai01o.Samoa
11 uatgiw uotoidsns anoqu aa asi auo ON leBal
mzoaj sSn2 aqj OWIIudas of padlaq 11 inq shams
'2uoarm am 492 j'uop MON,, 'pauMIoj paurual puu
sauipnuq-e pasuaaa-o-1zu1siq{ paipooms sjudS
J110
illVi
S 11.1

«'*OWNSm sjI{qJ, pauwmuaa
auo Sluo Irlun suoilndnooo pun 's"uLp 'samuun
jo suoliuuo aqppalnuimTula jsnC I "iadud uo
IT op plnoo auoSun Inq 'puail Sm i ve ra apuum
I uatu "I q q4 jjo j10 1Ma sladsns maj ujo pia
IOHS IOH Iuaaajp u up SpoqSaanA Intp
Mnaux I~, 'inAf Jo 2nm Iot{ upaddlis aq{ se S~nNoN
pazigdosollgd ',omian aqi i u1sS3mp
s~aaaigfJ.asnuoaq 'aa~agmos 113~s oIpug JI,
*s~lu4 alqn
-flu1Aamuos sn ann. Inq 'IslaM lOHS IOH aOM
inoq13 ll1 jal I~uplnom IaddolsamLuzopaumouai
aqii -a~o )I3-ms siqj lJ13SinNIaW swndS otlalnd
-uaad aqI ImpT do nu Aln3 J1uU auizt'2e l IOH
li p!a I MOH,,:sleds

Zsgl ipe3al nfluO mU13
:AVG SIHLL NO NH1OUH HL1M flOA AI
ptoAV "a~u13Is amospu3iq lxsp 'Ii 13
~(ssaudu{ 10 aisaA
Sue3 xstum of aplj Saip sauo aqI) sallxiS
aI muoij sp10ooaapjo squa113d lnoS Ino
PoaM3 :IutH "snuunnbV jo a~13anal. aqI 2ui
-ul13aJ Sq ajlil noS of sl13aS pp13u uo no&
3VIoz i'UWI1DSNO37
13juiqul aa pjnoAA noX u13ip 1a2iq ioi u sI
13u3mo'H j Inclino itinInn3f lUU3as,**
laaS13Jd ostQ
IandmuoD 1nUMO IOU slop 13uL3AisuUad
uDIOUI13Is jo 0uipUOH ,ASNuI,, aad*
ia11314aniq
gheeA saip13J pjo 2uuappop s13 pasin~sip
- 1plo uoJ lUTuolTWo13uaiJO ssan*
" ftVH1moNyflOA Gla
'slaaoas appal4 siq jo amtos Sete1
aAi.2 Isnf qI4u m ij asuu m agI
gim MalAlul un sr anssl IT4ul ain n
-asJi[ ,slint~ow JSIds snouli3JaT TmM
slim i~ goltaipmIo sasnmrn.{s sndm133
noS jo 5u13u uQo "uan anoS s5J1 moN
SIddS 5SIddS NI :TISIDOA ld

-Spu~d aqj jo jtq {atimservM 'asinoc)
jo 'sdd1utp5 IOHS IGH puu3 'pamns
'paulnjal Su3M IOHS IGH atij q-ex3p IsriC
2uiop Sq juasaid jpe pag1adnis uaip aH
«"uoijudnoao puV .lJ13ppoyJ
s ~auoSiaaxa ame3u u13o I 'aaomlatp.in q
utn 101 ojsaop uoslad jwi-p IuinM
puu~ 'IOHS IOH aqj 110 padduo0mM
no.S lla4u ua I j2upI juaaq s-eq Spoqou I,
-wds vWds ,'suolsanb ioj paau 0N,,
sipo2[ 1oH
e 31uup o0m um U aqj papsliq ,'suoll.
« t{ItU J13 u1114paptoA13 anj
ijoaijtpl1a aqjpu13ls i~u13o J,~pies5 iang
~'mpuaj aaLIpu3 'u~nquns"1e
pul 0M 'auno 113q I1Msnsaip ipIm 2ui
aaMiou13 paiue13M 0MM '1aqmi-ild aq. L
"qdunj
mlua ojzlvDjsiq paddis aq se 3aoqmzad
pajjlus ,'aT 4oM3oeaQiSiuo pa31peI A13
jlasSm u13uua~uuq iuamisanui aqi,,
'PP~1S auoamuos aM
aaSM13I ajeumaj e A13t{ am isual 1e 'IIa1 W
Sdd INH37S MINlS Sdll 3S007

04 4

a k

'Saals~um aip 2uTJos ui dlaM Pflnom
maul studs MigM... aTIjl j ilM m ualaj
-jlp u 104 xJamzuoaluinb aqj j10 MuL
*iM21uas iS ii uap 0M Jaup aI
Idaoxa..." " iN3OIo OHS IGH IualaJllP
13 pajj13nb pugMuosaad MOIu Wlpazijuaa
uoos aH .t"Ilul ~JaqIpop mai-p al Slasm
aogsmzn2 aqIp mq 'Iu1u~pui aaamuos
-aAnJ at{J"'m001 auo UT PI13MOH puu3 I3
13u010 'S uW 'a3I01qmzadPatiS1100 swudS
"mSIMdS HJUINS OS7V
«"ais13Msodlolalad i noX
Puq IIlI,, 'Piu3s at~qSN93UTWl ' sno ON,,
"pa2uaA13un o2 amuuo snoutaq u Bon
ual lou pjnoo 1pnals pam13j aip ' SInp 110
M~nolOMUAR 'UdAN 'IinNDW ,,~si1dS,
p1131a0 iuuualnani an~iioaiaQ u13M
aaMi0 auou sunM I'eA1.1u Ixau aqp 'Slau
-nlaioJ 'pagtypoum sns 3M uig 'muOOa
aip iaAO paplas MsnM 2uiplasun UV
~jjjo i paddu Spoqamzo5,
a1apao0u jjpjofpalal aq {su .apualuq
aqI Pus ,'JOHS IGH aqlPpuUj lU13) I~
SMVON03 I0ld 3H1
"aaatos
3IuuMs aqIp 1AO 1113d u s13o sUana JO ul
a1a13o13inu1 'luappnS "paaoA13s aq oi alsul~
Iutoads 13 - soprnj 1aaMof do paA~tJ Xlnal
IOHS IOH :S31uTlg MiJm paa~u AUJ IV
'iMg1131is IOHS IGH 3Nu13P auo !sll3
-3o0 paLrxlfo"luou pulqsXIuilg
oi paqmwxrns saamooMau aip JO IIV
.5alluuuojMau Sid aio o jo p110 Pms1
uaip ssaljsoq aqy «"amlIil0nlanA11uu
13 aA13LJ 0 sadipa1 isaq aipl ltu5MOUNl
aapualau1q SW j saoA13IJ1n IIJ oidoal
jo pualq Mioouis aqp aAOjI isnfll oA
'S~snop13a2 paiaa2.S3urlH ,'sdd1ugoS
IOHS SOH Mau XSm JO amos X,
*WauI ug aMU1 uP1MOH puu3 '13io13uud
u3uolg 'Saloj ji1g laaupJ139Suzy pool
-Msna'MI a~loaqmzad :5113ALaU 3I51aai j,
iiiJSONIYO
~SNIi38 Nib' 3H1
oad puu3 'sotiiod 'ssauisnq 'luamu13i
-aa JO SPLaom a u~jaipII1 1N3M5 s uu
saanom :Isij isan2 aq j,*ssalsoq 5S13lo
-plaom put-allpm3Tos 'MmtnbsV ,S[uTia,
13Jpu13xajWJO asnogiuad Msod SaaA agp
lu3 2uuaip13 Msod SaA 13u:auaosasL
i ii IIMV 1VLV13O3
SnOIYIISAFI31

jsie14Isddeuyjas :IeA esioM 10
..sieeAei-I]ep 10 UeAnO DinaeUU... ieijeb0i-jab JUe30UU!
ue bui1soL as enjS -A31qui1g sfloelOsAW 94.L

01 6U!Ai1 211 s-M -aeq
2111 01 )01!S!A iuanbaij
b :Wlaquu!AJ PJ~m0H

spu!l sleds 4iopualiE~q
2111 qlISAJI 2A0o12e
jo lied aqs seM 'Jadwal
e hju l!M 'ploq pup
hsuJa :e!332uEd e!iOls

ip!fs OnJS
aniq a uo jl ll 2j ~wiq
2AnO Ike sum spedS 1fl8
-6uiwnsseun pue AllS
pOWOOaS OH :AGI0j IRO

6,A1jed
SA)U!Ig 11 IAHS ICH 10
GIl4oq 2111130103 ll as
p~I fl 'Pa1321103 'wleo
'1o0 :iaupie0 AWV

1leauaq sleaq IJeall
AIie)Io113s APaomI 2111
:p00o11sfal 2oiqw2ad

i

< a

mU0U ~kE . A 0U k mE

i .. .

i iI

U I l 1 I

Back to Top

© 2021 Regents of the University of Michigan